The Black Dog Gang

adrisco so much worry , I am so sorry but please accept you have no reason to feel any guilt .

I know how distressing to have a daughter with mental health problems, is your daughter having help ?

Your husband is a fair bit older than you, may I ask how is his health ?

Try not to think too much about your brother in law , I know how difficult this is but the prognosis may be positive .

Are your sons supportive ?

Have any of you ladies had experience and any solutions to the problems encountered when both the husband and the wife have depression. Both of us are sad and depressed from on going most difficult in law problem. Alienated from my both my husband's brother and sister. For years they have always gravitated towards each and we have been shunned. Not able now to be in or for that matter fully out either. Thanks for any ideas for managing emotions.

Dawn I haven’t been in your position , been a widow for 44 years . I do know what it’s like to be cut off from family,I have three sisters living in the same town as me and they cut off from me two years ago, we were always very close.
The only way for me was to accept it, it hurts but we can’t control others decisions .

You have each other and that’s good. X

Anniebach, my husband's health is good .. thankfully. My sons are supportive but two live some distance away .. but we phone, text and message on facebook. My daughter's problems began at 17 when she found she could not have children. She is now 32. Over the years she has put on a great deal of weight, drifted in and out of jobs. She lives with her father - my ex. I see her weekly and speak on phone a lot. She has tried counselling - gave it up and takes antidepressants as do I .. I stuck with counselling myself and it helped a lot .. but I can't convince her! Brother-in law has tests at beginning of March. Thanks for concern .. means a lot. Hope things are well with you .. and good wishes to everyone .. really glad I found this forum.

Anniebach
Thank you Anniebach for sharing your experience with me. It is hard and does hurt as with family it is on going.
ACCEPTANCE is very good advice.
Take care from D

adrisco . I can share your troubles over your daughter , my younger daughter cannot have children , she had 14 attempts of IVF over 20 years. Had several miscarriages , one was twins , misscarried one twin and 10 days later miscarriaged the other twin. She has now come to terms with never having a child, I know she gets sad moments but has come through ok. It may help her if she would accept counselling but you can only suggest she does , you can do no more than this.

Try to be positive about your brother in law, difficult I know.

The positive is your husband has good health, you have each other and this is good.

Talk here anytime, those of us who post on this thread understand , we are all dealing with depression, anxiety, phobias. It’s helps to share

Hugs x

Thanks Anniebach. Seem to have bottled things up for so long! This forum is a blessing .. both to have a moan and to share others' problems .. hope I'll be able to contribute something in the future. It certainly does help to share.

adrisco it is a relief to share with others who understand because we all do. I am trying to overcome agoraphobia which hit me about 15 months ago following a bereavement.
I am now having EMDR therapy which I find at times upsetting and very tiring but hopefully the result will be going out from my bungalow again.

You don’t need to bottle things up, we are here and you will be able support others, give yourself time x

Anniebach
Do you mind me asking you whether you think you might ever reconcile with your siblings?
I would like to be on good terms with my in laws as it has caused much heartache over the years but they are such entirely different people to me, loud, pushy, boastful and niggling comments and to make matters worse my husband does not always see it.
Take care from Dawn

Hoodymcowlface thank you for that, yes that’s so true I am just so so very down at the min...thank you for your support it really does mean a lot ...

Dawn I would like to be in contact with my sisters again but it won’t happen, we are sisters but that’s where it ends, we are not alike in anyway, I have accepted it, it saddens me , hurts very much , but accepting it is all I can do.
It must be difficult for you because they are your husband’s parents , this must make you feel so in between. I am truely sorry x

Thanks Anniebach for your honest sharing of your predicament with me. I am glad that it is not ruining your life. That has been my big problem as l have let it impact my life too much. Am trying to get a better attitude to it.
Dawn xx

I am really struggling today, I feel so low and so very sad. A year ago today my brother collapsed and died suddenly and I have spent today so upset. I have no close family nearby and at times like this it makes it worse. It’s hard to put into words how I feel and how much I miss him. So so sad and damned unfair, he was only 67.

Lizzy I am so sorry , some of us here know how you feel, anniversaries are painful to get through . Your brother was young , awful shock for you, you say no close family near, have you had anyone to talk to today ?

We are here for each other x

Thank you Anniebach. Yesterday was a struggle. Yes I have a very understanding partner, but when I feel like this I tend to go into myself and am very quiet and no amount of cajoling or talking helps at the time, it’s a process I know well by now and I know I will pick up again.
I have to say this forum has been very helpful to me, it’s really good to offload to complete strangers, but strangers who understand what you are struggling with. Thank you all very much ?

Lizzy I too tend to go into myself at times , I call it

Pulling up the drawbridge .

You will pick up again x

Anniebach
Could you give me any advice on how one can cope with triggering times like birthdays and Christmas. Only if you have found anything useful. It is not my husband's parents as they are deceased even though it was my husband's mother who cruelly started it but it is my husband's sister and brother who have ganged up and left us out for years. So sad from Dawn

Really bad day today. Just want to hide under duvet. Husband would like to understand but thinks if he took me out it would all be better. Impossible to explain to someone who has never been there.

Why do we feel this way!!! Is there any one that has health anxiety that is scared 24/7 day in day out... it just won’t go away.. doctors just not interested ...they say do more walking (I am scared of dog ) so can’t walk on my own.. get a hobby, I have hobby’s but can’t clear my head long enough to do any thing, any advice greatly received...

Hi Joce345
I do sympathise as l have dental anxiety amongst other things so I can easily relate. What really helped me was taking it one day at a time. At the end of each day l would say to myself that l got through today and nothing bad happened to me and gradually l built up confidence that l would be ok. I may have to get some dental work done but l am hopeful l can get through.
Take care of yourself. Dawn

Thank you Dawn ... I am 64 years old scared every day all day and don’t know how much more I can cope with ...it’s been 4 months none stop ...should be enjoying my life.. I feel like I am just living day to day ... I do thank god for every day but it so very hard Heath anxiety , any anxiety is hard...

Hi every one, Gone a bit quiet, hope every one is ok.. I do like to read what you are all doing, it help me to know I am not alone ...I am still so sad do wish it would pass just for a short time ..

Just for a while downtoearth don't try to fight it. Just let yourself bump along the bottom. You are probably tired as much as anything. Just spend a while doing not much. Curl up. Face to the back of the sofa if you like. If you don't struggle against it, you will surface. You see if you don't.

That was in reply to an old post, (had thread up the wrong way) but it might apply to many who are feeling depressed and anxious.

Not a bad idea gone girl. I could do with a rest if only mi head would stop all this chattering..