The Black Dog Gang

Thank you Annie.
I follow your journey and I am full of admiration for you.

Dragonfly. Please speak to you GP. Are you having counselling?

No I am not having counselling. I don't think the GP can do anything except give me pills which just mask the problem.
I am seeing my consultant the week after next and will see what she says. Maybe things will be better by then.
Sundays are always bad days for me, in fact the whole weekend as for some reason I do not have a routine.

So sorry to hear of your difficulties Dragonfly. Try and keep going from day to day as l do too..l have reactive depression myself and l know what it is like.

Terribly anxious myself today and it is the accumulation of alot of things. Terrible water leak in my house yesterday and the central heating is all messed up. A man is here now trying to fix it but it is going to be a huge job. Shaking here. Years ago l could have coped with it no bother but not now. Feels like the camels back is broken. When anxiety gets a grip on you it is terrible. For the last good while something very difficult has been happening to me nearly every week to the point l am afraid of life. I take medication and have access to a counsellor. But still the buck stops with the person. I am glad to be able to message here because at least l feel people understand. I am surrounded by people who have way more solid lives than me and better coping skills.
All l need is a bit of encourgement to keep going. What more can we do. Best from Dawn.

What is important is we don’t feel we shouldn’t be depressed or have anxiety. We wouldn’t say of a broken limb ‘ I shouldn’t speak about the physical pain’ , we would
And so it is with depression, anxiety , OCD, phobias etc.

1972 and 1974 I lost two babies , 1975 my husband died in a car crash, 1976 I ended up in a mental hospital,as they were then called. The psychiatrist asked me to go for a walk, he said ‘you need to cry, eat, walk as much as possible, we have much to learn from the countries where they display their emotions.

My sisters told me I had caused them embarrassment by being in a mental hospital, my Mum referred to it as ‘when you were in that place’. This is why I speak openly about my phobias , and .OCD, I didn’t choose them m I didn’t choose arthritis , stomach ulcer or dislocated knee joint either.

No one here chose depression or anxiety, they can strike anyone, rich or poor, academically bright or not the brightest coin in the mint ( me ?) . Evety time we speak out we are helping the next generation and fellow suffers now,

I'm a shipwreck- But if it weren't for mindfulness I'd be worse or gone - It helps me not to dwell, to catch myself in the act of not being right here right now- It helps me to discern hyper-vigilance from reasonable concern- When here in the moment I notice thoughts be they good or bad don't latch onto anything but come and go - When not paying attention to this moment I eventually notice that I'm doing just that, being stuck, lost in a story of future or past-

Yes Annie it is a generation thing.
My mum became psychotic when she went through the menopause. She was paranoid and verged on schizophrenia. Eventually she saw a psychiatrist who gave her a medication which 'cured' her. As the menopause passed she became better although always suspicious and slightly paranoid.
Now she is 98 and has dementia she is in a different place completely.
She would never admit to having had mental illness and completely blocked it from her memory. It was not the done thing in those days.

I am sorry you are suffering as you get older Dawn. Is it an age thing I wonder. I have got better about things like the boiler breaking etc but illness has me flummoxed. I do not know how to cope with the fear of the unknown. I have always been the capable one - Mrs Fixit, so much so the husbands of friends of ours have told their wives that if anything happened to them to come to me and I would be able to sort them out. I cannot understand how I am floundering. Maybe it is because of other people's reactions. I am always being told I am being too upbeat about the cancer and 'to let it out'. People are looking at me with sympathy which is the last thing I want.

Maybe I will look at mindfulness Rose I am actually very good at living in the moment.

Dragonfly do try ‘ Mindfulness ‘, x

Morning all. Do you find that you feel a little better at this time of year? The sun is shining, the spring flowers are out and the worry of Christmas is behind us. Best wishes to all and I hope your spirits are lifted.

Good morning all

lovebeige so many suffer from S.A.D. There has been many, many posts about it.

For depression the coming of Spring does help some x

How is everyone ? X

Hi Annie I had another set back with my medication this week added to which it doesn’t appear to be doing what it should. I am trying to stay upbeat as weare at my daughters at the moment. Had a bit of a panic attack in the night though as I realise I feel safer at home.
How are you?

dragonfly I can certainly understand ‘feeling safer at home’.

You have so much to cope with my love, I assume the medication is for the breast cancer ? Did you speak to your
GP about you being tearful ?

I feel ashamed that I am getting in a panic over having new windows fitted. I can imagine my Mum saying ‘ you need something to really worry about madam ‘

Yes annie the medication is supposed to shrink the cancer. It seems to have halted it in its tracks but it isn’t any smaller. Not helped by the fact that they keep taking me off it then putting me back on.
I have not had chance to see the GP yet.

I understand about the windows but we had them done recently with the minimum upheaval.

The windows are nothing compared to your worries, I wish you could get some support, do ask your GP .

We are here for you and each other x

Do you think unloading to someone would bring some relief ?

Honestly annie I am not sure. Most of the time I try not to think about it.

Hello Dragonfly, sorry to hear you are having a rough time following B C diagnosis. I suffered terribly with anxiety and depression following diagnosis. I wonder if you have thought about contacting Breast Cancer Care? They helped me enormously and still do 15 years on if I have any worries or questions. They can put you in touch with a volunteer who had a similar diagnosis which I found very comforting. I know it’s not for everyone but may be worth a try. I really hope your meds get sorted so that you feel able to move forward soon.

Horrible place to be.. my thought are with you Dragonfly. I agree with Anannymous about contacting BCC I found it really helpful to talk with others that are in the same place. Sending you all the best wishes and hugs ..

Happy thoughts are with you all. Hope you are all having a good day ...

Hi all wondering where every one has gone..

Hi, sorry, had a rotten week, it will pass x

Hi Annie, sorry you have not had a good week. Hope it does pass for you soon. I have been a bit better the last few day, just hope it last.. it’s so good to get a break if only for a short time. Hope every one get some peace if only for a short time... sending happy thought to all. Take care Annie sending warm hugs to you... ?

I do have a tendency to feel 'down' some days, but it would be very wrong of me to compare myself to those on here.who are clinically depressed. I have been prescribed anti depressants in the past (during my divorce), but now I cope well, but find that I still need a sleeping tablet at night.
See your GP if you are struggling to cope. This thread will show you're not alone. You will certainly have support here, but your next steps should be to your GP Surgery - be brave xx

Dragonfly, do you have a named nurse or other health professional you can talk to? I found my Macmillan nurse really helpful especially to advocate for you with the consultant if you want to know why they keep taking you off the medication.

Funnily enough I am happier at weekends because no medical people are likely to contact me. I am back on treatment for a precancerous condition after five years clear and nearly 20 years of different surgeries and treatment. We have also had a scare that OH had prostate cancer but after months of tests he is clear and just needs annual checks. On a positive note I have two new grandchildren to celebrate and that has really stopped me going under.

Sussex I was given the name of a bc nurse originally when I saw my consultant but the oncologist is at a different hospital. I do not have a Macmillan nurse - do you have to ask for one?
I am on the tablets again and this time for the whole month though.
The depressing thing is they don’t seem to be doing anything.
I am sorry to hear you are back on the treatment. It seems to go on and on.

Sorry to hear you had a bad week annie is it anything to do with your windows?