So who cares for you?

Final sentence should read: But what do I know? ( curse predictive text).

Many years ago when I was undertaking Counsellor training we were given this exercise as homework.

Find a photograph of yourself as a young child, one where you are on your own, not part of a family group. Examine it closely, trying to read the thoughts behind the facial expression and posture. Get to know and love this child and value them as if they were your own child. This is what is called in jargon your 'Inner child'.

I found this exercise profound, looking at me as only me rather than someone's daughter, wee sister, friend, wife, niece, employee, colleague, student. Not seeing this child in all these roles but rather as herself, which led to an appreciation of how she had grown, developed and what she had achieved in life.

I have learned to love and care for and rely upon this person, who is my best buddy, confidant, mum, sister, rock all rolled into one. Sorry if this sounds a bit new age mumbo jumbo but it certainly worked for me.

I did apologise Jaxie(that person) as I took a while to scroll back and see the post you were referring to, as I said.

Granny23, What a great idea, I'll look for a photograph of myself and try the exercise.

Granny23. I tried that, it didn’t work for me, it saddened me.

You can tell I was half asleep when I wrote my post!? its a bit repetitive.
I wonder what you expect of people Jaxie.

Anniebach Do you want to say why it made you sad? I think I might find it sad too. I wasn't a very happy child. My mum loved us but life was not good.

I think it would make me sad too. I was a desperately unhappy and self conscious child. My parents cut my hair sort ( my dad even shaved it off once as punishment for acting up at the hairdressers) . All my friends had lovely girly hair and wore ribbons etc. I looked like an orphan .

Annep: what I expect of people is to be treated with respect. I try very hard to behave towards others as I would like them to behave towards me. If you've been disregarded and humiliated you understand the pain that can ensue. I look out for the underdog and try to cheer such people up, but some people make it hard. I've found that if you just roll over and let people have their own way all the time you turn into a doormat. Sometimes we have to have a word with those who are strangers to having a word with themselves.

annep I saw a little girl standing outside the family home , she looked happy, smiling at the photographer (her Dad), she was in what was the safest place in the world, very much loved by a rather large extended family , the house was just a few doors away from her school where she attended with , cousins and second cousins, ( the school and part of the street would later become a disaster site) I thought ‘ you look so loved, so safe, thank God you didn’t know what the future held for you’. So it didn’t work for me

Yes I expect that too Jaxie. Not good for the self esteem to be thought of as a doormat Been there!
However I was thinking more along the lines of why you find most people boring. I was just curious.

Anniebach I am sorry. That is so sad. I have an idea what you are talking about. But whether its that or another disaster it is such a terrible memory to have, one that is is with you forever. As you say we are better sometimes not knowing what is ahead, or dwelling on the past more than we have to.

Gillybob, my gran sent me home with my beautiful long plaits shaved off at the barbers. I kept my burberry hood up as long as possible in assembly the following Monday. So I know a little of how you feel but if my dad had done it I think it would have affected my relationship with him for ever! I don't know how you coped with that.

annep not just the disaster, when one is 7, surrounded by love and security and then look back at that 7 year old , those who loved you then, those you were to meet and love in life , gone, no one left to care for you or for you to care for, I felt sadness for that 7 year old and what she had ahead of her but there was also the thought ‘ oh you were so loved then, so safe , that was a happy thought.

gilly, that child whose father did that needs a hug x

Gillybob but that is the whole point of the exercise, to see this sad little girl, who still lives within you, take her into your heart, nurture and parent her as you would your own children. Let your grown up self lavish praise upon her and spoil her, with much love she will heal and blossom. Allow yourself a lovely hairdo, pretty clothes, whatever you wished for and deserved but didn't get as a child

Gillybob time to spoil yourself and praise yourself. You've been good to others. Its "me time". You deserve it.
Anniebach could you not move close to your other daughter?

annep. She asked me that today

Sounds like someone cares Anniebach ?

Yes x

Gilly what your father did is shocking and so cruel. You really do need to be your own best friend now - without becoming totally self obsessed of course! I hope that you look after your hair really well nowadays since it is recognised as your crowning glory.

Annie that is so good to hear.

Thank you Synonymous. I can’t afford to rent a property there so can’t move there .

If you want to live close to her Anniebach I hope you find a way.

Not possible annep , but thank you x

annie is there a chance of sheltered housing near your daughter rather than renting ?