Should a dying person's wishes always be honoured?

Definitely respect his wishes, do they have to find out you knew?

I would ask him if this was his wish to put in in writing then it would clear you of any misunderstanding with his family.
If it ever me l would follow his wish , this is his decision you have no idea what has gone on in his life .
It’s a dreadful situation for you to be in and he must trust you to deal with what he’s asked of you, but if he doesn’t have you maybe he has no one

I agree with Baggs. Keep the confidence. Don’t dwell on repercussions. There won’t be any unless you spill the beans that ‘you knew’. It’s not your secret to share.
Contact him again and tell him you were wrong to judge.

A person's wishes should be respected, but I do wonder if he has considered how the rest of the family might react if they would have liked to say a final farewell. You give no indication as to why he has estranged himself from them, or maybe they have estranged themselves from him!
I think he should have gone to see a solicitor and clarified this situation with them. If you are close to the other family members you are probably going to feel on edge now, knowing what you do.

Respect his wishes he obviously trusted you to do as he asked

What a heart wrenching situation for you. However, like others here, I do feel his wishes must be respected. I would try to contact him again and say that you will do so, in an effort to re establish your former relationship. He will need this, surely, in his last months - unless perhaps there is someone else in his life that he can draw support from.
I would try hard to get closer to him again, as you could both gain comfort from this.

Direct response to OP: Not if it causes problems for the living.

Firstly ,hope he has made a will correctly , and if he has not then the intestacy rules take over whether any one likes it or not , they are very specific and under English law.
what you have been told is for your ears only, so respect that. A will stops all the problems.
if you want check out the rules and probate requirements

Dollyjo.What concerns me about this 'burden' that has been placed upon you and without a doubt it is a burden is that another person's, M's, health is suffering because of this. Is this acceptable to you?
Where are your priorities? ?.The only way I can see, and respecting this persons request, is to get a document drawn up by this persons solicitor that it was the person in question's wishes that his personal details were for your ears only and no one else. Then take it from there.

I think you should absolutely respect his wishes and also let him know that even though you disagree with his thoughts you will do exactly as he asks. It would be very sad if he loses you as a friend and confidante when he probably needs this the most.

I think it's pretty selfish of him to do this to you and draw you into a complex and intimate family problem, effectively making it YOUR problem too.

Of course, he won't be around when the sh*t hits the fan and his family won't be able to remonstrate with him but you can bet your life they'll be coming after you.

I think you have been very honoured and respected by the person who has entrusted you with this information. My own view would be that you should respect those wishes whatever your personal feelings may be. This is not about you and your beliefs or wishes. You do not know and can never know all the details of the thoughts, feelings and personal history behind those wishes but they must run pretty deep for the person to be so clear and so specific about what they want in this last stage of their life.

The greatest gift you can give someone at the end of their life is to respect their wishes. I do agree with those who suggest asking for something in writing from the person providing documented information about their wishes. It would protect you from any accusations after their death. It is not an unreasonable request to the person in the circumstances. It says a great deal about the esteem in which you are held to have been entrusted with this difficult request. Consider it an honour and not a burden.

A few years ago it was my mother in laws request to not have her other daughter inlaw at her funeral when she died. I respected her wishes and carried that through since then I have lost contact with my brother inlaw and his wife and a niece and nephew. I do not feel any guilt as my mother in law had her reasons. I loved her to bits and think no one should go against anyone's final wishes or question them.

Yes, you have to respect huis wishes but it was quite unreasonable of him to put you in this position.

My mum declared days before she died that she wanted her brother and a niece to receive cash , though they weren't in her will . There was hidden money enough for one bequest , but the other I happily paid from my own bequest , as the niece was a lovely lady who had allways been there for mum , and we lived quite a distance away .

Sorry, haven't read all of this. It's quite upsetting.

Just wanted to say that my mother did this to me. Her husband kept to her wishes, which I have no problem with.
BUT , I hope you will consider, when your relative has died, (if you find out, now he's cut you off) that you make sure his children are given the choice to attend the funeral.

My mother's husband didn't tell me. She was cremated less than 50 miles from me and I just can't forgive him for that.

Funerals are for the living. Not the dead. Sorry if I'm off the mark. Nust my observation.

I hope you can work things out and I'm sorry that your family is fractured. It's very sad. X

Same point as Baggs - no reason why the other relatives should ever know that he confided in you before his death. I don't think it uncommon to keep quiet about terminal illness. His behaviour is understandable, though a pity if it makes you feel awkward.

It's his wishes I would abide with them. My brother is estranged from his daughter who I have contact with and has recently been told he has dementia he has told my other brother and myself not to inform the daughterbsadlybwe have abided by his wishes so sad.

I disagree that you have to automatically respect his wishes regarding notifying his children, just because he is dying.

I think it partly depends on the reason why he is estranged from his children, and whether it was through his choice to ignore them and abdicate responsibility for them or their choice to distance themselves from him.

Also, once the person is dead, the wishes of the living take priority in my view.

This person trusts you to do what they have asked .
It would be a betrayal of that trust if you go against their wishes ,just to make yourself “feel better”.
If their family members cared they would have kept in touch.
Just because they are family does not make them nice people and if this person wants nothing to do with them it should be fine with you .
It is not your choice or business .
I have “cut “ family members out of my life and will because they are Toxic .

Let sleeping dogs lie .

I would not want my family told. Life is easier without them as it clearly is for this man. Now is the worst time for him to have to deal with people that he has chosen to avoid and his family will be put in the difficult position of having to decide whether to contact someone who has chosen to have no contact.
You would not be helping anyone and he has now lost a friend which seems a shame.

He has already severed contact with you you say. I didn’t notice that part of the OP. That does make him sound very controlling.

Firstly I’d try to make contact with him again and say that if that’s what he really wants then you will respect his wishes.

If he then still refuses contact with you I’d say he’s not entitled to your friendship and more and you must do what you feel best.

Of course you must respect his wishes. He thought he could confide in you and obviously trusts you. To go betray that trust would put you in an even worse place than you are now. Think of the guilt!!

He doesn’t want fuss or false love or them grieving over his coffin. That’s his decision.

If he doesn’t see his children now and you have little or no contact with them it should be easy enough to keep it to yourself. And if they do find out afterwards then they should be happy that he had someone he trusts to support him to the end. The only difficulties which may arise are if he leaves you millions and them nothing!

Respect his wishes. I understand how you feel as I am in exactly the same position.

How will the man's family ever know that he told you he was dying? If you don't tell them (or anyone else) they won't know so can't blame you for anything. There is no need for you to worry on that score.

The point eloethan raised about it being a rather controlling act to confide in you did cross my mind, especially if he didn't warn you of what he was going to do (perhaps he didn't know himself though; perhaps it just spilled out), but I think a dying person could be allowed a little more leeway than usual.