OH has fractured femur - not a good situation

Bonne chance, with you all the way Lucky x

Hope the meeting goes well Lucky.

The meeting went on for about 1.5 hours and I was pretty drained by the end! At the end the representative from the NHS side said she did not think OH qualified for NHS funding of his care; but the social worker disagreed.

In the end I said that I planned to seek advice on appealing if it was turned down and could they please tell me what would happen in the meantime about getting OH home with proper care. They started to backtrack then and said they would discuss it further and let me know.

They have agreed that, in any event, he qualifies for the free 6 weeks of intermediate care at home and are setting that in train. They offered this before but then withdrew the offer - they had jolly well better not do that again!

In fact OH was a little better today - he was less paranoid and the consultant thinks it was because they managed to get his bowels empty! If they had just given him his regular laxative as prescribed, he would not have been in a pickle with it. Consultant felt that the problem might recur and we could not guarantee that it might not continue in a fluctuating fashion.

Yesterday he tried to empty his bowels by hand by himself - today I gave him a shave and a wash and went to get his flannel from the bedrail where it was hanging to dry and it was covered in dried crap - hmmm.

We will have to see what next - but it was good to see him less fearful.

And to add a note of humour......

My OH is not a religious man, and a chaplain approached his bed and asked if there was anything he could do for him. OH shot back, quick as a flash, "Not unless you can ride a commode in my direction!" Chaplain retreated pdq!

It really cheered me up as it is the first glimpse of my real OH in 3 weeks.

Good to hear his humour is still there Lucky, you must be so tired of battling all the bureaucracy, hope things start to settle down a bit soon. You are a hero.

wonderful!

As for your meeting - should it all be such a struggle? My friend who was overseas on a trip found that her mother had been discharged from hospital without a care package. She's in her 90s, has an older and frail DH home and they were told they could both make use of his care package. He does not have a care package.

at home, sorry. They are both still in their own home.

oh my, yes a sense of humour is definitely required.

Any idea when he will be allowed home... if ? Get all the rest you can xxx

Lucky I hope they get the care in place soon. It sounds as if he is not being terribly well cared for.
There seems to be so little dignity afforded to the ailing and elderly. I found this with my parents.
I wish you the strength to keep going in your battles

Thank goodness you held out lucky, a small step forward. Are there written records of these meetings? Could you ask for a copy of any notes? Evidence of what is said may help. Good to hear your husband’s sense of humour surfaces at times, but what a shame it’s all such a fight. Look after yourself. You are all often in my thoughts.

Luckygirl what a struggle to get appropriate care for your DH and support for you and the family. It makes me sad just reading of your fight for basic care and comfort for him, so I can only imagine how you feel. It must cheer you to see glimpses of his old self. Take good care of yourself. xx

This is really hard for you lucky and I wish we could do more to help.

I have just "lost" over 24 hours with a vomiting bug - just beginning to surface, but suffering from lack of food, so pretty weak and wobbly. I could have done without this really. I cannot visit OH on hospital, although I strongly suspect I got it from the hospital itself.

In the middle of all this, I had a call from a residential home just down the road (3 minutes in the car) to say they have a large ground floor room free. They need a decision within 48 hours, and I cannot go and see the room because I am infectious. The two girls who live locally are supposed to be working but are going to try and get there to take a look. We know the home, but it is the room in particular that needs looking at.

Being in a home is not OH's first choice - and will cost-a-load - but the alternative which is 6 weeks free care at home with carers coming in 4 times a day seems a bit of a nightmare to me. We will not know what time they are arriving; and in between times someone will have to deal with his physical needs - the whole on/off commode lark etc, which I cannot do.

What a quandary - I cannot even get to speak to OH as I am quite rightly not allowed to visit the hospital.

Crumbs (or words to that effect!).

Time out will probably be good for you and the room near you sounds as though it is ideal. I hope your daughters approve it.

I am so sorry you are poorly Lucky certainly not what you need.
I would think the home is the best solution at least for a few weeks. You can make the room cosy with your own stuff I am sure and being so close you can visit often. Also you know DH will be getting 24hour care.

We had the Carers and it took a bit of getting used to . However they worked to a timetable and asked me or told me if they were going to be early or late we had a key locker at the front door so they had the code and could let thenselves in, as the first vieit was very early and they had a list of people to get to , they were lovely women , but I realise I was lucky , some are not as good

All you needed! You are your priority today. Leave it to the girls to visit and take their advice about the room.

I have a friend whose OH has MS and with 4 carers coming in during the day (and doesn't always know which ones), that still doesn't work in the night when he needs moving and cleaning and the bed changed. She's tiny and struggles to move him. Don't feel bad about saying right now you can't cope with that.

Get help for yourself. Try to eat something nutritious and get well. Hugs for being so brave.

My instinct would be to take it, I know the expense will be eye watering, but the alternatives depend on you being fit and well and able to be there 24/7.
Yes your DDs will help but it will ultimately devolve on you. This 24 (or more) hour bug would have been an absolute nightmare if your DH had been home - can you imagine?
Think of it as breathing space, as convalescence, even .
Time to call in some favours and perhaps ask a good friend or family member to go on your behalf.

That local home sounds really positive. It's close by. You could furnish it with his own bits and pieces to make it homely. Easy for you to visit for extended periods and, best of all, you'd know he was being looked after and could have a good rest yourself. It may be expensive but I suspect that like many of us you save for a rainy day/old age. Now is the time.
Fingers crossed All goes well and that you feel much better soon.

I've been following your story [Luckygirl], hoping for some good news for you.
I'd say take the room if it is at all suitable. My FiL went home with a 6 week package but they dropped us in it after about 3 weeks because his needs didn't meet their criteria. We had 24 hours to find private carers, which weren't very good.
If you are paying for the care and being in the home is convalescent rather than permanent, it will give you time to find a good care company to come to your home - one that will come out to help between regular visits in the case of an emergency.
I hope it works out and that you feel better soon.

So sorry to read that you are poorly, get well soon the residential home sounds like the best option really hope that it all works out for you and your DH

Sorry you are not well Lucky, hope you feel better soon. Good luck with the home, if the room is suitable, it would be good to be close by.

Sorry you are unwell lucky and hope you feel better soon.The home sounds a good interim choice,I hope your daughters think it will suit your husband.It will give you a chance to recover and also to find a care agency that you are happy with.
Thinking of you all?

Oh my, you really didn't need this. Poor you.

And yet, perhaps it will ring all the bells that indicate that you caring for him 24/7 at home is just not indicated for 1000 of reasons.

I know the cost is massive (both my mil's and my parents' disappeared very quickly) - but really I'd take the room in the local home- at least for the next 6 weeks or so- and visit daily. Hugs xxx