OH has fractured femur - not a good situation

Would at least part of the cost of the convalescence in the home be funded as continuing NHS care?

I do hope you're feeling better now, stomach bugs can leave you feeling quite washed out. Look after yourself

Oh Lucky what rotten luck to be ill on top of everything else. you poor thing.

But I do agree with others that this goes to show just how difficult it would be for you to be caring for your DH while he recovers. Please take up the offer of the room in the local home, just until your DH has recovered and is more mobile. Yes, the cost will be enormous, but I think the relief you will feel will more than compensate.

You can visit him daily, and know he's being cared for properly. And you'll be able to sleep at night. These past few weeks have been an absolute nightmare for you all, and you really need to be able to have some respite from it all.

Finally, Lucky, if you do opt for the room in the nursing home, please do not allow yourself to feel guilty about not going with your DH's first choice, because you must think of yourself too. Good luck

For what it’s worth my instinct is also to take the room for all the reasons other posters have given. The practicalities for you at home sound well, impossible.

I’m so sorry you’re ill, seriously bad timing but as it’s happened please rest and let your body mend.

Good luck, I’m hoping your daughters will report positively on the available room. .

Morning lucky. How are you? Did your daughters like the room?

Room was pretty dingy - in all conscience I could not let him go there - he would hate it.

So I rang the person who organises this Home First scheme to ask how they are getting on finding care at home and she said they were not doing anything at the moment as they were waiting to hear the decision from the continuing health care funding bods - this was very definitely NOT what was said at Monday's meeting - so we are no further forward.

I just rang the continuing care bod and she is "out and about" - so I told them to get her on the mobile and get her to ring me back pdq and let me know the decision so I can get things moving forward. If we are going to try it at home, then we might as well get on with it.

I am beyond fed up with this ridiculous system. There is a sick human being in the middle of this bureaucratic jungle.

I haven't followed closely but aren't you being offered 6 weeks of home visits totally free.
We got as many visits ,as needed,up to 4 daily
, I chose two, morning and evening.
A friend who lived in the Wirral, is getting two carers four times a day and one in the night if needed.
This is not means tested until the six weeks are up.
Her sister tells me it will then cost £120 a week but I can't comment if that is true.
I paid £14 an hour after the six weeks.
My H is now in a community hospital on end of life care.

I am sorry to hear about your OH annsixty - I hope he is receiving good care there.

The 6 week thing is true here too - they call it Home First, but they are refusing to do anything till continuing health make their decision, which will now not happen till Tuesday.

They had the b****y cheek to suggest to me it might be better if I did not visit as it might upset him to be seeing me knowing I am at home and he can't go! - OK, so I do not see my OH, nor he me, just because they are dragging their feet. What a stunning idea. I am furious. I politely told her I did not agree with her.

Lucky that last comment belongs in a very dark comedy indeed! Only someone who doesn’t have an understanding of deep human relationships could think that was a sensible idea.....or perhaps they were only just out of nappies.

It occurs to me though that if the tables were turned and all the bureaucrats didn’t engage you’d all be a lot happier and able to sort something out with sensible people who understand caring!

I hope you weren't too polite, lucky.

Some people don't see that what they are talking about is also people. We had this at the end of dh's working life. People were reduced to 'units of activity'.

It is beyond shocking. You wonder where they get these heartless people from.
I am pleased you stood up to them Lucky.
Health does not have bank holidays although they conveniently forget that.

Agree with kitty, not sure being too polite is the 'right' way forward. I think I might say something like 'look I know it is NOT YOUR PERSONAL fault - but the system is just too crazy for words and we need action NOW.

More hugs xxx

Thank you for all the supportive posts.

Here is the latest news..........yesterday things became ridiculous. The continuing health care bod rang to say that their preliminary finding was that OH does not qualify and they were going to have further consultations and ring me back on TUESDAY; after which, if the answer was still no, then they would try again with the Home First system (6 weeks of free care at home as a start-up) which was offered originally. So - that would probably add another week to his stay in hospital at least.

The girls and I did a 4 way phone call - I have no idea how that was engineered - and decided that we simply could not leave him on the ward for another 10 days or so, as his mental health has deteriorated so badly there.

To cut a long story short he arrived back here yesterday evening. I have a care agency manager coming on Tuesday to assess him for carer input and the girls are covering the interim.

He slept well last night and is using the bottle with prompts, which he was not doing in hospital.

We have got in loads of pads etc. and the district nurse is coming this morning.

We wait and see.

Oh Luckygirl, I am so sorry that you are having such a nightmare. At least you have your husband home and safe. I wish all the very best.

Sometimes direct action is the only way forward Luckygirl - brave woman though.
I think you could perhaps kick a*s just a bit today with the DN because you should not have to wait until Tuesday for an assessment of carer support. My experience was that public holidays need not impact the Care service.
I hope the fact that it is Easter weekend though means that your daughters can be with you (on a rota system if family needs make it hard) as you cannot and must not bear this alone.
Make sure the DN gives you the emergency out of hours DN service number too.

I think you've made the best decision in the circumstances and taken control of the situation. As you say, things had become ridiculous. It makes me wonder if anybody ever qualifies for these systems that are supposed to support us when we need them.

I'm glad your OH had a good night. I'm sure he must have felt more settled and secure with you.

I hope you can find a good care agency. The first one we had for my FiL was OK but not brilliant and deteriorated. The second was only in place a fortnight but was miles better and much more caring. So don't be afraid to change if you're not happy with the service you're getting.

I hope you have an Easter weekend that is less stressfull than the recent weeks have been.

What a nightmare but at least he is at home and is feeling more relaxed about that. Also he will get his medicines on time which was a major issue with PD which the last place did not grasp.

Hopefully there will be less paranoia as the days go by and he may be able to help ever so slightly when prompted.
You need rest and sleep but now the girls are at home if temporarily that may be achieved.

The NHS should not come to a halt over BHs so I would be nagging for more help.

Wow lucky! Brave woman.

I bet you all rested more easily knowing your dh is safe at home.

As maw says, kick some a** to ensure it isn't just left to you now you gave assumed some responsibility.

This is definitely the best decision for your DH . I hope the care is provided sooner rather than later , I found the District Nurses to be very helpful and caring and they did not stop on weekends or Bank holidays !
Just make sure you take care of yourself xxxx

I continue to send kind thoughts to you, your DH and daughters......

I must admit I already feel done in. District nurse came and was v helpful, dealing with the pressure area problems that have resulted from his stay in hospital, and giving us loads of help and advice.

We have not yet faced the bowel opening problem - how I am going to manage that on my own I do not know. D/N says I need 2 carers at a time 3 times a day - hospital said he needs 1 to transfer - indeed that was one of the reasons why continuing care was refused. D/N is clear that he needs 2.

He is much less confused at home, thank goodness - very anxious, but knows where he is etc.

My back is killing me already - it is so hard to jet say no when he needs something. I know I am going to have to be firm.

He is seriously skin and bone - you can see all his tendons too, and his shins look like walking sticks. What sort of a life is it for him, poor man.

luckygirl I am sure you have made the best decision for your DH. I pray you have the strength to cope and that help arrives soon. Good that your DDs are at hand to help. Good that DH is less confused.

I hope things are going better today Lucky and they get the carers in before Tuesday.

Lucky that took a lot of courage, and I take my hat off to you. I can only imagine how exhausting all this has been for you but you must be drawing some comfort from knowing that your DH is already feeling calmer and less confused now that he's home.

As Maw has said, you must do some serious ass-kicking now and make sure they don't all just turn their backs and leave you to it. Your D/N sounds as if she's behind you - hopefully she'll help in championing your needs.

I hope and pray that you will continue to find the strength to get through this nightmare. And please accept any and all help that is offered to you.

Oh my- been out all day. I can only rehiterate what others have said and totally agree with the a*se kicking, big time.

For bowels, surely it is up to the DN- probably suppository of mini enema, and/or manual removal. This is definitely not one for you or family.

Hope for a good night tonight.

Just caught up with the latest lucky what a nightmare situation you’re in here. As others have said shout, scream, weep whatever it takes to get the support your dh needs and you both deserve. It’s all such short sighted thinking, has no one noticed that you are an older woman with your own health needs and that caring in this intense way is just not tenable for any length of time. Willing and caring as your girls are, with their own family commitments they can’t necessarily be part of any ongoing package of care. But you already know all that..... I hope you get some much needed rest tonight to enable you to fight tomorrow’s battles x