OH has fractured femur - not a good situation

So pleased to read that you got some sleep, I continue to send kind thoughts

Someone mentioned a Catheter earlier in the thread , an external catheter at night might work , it helped us for a while , ask the District Nurse
Glad you got some sleep , your husband is being as helpful as he can , which is so good

Is this a convene? Might be worth trying at night. I will ask the nurse when she comes in - hopefully tomorrow.

Yes that's it , hope it helps xxx

My heart goes out to you both in such difficult circumstances. I know how mentally exhausting it can be struggling to do the best for your loved one and coping with professionals when you are tired and vulnerable and who sadly seem to be more mindful of restricting funding than meeting a person's (legitimate) needs. I have been shocked by the ignorance of some social and NHS staff and the way they have interpreted the rules, and indeed the law. I do hope you have some caring professionals to deal with you and your OH and hope you get a suitable care package sorted out without further hassle. You seem to have a good DN at least. I wish I had been more assertive when dealing with similar for my mother, but I just rolled over in the end, tired out. Best wishes.

Hope you are able to sleep tonight lucky, wishing you both well.

Thank you.

Morning lucky, I hope you had a good night and things start moving in the right direction today with regard to care.

Good morning Lucky. Hope today is the turning point and you get some effective help at last.

Good Morning Lucky I hope you got the District nurse on the case this morning
More important I hope you got some sleep xxxxxxx

Good morning lucky.I hope you manage to get somewhere today arranging care for you and your husband.Hope you managed to get some sleep.?

Thinking of you today x

I too have been thinking of you today Lucky and hope something gets resolved quickly.

I’ve been thinking of you today Lucky and hoping this meeting will finally get something done for you xx

District nursing assistant came - unable to do anything about the things that need sorting: constipation and catheter. She will arrange for district nurse to come tomorrow.

Care agency pulled out at last moment but I managed to get another agency who came and care has been arranged for 3 x a day from tomorrow. I will see how it goes and perhaps drop the middle of day visit, which is mainly needed if he needs to be got onto commode. There is a bit of me that feels that the carers coming in and out is going to carry its own exhausting elements - e.g. tomorrow it is a man, so I will have to get up early and not be in my nightie!

NHS rang to turn down application for care.

SSD rang to ask if there is "anything we can do" - no nothing that you do not want me to pay for. Perhaps I would like to contact their "Welfare and Finance Team" about a means test? - welfare my arse!!!

I really do not think I am up to all this - another night of paranoia which made sleep somewhat elusive. I may sleep in the spare room tonight. And already dealing with bodily fluids is beginning to lose its charm. Perhaps I am just not cut out for this. Hats off to those of you who have done/are doing this - you have all my admiration.

Lucky, is there a hospice near you that runs a hospice at home service? The other thing is I think there are solicitors that deal with Continuing care. Just the threat of legislation might get a result.
Feel very frustrated because I feel with good nursing care he could be a lot more comfortable and you would be less stressed.
Wishing you all the best.

Can the Parkinson's society help?

Luckygirl.
I found the carers coming in was a stress on top of stress.
I obviously needed them for morning dressing and shower but was getting up at 7am to be ready for them.
Bearing in mind I was over80 when this started.
I eventually cut the weekend visits out so that we at least had a lie in, a joke really, for two mornings.
The intimate personal care was very hard , especially when it became " both functions" ,we do it because we feel we should, for better or worse syndrome but it eventually took its toll in the way I coped and quite frankly in the way I felt about my H.
Now it is all over I do not reproach myself in any way, I did what I had to do until I could do it no longer.
I send you my heartfelt good wishes and strength to carry on.

I was going to suggest contacting a solicitor.. if you Google 'Solicitors for the Elderly', you might just get some joy.

Another suggestion is talking to AgeUk. Maybe one of your daughters can do that.

You are being very brave but must make sure you are not being too brave!

Thank you for your ideas; and thank you to ann for her honesty.

I too feel differently about my OH - trying not to is quite beyond me. It means a lot to me that you have shared this thought and that you are able to take the very sensible view of not reproaching yourself - I found that very helpful. Many thanks.

His personality pops up now and again; but much of what he says is out of character now. I will have to try and think positively about the carers - I cannot manage without them, as I cannot even get him up from a chair. His muscles are so week and his ability to co-operate with these things is very limited.

This week has been burdened with the additional problem of me being in a lot of pain from hip and knee. Seeing doc tomorrow while carers are here. If it was not for this, I could pop out for a short walk down the road while carers are in action.

Grumble, grumble...........

Grumble away!! And do consider some respite care while you catch your breath.

There’s good advice here, advice from a specialist solicitor is worth consideration, what you’re being told seems contradictory as well as unreasonable. Be honest about it all with the GP lucky, carers need care too. I hope you manage some rest.

Call that grumbling? Never! You are simply expressing your heartfelt feelings as you cope with a very distressing and physically draining situation.

It's not right that the love you two have had for each other over the years, is being eroded by the demands of caring for your OH in circumstances beyond the control of either of you. The system which we - I certainly- believed would never leave people in this dire situation is inhuman. You are both being let down over and over, and it's shocking that you're being left to cope.

A quick internet search turned up many lawyers some of whom offer pro bono advice. Just reading them may give you a lead on how to present your thoughts to officials.

See for example: Section 4.6 of the Age UK Factsheet No 43. I think you may find it useful.

I can't help feeling Luckygirl that it would have been better if you had taken that offered room in the care home, at least temporarily. You mentioned that it was a bit dingy but couldn't it have been brightened up with some colourful odds and ends along with personal touches?

Your husband has only been home a few days but you are already discovering just how hard it will be caring for him, even with help from carers which you admit will add to your stress.

Is he expected to make a reasonably good recovery? If all this is only temporary then that would be a comfort to you. I guess once he puts on weight and gets his strength back a bit, then physiotherapy will be provided to build up his muscles.

Jennifer Eccles- I feel the same that it would have made sense to take the room and make simple and quick improvements with personal effects and a bit of colour. Perhaps still possible- as it seems clear that it will be just too much for you- quite understandably so. This would NOT be a failure of care at all, au contraire. Hugs xxx