OH has fractured femur - not a good situation

Just caught up and agree you’re a brave woman lucky, also a loving and caring one. It’s wonderful your husband is so much happier, I’m concerned for you though, practical caring is a physical job. Your DN does sound both sensible and thoughtful, I hope she’ll help you in what must seem a never ending fight. Shout, scream and cry if you need to, whatever it takes for those who need to listen to be stopped in their tracks. Thinking of you all and sending love.

Morning lucky. Hope things are going ok with you all.

Indeed, just come back from garden and was thinking of you xxx

Thinking of you. Hope that you are feeling a little more relaxed now your DH is more content. I know it's a lot of hard work, so I hope you get help very soon. xx

Thinking of you Lucky and hoping the weekend is going well.

Thank you.

Bad night last night. I got just 3 hours sleep. It is really like being a new mother, but with the energy levels of a 70 year old. He woke me twice but after the first time, I could not get back to sleep at all. It has just taken my DD and I about 3 hours to get him washed and into new PJs, change the bed, breakfast, wash the wet laundry, get him onto wheeled commode and over toilet and deal with his anxiety (+++) over toileting - you just get him sorted after one abortive attempt and he is wanting help with it again. I have given him a lorezepam - he can have up to 3 a day - so he is sleeping now.

I have been out in garden trying to sleep a bit, but without success. I am staying well away from our room on the principle that you never wake a sleeping lion. He will just have to be late with his meds.

So.....lesson one learned - sleep in the number one priority for me in order to keep going.

Girls and I keep discussing when and how many carers will be needed, ready for this assessment on Tuesday and have concluded that it is almost impossible to say as it depends on when and how often he gets into a toilet fret and needs help. It is sometimes a matter of minutes after you have just settled him after the previous time.

He is refusing his laxative; and I have given up on it - the district nurse will just have to go for the bomb blast technique. And he is incontinent of urine - it is such a palaver sorting this out, as his sacrum is very sore indeed.

I just want a teeny bit of sleep please!!!!

Thank you for updating us lucky, your exhaustion comes through. I’m so sorry, nothing to say that will make a jot of difference, it’s an army of practical help you need. Hands on, non stop caring is oh so debilitating. Can only send love to you all and a wish that somehow there is enough sleep. Please take every opportunity to rest even if sleep doesn’t come .

Oh Luckygirl, I do feel for you. Do you have incontinence sheets or pads? Most supermarkets sell child sized ones that I have found to be helpful.

I wrote a reply ages ago but it vanished into the ether.

I am aware you are exhausted so write down requirements for the Tuesday meeting. They must take into consideration your exhaustion and bursting into tears then would be an excellent idea and I am sure you are not far from that now.

I have no words of wisdom to impart- I realise you do not get 2 hours free to rest. You cannot stay awake 24/7 and the powers that be must realise that. Would they supply overnight care?

As he acquired pressure sores elsewhere, that is a nursing problem so surely the overall bill should be greatly reduced because of the nursing element. If they are reluctant you could mention that you may sue because pressure sores are preventable, it was negligence. I am aware you would be reluctant but one must beat them at their own game.

I am well aware how difficult it is but sit down when you possibly can and even if you can not sleep, try to rest.

Sending love and a big, but gentle, hug, lucky. I wish there was more I could offer.

Oh dear lucky not such great start for you. No wonder you’re worn out already. On the plus side hopefully it will mean there will be no disguising the true hard facts of your husbands multiple needs when the assessment is done..it will be etched into your face and demeanour!
Thinking of you as you keep on keeping on with it all

no words - just hugs.

So sorry to hear you are exhausted. Would it not help him to have a catheter fitted? When my dad became incontinent it was a life saver.
I hope you have a better night tonight although it is a long time until Tuesday.

So sorry to see what a hard time you are having , no sleep certainly takes it's toll .
Contact the District Nurse , she should provide incontinence products , they do make such a difference
Sadly the carers can't come when needed they have a schedule , whether it suits or not , they should have been set in place before he came home , it is physically hard work , never mind the wear and tear on the nerves

Could you get a private carer for one or two nights to give you a rest?

What happens if you get ill Lucky? You can’t go on like this for sure. So sorry for your plight. Hugs. Lots.

Oh luckygirl I do hope you get help soon and some sleep

Lucky I am so desperately sorry for the situation you and your DH find yourselves in. No words of wisdom or advice, sadly, but just want you to know you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

I agree with Charleygirl that breaking down in tears at the meeting on Tuesday is the way to go - stoicism is not what you need to show them, no matter how much of an inbuilt trait it is for you. ((((hugs)))) xxx

Lucky I almost drove myself to exhaustion looking after my mum on barely any sleep, so I do understand how drained of energy you must be. In your shoes I would be making a case for the maximum help possible.

Don't try to be heroic - show them that you just will not be able to cope without making yourself ill too.
and some tlc for you too.

Lucky when we were looking after MiL, we had a terrible night with her and our district nurse was able to arrange for a carer to come and stay overnight so we could sleep. There was no charge for this, and it made a huge difference.
Perhaps that might be a possibility?

I'm awake reading through the posts and thinking you must be exhausted and utterly drained. It's just not right that you are being left to take total care of your DH. Is there anyone who would take a turn at sitting up with him and letting you have a sleep? You are a loving, caring wife but the expectation that you can take charge of his nursing care is unrealistic and not fair on either of you. Hugs

Luckygirl
Just thinking of your DH, you and your family, and hoping circumstances will improve very soon.
You are blessed to have such sweet daughters to help you.
? ?

I slept last night - TBH I took half a sleeper. OH agreed that he would not wake me unless situation was dire. But he is soaking wet this morning.

The person coming tomorrow is the manager of a private care agency whom I have contacted to put in care for him. I am also expecting to hear from the continuing care funding bods about their decision on how all this is to be paid for. At the moment I will just pay for it out of his savings. We had to get him home (even for a short while) as his mental health was suffering greatly and

He is pleased to be here in spite of the difficulties - he is much much less confused and has his loved ones round him. If we had not brought him home he would have still been in there this time next week.

Lucky what a difficult situation you are in, your love for your partner and willingness to go several extra miles is wonderful.
Accept help when its offered, sleep when you can. Make sure you take time to eat and drink enough. I hope you can get help to improve the situation for both of you.