OH has fractured femur - not a good situation

Morning lucky. Hope you had a good rest.

We both slept well last night - if you don't count the soaking bed. He was knocked out by the traumas of the last few days - he is very weak and floppy this morning and carer is struggling to get him up to change the bed. Thank goodness that the carers are kind, efficient and concerned for his welfare.

Oh it's so good to read that 'they are kind, efficient and concerned'. Wonderful! You must feel much happier. Glad you both slept and feel rested. Take care. x

Alleluia for a night’s sleep and good carers, hopefully there may be a third good thing today! Fingers crossed. .

I hope that things have settled down and you are getting some respite from being on constant alert. xx

Hoping things are not
any worse xxx

Things are a bit problematical - as they are bound to be at times.

I broached the subject of me going away to the music festival for 4 days and he had a "flid", as we call it round here. I simply do not know what to do.

And to make things worse, this evening, without warning, the agency sent a different carer, whom we have never met before, and she was useless. She was very tiny and rather "drippy" - the others have been sensible, down-to-earth and have just rolled up their sleeves and got stuck in with kindness and respect. This lady just dripped about the place - to be fair she did not know him - and left him in bed in a position where he would have had to sleep the night with his knees up; and she did not empty his leg bag. I asked her if she had put a new pad on and she just looked totally vague, so I asked if it was dry and she said she did not know.

I had booked care for OH tomorrow for several hours and also all day Saturday, as I am conducting and singing in two events - I cannot just duck out and leave the conductorless. I have discovered that this wimpy lady is the person who will be with him. There is no way that I can happily leave him with her.

So........on the grounds that I am paying a fortune for all this, I have bitten the bullet and just emailed the agency and asked for it to be someone different. I feel a bit bad about this - I just said that OH and her were "not a good match" - but the care has to be right. I just cannot see her rolling up her sleeves and dealing with the sort of crap that I have to deal with - and I think my OH will feel nervous with her here.

Bit awkward really but what else can I do?

Sigh.

You could do nothing else lucky. I’m sorry you have more aggro to sort but pleased you are tackling the issue. Good for you. Here’s hoping for a more experienced and down to earth replacement. Sleep well.

you must do that which is best for you and of course DH. Hope you can find someone reliable and caring for your DH.

So sorry to hear of your husbands fracture. You are doing such an amazing job being both his carer and advocate and it’s so good you’re taking time out from this routine to go to a festival. Like they say on the plane put your oxygen mask first so that you can help others. Taking time out is so important to be able to continue caring for another person. Good luck re the air bed, I had to fight the hospital to get one for my mum in hospital, it seems like you husband in a good hospital ( my mother’s the nurses were heartless ) but it made such a difference. She was so thin, beds were agony. I ended up finding a physio on another ward who agreed with me and found her one. Sending a huge hug and wanted to tell you, you’re doing amazing. Hope you can have the occasional wine and scream into pillow when it all gets to much. Xox

I hope things go well today and on Saturday, lucky. You really must go away too. I think you should stand firm.

And, I hope you get a better carer today.

You are doing a great job but need breaks to be able to do so effectively.

Lets hope a better carer turned up today xxx

He's been awake all night worrying about it and has already driven me nuts this morning with endless worries! Oh dear!

I appreciate it is extremely difficult for him especially as he is totally powerless but he must realise to preserve some sanity you must get out and do your own thing.

Poor Man , poor YOU , they don't take kindly to change , so sad but what can you do , you are doing your best and with any luck a great carer will turn up xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Is there no way your daughters could give you a break? Surely they can see how difficult things are for you?
Quite right to ask for a more competent carer btw.

Just spoke to agency - they are doing all they can to get a sub carer for these two long slots of time. Fingers crossed! DDs will be in and out as much as they can.

I know I am being controversial here but I would not be able to go out and leave my H in these early days of him being just out of hospital because I would not have one moment of peace worrying about him.
I know just how much you need the break, I have been there, and that is why I urge you to get him some respite care.
Yes, he will hate it at first, yes you will worry for a few days until you know he is alright and most importantly being looked after.
When I had had a few nights of unbroken sleep and not up early to get ready for carers I felt so much better in myself.
On the third lot of respite I was ablr to go away for five whole days fot the first time for five years and had a wonderful time.
Please, please consifer it, you will bebefit enormously.

Just read your last post which crossed with mime.
Your D's could pop in and see him daily if they wanted and you could just relax and do your own thing.
Your H must be told you need the break and if necessary told he is being selfish.
He will benefit from you having your batteries recharged and each respite will become easier.
I coped better knowing I had some free time to look forward to.

Good advice from someone who knows, ann.

The agency have rescheduled today's and tomorrow's care so he has people who he either knows or is likely to get on with. Phew!

I am in three places at once just now in my mind - getting OH's care sorted, looking after wee GS, and getting everything ready for tonight's concert. A bit chaotic today.

But it is a huge relief to know that the agency will act quickly when that is needed.

I will think about the respite stay idea - I think if I suggested it just now OH would go into a decline - he needs to settle in a bit here first maybe. I know it will be necessary at some point in order to stay sane. I will do some research.

Thank you all for your support.

I'm really not meaning to be unkind but might it be kinder for DH not to know in too much advance that you might be taking a break? If its a fait accompli he will be taken up thinking about who's there rather than who's not. He wouldn't have time to fret and work himself up? Just a suggestion.

You sound as if you are doing very well under the circumstances Luckygirl and are managing to sort things out but it is wearing. Can be problematic with carers, some are great and some are.........not so great. Like you said you are paying, and it ain't cheap. Have you got an electric mattress for your OH? The DN got one for my mother and it is really good as she can't move around. A great improvement on the hospital basic one. It is so important to have time out yourself to re calibrate as it were!

I am so very tired now. OH wakes me at 6.30 every morning to tell me his bed is full of poo (it isn't) and I then do not get back to sleep as he goes on and on about it till I get up and look. I think I will sleep in the spare room tonight - I just have to sleep. But he will want me to have the walkie-talkie by me so he can summon me, so it probably won't be much better - I will just have further to walk.

6.30 might sound OK to some but believe me I need at least another 2 hours! - especially as I was up at midnight sorting his catheter etc. out.

Feeling so rough this morning that I have started looking at nursing homes online. He would hate me if that finished up as the result - but there is only so much I can do.

There are bits of him that simply stink and that he will not let anyone wash - it makes me gag. I found his pad on the floor this morning - he must have managed to get it off and decided to fling it.

I just need a sleep!

There really is only so much you can do.
I remember one night when I had been up three times, all involving a toileting issue and at half past nine I was on the phone to the duty SW to beg that my husband was admitted to respite , he was booked in for the following week, but I knew I couldn't last that long.
He was in by 2pm and I wept with relief.
Do what is best for you now, whatever you do will not suit your H but you must steel yourself and do it.