Farting old men

I just wish mine didn't go on for so long. Short sharp I could cope with by looking innocent, but when you're doing it unstoppably as you walk across the room....

Where the f--- does it all come from?

It's a good reason for eating supper. If your last meal is at roughly tea-time and you have nothing more until breakfast next morning, a vacuum develops. All that hot air is expelled when food arrives to drive it out.

So that is why dawn is referred to as 'sparrowfart' RosieLeah (only by the vulgar of course, not by Gners.)

It's all that vacuum-producing fasting they do at nights.

I'm very good at it. If it was a sport I'd be Olympic standard. I know I'm a great comfort to my DGSs. Often after a day at school they get rows from their mum my DD but they indignantly say, 'But Gran farts!'

Surprised Grandad1943 hasn't appeared on this thread with his usual accusation of misandry!

DH recently started metformin for diabetes with disastrous effects on the digestive system.

Nannytopsy Get him onto acidophilus bifidus, digestive enzymes and/or activated charcoal.

In my local supermarket yesterday, I turned the corner into the meat department, there was a quite well dressed middle-aged man perusing the Sausages. He just stood there farting very loudly. A young man coming in the other direction just looked at me and we both returned quickly from where we had come from.
I will buy my BBQ sausages tomorrow, holiday here today.

I’m lucky. My dh doesn’t make a habit of farting randomly. The very occasional one over the years. Same for myself though I’ve found the occasional little ones escaping myself. I just say excuse me and move on. ;)

My yoga class is in a small room, so that you are in close proximity. I dread having an accident.

Mention of diabetes reminds of when I tried diabetic jam in a bid to cut down sugar. My God, talk about lift-off! The artificial sweetener must cause fermentation! It was non-stop.

Today I will have to stand up after sitting in an aeroplane. Sigh! It always happens. Why?!

Surprised Grandad1943 hasn't appeared on this thread with his usual accusation of misandry

Thank goodness , a cultural thread at last!

Phoenix; I'd be more surprised if you hadn't made an appearance!
In my youth, it was a status symbol to attain what was known as a "5-speed ar--hole" and guaranteed to make anyone within earshot draw breath in admiration!

Good clean fun! Had me howling.
Apparently in the US (and online) they sell fart-proof pants.
There's a story from the Arabian nights about a man called Hassan who being presented to the sultan let one loose. He was so mortified he ran away and became a successful merchant. After seven years he decided to sneak back to visit his old home. At the entrance to the town he met a young girl. 'How old are you dear?' he asked. She replied 'I know I'm seven this March, because I was born the night of Hassan's fart'. He returned to his travels.

Might try the anti fart pants pre down dog.

Yoga is a no no for me. After one slipped out a few years ago, I spent the rest of the classes all clenched and tense. I don't know what was the worst, anticipating my own wind or worrying that I would laugh at someone else and be asked to leave. It must be fun in those Yoga retreats, all that stretching after mung beans and lentils.......

Felt so sorry for a man at my class. It was his first attempt and I could see through my zen like trance that he was doing fine. Unfortunately, he let out quite a large one and has never been back.

I was once in an important meeting around a large table full of decision makers. I bent to get something from my bag under the table and exploded!!! ☺️ I stayed under that table for quite some time!

Was it the full works Ohmother?

Invaluable advice BradfordLass72
I eat lots of Activia yogurt but had no idea that despite millions of gut busting good bacteria in every pot, it doesn't fulfil the promise.

Not that I suffer from fart fumes you understand but to eat 3 pots a day without accruing any benefit seems a bit of a swizz to me.

I've always been aware of my issue with flatulence. I once made a deal with my DS when he was a little boy that if I ever accidentally let fly in public he'd take the blame. I promised a treat if this ever happened. One day the worst happened. Leaning into a freezer I farted loudly the glared at the wee boy. My son instantly sprung into action, 'Sorry Mummy farted' he explained to the appalled onlookers.
We had a long chat afterwards about what I'd meant him to do! ?

Not sure if it's helpful or not...

My grandson had horrific colic as a baby. A year on, he's taken to waking up at night with horrific tummy ache from gas. Screaming and writhing in pain.

He was born in Spain, while we were living there, and a paediatrician friend of a friend suggested probiotic drops. Within an hour of giving the drops as a newborn, the colic stopped.

I had the brainwave to try the probiotic drops again. No more night time tummy gas.

I wonder if the same thing would work in old men?

I wonder if the same thing would work in old men
I'll report back when I get there!
OoRoo

Rufus2 LOL A dose of Spain right now would sort me right out, too!