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Hospital stay for MIL

(40 Posts)
jaylucy Tue 01-Oct-19 10:21:31

First of all your DP needs to arrange a meeting with your MiL consultant so he can find out exactly what is happening.
I very mush doubt if they will send her home on her own if she is so incapacitated.
If it is impossible for any family member to be with her , if that is the case, I think you need to have social services involved so at least they can help find a nursing home for her to continue her treatment. My local hospital has a "halfway house "unit just for situations like this and there may even be a similar place where the MiL is.

humptydumpty Tue 01-Oct-19 10:19:59

So sorry to hear of your situation. Another thing to bear in mind is that once she is out of the system it could be very difficult to get her back into it, should a rehab place become available - out of sight, out of mind..

Whingingmom Tue 01-Oct-19 10:19:19

Patient Advocacy and Liaison (PALS) service could be helpful, there is usually one at every hospital.

fizzers Tue 01-Oct-19 10:18:26

We had a similar situation with my elderly mother last year, she had a collapsed lung and pneumonia and after a couple of weeks they wanted to send her home, as she had previously refused all help and relied on myself ( and to some extent, my sister) I refused point blank to care for my mother, so did my sister, she was simply not fit to be at home under any circumstances. She had gotten to the stage where she was confused, uncooperative, could barely move, wouldn't eat or drink and they wanted to send her home!

Social Services got involved and a care plan was put in place - she needed full time care in a care home. This was funded by the NHS and she moved into a suitable care home a couple of weeks later. Unfortunately she died 10 days after admittance into the care home, but we knew that this was coming.

Please stand your ground, I can understand that hospitals need the beds but they shouldn't be allowed to discharge patients willy nilly like that

Rosina Tue 01-Oct-19 10:11:26

Sadly it seems unless there is somebody to 'fight your corner' when you are ill and vulnerable, and not in a postion to speak up for yourself, this situation can arise. It doesn't sound at all reasonable to send this poor lady home in such a helpless state - she clearly needs rehabilitation care - so do speak to all the medical professionals that you can pin down. As with most other areas of life, persistence is the only answer.

Luckygirl Tue 01-Oct-19 08:55:24

The hospital are obliged to have a discharge plan for her. They cannot just put her in a taxi and send her home. So your OH needs to ask to see this.

Patients leaving hospital are entitled to up to 6 weeks of planned free care and rehab in their own homes. SSDs and health authorities often share the responsibility for this and it will have some jazzy name like Home First - look up under your local health trust and SSD websites.

You also need to ask the ward if they have done the Continuing Healthcare Funding checklist - this is stage one in the process of organising for the NHS to pay for her care, wherever she goes. Do not let them fob you off by saying she does not qualify.

Make it clear from the start that if she is sent home without a proper care plan you will be raising a complaint and contacting MP.

I know it sounds dreadful to have to be so stroppy, but I have just been through all this with my OH and believe me you have to stand your ground.

I am sorry your MIL has been so unwell and hope you and your OH can sort things out without too much stress.

Izabella Tue 01-Oct-19 08:47:29

PM sent. Check your inbox

Missfoodlove Mon 30-Sept-19 22:51:50

I would ask for a meeting with her consultant and ask for the reports from physio and occupational health.

Ask about her medication and possible side effects and how she will recover without professional care.

Basically have to make a nuisance of yourselves.
It’s a case of those that shout the loudest.

She should never be allowed home until all assessments have been done and passed.

Good luck.

LondonGranny Mon 30-Sept-19 22:48:41

I've experienced something similar-ish but different circumstances...that was mental health services who wanted me to take someone suffering extreme psychosis who wasn't even related to me and I barely knew home with me.

My involvement was on a first aid basis only, stopping him from harming himself and trying to get him admitted somewhere he'd be safe. You have to be really extremely firm and assertive. In the end I managed to get him admitted to a psychiatric ward after visiting two different hospitals. Getting him to both was a nightmare.
The bottom line is the NHS is in crisis and if they can get someone else to look after someone, they will, out of desperation.

sahara59 Mon 30-Sept-19 22:15:01

Thank you all for your advice. I will get partner to stand his ground. She lives alone and we are 45 minutes drive away. Reading up on internet if she gets the correct rehab eventually and it will probably take time she could come home. We have been trying to get info from hospital but has been hard work it took us weeks to find out what care she is getting. Some of the after effects of op are that she becomes confused. Thank you all again. My partner spoke to someone else later today who talked about sending her home he said "if you do I will just bring her back to the hospital" makes you wonder what our NHS has come to I know it must be very difficult when patients don't need nursing just rehab and physio.

aggie Mon 30-Sept-19 20:58:46

you dont have to take her home if she isn't ready for home ! The fact that she needs rehab means she needs to get sent to a suitable place, she won't get it at home e ,
hard as it seems , stand your ground and insist she is assessed and gets the proper treatment ,
the poor woman needs help and it sounds as if your partner won't be able to cope with her needs
"they" will try and force you to get her home but be firm and insist home isn't suitable

grannysyb Mon 30-Sept-19 20:57:40

Does she live with you or on her own? Either way I think you need to be very firm and tell the hospital that she is not fit to be discharged. Has any sort of care plan been put in place? I'm sure other people on here will be able to help.

sahara59 Mon 30-Sept-19 20:51:27

Thank you Farmor15 I'm sure there will be a solution

Farmor15 Mon 30-Sept-19 20:46:13

I'm afraid I haven't any answers, but replying to bump this up a bit so others see and might have advice.

sahara59 Mon 30-Sept-19 13:43:28

My DP is at the end of his tether and I am not sure where to direct him. To cut a long story short his mum had a brain operation about 6 weeks ago and this is the third time they have moved her to different hospitals different wards. Yesterday we finally managed to get some info from nurse on ward that she is having physio 20 mins a day and being hoisted out of bed each day gradually for longer we were told she needs to go somewhere for neuro rehab but so far every hospital they have tried have said she is out of the area and basically playing ping pong. He received a call this morning to say that they are thinking of sending her home. She can't get herself out of bed she can barely hold a cup and cant stand or walk. Can we refuse that they send her home. any advice greatly appreciated