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Just had bad news

(137 Posts)
Craftycat Fri 10-Jan-20 12:29:43

I know no-one can help or know what to say but I have just had a really sad phone call with DS2 & it is easier to get this down than talk to people who know us.
. His wonderful wife was diagnosed with Cervical cancer a few months ago & had all her reproductive organs removed. She recovered well but had to go back for a follow up yesterday where she was told that the type of cancer she has will spread all over her body in time. Her mother died of cancer 3 years ago.
They have 3 children in primary school & she is 41.
There is nothing anyone can say but is is just so unfair- they are such a happy couple & wonderful parents.
He is devastated & he is my youngest son. I love my DiL too- she is a wonderful caring mother.
I know life isn't fair but today I just feel everything is just hopeless.
Luckily we live only about 20 mins away so we can be there when needed easily- her father is further away as is her sister.
The children have no idea what Mummy has & we want to keep it that was as long as possible. We have no idea if she will develop other cancers soon or in years to come- the doctors cannot tell her that.
I just feel so very helpless. I know a lot of you will have been through something similar so I know I am not alone in feeling useless.
I am a strong person usually but just for today I want to let go & just weep.

newnanny Fri 10-Jan-20 14:57:30

This is just such terrible news for you and your family. I can understand you are heartbroken for your son. All you can do is be there to offer support and help when you can. Encourage your dil to make lots of wonderful memories with her young family. Try to keep hope that medical advances are happening all of the time, so do not give up hope. I hope they happen in time for your dil.

Susan56 Fri 10-Jan-20 15:01:07

So sorry Craftycat.Sending our love,thoughts and prayers.x

Katyj Fri 10-Jan-20 15:03:29

So so sorry craftycat. Thinking about you, and your lovely family flowers

Happiyogi Fri 10-Jan-20 15:12:31

Craftycat I'm so very sorry to hear your dreadfully sad news.

Sometimes the world is hard to understand - an old family friend in her late nineties has felt for a decade that she's lived too long.

flowers

Daisymae Fri 10-Jan-20 15:19:49

Such a difficult time for your family and a difficult prognosis to deal with. Sometimes it does help to get it all down. One day at a time. Keep positive, as much as you can. thanks

Namsnanny Fri 10-Jan-20 15:26:36

craftycat ... how very devastating for you and your family.
The cruelest of blows

If you want, please keep posting.
it's the least we can do on GN, be here to listen.

Your in my thoughts and prayers

Cherrytree59 Fri 10-Jan-20 15:56:52

Craftycat I am so sorry such devastating news.

I wish you strength to help and support your lovely family.thanks

KatyK Fri 10-Jan-20 16:02:04

I am so sorry flowers

Alexa Fri 10-Jan-20 16:04:53

That is a burden of grief, Craftycat. I wish you strength.

Bellanonna Fri 10-Jan-20 16:18:01

Craftycat, that’s so sad. Please keep strong if you can ???

TwiceAsNice Fri 10-Jan-20 16:28:56

So sorry to hear this. Please try and get as much support as possible for all of you. You will be a wonderful support but you need to look after yourself too. I hope the news improves and your DIL has longer than you fear, treatment gets better all the time don’t lose hope, try to make lovely memories and if your grandchildren ask please answer their questions as much as they can understand , you just need to say Mummy is not well at the moment perhaps . Sending you love

Grammaretto Fri 10-Jan-20 16:31:52

So sad reading this craftycat. Terrible news for your lovely family.
As newnanny has said, keep hope alive. New treatments are coming out all the time.

DH has incurable kidney cancer which has spread.. 3 years on and he is still fairly well and still having treatment although he is now on the third type when other drugs stopped working.
I find the facebook support group is very helpful. There are lots of practical ideas and always people who know what you are talking about.

maddyone Fri 10-Jan-20 16:47:57

I’m so very sorry to read this craftycat. Sending you love. thanks

Yehbutnobut Fri 10-Jan-20 16:48:19

Craftycat what a devastating phone call to get. Your lovely DIL must be so worried about leaving her young children as well as everything else. She needs to know that whatever happens her family will rally round when she is gone and see them safely into adulthood and beyond.

I know this because a very dear friend lost her fight with cancer in similar circumstances. But she died knowing that us, her friends, would be there for her children and husband.

dragonfly46 Fri 10-Jan-20 16:54:19

I am so sorry to hear your news Craftycat it must be like living with a time bomb. Life can indeed be cruel. Sending you hugs and flowers

Bathsheba Fri 10-Jan-20 17:00:34

Oh God, Craftycat, I am so so sorry to read this, such truly awful news. Your poor family. I don't know what to say, because really there is nothing, no words that could possibly help. Just know you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers ??

clementine Fri 10-Jan-20 17:01:03

So very sorry to read your post. Do have a good cry, I think it's important you don't bottle up all your emotions. You will be strong for your son and daughter in law, but you are entitled to feel sad too.

I would recommend you go on to the Macmillan website , they have a special forum for carers and family members and I am sure you will be made very welcome and maybe find others in similar situation.

Whilst your daughter in law is living with cancer, I hope and pray that current treatments will be able to give her not only more time but also a good quality of life for more years to come .

merlotgran Fri 10-Jan-20 17:10:12

So sorry to hear this, Craftycat

Gransnet was a huge support to me last year when a similar tragedy struck our family. Keep posting if it helps you to stay strong but don't worry if you crumble and weep, because you will.

phoenix Fri 10-Jan-20 17:17:00

So sorry to hear this, sending every good wish.

xx

Auntieflo Fri 10-Jan-20 17:18:16

Oh Craftycat, I can't say anything that has not already been said.
Please do keep letting your emotions and feelings out here. There are many to listen, maybe give advice, and give support.
Love, hugs and prayers to your DIL and all, the family.

Blinko Fri 10-Jan-20 17:21:45

I am so very sorry, Craftycat. This is heartbreaking. Hoping you can all gain strength from each other. flowers

cornergran Fri 10-Jan-20 18:08:29

Oh craftycat, such sad news. Of course cry if your body lets you, a natural reaction which can be a release. Look after yourself so you can look after your family. Sending love to you all.

Txquiltz Fri 10-Jan-20 18:20:51

Take the next few days just for yourself. Cry, feel anger, feel the confusion. As you give yourself these few brief moments, you may find strength for what is ahead...you are stronger than you know,

Pudding123 Fri 10-Jan-20 18:32:55

Such terrible news craftycat, I would imagine you are all in a state of shock but in a few days you will probably go into a different mode and things will begin to look hopefully a bit brighter and you will all rally round .I am sending you a big hug and wishing you a good night's sleep.

Bagatelle Fri 10-Jan-20 18:40:35

Let's hope it will be a good few years before any cancer appears, and that by then there will be better treatment.

I hope they have all the information and fully understand it. Some medics are incredibly clumsy when it comes to giving bad news. My friend is an oncologist and says that any prognosis is a guess, some just more likely than others.