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OH now on end-of-life care.

(520 Posts)
Luckygirl Fri 24-Jan-20 17:10:07

OH in nursing hone with end-stage PD, and he has been in terrible mental stress with paranoia on top of his total physical helplessness. He shot a temperature yesterday and clearly has some sort of infection - probably chest. I opted for him not to go to hospital, as I know this is what he wants. They are trying (and failing) to get oral antibiotics down, and have scratched all meds non-essential for his comfort . We just want him to go in peace now. But he is intermittently awake and in distress that he cannot articulate. They have all the necessary drugs for palliative care.

I am torn between wanting to keep him and wanting him to just go now so his distress is over. It is a torment

Auntieflo Wed 19-Feb-20 22:07:07

I have also had you on my mind today, and am so glad to hear that all went well.
Sounds as though you and your family had arranged it beautifully.
You did him proud.
Now you need to try and sleep, hard to do maybe.
Look after yourself, be selfish for a while and do exactly what your body tells you.
Night, night, God bless.

dragonfly46 Wed 19-Feb-20 22:09:47

I am so pleased it went so well Lucky.

I am crying as I write this - tears seem to be very near the surface at the moment.

Cry when you need to, howl if you must but do not feel guilty about the care you gave your DH or the sense of relief you feel. His suffering is over and you know he would want you to go on living.

I am sending you much love xx

Scribbles Wed 19-Feb-20 22:39:16

Much love from me, too, Luckygirl.Try and sleep but don't be too surprised if it's not possible. Camomile tea and the radio can be a comfort in the small hours. Just do whatever you need to take care of yourself.?

Callistemon Wed 19-Feb-20 23:29:30

It sounds like a perfect farewell Luckygirl and so lovely that your young grandson supported you so well, what a wonderful young man he must be.

You may feel very tired for some time because you have probably been running on adrenaline and with high levels of anxiety for such a while. Let others care for you and accept help if offered.
Take care.

cornergran Wed 19-Feb-20 23:57:35

The farewell was just right for the man luckygirl, a beautiful and meaningful occasion. Of course you’ll want to howl, why wouldn’t you? Please don’t pressurise yourself to be any particular way, just be as you are from minute to minute. Sending love.

SueDonim Wed 19-Feb-20 23:59:52

Your description sounds perfect, a wonderful farewell. flowers

You may need time to take stock now, not rush into anything, just be, for a while. There’s time later to take up the reins of a busy life again, for now let it wash over you. Thinking of you. Xxx

kittylester Thu 20-Feb-20 06:40:45

I hope you have had some sleep by now lucky.

The service sounds perfect and how proud your husband would have been of your grandson.

Go easy on yourself now. brew

Calpurnia Thu 20-Feb-20 07:07:02

Luckygirl I do hope you managed to have a restful night, even if you were not able to have a lot of sleep.

It is time now for just you, to rest and recover, I hope that in the not too distant future you will feel able to enjoy your choir involvement again and hopefully find new interests. It is your time now, free from all the worries you have shouldered for such a long time.

Today is the start of a new chapter in your life and I sincerely hope you will find it an exciting and nicely challenging time - you’ve had more than your fair share of the other kind.

It would be nice for all of us here to know how you are doing so please do keep in touch with us if you feel able to.

I hope today is a restful one. Your husband would be so proud of you.

Grammaretto Thu 20-Feb-20 07:33:52

Luckygirl I'm relieved that the day you were dreading went so well.
You have had a very tough time.
Sending virtual hugs. flowers

Sark Thu 20-Feb-20 07:52:57

Must have been a very hard day for you all Luckygirl
You gave him a lovely send off and I am sure he would be so proud of you.
Be kind to yourself, feelings are what they are and you will have so many different ones I expect but please try not to feel guilty.
flowers

Daddima Thu 20-Feb-20 08:39:39

A lovely personal farewell, and Mr Lucky is free from his suffering. It’s your time now, to rest if you can. Just take things at your own pace, and don’t feel you have to put on a brave face. flowers

Nortsat46 Thu 20-Feb-20 09:00:54

Luckygirl it’s so kind of you to let us know about your dear man’s funeral, when you are in the midst of all the ensuing emotions.

It sounds beautiful and a very fitting tribute.

Now be gentle with yourself and let those who love you, help you. ?

Bathsheba Thu 20-Feb-20 09:09:53

I'm pleased to read that the service went well Lucky. It sounds as if it was perfect in every way - your dear husband would have been so pleased with all you did to give him such a lovely, personal farewell from so many family and friends.

I hope you managed to sleep last night and have woken today feeling a little less burdened than you have felt for so long. Grieving of course, but no longer desperately worried about him. He is now at peace and you can - slowly, gently - move on with your life. Sending (((hugs))) and flowers

BlueSky Thu 20-Feb-20 10:46:39

Lucky the funeral is always a big hurdle to overcome. This you have done to the best of your ability. Time for you now to take it easy and be kind to yourself with the support of your loved ones. flowers

GrannySomerset Thu 20-Feb-20 12:47:23

It does sound as though you did the very last thing for your DH superbly well. A really appropriate memorial service is the final thing we can do for someone we love, and your tribute sounds perfect. Hope it helps you to know that you have always done the very best you possibly could.

farview Thu 20-Feb-20 17:27:05

Oh your description of the service was lovely..it gave me goosebumps...what a beautiful way to say goodbye to your beloved ?

NfkDumpling Thu 20-Feb-20 21:16:04

You couldn’t have done more Lucky. So much love. XX

grannybiker Thu 20-Feb-20 22:31:11

No words, just heartfelt hugs (((xxx)))

Feelingmyage55 Fri 21-Feb-20 00:12:43

luckygirl That was a beautiful service. I listened to the music and had a little weep for you both. I do hope that you find some comfort and consolation in music during the days ahead.