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OH now on end-of-life care.

(519 Posts)
Luckygirl Fri 24-Jan-20 17:10:07

OH in nursing hone with end-stage PD, and he has been in terrible mental stress with paranoia on top of his total physical helplessness. He shot a temperature yesterday and clearly has some sort of infection - probably chest. I opted for him not to go to hospital, as I know this is what he wants. They are trying (and failing) to get oral antibiotics down, and have scratched all meds non-essential for his comfort . We just want him to go in peace now. But he is intermittently awake and in distress that he cannot articulate. They have all the necessary drugs for palliative care.

I am torn between wanting to keep him and wanting him to just go now so his distress is over. It is a torment

Labaik Fri 24-Jan-20 17:14:33

I'm so sorry, Luckygirl; my thoughts are with you x

Nortsat46 Fri 24-Jan-20 17:20:12

So sorry Luckygirl, I have nothing to say that could possibly help, other than you are both in my thoughts.
Sending you sincere good wishes and hoping you and your DH find some peace, soon.

Susan56 Fri 24-Jan-20 17:20:43

Oh Luckygirl,it really is a torment for you.Sending you love,thoughts and prayers.xπŸ’

Nannylovesshopping Fri 24-Jan-20 17:22:28

Oh luckygirl, so heartbreaking for you and your family, you have really done your very best for your dear husband, try and take care of you.

KatyK Fri 24-Jan-20 17:22:32

So sorry. How awful for you. flowers

crazyH Fri 24-Jan-20 17:22:51

My dear, dear friend was in a similar situation....her husband of 59 years, has just passed away from Metastatic kidney cancer. She loved him dearly, but dreaded visiting him in the hospital. He had no quality of life...couldn't even speak to her. Like you, she justed wanted it all to be over, for his sake, moe than hers.
Sending you flowers

Sussexborn Fri 24-Jan-20 17:23:16

Sorry to hear this. You must be so torn. πŸ’πŸ’πŸ’

paddyanne Fri 24-Jan-20 17:23:17

I'm so sorry ,we went through this with my mother and its hard .I hope you can get some rest when he sleeps as it was the only thing that kept me going .My mum didn't linger for long and difficult as it was it was a releif for us and a release for her when the end came .Take care of yourself

Billybob4491 Fri 24-Jan-20 17:24:13

Very sad news, I send you also sincere good wishes.

Framilode Fri 24-Jan-20 17:25:39

I am so sorry Luckygirl. You have both really been through it. I just hope they keep him comfortable and peaceful now for both your sakes.

Eglantine21 Fri 24-Jan-20 17:26:41

I have been there too. My thoughts are with you πŸ’

Kalu Fri 24-Jan-20 17:28:19

Oh Lucky What a truly awful and sad time for you both. My thoughts are with you as I hope, as time goes on, you find the right decision to find you both at peace with loving thoughts and understanding what the next step should be.

Sending love and Hugs for youπŸ’

BlueSky Fri 24-Jan-20 17:29:50

So sorry to hear Luckygirl we recently went through this with my mum in law. Thinking of you flowers

52bright Fri 24-Jan-20 17:33:02

Luckygirl. flowers My thoughts are with you and all your family flowers

kittylester Fri 24-Jan-20 17:36:00

I'm sorry to hear this lucky. You have always done your very best for your dh and you are doing the right thing now. It must be hard for you. I know you and your daughters will be supporting each other now. Take care. brew

TwiceAsNice Fri 24-Jan-20 17:36:39

Lucky girl so sorry for you that you are having to face this but I hope you and your husband can find some peace together

travelsafar Fri 24-Jan-20 17:40:46

So sorry for you and your DH. He and you have been through so much and sadly this looks like the end for him. EOL drugs mean he will pass peacefully and with no pain. It is possibly the kindest thing that you can do for him now. I am sure everyone who has followed your posts will be thinking of you both at this difficult time. Big virtual hugs and I hope it doesnt last too long, you have both suffered enough.

Baggs Fri 24-Jan-20 17:41:12

Such a hard time for you, lucky. If you are doing what he wants, it's all you can do. I hope that his distress can be minimised. All good wishes xx

Esspee Fri 24-Jan-20 17:42:52

Been there so know how you feel. I hope your dear husband is spared more pain. Do feel free to discuss with the doctor your husband’s expressed wishes, and yours. It can influence decisions on medication. May you both find peace.

lavenderzen Fri 24-Jan-20 17:42:57

I am so sorry Luckygirl a dreadful time for you flowers

rafichagran Fri 24-Jan-20 17:42:57

So Sorry flowers

Bathsheba Fri 24-Jan-20 17:44:39

Oh Luckygirl I am so desperately sorry for you, to be dealing with this after such a long and drawn out struggle to get the best care for your OH. But you can at least take comfort from the fact that you did succeed in that struggle. You found him a place in a home where he has been content, somewhere he was happy to move to.

My thoughts are with you both as you face this next trial. flowers

tanith Fri 24-Jan-20 17:52:43


love0c Fri 24-Jan-20 17:53:08

Luckgirl so dreadfully sorry for and your husband. What an absolutely heartbreaking situation for you to be in. I have no answer really. Maybe be guided by the doctor if you feel it is intolerable for your husband. Sending love and the warmest of wishes to you.