Are we now expecting to have mental health problems?

Dottygran I speak out about my darling daughter not for
sympathy but in hope it will help some try to understand
mental illness , if so something good will come from her torture.

Marydoll spoke of post natal depression, I ached for her, I
was admitted to a physciatric unit after the birth of my younger daughter, there was a young mother there who had
thrown her baby against a wall, thank God the little mite fell on the sofa, she thought she had given birth to ‘Rosemary’s
baby’.

Whilst I was in the unit my husband had to move house to
another town, he was police officer, we were transferred to
another town to save me from facing neighbours because I
had been ‘in there’, we didn’t want to move , I didn’t give a
fig about facing people.

I had severe post natal depression, when my darling daughter
was diagnosed with bipolar someone said ‘she must have
inherited it from you’ ! This was said only 2 years ago,

Still so much ignorance about mental health illness .

Sorry, long post.

I know what the OP is trying to say.
There is a vast difference between true mental illness and what a lot of people talk of as mental illness.
Society has led a lot of the younger generation (in particular) to believe that their lives should be full of happiness and contentment with all their wishes and desires fulfilled, when life is actually like being in a rowing boat in the middle of the ocean, sometimes smooth, sometimes stormy and changing all the time. Those who have been taught to row with the waves fare better. Sadly many nowadays have not been given these skills and in many the feelings they have of sadness, anger, inability to cope, frustration etc., are just normal emotions however they do not recognise these as such because they have never been exposed to real life.
As mentioned at the outset, this is very different to true clinical mental health issues, which I sadly lost my son because of.

There are definitely those people who suffer from clinical depression and of course women who have experienced the most awful post natal depression, the worst excesses of menopausal symptoms, that have thrown them off kilter, sometimes for a considerable amount of time, I'm not sure you have to live that to not understand how horrific such phases are. I would never want to underestimate anyone else's difficulties and don't doubt the severity of such episodes.

I think where the lines become blurred is calling "the blues" which most people have experienced, mental illness. The teen years are a time, given the fact that hormones are raging, poor self esteem, self doubt and a raft of other factors conspire to make some depressed, I certainly was at times, but for many it's a phase the cycle of life which most emerge from without becoming mentally ill.

However, into that mix I guess you have to say smoking copious of weed and other mind altering substances aren't going to help. and often have lasting effects. We also live in an unfortunate age where many are affected by the vagaries of whatever is going on in own individual social media world, particularly if they are susceptible into not being able to distinguish "the real world" from the manipulatively false one that prevails on such sites and family breakdown is of course more prevalent today than it was in the past.

A brave post Marydoll

If the O/P was speaking of people claiming they had mental
health problems why start with three suicides

So sorry Joelsnan and of course Annie

Doodledog makes a lot of sensible points. I think some people use poor 'mental health' as an excuse to get away with not having to do things they don't like or to cover up for bad judgements they have made themselves, and this has a knock on effect on the public perception and tolerance of mental health problems.

Things like drug taking, alcohol abuse, getting into needless debt, diving into one bad relationship after another and so on are likely to be a significant cause in being detrimental to having good mental health, alongside overuse of social media. None of these things, I believe, are compulsory so are unlikely to illicit little sympathy from the general population, who has learnt to adapt and just build up their own resilience to get on with life's problems.

I have met so many people, both professionally and socially, with severe challenges mentally and physically who seen happy, or at least have accepted, life's limitations; it seems to me it's the ones who have the capacity to change their lives who do all the moaning.

My children have both lost friends to suicide in their late teens/early 20s. The saddest fact I always feel is that when we are young, sometimes we live so in the moment and are unable to project ourselves forward and imagine a time when we won't always be paralysed by misery.

The O/P spoke of ‘royalty down’ speaking of mental illness,
as the son of a woman who had mental illness good for William.

I would sooner a person who is only feeling ‘a bit down’ gets help because they spoke out than a person in a desperate state gives up. Thank god for being able to talk about our mental health more❤️

lizbethann I see where you are coming from and I agree with those who say that in the past mental illness often went unmentioned and undiscussed,

But so also did suicide. Someone I knew went to great lengths to make sure his mother's inquest was held as quietly as possible as he didn't want the local paper reporting her death as suicide.. Coroners would also go to great lengths not to give suicide rulings, if they could use some other verdict. like 'accidental death'.

I think now, perhaps, the pendulum has swung a little bit too far the other way. Look at all the cod psychology on GN, everyone with a member of their family they cannot get on with, immediately sticks a narcisistic label on said relation.

There is also a tendency to think that if you do not feel happy and cheerful all the time then you have a mental health problem that needs treatment. Many non-medical ;treatments' are being developed for these groups like walking groups or exercise classes or similar, which I think is an excellent idea.

You can have depression and be supported to become stronger and resilient. I suppose that is the basis for some therapies like CBT, which can work well for some.

No one is happy and cheerful all the time ,some people are exceptionally good at putting on a face for family and friends and like the late Robin Williams the rest of the world .If you know a member of your family has a mental health problem its easier ..though not easy to keep an eye out for the mask slipping .

Those of us who have dealt with family live in hope they aren't too good at being the life and soul while suffering in silence ,I KNOW my daughter will talk to me even when she tells her mental health worker its not AS bad as it is

.Its best not to pass judgement when you believe the problem isn't a serious one as only the person living with it knows how bad it is there is a tendency to think if you do not feel happy and cheerful all the time then you have amental health problem that needs treatment NO just no that is very wrong Depression and feeling unhappy are very different things and you thinking that is a problem in itself

The O/P spoke of 3 suicides, would exercise classes have saved their lives ?

Big difference between mental illnesses and feeling down when a good walk could help.

To leap from suicide to positive thinking is stretching things is
it not

I had an aunt who was depressed.
For as long as I can remember she was the same, and then her daughter began displaying similar behaviour.

Both of them were referred for psychiatric help and the diagnosis for the daughter, my cousin, was that she was displaying ‘learned behaviour’ from her mother.

I think I get where the OP is coming from even if she has as she said herself not expressed it as clearly as she would like to. Annie I too have read your posts about your daughter and your own struggles and my heart goes out to you. In fact you have at times made me feel ashamed as I cant always cope with far less. I have suffered from severe depression and been under treatment off and on for years (since my teens) and am currently receiving treatment (drug and counselling). About 11 years ago I attempted for the first time to take my life. Luckily my partner found me. That although didnt stop me trying again. After that for the first time ever I was able to talk to him and friends about it. The feeling of not being "alone" is something I cannot describe.
For all what I have said above I do feel that some posters are right about some people self diagnosing as depressed when what they really mean is they feel sad or things havent gone their way.
When I was young mental health issues were not talked about except when someone "went loopy" or was "sent to the funny farm". It is better that we are more open and honest now but social media etc. can also do a lot of harm.

HAZBEEN, you can cope with stepping outside your front
door, I can’t. I am fortunate I don’t suffer from depression but
even after over 40 years can remember what a dark place it is.

I firmly believe in something Dorothy Rowe said, unhappiness
is not depression. I think this is the root of self diagnosing,

Can I add something. I have two AC. My first, a son, was born quietly, cried quietly and has been calm all his life. My second, a daughter, was born kicking and screaming. She hardly ever slept as a baby and has been stressed about something all her life. Having had these two who are so different I have to believe the way we are is the way we are wired.

Annie I too have struggled with stepping out of the door. Its hard, too hard some days. Then there is the panic when I get more than 3 steps from the door so yes I know where you are coming from.
I agree with you about unhappiness and I think that is what the OP and others were trying to express but you hit the nail on the head.

I think the OP is perfectly entitled to think out loud and explore some ideas. Nobody is suggesting a suicidal person can be helped by some facile suggestion to go for a walk. There are ways out of the pit, therapy, medication, exercise.

I feel very sorry for your loss, Joelsnan. Also, I agree with all you wrote in your post.

I was first diagnosed with 'manic depression' (now known as bipolar), in 1976. I was told to never tell anyone.

Every so often I needed inpatient treatment, that was explained as my being tired so away for a rest. I'm sure everyone knew the truth, but it had to be hidden. I was made to feel ashamed and alone. Over the years I have made no end of suicide attempts, some very close to being successful, but I always failed, that sense of failure, and the guilt have become a bigger and bigger back pack that I will be carrying for the remainder of my life.

Over the years I have acquired a number of labels, its taken many years for the start of this new openess about mental illness, and though I will never quite lose the feeling of shame that I grew up with, I will do everything in my power to be open about my experiences, and illness. I don't want anyone to have to go through my experiences.

Sally, very brave of you to share this. ?

What a brave and honest post SallyB392; you've demonstrated perfectly why hiding or denying that mental ill health exists is so dreadfully wrong and the additional harm it can do. You have nothing to feel ashamed of and I'm sorry that you've been made to feel that way in the past. Here's hoping that more honesty and openness about it leads to fewer people being made to feel as you have.

There are routes out of the hell. You may have to persist but it can be overcome, to an extent where you can get on with your life.

SallyB392. So brave speaking out, please, please let go of the
shame , you have no cause to hold it, the shame lies with those
ignorant about the illness , I send you hugs x