Are we now expecting to have mental health problems?

Quizqueen, reading your comment just now has left me in tears, I can only hope that you are not in a position of power over those of us who do fail to meet your standards.

I can only speak for myself, and with my tummy doing somersault I'm going to try to tell a little of my story, if it makes you and anyone else sharing your views perhaps be a little less judgemental in the future it will be worth any possible nastiness.

I have never drunk alcohol, I've never tried illegal drugs, but I am an addict, I'm a smoker who no longer smokes. I had my last cigarette in March 2013, but I know just one would have me smoking again. Does that make me better or worse than a drug addict or alcoholic?

I have hopped from one partner to another, why? I felt unloveable; as a young woman I was very badly hurt, and for many years believed myself to be the useless, ugly, worthless young woman who had little value, a creature that belonged in the gutter. For the next 10 years I was attracted to men who had as many problems as I, with each my self esteam dropped lower. I don't deny I must have been a difficult partner, so needy, so emotional, perhaps that's why I became the victim, and believe me, I have the scars to evidence some of the abuse.

25 years ago, I met a different kind of man, and perhaps my own more mature approach to relationships brought about a change; the fact that we are still together probably evidences this.

But it hasn't been easy, I over spent, one of the symptoms of my manic behaviours is my uncontrollable spending (no longer an issue as I don't have control of any money), I worked hard and earnt a good salary, but what I spent it on? No idea! I do know that on one manic spend, I spent several thousand pounds on tents, sleeping bags and warm clothing for street sleepers, for that short while when I was being Ms Bountiful, I was liked, these people were my friends, as were the shop staff who sold me the goods. 6 months later I had to declare myself bankrupt.

I am now what is described as 'compliant', I take my medications, I attend the psych hospital for therapies, and I haven't attempted suicide for several months. My life is pretty steady. Happy? No, unhappy? No. I don't really feel. Suicidal ideation is my bedfellow, it never leaves me, but I'm trying really hard for my husband's sake.

But is life easy? No, it never has been! It's quiet, calm, and manageable now. I can't leave the house on my own, can't use the phone and my health isn't brilliant, but perhaps without the high emotions of the past its fairly steady. But if there is one thing I've learnt it is to never judge others.

I have so much respect for the people sharing their stories here. Depression has been part of my life for so long but I still sometimes forget who I am without it. I manage it myself these days having no actual reason to be depressed doesn't cure chemical imbalance. I'm able to pull myself out of it when I realise I've gone too low. Its really hard because depression is not me. I'm a cheerful and optimistic person so it's a real struggle going from one end of the spectrum to the other. Keep up the good fight fellow strugglers. You are worthy of love x

Depression and mental health issues are dreadful things to deal with and it is made more difficult that you have no outward signs to let others know. However, I also think that there is a flip side to this. When I was going through depression I read a book that asked ‘are you depressed or are you sad?’ When my husband died my doctor wanted to medicate me for depression, but I argued I was just sad. Perhaps the victorians got it right with their year of mourning and black armbands and black dresses. Is it possible that if society ‘gives permission’ for us to be sad and that we can express that by clothing etc that we can ‘heal’ not quicker but better. How many people suffer depression after horrible life changing events that might just be extreme sadness at what’s happened to them. I appreciate that depression can also just happen without rhyme or reason and it is difficult to cope with. I am not suggesting for one minute that everyone is the same but perhaps sadness happens more often than we think and if it was handled differently it might not progress to disabling depression. Love to you all.

Sally, I wouldn't worry too much about what quizqueen has to say.

Sally, I'm now in tears reading your post. What courage it must have taken you to tell us your story.

As I said before, unless you have walked in those shoes, people will have no conception of the abject despair and all consuming feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness and anguish, someone experiences when suffering from cruel, invidious, mental health conditions.

People come on GN and post their opinions, often without thinking through the impact their post may have on readers.
That view of "pulling yourself together, it's not that bad, " is still prevalent today, going by some of the posts here.

There but for the grace of God, go I'. Mental illness is not selective, it can come knocking on anyone's door.

Sally, I hope you find some sort of peace in your life.

There are routes out of the hell. You may have to persist but it can be overcome, to an extent where you can get on with your life.

How do you know this Greymar? Are you a mental health professional? Tell me how to overcome social anxiety disorder (agoraphobia). I'm all ears because I'd love to be able to go out on my own but I haven't been able to for the last 9 years. Tell me how to 'persist' in order to free myself from this prison. I've had been treated by psychiatrists, psychologists and mental health nurses but to no avail. I've engaged with every therapy and treatment they've suggested but I'm still a prisoner. If you have some new ideas I'm open to suggestions.

Same for me vampirequeen but 3 years for me , perhaps
Greymar will explain how

Sometimes when I feel I would like to go out and don't want to engage with anybody I'd like to wear one of those all-enveloping muslim black habits that cover the face and have a little grid for the eyes.

Similar for me vampirequeen, except I can go out with my husband, oldest daughter, and grandchildren. I can only use the phone to talk to my son. I used to be able to travel around the world on my own. Now if I'm out, I have to take medication (my 'people' pills), to reduce the panic symptoms. Weirdly, I can cope better abroad than here.

I think a part of the difficulty for people who don't understand mental illness is that in most cases its an illness that can't be seen. Yes if anyone looks at me carefully they might notice that I'm shaking, my bottom lip is wobbling, and I can't quite focus. But on the whole it is invisible.

I have no family here, my grandchildren live 50 miles away ,

Sally it isn’t unusual to cope better away from the home, no
bad memories as we have stepping out our front door.

For the people on here who have been brave enough to tell their stories. No one knows unless they have walked in those shoes. Bless you all xxxx

You're all very brave sharing your stories here, they're moving and humbling.

I've lived with mental health issues, not my own but my mum's. She hasn't been out of the house for 3 years now. My brother who looks after her has his own problems. He's a hoarder and the house is in such a mess that he wont let me in so I haven't seen him or my mum for sometime now.

Last summer one of the neighbours 'phoned me because my mum was panicking as my brother had gone out and she didn't know where, thought he'd been gone for a couple of days and wasn't coming back.

I drove over and couldn't believe the terrible state the house and my mum were in. I 'phoned my brother and he was furious that I was even there.

Out of sheer desperation I contacted social services because I couldn't stand the thought of my mum living in what I can only describe as squalor.

I know they went to see them but after several attempts to find out what if anything they could do to help, and getting no where I stopped calling them. I think he must have told them not to give me any information.

My brother refuses to take my calls or respond to emails. I don't think he'll ever forgive me for interfering but I didn't know what else to do.

I tried so hard for years to help them but nothing I said or did made any difference and all I've managed to accomplish is the destruction of my relationship with my brother who I was very close too.

The sadness and bravery on here is overwhelming. It should make every one of us stop and think, just for a moment, what strength and courage it takes for some of us to just cross the threshold of our homes and go outside. Like fighting an invisible battle every single day.

Sally....similar for me. I can go out as long as my DH is with me but never alone. We go camping a lot because my symptoms improve when we're in a field in the middle of nowhere with only a few strangers around. Odd but that's how it works for me. For those who have never been a prisoner you can't imagine the sense of freedom you feel when you can walk from the van to the shower block on your own. It may only be 20 feet or so away but the independence is amazing.

Please do not resort to sarcasm. I am not a mental health professional. I am a survivor of abuse and a person who lives with depression. I don't know if that makes me any more worth listening to? I feel intervention, support and therapy can go hand in hand with developing our own resilience. Nobody is saying it is easy. We must try to grab the life buoy and swim.

Smileless I am so sorry. Mental illnesses can cause much
distress for families, my three sisters who live in the same town as me cut me off three years ago, like you and your
brother we were always very close

Not sorry for your nasty sarcasm then Annie? Ah well, I will keep plodding on.

When someone is hurting they lash out feeling no one understands them. Be kind.
This thread has improved my understanding of mental illness. Thanks to everyone brave enough to speak out.

For what it’s worth, I think there are different kinds of depression and like other illnesses, depression can manifest itself in different ways .

I am a miserable person. Always have been. I try to joke my way out of difficult situations which often makes things feel worse.

I sometimes catch myself laughing and then think “what on earth are you laughing at you silly cow” (I often say the words out loud too). I look in the mirror to put some lipstick on or whatever and then say “why on Earth Are you putting lipstick on? You are so ugly it’s not as though it will make a difference” I pull a horrible face (like a child might do) and step away.

I was brought up to think that I am not special in anyway and have always suffered from very low self esteem . Circumstances have mostly got in the way of my life and I find it very hard to see the light at the end of any tunnel.

Now I really don’t think I am depressed. I’m just the way I am because of who I am (if that makes any sense).

Thank you Annie. I'm sorry about your sisters, we miss our siblings especially when we used to be close.

I did try to talk my brother out of moving in with mum, and my mum not to have him move in. With both of them having problems I feared that living under the same roof would escalate the issues and unfortunately I was right.

My brother was always her favourite so perhaps they are happy in their own way.

There are so many different types of mental health illnesses and the appropriate care is crucial. I mentioned my daughter on here in my post of the 2nd March and will elaborate. Only when my daughter moved house, and therefore her clinical team changed, same hospital though, given a new psychiatrist with new CPN's was progress made. I am eternally grateful that someone with a different point of view became involved. My daughter was taken into hospital and was reviewed and observed for months. She is now in a place where she receives the appropriate care and is safe. I am kept up to date with her progress through the wonderful CPN allocated to her. I am so thankful for the care she is being given.

That's wonderful lavenderzen and must be a huge relief.

Thank you Smileless it is. I am sorry to read your post from last night. We all do our best, that is all we can do x

A brave question Lizbethann55. Many things contribute to the apparent increase in mental health issues, including, quite possibly, an increase in mental health issues. However, the reporting of them and our knowledge and ability to diagnose them has also increased. I imagine the days when a coroner would, if possible, find another way to describe a suicide makes a difference too.

We should take the challenges suffered by mental illness seriously but self-diagnosis is never a diagnosis - or helpful - and people are very lax when they describe their mood. Feeling depressed often comes a long way off being depressed.

I will quote Dorothy Rowe again

‘Unhappiness is awful but it is not being depressed’

I am unhappy but I know I am not depressed. I am so
thankful that mental illness is now being talked about and for those who spoke on this thread of their or a family members
illness.

I have agoraphobia, I have thought of my agoraphobia as self
inflicted but this thread has caused me to rethink, I am a victim of people’s attitude to my darling daughters mental
health illness. I chose to withdraw from the criticism and judgement of her illness and death , this led to the agoraphobia.