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Arrogant grand daughter

(57 Posts)
Alexa Mon 23-Mar-20 21:44:58

This intelligent 25 year old woman has gone from my son's household where she lives to visit her boyfriend's family, staying overnight with her boyfriend. I have no influence over her and apparently neither has my son or daughter in law. I can only guess she is unwilling to do as she is told because she believes she knows better than anyone else.

I cannot express these feelings to my son as he is an intelligent and responsible man and knows very well the need not to make unnecessary social visits especially where practically impossible to keep six feet way from others.

Oopsadaisy3 Mon 23-Mar-20 22:41:55

As you say very intelligent, but no common sense.
They know everything at that age don’t they? I guess we were the same,Not much we can do about it though is there? I’m sure she will be fine, she s young just don’t let her get anywhere near you.

Alexa Mon 23-Mar-20 22:49:15

It's not me I am worried about it's my son .She seldom comes near me anyway.

paddyanne Mon 23-Mar-20 22:59:45

Shes an adult her choice to go .I just heard from a friend who says she was told everyone should be at their r egistered address . My friend was at her holiday home and was told to pack up and come home tomorrow If she's somewhere she's not registered on the voters roll she could be fined .

Hithere Mon 23-Mar-20 23:07:26

She is an irresponsible adult.

Your son will learn to manage the situation and reduce the risk.

welbeck Mon 23-Mar-20 23:50:00

well really she should now stay where she is, when this dictat came in. ie not return to her parents home.
i heard someone on the radio giving advice on shared parenting of children. a man had his daughter with him, was due to return her to to her mother on wednesday.
the advisor said he should keep the child living with him now.
she said wherever the child was when boris spoke, thats where they should remain. no more back and forth.
the only exception is if the current supervising parent is an essential worker, in such a case the child should be taken to the other parent, to remain there for the duration of this lockdown.
i didnt hear what happens if both parents are essential workers.

Dawn22 Tue 24-Mar-20 00:01:29

What will be will be.

Callistemon Tue 24-Mar-20 00:22:46

They may not have any influence on her but they can refuse to have her back in their home, at least for the time being.

She is not a child and it is time she moved on, perhaps with her boyfriend.
Yes, it's her choice to go but it is their choice whether they want to risk letting her back in again.

vampirequeen Tue 24-Mar-20 07:53:47

There will always be some people who think it doesn't affect them.

M0nica Tue 24-Mar-20 09:19:07

I am with Callistemon in this. If she goes to visit her boyfriend then she is choosing to spend the lockdown as part of his household and should stay there.

I would not risk letting back into the house anyone who had taken a risk like this, especially if anyone in my household was over 70 or had an underlying health problem.

BlueBelle Tue 24-Mar-20 09:40:41

I think this is replicated in many teenage young person households It is very very hard for them to change overnight from something they ve always done much easier for us older folks Now I m not excusing her in the least but understanding
I wonder how many of us at 19/20/21 would have understood

My Dad begged me not to marry too soon but I did
We are looking at it through sensible 70 year old eyes and yes of course she’s wrong but would we have been any better ???

Callistemon Tue 24-Mar-20 09:45:48

I wasn't still living at home at 25; too many of today's young people are still depending on their parents for various reasons, not always of their own making of course.
However, she has chosen where to be.

ninathenana Tue 24-Mar-20 09:48:24

My son is having to go to my daughters to look after her children.tonight as daughter and SiL are both key workers and both work shifts.They have managed child care between them by doing opposite shifts but there will be a couple of periods where our son will be needed.
The children are not on a local school register. Not a good situation but we can't see a way around it.
There will be hand washing on arrival and departure and in between.

Callistemon Tue 24-Mar-20 09:50:24

Yes, of course, some key workers will be working night shifts or other shifts when schools are not open.

GrandmaMoira Tue 24-Mar-20 10:06:35

I don't believe people have to be at their registered address. My son moved to mine a couple of weeks ago. He is working from home and gets my shopping. Otherwise I would have to go to the shops as we can't book online slots.
I have heard of young people moving back home as their jobs have folded and can't afford their rent.

wildswan16 Tue 24-Mar-20 10:52:41

This young lady is not a child, she is an adult who has chosen to put herself and her parents at risk.

If she was mine she would find the door locked when she came home. If her parents choose to let her do her own thing then they will, unfortunately, have to take the consequences.

Lxrl Tue 24-Mar-20 10:53:49

@welbeck as per Gove's tweets and TV appearances this morning, all children with split parents are allowed to go to the other parent's home, this has been amended in the written guidance too.

Lxrl Tue 24-Mar-20 10:55:24

@GrandmaMoira yes, the registered address issue is more for people fleeing to remote holiday homes which could overwhelm the limited local hospitals and resources. Children, however old, moving back with their parents at this time isn't a problem. I live in a uni and commuter town and it was a mass exodus this weekend as people moved back to their hometowns

Paperbackwriter Tue 24-Mar-20 10:58:51

My grandson (age 20) is staying at his girlfriend's parents' house for the duration. Seems fine to me (and to my DD and her husband) so long as they are safe and isolated.

elleks Tue 24-Mar-20 11:05:57

If her boyfriend lives with his family, how do THEY feel about having her rock up to visit? I'd feel like meeting her at the door and telling her to go home.

Aepgirl Tue 24-Mar-20 11:11:13

Just arrogant. 'It can't happen to me' attitude.

crimpedhalo Tue 24-Mar-20 11:18:45

I'm angry with a friend who pompously preached on our local Facebook about getting out early and walking the dogs in vast open areas instead of crowding the local beach and parks. She failed to mention she had driven out of county thirty miles to take a friend to a her caravan. And she's in the NHS!! Then on return she sends me message saying she was back home....attaching the new rules.....huh

Rosina Tue 24-Mar-20 11:19:27

My daughter took three small children to the local park yesterday morning to let off some steam ( a very large open space, many acres) and explained that they could ride their bikes for half an hour or so but they must go home after that, and they were not to cycle up to anybody or go near school friends if they saw them, just to wave and keep peddaling . She said that playground was full of families, and in the park cafe people were just carrying on as normal. Is it any wonder that Boris had to make that announcement last night? What is wrong with these people?

crimpedhalo Tue 24-Mar-20 11:19:29

Oh and she's in her 60's....should know better

GoldenAge Tue 24-Mar-20 11:41:22

Alexa - this is an awful dilemma for you but we all have to play our part here and if your granddaughter chooses to leave the house that's her choice. But she doesn't then have the choice to return. That's clear - irrespective of where she's been (whether she's virus free or otherwise). It really is up to your son to explain this to her. If he takes her back in he's enabling her arrogant attitude. I have had to have this conversation with several so-called 'sensible' people who just don't seem to grasp that by allowing people in and out of their homes they are putting themselves at risk. I can see how for people in a romantic relationship but who don't live together this must be an awful time, but it's no worse than close family members being separated, and there are many elderly people who don't have smart phones and who can't see their grandchildren who are probably the absolute light of their lives even through face-time or other platforms. Your son should be told to keep her in - or tell her she can't return - it's no use saying we wouldn't be told when we were young - the situation is totally different. We weren't growing up in a pandemic that threatens to totally destroy human beings.
I know some readers might thing this is all doom and gloom but a few weeks ago when I was urging people to socially distance lots of people were saying this was nothing to worry about - now the entire country is lockdown so it's time to stop concerning ourselves about whether we hurt someone's feelings or not, we need to step up to the plate. Your son must stop enabling his daughter and whilst he may not be so responsible to do that, it's your social duty to at least tell him. Likewise the boyfriend's parents are enabling their son to break the rules, and how comfortable are they with the idea of your granddaughter turning up and spending the night in their house - I am sure there will be no physical distance between the young couple. The sensible thing would be for one to move in with the other if the relationship is that strong - otherwise, both sets of parents need to be responsible adults and stick to the house rules imposed by the government. Good luck.