Black Dog Gang 6

Sorry, not been up to coming on for a couple of days. Sounds like overall things have gone down a notch. Sorry about that.

Joce I have bought wool online in the last couple of weeks, could you buy material that way? Quite a lot of shops seem to be trying online and might be grateful for the business.

Anther death today, not a relative and not CV related but still more sadness. I so want to give a hug to the close family but cannot.

Wish I could find something encouraging to say to you all. Being in the same boat doesn't seem to be helping us at all. I think generally though that we cope with things better when others are in it with us.

Hi all x

whywhy do you have somewhere to move to when the lockdown ends ?

BlueSky and Joyce so sorry to learn you both went through what whywhy is struggling with now . I have no
experience of it . Was only married 8 years when my husband
died.

Only 15 more bottles of liquid meal replacement bottle to wash , think another 140 will be delivered this week ! I haven’t
been drinking the full amount prescribed !

Anniebach - I can stay with a friend once this lock down is over, just until I find somewhere of my own to move to. I was looking at some flats before all of this virus stuff kicked in.

Tonight I just cannot sleep as I am so down in the dumps with the whole thing. I have no friends in the area and no one to talk to but I do have friends who live over 200 miles away. I try and have a little walk each day and I speak to them on the phone whenever I can. Also I do a lot of knitting. The husband stays in another room away from me and he does the shopping for us both, which I pay for my stuff, when he manages to get it. Life is hard and my depression is really bad right now. Thank you for reading and stay safe. Better days ahead but it is tough right now.

Why don't have anything helpful to say just want to send you a big virtual hug.

Morning all. Thinking of all of you who have health or personal problems, themselves or loved ones, on top of everything else.

Nonnie thank you for that I have now had a lot of material donated.. I have just done the first 30 ready to go,, so pleased keeps me busy... big hugs back to you ?

Annie WOW soon did all them bottles hope you are doing ok..

Whywhy keep talking to your friends on this forum they are all happy to talk...
Morning BlueSky hugs to you stay safe ?

Sending hugs and prayers to all stay safe... ?????????????????

Hi all x

WhyWhy. Glad you can move out when the lockdown ends,
easy for me to say I know but hang onto this - lockdown will end and you can then walk away . Make plans for this, it will
come my love x

How is everyone coping ?

I haven’t had an anxiety attack for quite sometime, yesterday had a busy morning, early afternoon had a doze curled up on
sofa. Woke up looked at time on the tv, 4.30, I had slept for over3 hours, had missed the time for my liquid meal replacement,dogs hadn’t been in garden, I was so cufufled, anxiety soared,had made error time was 14.30, it took some time for the anxiety to calm down , I brought on the anxiety
with the wrong thought.

Bottles all washed, 140 of them, I hope I have the wrong date
for next delivery and it’s next week not this week.

Aww Annie bless you, you must have needed your rest.. hope you are feeling better today... x

Joyce. Yes I needed the hour nap, but how stupid to think I
had slept for 3 hours. Thought it interesting how a wrong thought can trigger anxiety. X

Annie it is very interesting that’s just what I do... then I just get worse and worse until I can’t seem to stop them . You say you brought on the anxiety, what did you do to help calm your self down? this is what I find very hard to do...

Hello everyone
Sorry you had an anxiety attack Anniexx Glad to hear you have your dogs for company, I do remember you mentioning you had always had dogs, I didn't know you still had two. They are such good company aren't they. My little monster, he's not quite two yet, is very naughty but loving as well, and makes me laugh with his antics. He loves his food and when he has finished always tipples himself upside down on the rug kicking his legs in the air (I always think its pure joy, he came from a rescue centre and I often wonder what happened to him previously).

Joyce you are doing well with the wash bags, it must be hugely satisfying to be able to help.

Hope everyone is ok and wishing you all a peaceful evening. Stay safe, take care, love to all xx

whywhy wish there was something I could say that would help. I think the best advice and support is coming from Bluesky and Joce who unfortunately have the same experience as you. This lockdown will end and then you will be able to put your plans into action. Does your husband know you are planning on leaving?
annie those anxiety attacks take so much out of you don’t they. Hope you have recovered now. Glad you’ve finished your bottle washing for now. Sounds as though you needed a rest.
joce you are very industrious in your bag making. Glad you’ve got some more material.
nonnie hope you are ok. Thinking of you.
lavender I often feel like your little dog when I’ve had my dinner too ?. Sounds like a very happy boy ?
Take care all and sleep well x

Thank you all for your kind words.

My husband knows that I am gone once this virus has passed by and because it is HIS house then I am the one who will be moving. I have never liked the house and I am looking forward to moving into a little flat. To be honest I have never loved him and dont know what took over my brain when I agreed to marry him. Anyway, better days ahead as my friend keeps telling me. She has kept me going through all of this.

I didn’t sleep too good last night so I am going back to bed now for a kip. Stay safe and sane. Thank you. X

I am in same position. Never been happy with my husband. He has never given me the emotional support I have needed.
Physical illness, anxiety, depression etc etc all confused so many situations. Before the lockdown I had managed to virtually move out , spending very little time with him. Just before the virus really kicked off, I had another brain haemorrhage and I cannot tell you how that was handled medically, it was a nightmare yet again. No one was interested because only the virus is important now, and I don’t think anyone is aware of how few hospitals throughout the country actually are equipped to deal with complex neurological problems. Anyway, I am now stuck at home to just get on with things. I do not spend one minute of one day not feeling anxious and frightened . I have tried everything through the years to combat this, but at 70 what hope have I now? Anyway getting back to the main point. If you are in lockdown with someone you Don’t love and don’t get on with it, it’s unbearable.

Yogadatti so sorry to hear that. You have more than enough problems, just concentrate on your health at the moment. This situation will end.

So sorry to hear about the anxiety attacks, not something I really understand but don't think we choose which thoughts come into our heads, only recognise afterwards how negative they were. If there is a way to stop thoughts we don't want I hope someone will tell me.

It must be hard at any time to live with someone you cannot tolerate but during this lock down it must be unbearable. I empathise but don't know how it feels.

Very hard for those with difficult medical conditions as well as mental health issues.

Yesterday I looked in the mirror and it looked as if I had smudged eye shadow under my eye. At bedtime it had doubled in size and this morning I look like a domestic abuse victim! It doesn't hurt and I cannot imagine what caused it but am happy that I can't go out in public.

Too tired to think of anything positive to say, sorry.

Hello everyone
Sorry to here about your troubles Yogadatti as Nonnie has said concentrate on your health for the time being, it must be frightening for you with your health problems. I wonder if there is a support group/ therapist that could help you. You need some calmness in your life so that your physical health can start to improve. Annie might know she will be along soon. Sending you ((hugs)).
Whywhywhy you will come to the light at the end of the tunnel eventually, keep focussing on that xx
Nonnie what on earth have you done to your eye, do you think you have caught yourself without realising perhaps in bed. Hope it soon improves.
Bluesky hope you are coping in this difficult time xx
How are you Annie xx

Sending love to you all, stay safe, take care xx

Thanks for everyone’s comments....but this is an on going problem that started at 47....I have a brain AVM, and it’s sitting on top of brain stem, and yes, I have seen numerous consultants etc etc etc..there are no solutions...and believe me the NHS is useless for these types of things and private not much better....basically my health never will improve , as the medical system in this country continually let me down.....and with all the anxiety and depression that started in childhood , I guess I never had much of a chance. Anyway, I know others have it much worse, but somehow saying that doesn’t help much when you feel so lost, alone and down. I felt alone prior to the lock-down for years....I guess it’s more of a shock to people who never did.......

Hi all x

I’m late joining you all, had a busy day. Unwanted thoughts ?
I will write a post later which may help x

Yogadtti you are battling with physical, mental and emotional health worries. That’s a heavy load. Were you not
given counselling for your physical health worries? Is there
not a charity which you can contact to talk about your health,
have you contacted the -* ButterflySVMCharity* ?

You have had mental health problems since childhood and you are now 70, it is only in recent years that mental health
illnesses have been discussed openly , I had severe PND 50 years ago, was in hospital, it caused embarrassment to some
in my family , not unkindness just it wasn’t talked about.
Contact your local MIND you will find people who understand your depression and anxiety.

Here in Black Dog we listen and share x

yogadatti I am so sorry. What a sad time you must be having living with someone you don’t get on with and having ill health to deal with too. Anxiety and worry are constant companions for some. Perhaps you and why can offer each other some support having the same sort of problems. It always helps to share with someone who knows what you are going through.
annie what would we do with out you. Our voice of reason, our comfort our prayer leader. Thank goodness you are here with us to keep us rooted.
yogadatti it’s sad you feel so alone. Is there a support group for your medical condition? I have joined a few, not for myself but because DH has so many medical problems. Sometimes it helps to talk about these things.
Support groups can be a big help. Realising you are not alone in your health problems or worries can be a good thing.
Take care all. Sleep well x

I agree with those who suggest support groups. We are currently getting a lot of support from the Compassionate Friends where we all talk freely and give each other comfort.

My struggle is to stop thinking about things which I know make me feel worse.

My black eye is changing colour slightly and is not as puffy. Don't suppose I'll ever know what caused it but surely if I had done something to cause such a big bruise it would have hurt at the time?

Took me a long time to get to sleep last night but when I did I slept for about 6 hours so feeling a bit better today.

Hope you are all enjoying the sunshine, either from outside or through your windows.

Thanks for your comments and kindness.. I have joined groups, and I have done everything possible apart from getting a medical degree.
I certainly know more than GP’s and some consultants. Sounds crazy but sadly it’s true.....it’s taken me 11 years to actually get the medical people to admit a mistake they made.
I actually do feel sorry for myself sometimes and am not ashamed to say it. I have always maintained it’s not the cards you get dealt but how you deal with it. Clearly I wasn’t equipped to deal with it. I think all my anxiety, depression etc. stems from childhood too . Nobody understood all this all those years ago.

Hi all x

nonnie whatifery ? seems the root of much anxiety. x

Yogadatti people didn’t speak of mental health until recently, parents didn’t recognise the signs, a child was sulky,
naughty, wet the bed etc , no thoughts the child was troubled.
All we can do is accept this is how it was but not now x

Wishing everyone happier times. Why Why Why, your time will come, leave him when all this is over and you will feel much better.
Sorry for anybody feeling stressed and down.

Hello everyone
Just to wish all a peaceful evening, hope you are all well and coping in these strange times.
Take care, stay safe, love to all xx