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Anxiety has taken over my life

(67 Posts)
narelle222 Sun 24-May-20 05:19:16

I am normally a very 'strong' person but am feeling everything is closing in on me. DH died 12 months ago and I have had to deal with multiple problems - broken pipes, hot water gone, garage door broken plus the virus. I would normally handle everything well but I have terrible anxiety over the littlest thing. I even hide if someone comes to the door. Been to the Doctor and had a chat but still spend all my time worrying. To make matters worse my closest friend just diagnosed with tongue cancer. Why have I gone from a successful professional woman to a broken mess? To make it worse I live in Australia and we have only had 100 deaths because of the virus. You all seem to be coping well and I congratulate you all. I am angry with myself for allowing myself to get into this state. I try and keep busy (must have the cleanest house in the street) but we have been under lock down - that is still no excuse. How do you remain so positive???? At 73 I want to enjoy the time I have left and stop feeling sorry for myself but the anxiety just takes over.

silverlining48 Sun 24-May-20 07:16:11

Hello Narelle.
Anxiety erodes confidence and can be very disabling. If you have always coped it’s even more difficult to deal with. It’s not been long since you lost your husband so It’s understandable you are struggling.
The world is a scary place and many people are anxious about Covid19. We live in frightening times but you are far far away from this.
See your doctor perhaps or can you talk to friends or family.
You are grieving still, be kind to yourself.

Curlywhirly Sun 24-May-20 07:40:17

narelle222 anxiety is horrendous and I fully sympathise with you. You have recently lost your husband - it is no wonder you feel as you do. Have you thought of counselling? It can be very theraputic and very effective in helping with anxiety. If waiting lists are long and you can afford it, go private. The sooner you get some help, the better. But, If things are really bad you need to go back to your doctors and let them know you are finding it hard to cope, help is out there, please don't suffer alone.

mumofmadboys Sun 24-May-20 07:45:18

Maybe at the present time telephone counselling would help? Do you have children? A year since losing your DH is still early on the bereavement journey. Be kind to yourself and dont expect too much too soon.x

Puzzler61 Sun 24-May-20 08:01:42

Hi narelle. You’re not alone with anxiety, and bereavement is high on the list of causes.
Many things you’ve written in your very honest post are usual fears and reactions that manifest themself when you are suffering anxiety. Also anxiety and depression often go hand in hand.
Please pursue some professional help, you can get started on gaining back your positivity and enthusiasm.
I went the private route for counselling and it didn’t take very long to learn and practice the “techniques” it taught, and to push the fears away. Slowly you realise you are regaining equilibrium in your life.
It really didn’t cost more than a few salon hair do’s. Well worth spending the money if you can.
Don’t leave it too long Narelle, the sooner you work at it, the quicker the joy comes back into your days.
I wish you well 💐

Nanna58 Sun 24-May-20 08:15:55

Trust me Narelle , we are most of us just about coping here, even the famed British ‘ stiff upper lip’ is being tested to the limit! I have had many, many tussles with anxiety, the best help was anti anxiety meds from the GP short term , and ( private) sessions with a therapist who gave me a ‘ toolbox’ of skills to deal with the problem myself. Good luck!

sodapop Sun 24-May-20 08:42:29

Don't hide your feelings narelle222 you are recently bereaved and struggling with lockdown issues, of course you are going to feel anxious.
As others have said get some professional support or self help groups. It's ok to feel as you do, we all have our anxieties at the moment. Be kind to yourself.

Daisymae Sun 24-May-20 08:50:16

Don't worry, we are not all good all of the time and you are certainly not alone. I would go back to your doctor and ask for more help. In the meantime I would find something interesting to do, maybe lean something new? There's lots of short courses on the net, ration the time you spend listening to the news and maybe listen to music. Looking like you will be out of lockdown before us which is something to look forward to.

Furret Sun 24-May-20 09:04:46

This will pass. You have had a really bad year and, in truth, it would be odd if you didn’t feel like this. You are suffering a natural reaction to grief and stress. Yes, it can be the little things like broken pipes, which really pile it on.

Big hugs x

bikergran Sun 24-May-20 09:08:47

Just wanted to say "hello" narelle222 hope the comments will help you. Just pop in here and keep talking, lots of lovely Gnetters here.

BlueBelle Sun 24-May-20 09:18:06

Sorry to hear of your bereavement narelle it is going to knock you for six and a year is a very very short time
I know NZ is out of lockdown now if Australia is too please consider Bereavement Counselling it will help get things into perspective and CBT will help enormously with the anxiety
Unfortunately when one thing bad happened it magnifies all the others until they take over, but you will get through it
Talking even on here will help and there are many people here who have had recent bereavements who will be more help that I can be
Don’t think you are unusual these are normal feelings and will pass but there is a lot happening in your life be kind to yourself and allow time to heal you
It will

Dillyduck Sun 24-May-20 09:58:23

Join the Wat Up forum for widows. You will find it helpful. I did.

BlueSky Sun 24-May-20 10:01:58

Hi Narelle well it's not surprising you are grieving and now this awful virus crisis has got most of us in a panic! Have you got support either from your doctor or groups? By the way my children and grandchildren live in Australia so you can imagine my anxiety. Look after yourself flowers

Kate1949 Sun 24-May-20 10:06:09

narelle As others have said above, you are not alone. I have coped with some terrible things over the years and come through. Last year I found myself in the GP's surgery a tearful, quivering mess. Now the pandemic. People can take so much before they break. Anxiety is with me daily. I'm sure you will get help and this will pass. Best wishes.

Missee Sun 24-May-20 10:11:42

Please stop being so hard on yourself. We are all fighting a battle, just in different places in the fight. Narelle grief is difficult to cope with in normal times. These are not normal times. Maybe try yoga or meditation? Take one day at a time. Find something you can take comfort from. These times will pass. When you’re struggling please talk to someone it will help.

Bluesmum Sun 24-May-20 10:13:22

I am in a very similar position to you Narelle and can relate to your situation very well. Personally, I find music helps me tremendously, just some happy, cheerful sounds in the background can help fill the emptiness and bring something alive and active into my life. For me it really does make a huge difference and in the days I begin to feel myself sinking, I realise the radio is off, so on it goes and honestly, my mood soon improves. Hope and pray this works for you xxx

Toadinthehole Sun 24-May-20 10:17:36

I’m not surprised you feel like this. You’re still grieving, and now the world’s in a mess. Just give yourself time. Focus on one day at a time, and don’t try to look further than that. God bless.

focused1 Sun 24-May-20 10:17:58

I value your honest post as this must have helped people to actually feel they aren't alone trying to adjust. It is those layers of things that all come at once . Write a list of items that need doing in the house . Maybe phone 1 person and ask whether they can tackle all at once then you just have the one visit . It may be good for you also to chat to your friend who is ill . Many distance themselves from people that are and I feel she would welcome a chat. Get a hot drink ,feet up and have a conversation or at least email her a newsy letter . Little things can really drive anyone mad at the moment and I cope with a few lists . When I actually start writing - some are rather short.

dublingran Sun 24-May-20 10:18:57

Narelle, I am in much the same position - I’m 73, my husband died last September, & I was just beginning to find a new way of life without him when Covid happened. I have now been in self-isolation on my own since early March & although I thought I was fairly resilient, I have spiralled back in grief to where I was in the autumn. I’m at breaking point. I’ve accepted that I need help & I have taken the step of looking for online counselling - first session on Tuesday. Perhaps I can let you know how I get on?

Lindaloulabel Sun 24-May-20 10:19:56

Sending virtual hug 💐💐

Taliya Sun 24-May-20 10:26:46

You are still going through bereavement for your husband who passed away 12 months sgo. I'm not surprised you are feeling fragile. It takes time. The corona virus pandemic is an anxiety inducing and worrying time anyway and it you are worrying about your friend who has recently been diagnosed with tongue cancer I'm not surprised you feel anxious. Taking lots of physical exercise can help reduce anxiety and doing Yoga or swimming. The fight and flight response (adrenaline) sometimes goes into over drive if you have had too many stressful things going on in a short space of time..Counselling can also help... Try and do activities that make you feel good or start a new hobby...these can also help.

Silverlady333 Sun 24-May-20 10:29:34

narelle222 I am so sorry to hear you are feeling like you do. you could very well still be grieving over the loss of your husband.
On a more positive note about your friend with tongue cancer. The ex wife of my nephew had this. (this was back in the 1980's) She had the usual radio therapy then had muscle from her arm transplanted to her tongue and then had muscle from her stomach to her arm. It is amazing what Dr's can do these days. The only down side was after her therapy she ran off with their next door neighbour (hence the ex wife).

grandtanteJE65 Sun 24-May-20 10:32:57

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Surely, the anxiety and the feeling that you cannot cope is due to the loss of your husband?

We all grieve in different ways. It takes time. I hope and trust that your anxiety will pass.

You are coping, you know. You have dealt with a whole host of household troubles on your own after your husband's death. It is just so typical that all these things chose to break down while you were dealing with grief and loss.

You have also gone to your doctor, a necessary step and a wise one, which many others would have put off.

I am sure you also will deal competently with your friends' horrible illness, too.

Is there anyone apart from the doctor and us here on gransnet that you can talk to? I hope so, as professional counselling might well help and talking to someone who is willing to listen should help too.

I hope your anxiety lessens as your grief changes its character, which it will do, although I am sure you find that hard to believe right now.

Cathy21 Sun 24-May-20 10:33:53

Sympathise. I lost my husband of 58years 16 months ago and like you very anxious! When I could line dance and meet friends for coffee I could cope but here, UK , we are in deep isolation. Relying on phone calls and FaceTime.

BlueSapphire Sun 24-May-20 10:34:06

Couldn't read without answering. So sorry you are going through this; I know exactly what it's like as I am going through the same. Terrified that the virus is out to get me and live each day in fear that I will develop the virus symptoms; in 12th week of lockdown, on my own ( DH died two years ago). I live in fear every day, and have never felt like this before.

It got so bad that I eventually spoke to a GP, who was wonderful. She immediately put me in touch with local Mental Health Services, and they arranged for me to start Cognitive Behavioural Therapy by phone within the week. The GP also prescribed tablets to help calm me down.

Luckily I have lovely neighbours who are a great support, always there at the end of the phone.

Please please try your doctor and and tell him/her exactly how you are feeling, and I an sure help will be there.

Will be thinking of you and sending hugs. xx