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Anxiety has taken over my life

(68 Posts)
narelle222 Sun 24-May-20 05:19:16

I am normally a very 'strong' person but am feeling everything is closing in on me. DH died 12 months ago and I have had to deal with multiple problems - broken pipes, hot water gone, garage door broken plus the virus. I would normally handle everything well but I have terrible anxiety over the littlest thing. I even hide if someone comes to the door. Been to the Doctor and had a chat but still spend all my time worrying. To make matters worse my closest friend just diagnosed with tongue cancer. Why have I gone from a successful professional woman to a broken mess? To make it worse I live in Australia and we have only had 100 deaths because of the virus. You all seem to be coping well and I congratulate you all. I am angry with myself for allowing myself to get into this state. I try and keep busy (must have the cleanest house in the street) but we have been under lock down - that is still no excuse. How do you remain so positive???? At 73 I want to enjoy the time I have left and stop feeling sorry for myself but the anxiety just takes over.

Tamayra Sun 24-May-20 13:49:38

Hi Narelle
I’m in Aus too
Don’t forget we’ve had drought bushfires floods now the virus It’s a wonder any of us are still standing !!! And you’ve had bereavement too
There’s great counselling assistance available here & it’s free Just ask at Salvos Vinnies or your Doctor & go
I did that & my anxiety levels have really dropped
Please do it It’s no fun coping alone xxxxxxx

Candy6 Sun 24-May-20 13:56:12

Hello. I am so sorry for your loss. It’s only natural that you are feeling this way. Anxiety is awful and so debilitating. I see a Counsellor for mine and have done for a few years as it keeps me grounded. I hope you find the help you need but don’t struggle alone, reach out on here again if you need to xx

Xrgran Sun 24-May-20 18:35:11

There is a brilliant but very old fashioned book called Self Help for Your Nerves by Clare Weeks I think. It was my bible when I had panic attacks 25 years ago and my mum has used it too. See what you think.

I tried saying over and over I’m not afraid I’m getting better and this chant is also really helpful.

Other things are hypnosis and yoga which I depended on to get me through my anxiety. I ended up accepting the panic attacks and aniexty would pass and they did. I’m quite a calm person now!

GardenofEngland Sun 24-May-20 18:39:10

My oldest daughter works in Wilko on the till she is anxious every day going to work. She misses her gym, her only social. She worries about her 18yrs old student son working part time in Ocado warehouse with people being sent home after testing positive every day. He is still in his student accommodation but she has a partner who is working in London who has underlying illness so my grandson can't visit his home. Her toddler goes to nursery so she worries about him. Nothing I can say helps, just deal with it isn't an option. Every day she WhatsApp me when will it end mum?

mimismo Sun 24-May-20 18:53:14

Narelle, I've said this before to someone else, if you have Facebook look up a post from a page called the Barn. They posted a really sensible post about the physical reasons we're all feeling so anxious. They talk about an 'it's a BEAR!!!!' situation and the how and why of your reaction and how to scale down to a 'not a bear' situation. My DH and I now use it as shorthand if we're having a moment and I have it on my desktop if I need to reread it. If you can't find it I can send it to you. Stay calm, you're stronger than you think.

mimismo Sun 24-May-20 18:59:10

I recommend an article by The Barn published on their fbk page on March 25th. I have it copied on my desktop and reread it as needed. It's a very practical explanation of our reactions to lock down and how to cope. 'It's a BEAR!!!!' to 'not a bear'.

Dillonsgranma Sun 24-May-20 20:07:49

It’s all the little niggly things that gave caught up with you. Your friend being poorly is just the last straw. Be kind to yourself and take life easy for a while if you can Xxx

Herbie9 Sun 24-May-20 20:10:28

Narellee222 Can only add my condolences to you. I lost my dear husband 14 months ago and the grief is very hard to bear sometimes, especially now in these strange times. Cannot add anything further to the kind advice here on GN so will
wish you happier times to come - they will - take care and stay safe.

Caro57 Sun 24-May-20 21:12:57

You have done so well sharing your thoughts- thank you. I read a tip the other day - when we feel anxiety building up try to focus on breathing in for a count of 4, hold for 4, breathe out for 4 and hold for 4 - and repeat, it apparently helps with calming but do seek professional help So the situation doesn’t escalate. Xx

narelle222 Sun 24-May-20 22:20:55

Wow - thank you everyone, I am overwhelmed with all your caring comments. They have given me the courage to get the car out today and go for a short drive and made an appt to chat to my GP. I never thought about still grieving but you are all right in saying that as he had a cardiac arrest whilst sitting with me for breakfast - it was a horrible situation and shock. Best wishes to everyone and stay safe.

Sandrax Sun 24-May-20 23:50:10

I don't think this has anything to do with the situation we are all in. It has to do with your situation. When my husband died I felt anxious and afraid of everything. When I realised that these were feelings I had been suppressing during his illness so I could be strong for him I started to heal. It is a long process.

mimismo Mon 25-May-20 07:26:46

Sorry - posted twice as didn't think first workedconfusedsmile

narelle222 Mon 25-May-20 07:30:54

Thanks 'Focused' - for our great suggestions. When I think of my sick friend I feel very guilty feeling like I do.

Thanks everyone - just reading the caring replies has helped greatly. Bless you all.

Dillyduck Mon 25-May-20 07:49:53

The "six month low" is fairly common, when all the paperwork is sorted, the Widow Fog is beginning to lift, and then it hits you, nothing is ever going to be the same again. Join Way Up, and you will find others at the same stage as you, when you think "is it just me...?" no it isn't!

Angel379 Mon 25-May-20 12:38:26

Anxiety is an awful disease. It is not that you are not strong enough, just that you have used up your store. You can build your store up again. Some antidepressants are good for anxiety as they could help build your serotonin levels up. It is only like taking insulin which you would take if you had diabetes. If you don't want to try that, then there are lots of supplements you could try. Cognitive Behaviour therapy is good. For example, designate a time and place you can do your worrying every day for half a hour only. When the worries try to sneak in, just keep telling yourself you have an allocated slot for those. Try meditation and self-hypnosis, lots of resources online. Or even see a hypnotherapist. Good luck and take care ?

tessavgon Thu 28-May-20 06:39:40

You need to talk with your doctor.
Anxiety can be reduced by spending more time with your children and grandchildren. The love of your children, a positive attitude in difficult situations, faith in yourself and God can help you to withstand all your anxious thoughts.

Sparkling Thu 28-May-20 06:59:56

You are grieving, your best friend so ill it's natural to feel anxious. There have been some good suggestions on here and you are far from alone.
The advise seems to be seek help, to spend time with children and grandchildren, but not everyone is lucky enough to have them. You have to find interests that you enjoy and you have your friend who needs you.
I am the life and sole of any gathering, but this isolation has got to me, where I live I am the only one alone, they all have someone living with them, I miss my husband so much and in my old life I was always out and about with friendly aquaintances but this has shown me I only have two true friends.
Grief is dreadful, you just try to find a way of living round it because life is prescious and we must carry on.. You are far from alone and I like most people understand your feelings.