Finding too much talking a strain - becoming reclusive

Yes I agree with m0nica. I’m finding being sociable very tiring, we had visitors this week, they stayed 2 hours and I can honestly say I was exhausted when they left.
I’ve had a very stressful two years, and imagine it’s akin to post traumatic stress syndrome, I keep going over things in my head, reliving the worst parts. Im hoping time will be a good healer for everyone ?

Caleo

Skydancer, it's not depression if you don't feel sad. Many people do sap one's energy . Restful or stimulating people may be what you would like.

Sorry, but this wrong. Depression is exactly that. All the senses are numbed....depressed. You don’t feel anything, that’s the point. If you feel sad, then that’s an emotion your feeling....not depression at all.

It was only last week that I started to admit to my children how low the winter restrictions had taken me and how long it was
taking to recover from it. They were all shocked because they thought I was ok but this summer I have been shy -ing away from many activities because they exhaust me and do not want sole charge of my grandchildren because its too much and I'm afraid of the responisibilies.
Like the OP I would rather curl up with a book, but I 'm far
from depression

I'm a born recluse too . But lately it's become a worry to me , I prefer to go to things alone for fear of rejection if I do ask someone but then I feel self conscious of being alone and wish that I'd stayed at home ! I feel like a dying / ill animal who leaves the herd .
I need a hoof up the bum ?
I've said yes to a coffee with an old flame who's coming out of isolation but am now worrying about that !

Good for you MerylStreep, you were very lucky in more ways than one!

As others have said it takes time to recover from stress Skydancer.
Also, you don't have to be sociable if you don't want to. It's your life. We are all different. But if you do want to have more social contact then just take baby steps, do what you're comfortable with. (Two hours is a long time.)
That's what I'm doing. But I'm happy being alone or with my husband most of the time.

tiredoldwoman there's nothing to feel self conscious about being out alone. But if you want company you'll have to take the risk of rejection. It doesn't matter if they turn you down. It's no reflection on you. There can be lots of reasons for people saying no.But they might say yes. I hope you enjoy your coffee ?

The pandemic has made me realise I'm an introvert who appears to be an extrovert.

I've really enjoyed the solitude and am also now finding too much socialising exhausting. Even DH being too chatty starts to irritate me more than it used to (although we are now both WFH and seeing more of each other than before).

To an extent, I think it's also a natural reaction as you grow older.

I'm still happy to go out and enjoy myself with other people, but more choosy about who those people are, and ready to come home and decompress earlier than before.

Im exactly the same, i loved lockdown, the peace and quiet. I too love to read, i hate being hospitable to people who visit and chatter non stop and if i visit them, i cant get away fast enough. I love my little home my cats and my books, i work part time and just look forward to my day ending and getting home

COVID has shown us who our true friends are. I too feel challenged by coping with the outside world. Your sensitive friends will take your feelings on board. I am a kind of hermit myself, but if I don’t involve myself with others I tend to brood and feel depressed. Meet people who make you laugh if you can, and not those who are so self-centred they don’t pick up on your mood.

Skydancer, that could be me writing. I feel exactly the same. I've always liked to be quiet and read, garden or sew. Lockdown hasn't been much of a hardship for me. I do try to see people. A meal out or short visit but it's all I can manage for now.

I think the changes brought by covid gave many of us the opportunity to look at our lives and assess what we actually want to do while taking into account responsibilities we want, and need to keep. So Skydancer if you want to go out in the fresh air - do so. If you want to stay in bed with that book - why not? Take it as it comes and hopefully you may find yourself wanting to reconnect when you've had time to recover. I hasten to add that I'm no expert but wish you all the best.

If you are happy living your life as you do then there is nothing at all wrong with that. I live alone and some days I feel like even turning the damn phone off as it pings and rings all day long, my sister lately always has a drama. If I want to chat when I'm out with the dog I will, if I want to go to lunch with a friend I will, but I'm also really happy to be on my own at home with a film or a book.

Anno, depression is not the same as feeling sad, the feeling tone of sadness is one ingredient of depression.

The difference between you and me is I am a chatterbox. I will talk to anyone who will listen to me. But I also did lockdown completely alone and it didn’t bother me. I also live alone but I do talk to ppl online and I’m happy with that. A month before first lockdown I had just split up with long term partner. So at first it was me time getting to know myself again. I’ve not looked for a new man in fact. I’ve not looked for anyone. Ppl say to me are you not lonely and I’m not so I’d say if your happy doing what your doing and that makes you happy then keep on doing it. As I say I don’t tell other ppl what to do so why should they. Enjoy your book.

When my husband died lots of people came to visit and it was exhausting. The stress I had during his long illness had made me unable to cope with chatter.
What you feel Skydancer is perfectly normal so just see people for short periods or not at all for a time while you heal.

Skydancer

I've never been a chatterbox. But now I find talking a strain. Yesterday we visited relatives for 2 hours and I felt exhausted and just wanted to go outside in the fresh air. I've been under immense stress for a couple of years - though the cause of this has largely gone now - but I can't seem to quieten my mind. All I want to do is sit in bed with my book and for people to leave me alone. Is it stress or depression and what on earth can I do to help myself? Has anyone else felt like this?

I am trying to pen a reply but I am finding it quite difficult as you have not indicated how is it that you would prefer to be.
Wanting to be left alone is perfectly normal (for me anyways) as is sitting reading a book.

During the lockdown, I would regularly doorstep visit my very elderly mum and she would regularly tell me that she was fed up which I’d never heard her say before and made me feel very sad especially since there was nothing that I could do to change things for her.

When I eventually asked her what it is that she is fed up with, she replied that she is fed up with being fed up.

I think your Mum's response was decidedly understandable and accurate, V.

Must just say Alioop. and it’s not a criticism.
You say that you live alone but that your phone never stops pinging/ringing. Some people living alone don’t have that choice and don’t have a plethora of friends ... their phone hardly rings. So ‘loneliness’ can be at different levels.

I have a similar problem. I know I am not depressed, but I do suffer from social anxiety and I get worn out by too much 'buzziness'. I often take myself off for a break from it all. I find having to concentrate on long conversations, totally draining, also long telephone calls. I suspect it may be ADHD in some form as my mind seems unable to focus on anything for more than 10 minutes before becoming distracted.

Since the restrictions eased I haven't wanted to be socialising, I haven't been in touch with friends - although I kept in touch with them by email during restrictions and planned coffee meet-ups but now I would rather be at home. When one of my language groups met face-to-face for the first time and we spoke about what we'd been doing I said I was finding it difficult to return to 'normal' life and there was a murmur of agreement. I'm OK going for walks, going to town, chatting in the street to people I know by sight but that's my limit at the moment. Several people have said they feel exactly the same. Both 'out and about' daughters like the hermit life too.

May I suggest NHS On line talking Therapy. A free service which may help you.

Skydancer, I don't ever feel the need to have long bouts of chat. I'm quite happy in my own company and need less and less contact with others as I get older.

I stay in touch with friends online and do occasionally see them face-to-face. But an hour is more than enough. A quick chat in the street, in passing, is much more my cup of tea. Then a cup of tea alone!

I don't mind being out and about with others around me. I just have no desire to socialise with anyone.

I don't see any of this as a negative. If you can be happy in your own company, life is much easier. The extroverts among us need so much more from others. And suffer so much more if they don't have enough company.

DiscoDancer1975

I’ve always talked a lot. In fact it was my trademark! Lately though...I know what you mean. Especially around the kids/ grandchildren when everyone talks at once. It is lively and I’d miss it if they weren’t like it, but grief....sometimes I just want to be still...and quiet. So know exactly where you’re coming from. It must be even harder if you’ve never been one to talk.

The trouble is, because I’ve always been loud, the minute I’m quiet...or it’s noticed I haven’t said anything because everyone else is talking....all at once, someone will say...” you alright mum, you haven’t said anything”.

Also, other people talking now makes my head thump, and my ears ring, if it’s too much. My poor husband often gets told to stop talking..and he was always so quiet...bless him.

I blame the menopause. I blame everything on that. To answer your question....yes, without a doubt?

Ditto! Specially with the silence prompting concern that I'm "in a bad mood?" By DH as I chatted constantly. Lockdown has affected my ability to get enthused about anything, I rarely go beyond supermarket and spend 99% of my time sbrowsing on tablet /reading/messing about. A far cry from my really busy responsible job , and a shadow of pre lockdown me too. I can't be bothered going anywhere ,it all seems to be a waste of time? Wonder if I'm going to get back to my other self ever again?

Skydancer, I totally agree on the exhaustion of socialising. Especially if they are all talking (shouting) over each other. Namsnanny, thankyou for making the difference between depression and other feelings. I have recently lost my mum in July and people tell me I might need to see my GP who will obviously hand out the anti-depressants. I don't think I'm depressed, I think I'm very sad and grieving as most days I can laugh and joke, only succumbing to tears when I start thinking about mum. I've lived on my own for over 30 years and I like it that way but then I guess I'm not a 'people person'.