Black Dog 11

How is everyone today? I met my niece and her mum (she was married to my late brother) and we had a mooch round the shops then had lunch in Wetherspoon's. I can't walk far (and am quite slow) but it made a pleasant change.

Anniebach Are you able to eat proper food yet? Are the drinks you're having called Fortisip?

I hope everyone has had a decent day. It's turned cold now and I'm quite tired, so I'm going to put my feet up and have a cuddle with the cat x

Very late in tonight. Been a strange day. We slept late as DH had such a disturbed early part of the night with his restless legs. Getting to be quite a worry now.
Hopefully the sleep may have done him some good.
HVDY nice to meet up with your niece and her mum. Do you get to meet often? I used to meet up with my dear SIL when she was alive too.
We went out for a late walk about 5pm and it wasn’t too bad but the wind did start picking up on the way back.
How long have you had your cat? Nice to have someone to come home to that welcomes you not matter what.
Hope all the rest of the gang are ok. It’s quiet in here today.
Sleep well all. Annie hope you are feeling ok. x

Allsorts- you do help just by being here . Whatever your loss is I hope one day you find a way to deal with it that brings you some relief. Maybe though you feel it is,worth not giving up on. You,are stronger than you think.
EllieAnne - you are not moaning just putting your feelings into words. It is good you are able to and not always easy to talk to people you are close to.
Annie- your carer sounds like a compassionate person and one who,knows you quite well . Only you can decide how you live in your home and you will make the right choice. I really hope you can get back to sleeping in your bed again. You are a most amazing brave lady xx
Doodle- did the GP get in touch with your DH? That was a late walk today but hopefully it will help DH sleep better tonight or doesn’t it work like that withRLS.
We,ve walked today but not yesterday as we visited our old friends one of whom has Alzheimer’s. We had a lovely afternoon although it is heartbreaking to see someone you care for,disappearing more every time.
HVDY- your day with your family sounds lovely - are you able to see them often?
Cats are so good to cuddle aren’t they. My daughter is missing hers so much - it’s the first time ever she’s not had a cat in her house.
Take care allxxxx

Hi Scaredycat yes the GP did phone but it wasn’t really helpful. She has stopped one of his meds and given him something new but he doesn’t hold out much hope.
It’s very sad visiting people with Alzheimer’s isn’t it but such a worthwhile thing to do. Despite the fact that he didn’t really know who I was my brother always seemed reasonably pleased to see us. Hope you have a good night.

Hi all x

Scaredycat I am sure your visit to your friends brought them
joy x

Doodle hope the new meds help your husband, how upsetting it must be to see your brother struggling with Alzheimer’s, it’s so cruel x

HVDY a mooch around shops is good , keep it up x

Didn’t post yesterday , so many problems I couldn’t think clearly, slept a lot,

A doctor decided last week to change my liquid meal replacement from Ensure vanilla to Ensure Juice, I have 4
bottles a day, he wrote a script for one bottle! Chemist contacted surgery, script change to 9 bottles, so 2 days supply of food, I telephoned surgery another script for 30 bottles,
39 bottles sorted ? No, have same problems as with the original.

My calories are now 660 a day because I can only manage two
bottles plus rice cakes.

Carer thinks it’s because of being on sofa 24 hours a day,
Younger daughter thinks it’s the oil heater which is on 24 hours
a day next to my sofa.

Take your pick !

How is everyone?

Doodle I meet my sister-in-law every few weeks. We've only recently got friendly again. We didn't speak for about (10?) years because she wrongly accused me of something I hadn't done. It was all silly and we're ok now. I've had this particular cat nearly 11 years - he was feral, and I eventually managed to trap him and get his sorted out at the vet and he's lovely, about 18 or so. Mr Cooper - it was when Henry Cooper died that we got him. My husband is always pleased to see me (it still baffles me) too. I hope the medication helps your husband. Yes, it's so sad when a family member has got Alzheimer's - my other sister-in-law is the same.

ScaredyCat I've had cats (only got the one old boy now) for 41 years, can't imagine not having one.

Anniebach What a palaver to get the prescription. Can I ask - do you sleep on the settee? Your carer might be correct. Are you able to weight-bear at all?

I had the 1st counselling session this morning. I blubbed throughout and felt pathetic - the lady was very kind and understanding. I'm finding it hard to accept that I'm not the person I once was, but hopefully, I'll get some good advice. She isn't there next week though.
Hope everyone has a pleasant day x

ThankyouAli23 for relating your good experience with a merina coil. It was nice of you to spare your time to do so. I appreciate your kindness and send my best wishes for your forthcoming procedure. X
Allsorts and EllieAnne I hope you're both not too low and are feeling a little better.I think we must be gentle with ourselves but I'm a right one to talk. Take care of yourselves. X
Doodle Do hope the new med is beginning to make a difference to your Dh's RBS. It must be so tiring for you both.
*Scaredycat Do you have medication for your AF? That must feel a little frightening. Im sorry about your friend. Alzheimers or other Dementia is very cruel for the person and their loved ones. I'm sure your visit was much appreciated. I sometimes think it's easier for people to put off visiting when it's ourselves that don't know what to say to help. I've seen this happen unfortunately.
HVDY I really hope your counselling will help. You've been through so much. My heart goes out to you. I hope you had good afternoon with your son and grandchildren.
Annie What a carry on with your prescription for the fruit drinks. 4 a day x 7 =28 a week, is that right. You must get so frustrated with phone calls. I think of you being there alone and it makes me sad. I think it was Doodle that said you're a brave lady and it's true. Take care of yourself and wishing you back to strength.

Tummys not been great last few dys so been sorry for myself. Not been able to get Dr's appt. Was told last week I had to make appt about prev ECG. Having palpitations. Told yesterday only extreme emergency appts. Then later they rang back saying Dr wanted appt with me! So appt for next week.
Finally had email this afternoon saying do I still want counselling if yes I need to ring them. Been 5 months. Waited so long. I'm scared. I want it but if counsellor tries to make me 'understand' those Dr's I will throttle her. Sorry. There's so much I HAVE to say.
Take care of yourselves all. X

Evening all. Been a busy day today. Just relaxing after taking our lunch guest home.
Annie so far, night one, new meds have not helped DH at all. Up walking 4 times last night and so tired today. We will see what tonight brings,
Sorry you didn’t have a good day yesterday. Doesn’t sound as though your body can cope with all that Ensure liquids. 600 calories is still not much. Does your oil heater smell much? Could the fumes be affecting you like your daughter thinks?
HVDY I’m glad you made it up with your SIL . Good for both of you to have some company.
Your cat sounds lovely but your husband even lovelier ?
Your session sounds as though you were able to let out a lot of emotional feelings. Hope you will get some benefit from these sessions.
Sweetpeasue I wonder why we are so hard in ourselves. We can be kind to others but seem not to allow ourselves the same leeway.
Thank you for your kind thoughts about DH. He is usually very stoic but this nighttime irritation is getting him down.
It’s not easy to get an appointment with a GP is it but good thing you’ve finally got one for next week.
It’s worth accepting the offer of counselling now it’s come up.
It may help. Tell them how you feel about how you’ve been treated.
Take care all and sleep well x

Annie I hoe your prescription change is better for you.
Doodle I watched a programme on restless legs syndrome, it is hard on the person who has to endure this. I hope your husband gets some relief soon.
I hope all posters are having the best day they can. I am not depressed at the moment just have bad anxiety and I am overthinking. I go through every scenario and conversation in my head time and time again.

Hi all x

rafichagran overthinking is exhausting , is there anything you
find which halts it , if only for a short time ? are you sleeping or
is it difficult to switch off ? x

Sweetpeasue do have counselling, you can’t be made to think
differently but talking through problems and worries may help,
it is good to talk x

HVDY yes it’s hard accepting we are not the person we were
but in truth that person is never really lost. Are you no longer
that person or has circumstances caused you to think your not?
Not the best of analogies but i spoke recently of my husband dying so young , he is still 33 for me, so I read the poem
‘Jenny Kissed Me’, it reminds me that nothing can take somethings from me, keep with the counselling x

Doodle if your husband isn’t sleeping then neither are you,
much worry for you, x

Yesterday my friends I reached 1010 calories and have decided I am not going to put a bed in my living room, as suggested by
my carer, my goal is my bedroom so will buy a new sofa instead

How is everyone?

Anniebach. Glad you're increasing your calories - I need to reduce mine. I'm not the same since the stroke last July - I can't move as quickly, and my brain isn't quite as sharp. I'm very emotional these days, too. I realise I'm lucky to have survived and recovered so well.

Doodle Thank you. I hope you and your husband manage to sleep better tonight (do you nap during the day?)

SweetPeaSue Thanks. I hope you too get counselling and find it useful.

rafichagran I also overthink everything and analyse every conversation (why did he say that/what did she mean by that, etc). It gets on my nerves but I can't seem to stop doing it.

I hope everyone has had a decent day. It's been sunny here but bitterly cold. I went to the day centre (I never thought I'd ever be attending one - I used to be the Manager of 2) and had a really nice day.

Doodle- I,m sorry your brother had Alzheimer’s it must have been very sad for you. Our friend too always seems pleased to see us but his wife said she doesn’t think he really knows who anybody is now. We had so much fun together when we were young- great memories.
Maybe your DH new meds will take a little time to work- he must be exhausted as must you.
It was very cold walking this afternoon but the sun came out after a while.
Annie- I love that poem Jenny kissed me. It was in a book I had when I was young. Yes nobody can take our lovely memories away.
I hope your mind has cleared a bit after your sleepy day .
That doctor was priceless how could he get it so wrong. At least now your calorie intake has improved so hope it will make a difference . It still seems very low.
What sort of sofa are you thinking of?
Have you heard from MT lately?
HVDY- glad you have a nice SiL , me too.
Mr Cooper is a great cat name and you,ve done so well with him. Yes it feels very empty without our cats as we lost ours last year too. I know when she is ready my daughter will rescue another one but we,re not sure yet.
So pleased you have a kind counsellor- it makes such a difference. Years ago I had one who talked about herself all the time- not much help!!
Sweetpeasue- yes I have AF meds which I set my phone alarm for so I don’t miss one!!
Good news you have a Dr Appt and hope they can sort out your ECG and palpitations .
I think you should take the counselling it will do you such good to be able to get everything out of your head and into words.
Rafichagran- Anxiety is always lurking - a lot of overthinking is what Annie calls The Whatifferies! If only there was an off switch somewhere - wish we could all find it.
Wishing you all a peaceful evening and night

rafichagran thank you. It is becoming quite a problem..DH is getting quite down about it. Probably die to lack of sleep at night and being up walking so much. He has written to his neurologist in the Hope that he can give some helpful advice.
Ah that ruminating in problems and worrying over them. I know that feeling well. Hope things resolve themselves soon.
Annie you had such little time with your DH and he was so young when he died. I’m so sorry you lost him so young.
Do you ever think of him being with your Catherine?
1000 calories. Well done Annie. Hopefully that will give you some energy. A new sofa would be something to look forward to.
Yes you are right I am not sleeping much either. I’m so afraid DH will fall over walking around as he’s so tired.
HVDY when my DH had his heart bypass many years ago, he became very emotional too and would cry at the drop of a hat. I think the body has a shock and motions come to the surface.
I’m glad you had a good time at the day centre. Running 2 yourself, you should realise what a hell they are for people and be glad of the contribution you made to helping others.
Scaredycat yes Alzheimer’s and Dementia are such sad illnesses. Treat your friend with gentleness and one tip I learnt was to not ask questions or say do you remember. It is ok to tell the person about things in the past but not to expect them to remember. Also don’t correct them if they say something that isn’t right, it causes stress and upset for people.
I used to say things like. I’ll make you a cup of tea because you like tea. Not to say would you like tea or coffee.
I did a quick trip to Waitrose today. Didn’t go for a walk as we got up so late. DH is going out stargazing again tonight as the sky is supposed to be clear so I may well go too to keep an eye on him.
Sleep well all x

Should have done preview but presses post by accident. I sincerely hope he doesn’t die through lack of sleep. Should have read due to lack of sleep.
Emotions come to the surface not motions.
Oh my goodness ? I’m so sorry this gets worse as I go along.
I didn’t mean the day centres are hell for people but a help for people.

Doodle I realised you meant the day centres are a help

Hi all x

HVDY I cannot compare my arthritis and muscle wastage to a stroke but I can understand wanting to be as you were before.
I loved walking, even went on walking holidays, was a member of the cathedral flower guild , a welcomer at the Cathedral, led
bible studies and prayer groups, a volunteer at a drop in centre
for people with mental health problems, I miss that life.
I will never walk again but I can learn to adjust , my world is very small but it’s my world, I will get use to using my wheelchair in the garden, and hopefully have the courage to
leave the Cul de sac and go down to the church for coffee mornings. After five years indoors I also have to overcome
agoraphobia. Don’t know if I will achieve these but it’s thinking
forward not thinking back , yes difficult when gloom descends x
Doodle hope you both had more sleep x

How is everyone?

Annie birthdays are really hard. Are you back on meal replacements?

Yes, Doodle lots of good things in the world which we don't hear about as much as the bad. Just sometimes it is hard to remember that.

HVDY hope the counselling goes well, so much depends on how you and the counsellor relate.

SweatpeaSue never heard of Adenomyosis but it sounds horrible.

labazsisslowlygoingmad so much to deal with.

Sorry, have skim read as too much to cope with at the moment.

Yes, I'm back early, it has been an eventful week. Car broke down on busy dual carriageway but we managed to coast down slip road. After about 2/3 hours we were given a courtesy car and eventually got back home. Car will take a while to get fixed, should get it back next week.

DH stayed behind and I went away without him. Had to come back by train yesterday as someone one of us had been in close contact with has Covid. Had planned to meet up with an old friend tonight so that has been cancelled. Now we are all waiting and testing. DH refused to sleep in a separate room so he could be vulnerable too. Coped until this morning but it has all built up and got on top of me this morning, feel like crying.

Sorry I haven't responded to you all.

Apologies for not addressing everyone but I read your posts and think of them every day and hope you're all coping. So many with problems here and I feel helpless as to what to say. I'm not good at offering advice but think of you all.
Nonnie good to see you back. It sounds as if its not been ideal what with the car breaking down. 2 or 3 hrs is a long time to wait in this cold weather. Now you have the extra concern about Covid. So sorry, I can see you're quite upset. You must be very weary so I hope you'll feel more refreshed after a rest.
Doodle I wish there was something I could suggest for the RLS. You must both be so tired. I think mentally you would both feel better if the Dr's could suggest something to improve your situation. Can your husband get any daytime sleep or is the condition active in the daytime too? I hope you get a reply to husband's letter to Dr soon.
HVDY That was quite a responsible position managing 2 day centres, you must miss it. You've come so far after everything you've been through.
Annie Sounds like you've been very active in the past too. I'm sure those happy memories will inspire you and give you the confidence to go out when you're ready. As you say your world may be very small but its YOUR world. No one will make you leave where you feel safe until you're ready to do so physically and mentally. I hope the extra calories are starting to make a difference and you become stronger soon.
Rafichigran I'm the very worst at over thinking everything. I realise this has made me quite reclusive and reluctant to socialise as I'm constantly worrying about what people think of me and how I sound. Why did I say this or that. As you say it can make us anxious.
Scaredycat Hope you're OK too. Last but not least.

Been let down again. Rang the number given me and it appears they wanted to check I still wanted counselling. I thought I was to get appt. Could be another 2 months. This has just made me feel more worthless.

Thank you HVDY it came out as the opposite word to the one I intended.
Annie muscle wastage can happen so quickly. When my son had a damaged knee he had it strapped and immobile for several weeks. When the bandage came off you could see how much thinner that leg was due to muscle wastage even after a short period of time.
I’m glad you are talking more positively about getting out. Thinking about it is the first step. I do hope you can get into your garden soon.
Sadly we didn’t have a good night. DH up walking about for ages. We have a few things to try and a phone call with the GP again on Monday.
Nonnie sorry to hear about your car. Hope you get it back fixed soon.
Sorry about the Covid contact. Hopefully you will both be ok.
It’s been a stressful few days and having to cancel plans too so no wonder your upset. Take care.
Sweetpeasue thinking of others is a good thing. Let’s you know you are not the only one who has worries and somehow makes us feel we are not alone.
Having said you’re not very good at offering advice you then post a lovely and thoughtful post. Don’t put yourself down.
We can’t offer solutions on this thread but we offer thoughtfulness and support and that’s exactly what you have done for others,
What a let down with your appointment. Keep plodding in you will get there in the end. You are not worthless, it is just how things are in the NHS at the moment. DH feels pretty much the same having been told he may well have to wait 9 months for an appointment with a neurologist about his RLS.
Take care all.

Anniebach I hope you can overcome your Agoraphobia and get outside when the weather permits. Have you had any kind of therapy to help with it?
SweetPeaSue I do hope that you get an appointment soon. I referred myself, it's called Let's Talk (NHS) and had to wait only about 5 or 6 weeks.
Nonnie It is so inconvenient to be without a car, isn't it? The worry you've got with Covid as well sounds as though it's the last straw. Keep your chin up.
Doodle How was the stargazing?
Rafichagran and ScaredyCat Hope you're both having a better day.

I met a friend today, for coffee and cake, a mooch round the shops, and lots of chatting. She used to help out at the day centres I ran. Not seen her for about 3 years, but we've kept in touch all that time, by email and text. It was lovely to see her. My grandchildren will be here this evening, until Tuesday evening, so that will be fun .

I hope everyone has a pleasant evening x

Doodle- our friend doesn’t say much but listens quite attentively and smiles when we do. DH stepdad died of Az so we sort of know what to,expect- so cruel isn’t it.
It must worry you so much when DH is up in the night. Does he put the lights on? We,ve just got a plug in light that is motion activated and a great help if you have to get up in the dark. I,hope the GP,can offer some other suggestions or meds.
Annie- yes it’s hard to think back to how you were when younger and could do so much more. But at least you did all those things and helped so many people - feel proud. This Summer is a big challenge for you but you will give it your best as you always do - hopefully you will be in your garden smelling the ? .
Talking of wishing to be how we were this morning I went into a shop changing room for the first time in over 2 years . When I shut the door there was an old lady in there with me- Oh no it was my reflection in the mirror!!!
Nonnie- so sorry this last week has been such a difficult time for you and thank goodness you managed to get to the slip road. It must have been frightening. Now you have the Covid worry so no wonder you are upset with so much to cope with. Take care and rest if you can
Sweetpeasue- You are certainly not worthless and to me you sound like a kind caring person and much better than you think at giving helpful advice. I do hope the appt comes through as soon as possible.
HVDY- what a lovely day you have had - so good to be with your friend and with coffee and cake too- perfect!
You are in for a busy time with your GC - enjoy every minute and make some lovely memories.
Love to,all

Hi all x

Sweetpeasue another two months before you can have counselling, how unfair. You are not worthless, never, ever think that, you gave much support to others yesterday and we know you are in much pain, you are strong my love ?x

Scaredycat you went into a shop changing room , definitely a
?x

HVDY I brought on the agoraphobia by a decision to avoid
people when I moved to this bungalow five years ago, my darling daughter was so ill, my grandchildren needed to come to me when they were distressed, so I made my bungalow a place where they could come anytime without wondering if
anyone was with me, and for my darling daughter to come without fear of meeting anyone.

I went on yesterday about what I use to do, I was trying to say
when we can no longer be the person we were , we are still
that person we can no longer do what we use to do, but we can
still have goals , am sure you will have a really happy time with your grandchildren. Keep with the counselling. x

Nonnie hope you feel better today x

Doodle I so hope your husband won’t have a nine month wait, are you having a sleep in the day ? x

David is back on the sofa ???????

How is everyone?

SweatpeaSue just read your post and thought it was really good and very supportive and then at the end you thought you were 'worthless'! Just how wrong you are, look at the way you are helping the rest of us.

I had issues with the counselling too, simple incompetence, its everywhere.

Doodle so sorry to read that, hope the GP comes up with something positive in the meantime.

Not sure I totally agree that we can't offer solutions. I have seen suggestions I have found helpful so perhaps we can in small ways suggest things which others might take up. I know it won't cure all but every little helps. You have made some very helpful comments.

HVDY we have the courtesy car until ours is returned so can go out if we want to but are hoping we can stay in in case we are incubating Covid. We don't want to pass it on.

How lovely to meet up with a friend and then to have the GC. Tiring usually but good tiring.

Thanks all for the understanding. I slept well last night but still feel exhausted, think it is a reaction to all the stuff coming at once. Forced myself to do an hour in the garden this morning, just pulling out dead stuff. If I can still move in the morning I plan a session with the secateurs. I am no gardener, just hack away and pull out what I don't like, Sometimes it works and sometimes not. Hard to make myself do it when I didn't want to but at least now I have achieved something.

Hope you are all having a good weekend. Off to the shower now!

Annie- well played Wales!! Hi Fives to you and David!! ???

Wonderful result! You must be on cloud 9 Anniebach So pleased. I watched the last half hr and it was edge of the seat stuff. Congratulations. Gwych? (showing off) ?
Had a really nice day today. After supermarket had coffee out then home. Made bread. Watched Winter games ice skating, and read your kind words on here. I hope everyone is not too bad today. I do so hope you can get a restful night too Doodle Sending out good vibes to you before I shut my own eyes to sleep. I'm so grateful for the comforting thoughts from you all. Many thanks.
As this is well loved by Annie and its nearing Valentines Day and I've decided not to be a pain in the - - - proverbial, here's Leigh Hunt's words.

Jenny kissed me when we met,
Jumping from the chair she sat in ;
Time, you thief, who love to get
Sweets into your list, put that in!
Say I'm weary, say I'm sad,
Say that health and wealth have missed me,
Say I'm growing old, but add,
Jenny kissed me.

Hope you all have a peaceful night.