Teenage emotional melt down

Poor kids- they have been so badly affected by Covid- and now they all know about what is happening in Ukraine. I was at a young friend's yesterday, and her 12 year old burst into tears and asked what nuclear war was.

No wonder the poor kids are confused and full of anxiety.

All we can do is be positive and share the good things with them- but they are not dupe, not stupid, and they know things are serious now.

He is a sensitive boy as musical people often are. He needs gentle handling and may be afraid to say what's really on his mind. It may be something to do with peer pressure, girls, Covid or possibly the Ukraine crisis. It's an age where he isn't quite an adult and there is such a lot to take in. He needs to see you and the other adults in his world as strong and supportive. Boys in particular often find it hard to verbalise. I am sure he will come through this but it may be stress and perhaps it is worth chatting to a professional. I think it is important to find out soon what is bothering him. Bless him - I have a GS just a bit younger and he's the apple of my eye as your GS obviously is. You are a very loving grandparent and I wish you all the very best.

No advice, Bertha, just a hug for you and him ?

Thank you so much its awful when you cant help and make their pain go away.

Poor boy. There is so much pressure on them these days.

How awful BB! Given all that we have all had to tolerate for the past two years could this be your GS reaction to something 'normal'? I have GC of a similar age, all have been home- schooled, had restrictions imposed on them when they could go back into school, all this and the pressure of exams, assessments, trying to catch-up on missed lessons, getting back to integrating with peers etc can all take its toll.

You mention that he is rather shy so might it be that he is super sensitive to 'things returning to normal'?

As for advise, the only thing I can offer is. to make sure he knows he can always talk to you, that nothing is too minor to discuss, that he can confide in you if necessary, and that it is ok to not feel ok.

I hope he comes through this, it is truly heartbreaking to see our GC distressed and upset.

Take care with him he’s obviously sensitive I have a friend with a similar aged son who has given up everything his friends his football and only feels safe in his bedroom his bothers older and younger are fine and do all the normal teen stuff
Maybe it was just this particular bar was overwhelming for him or it could be the start of social phobia or panic attacks
Try him having a meal with you all in a quiet place if the same happens his parents may. need to start some dialogue with the doctor

Keep that lovely, caring door open for chats. He has been through a lot as a young man. It was good that he told you he was feeling overwhelmed. You don’t need any specialist skills or to ‘rescue’ him. Just listen. That does wonders for young people.
We can’t promise we know the answers but if we support each other we can feel stronger. ?

Teenage years can be hard without covid and all the talk of war - and grim pictures on the news of people suffering. It is good that he can have a weep about it - a healthy response I think.

He is a quiet boy and is just getting himself back into the hurly-burly of normal life after being locked down in various degrees and he may be struggling with this.

He needs to know you are there for him - I am sure he does - and he needs plenty of hugs.

Agree with all the above. As nannas, if we are lucky enough to have loving contact with our DGC, we have the very privileged, special job of being a wise, non-judgmental, comforting ear where they can offload in safety. I think the last two years have been very strange and very harmful for teenagers. The social interaction that we and our AC took for granted just isn't there - it bothers me greatly that my gorgeous GD and her friends, at 15, have never known the giddy, silly excitement of the school disco for instance. I think young people have become more insular and introverted because they've had no alternative really. You're already doing a great job BigBertha1 as he clearly trusts you enough to open up even a little bit, that's priceless in itself

One of my GD's and several of her friends have been battling mental health issues since the start of Covid.,
GD wont go to school ,there are too many people she says. The school is very understanding and helpful we're lucky she gets help from a mental health worker who is based at her school and she's still working from home
.Her results are brilliant as always so its not affecting that but its very hard to deal with when we think she needs to be around people .
Its a new and troubling result of the past two years that a lot of teens are experiencing .Just be kind to him and let him talk when he needs to

I think it is wonderful that he has Granny he can talk to.
Was it recently you were worried about him not eating or was that your nephew?
He does sound very sensitive and the situation in the world at the moment will be affecting him.
All you can do is listen and let him know you are there when he needs you.

I think his home and his family should be his sanctuary in these upsetting times. You did the right thing just taking him to a quiet place. Keep the channels of communication open in whatever way he chooses.

You’ll have helped him, more than you know, being there and listening and loving him.
Hugs to you both.

Easy!
Tell him that next time he picks a place he is comfortable with.

We've had to reassure an even younger DGD that Putin is not about to bomb and invade us.
I feel so sorry for them, we thought our DGC seemed relatively unfazed by Covid and its restrictions, thanks to their parents, but anxieties are beginning to show. Lockdowns have affected friendship groups at school too, very important for teenagers..

And now this.

Can anyone offer some words of comfort/help please?
Some seem to have lost their confidence during Covid.
Would it help if he could talk through his worries with someone outside the family eg a school counsellor?

Hithere

Easy!
Tell him that next time he picks a place he is comfortable with.

Not that easy, and your comment is very dismissive, I have anxiety and depression you can think you are ok anywhere, but the feelings can come on like a tidal wave, and you just feel alful like Bertha's Grandson did.

I hope none of his family try to "encourage" him to be more outgoing. Plenty of us find large numbers of people overwhelming and it needs understanding rather than "encouragement".

Both my teenage grandchildren have gone through periods of mental anguish. Not brought on by covid worries or threats of war but by events much closer to home/school.

Both found it extremely difficult to cope and like your GS BigBertha1 found gatherings almost impossible. Even small ones. Anxiety is not something that can be 'cured' over night.

As much as we can be there for them and listen, more support is needed for our teenagers. However, as grandparents and parents, listening to them is the key. Not to push for reasons but given them time to talk.

Both my two found excellent support through their school with counsellors. It is so important that the school is told about his anxieties. Both my GC and my DD have also found this website brilliant with it's advice and information. www.youngminds.org.uk/

Callistemon my GC live literally in the shadow of the two bases Faslane and Coulport ,They know if a strike is made we'll be vaporised or as my GS says left as a shadow on a wall.Its very scary ,thats why we are all CND members and campaign for these abhorrent weapons to be taken out of our country.

All it takes is ONE madman who has control of one button .It isn't and never has been a deterrent ,we 've just been lucky there wasn't any nutter in power who would use it .
If we get through this episode we'll be taking to the street again and doing all we can to make Westminster take notice of us .OUR government is anti nuclear its just the chief clown who is holding us hostage

paddyanne it won't matter where we live.

maybe he didn't want to go to that lunch at all, but felt pressured into it by family expectations.
in future could his parents say, we are meeting gran next sunday for lunch in the toby inn. if you'd like to come, we will be leaving about 1pm.
then just leave it to him to come or not as he wishes.
no pressure and no asking him to make a commitment.
maybe remind him of the event on the day, but that's all.
he may well prefer to stay home alone, and have some peace and quiet.

How nice that you were able to comfort him. I would be more surprised if a 17yr old wasn't affected by all that is going on both in their own worlds of school, exams, friends, adolescence etc and the outside world with talk of war, mad leaders, climate change and of course the small matter of a pandemic.

I’d say because he allowed you to go out with him and shared the tears and the few words he gave you an in. So try to keep close to him. If it was me I’d call him or message him often and say you’re just welfare checking, no pressure just a quick one xx