Teenage emotional melt down

i don;t think saying you are welfare checking will make most people feel happy.
it sounds off-putting to me.
as if you are a case on a social worker's desk.

Thank you all for all your help and kind words. Talking to my daughter this evening she has decided to play down planned celebrations for his 18th on June 2 as he had been worrying about that too . He always has the choice whether to come to lunch or not and we don't go out every week. He usually enjoys the food but not today. I'll keep a close eye on him.

You may be the very person to give him a safe bit of timeout if he can be in just your company at times BigBertha1. I don't think crowded spaces are normal; they have just become normal in the last century or so. Those who like crowds have to learn to live with some solitude and those who are happy with their own company have to learn to manage more crowded occasions as they will happen for all of us at least now and again. As time goes by, we can make decisions that are more comfortable for us.

I think many children/young people feel a loss of control of the everyday and this will bring anxiety with it. I just wonder who you could ask about some tools to help him with this. Deep breathing helps as does writing your worries down but I imagine he would need more than that. I'm sure someone who knows the system will be able to point you in the right direction

The last two years has had a terrible affect on most people and it’s only just revealing itself. I have recently had a very difficult time with a family member in stress. I have myself found it hard to deal with and I know it’s not over yet but time will tell.

Your are fortunate that your grandson is very trusting in you by spilling his thoughts it’s quite rare to share stress and anxiety.
With some good advice and loving ears to listen he will be on the mend sooner than you know. Big occasions and family events do put pressure on young people. It’s best to play it down and just let him relax in the company he loves.

I wish your family well and hope your grandson heals from this stressful stage in his life soon.

My 15 year old GS had a meltdown last week after his stupid father told him that he would be called up to fight Russia.
I have posted on here before about the struggles my GS has had recently. Abusive father, toxic stepmother, poor school not meeting his dyslexia needs, on line bullying resulting in actual physical bullying and anxiety.
He has made progress with the help of a hypnotherapist who specialises in helping teens. Home educating now is better, but gets very anxious when we talk about exams. Not academic, but more practical by nature. He has been trying to build back some bridges with his dad by working with him for one day a week, but then his dad behaves like an idiot.
When a child is sensitive and empathic, we can't suddenly expect them to man up as they grow. That's been a favourite term of his father's.
All we can do as Nanas, is be there for them. A safe place to cry, shout or swear without judgement.
It's heartbreaking to see them go through their anxiety attacks.

BigBertha1

Thank you all for all your help and kind words. Talking to my daughter this evening she has decided to play down planned celebrations for his 18th on June 2 as he had been worrying about that too . He always has the choice whether to come to lunch or not and we don't go out every week. He usually enjoys the food but not today. I'll keep a close eye on him.

It might be lovely weather by then, BigBertha1 - would he be happy with a family barbecue or meal in the garden? At least you will be celebrating his special birthday but without the stress of coping with crowded restaurants etc.

I've noticed that DGC will often open up and chat to grandparents about things that are worrying them on a one-to-one basis. Perhaps we are better at listening as we have more time than parents who, although worried and wanting to do their best, are often busy with work and family life in general.

Santana
My 15 year old GS had a meltdown last week after his stupid father told him that he would be called up to fight Russia.
What an unbelievably stupid and cruel thing to say.
As if they aren't anxious and worried enough.

Welbeck it’s not meant to be off putting it’s the way I am and it’s very heartfelt xx

You've helped him already BigBertha by listening, understanding and being there for him.

I think a loving grandmother can be a special safe haven to teenagers, especially boys. We can talk to them gently, listen, while feeding them their favourite food or taking a gentle walk.

I had a wonderful Grandmother who was just taking on that role when she died suddenly and I have recently been cultivating my one to one relationship with my pubescent grandson. He has loving caring parents, but sometime he may want to talk outside his immediate family and I want him to feel he can turn to me. My companion grandmother is a lot older than me, and not in good health.

It has been very difficult for young people over the pandemic. DD2 works in CAMHS and they are under such extreme pressure that their doctor (where she works) has left - given up medicine because of the intense workload. They have many teenagers with eating disorders and because they can be extremely physically unwell (dangerously) take priority just now so other kids are having to wait. Has your grandson always had problems with lots of people and noise? Could it be a sensory issue at all? If he is quiet and a musician might be worth looking into. So glad you are all looking out for him BigBertha.

Young people have had a very tough time. In your position I would ensure I kept in touch - even if he does'nt respond. Is he anxious about going to music college? He may well have something on his mind he is reluctant to talk about. Make it very clear to him you are available if and when he wants to talk. If he does confide in you I am sure your response will be non judgemental. Perhaps you could suggest he talks to someone he feels safe with ,- school nurse , counsellor or teacher.