Black Dog 12

Hi all, hope you’ve all had a nice day. The weather’s not so good is it? My mood is affected by the weather a little. I feel so much better when the sun is shining but then I expect we all do.

Annie yes, I do understand about you missing your family. I’m lucky I have my daughters family close by. My son lives over 200 miles away and I miss him dreadfully so I understand a little of what you feel. I wish I could ease your pain.
Sweetpeasue yes the job does help with those pesky thoughts but you have to try and control them don’t you as it’s just not possible to be distracted ALL of the time. Annie’s quote makes complete sense.
Scaredycat I’m trying hard to hold onto that ‘normal’ feeling I really am. I’m sure we all know how hard it is though.
Doodle yes, the people I work with seem very nice and that’s a relief. It’s always a bit daunting starting somewhere new but at least that bit is over. Plans for the weekend? I’m going on holiday tomorrow! It’s a rescheduled one after COVID. We’re off to Majorca for a week. I’m not so good with holidays. I’m okish once I’ve there but I get so stressed getting ready and leaving everyone - family and dogs! that I feel I don’t want to go but that settles a little so hopefully I’ll be ok. So if I’m a bit quiet on here, then that’s why. Depends what the internet connection is like at the hotel.
Hope everyone is ok and I hope to speak again very soon. Take care all. xxxxx

Have a good holidayCandy6 Sure the sun should be shining there.

Hi all x

Candy I certainly believe we are all affected by the weather ,
we are part of nature . My posts early in the year, every year always include snowdrops , many here refer to plants, flowers, trees, the sea, our animals, we are as much part of nature as we
are. Enjoy your holiday my love x

scaredycat how lovely to see us as family, thank you x so sorry the AF has lasted several days. You too fear things but
even with the fear you tackle them, you are the stronger than your fears, be proud ? x

UTI tests were clear , yippee, no antibiotics. I have stopped watching the tennis, so unfair that something I have always enjoyed can now cause me such unhappiness.

Stand by, poetry again ! Spent some time giving thought to the
beautiful poem by Leigh Hunt -

Jenny kiss’d me when we met,
Jumping from the chair she sat in;
Time, you thief, who love to get
Sweets with your list, put that in!
Say I’m weary, say I’m sad,
Say that wealth and health have missed me,
Say I’m growing old, but add
Jenny kiss’d me.

Taking it past memory of a kiss, I took all those i loved and loved me but no longer with me, places I loved but will never be able to go to again , arthritis, grief, cannot take away those away from me.

How is everyone ?

Doodle Lunch at the day centre was delicious. Chicken breast in garlic and mushroom sauce, roasted new potatoes, and side salad. Fruit strudel and custard afterwards. Your hanging baskets sound gorgeous. I love pinks and purples.

SweetpeaSue Hope you're feeling better.

Candy6 Have a great holiday.

ScaredyCatMy mind won't shut up either. On top of the continuous over-thinking everything, I have Tinnitus too.
Have you tried wearing ear buds/headphones and listening to some relaxing music?

Anniebach How are you feeling? How's your ankle?

everyone who comes onto BD Hope you're all ok.

The GDs are here this weekend (Son1's girls). We had dinner at the pub last night. They've gone into town today and to this inner-city farm (they've been many times). Whilst they've been out, I've done 2 lots of washing, cleaned the bathroom, vacuumed through the downstairs rooms. (I have an exciting life ) Hope everyone is managing to have a decent day x

Anniebach Glad you don't need any antibiotics. Is everything ok now re your bladder?

Candy6-
have a wonderful holiday - the sunshine will do you good. I,m like you I have terrible holiday anxiety before we go but once there I love being somewhere new and especially if there is lots to see. I really like Palma in Majorca the Cathedral is beautiful.
Ah you are another one with a son far away- is your son still in England?
SweetPeaSue- I hope you are feeling ok today and your DH too.
Annie-Glad your tests were clear- what a relief. What a shame about the tennis but it’s no good if it hurts you.
It’s so strange but that poem is one I remember so well from when a girl. I can’t remember why I know it but the words have stayed in my mind ever since. Nobody can take away memories they are like a library and can be taken out at any time and reread. Some are painful but some are wonderful and we can read them again and again.
HVDY- What a fantastic lunch that was - glad you enjoyed it.
I too have Tinnitus 24/7 - since 1992 when my Mum took her life. She had it and I never understood when she said it made her tired- I do now!! My sister has it too the same.
You have worked hard today - hope you,ve had a bit of a rest this afternoon ready for when the GC come home.
Doodle- hope you are having a nice day. Lovely weather to walk in not too warm . I walked today but the AF is still here and I have to have a little rest on the way- had a coffee with my daughter on the way home.
I thought about Nonny as I was doing this post.I do hope she is alright.
Love to allx

Good evening all.
Candy It’s been a nice day here but pouring with rain now.
I think many of us who suffer with anxiety or depression are affected by the weather. Things always seem brighter in the sunshine.
You’re another with family far away. It must be hard for you. Do you get to visit with your son often?
I hope you have a lovely holiday. Please relax and enjoy yourself.
Annie do you think those of us who are affected by anxiety and depression have a particular affinity for plants and trees.? I’ve not thought of it before but I love looking at all the flowers and trees winter and summer and I feel a kind of bond with them.
So pleased the test results are clear.
I love that poem. No, no one can take your happy memories away. Try to enjoy those without dwelling on the sad ones.
HVDY ?????. I’m sure you do it just to tease me ?. Your meal sounds delicious.
I’m a tinnitus sufferer too. The more stressed I am the louder the noise. Your house must be immaculate. Mine is lucky if it sees the vacuum cleaner once a fortnight.
Scaredycat what a wonderful description of memories. What a clever way of thinking.
Yes the tinnitus stops me sleeping well. I find it hard to relax with it. Mine is a very high pitched constant signal. Others have different forms.
Nice to have a coffee break with your Dd. Hope the AF gives you a break soon.
Sweetpeasue how are you today. I hope you and your DH are both feeling better.

Scaredycat How terrible for you that your mum took her own life. I can't imagine how anyone can come to terms with something like that. I know a woman whose mum jumped in front of a train. Awful. You must be able to empathise with Anniebach. I hope your AF has settle down x

Doodle My house is far from immaculate - I clean the surface but struggle to manage skirtings (I get dizzy when I bend down) and tops of doors (too short ). My Tinnitus began in 2006, when I had a car crash. It's been there 24/7 since and is hissing and whistling. It drives me mad at night. x

Anniebach, SweetpeaSue, everyone else on here - hope you all manage to have a decent day.

It's mild here but raining on and off. Going out for lunch in town and meeting Son2 and his girlfriend x

Hi all x

Tinnitus must be horrible , I read up on causes, in the list are
anxiety and depression.

Scaredycat you have spoken of your mother taking her life,
you will understand the relationship I have with my Mini Tornado, she was 17 when Catherine took her life , when is your next bout of traveling? x

HVDY* all the vacuuming and washing, do you take time out
to relax ? My ankle still painful, waiting to see physiotherapist x

Sweetpeasue how are you, wretched Covid, hope it clears soon x

Ellie Anne concerned for you, if reading this but don’t want to talk just say ‘hello’ please x

Doodle yes I definitely believe those suffering from anxiety,depression have an affinity with plants and trees, we are
part of nature. I grew up in a coal mining village, it was the miners who were fanatical gardeners, my Grampa had a large
garden filled with roses, Sweet Pea’s , snowdrops,daffs, rented an allotment for veg , surely it was working in the bowels of the
earth was the reason and so many Mountain Ash trees (Rowans)
on the old tips, , the Rowan represents courage and protection!

One of the most quoted and loved poems is Wordsworth’s poem about daffodils, he suffered with anxiety and depression and he expresses this in ‘I Wandered Lonely’

Sorry friends, I have written another epistle, but will add -
keep walking x

How is everyone?

Doodle- I think you are right about the trees and flowers being special for us.I particularly like the trees in Winter and the lovely silhouettes against the sky.
My tinnitus noise is the same as yours- it never varies just a constant high pitched noise that gets louder if I am stressed or tired.I,m sorry you have it too.
Still on AF - just hoping it’s not going to be permanent now as that is the progression of the disease.
HVDY- yes it was awful for my sister and I to lose our Mum as we did. She had manic depression / bi polar as it is called now, so really the illness was responsible. It hurts so much though and I can certainly empathise with Annie and her GC.
Sorry you have tinnitus too - maybe there is a link with trauma
Hope you have a nice lunch with your Son2 and his girlfriend- lovely to spend time with them .
Annie- yes poor MT to lose her Mum in the way that she did when she was so young . She has done so well to get to where she is now and I do hope she is enjoying her new job. But you too had to deal with losing your beloved daughter and also 3 very traumatised young people- my heart goes out to you. We have indelible scars you and I. I lost my Mum a few years after my family tragedy but somehow we survive don’t we.
Hope to travel at the end of this month- watch this space.
Will the physio be able to come to your house to help you with your ankle .it’s been a couple of weeks now hasn’t it. Is it swollen?
You mention Mountain Ash trees. My Mums house and childhood home was on a road lined with Mountain Ash trees . I remember how the berries used to get squashed on the pavement but they were so pretty. I didn’t,t know what they symbolised though.
EllieAnne,SweetPeaSue, and all hope you have the best Sunday you can. Love to allxx

Anniebach I sit around doing nothing for a large part of the day. I get frustrated by how long everything now takes me, but I do what I can. I hope you get seen by the Physiotherapist very soon x

How has everyone's day been? x

Been really tired today don’t know why. Had a nice walk but kept on yawning. I think an early night is due.
Was my DGDs prom during the week. She looked so lovely and so grown up. Can’t remember being that age myself.
HVDY I’m sorry about the crash and the resulting tinnitus. Mine is there all the time if I think about it but I can forget it except when it’s really bad. My skirtings get done once in a blue moon. I don’t enjoy housework and reading a book is always more interesting ? Hope you had a nice time with your son and his girlfriend.
Annie certainly tinnitus is worsened by anxiety I think. The more stressed I am the louder the noise.
I’m sorry your ankle is still causing you pain. Do you know when the physio is coming?
My father (an ex coal miner) loved his garden too. Sweet peas were one of his favourites but most of all he loved roses. He grew lots of veg too.
I love that poem about the daffodils.
Scaredycat yes the silhouettes of the black trees against the sky are lovely in winter. Trees are my favorite. I love the bark on the old trees and the colours of the leaves in autumn. Autumn is my favorite time of year too.
That high pitch tinnitus sound is very wearing isn’t it. Can you forget about it sometimes when it’s not too bad?
Hope the AF calms down soon.
I’m so sorry for you and Annie and the losses you’ve suffered.
I hope all the BD posting or not have a peaceful night.

Scaredycat You are a brave person for sure. You have had multiple heartbreaking and tragic losses, along with Annie and I can't imagine what that takes to carry on. It must be so hard. I'm so sorry your AF is still continuing to be such a problem. I do hope it will give you a break soon. You have so much to deal with and the Tinnitus too. Will it be long before you see your son? I'm sure he's looking forward to seeing you again too.
Annie I thank you for the poem Jenny Kissed Me. Until you brought it to my notice I'd never heard it. I'm so glad it gives you hope and you can hold onto your precious happy memories. I hope your weekend hasn't been too bad. I hadn't realised about the Rowan signifying courage and protection, how lovely. It was clumsy of me to mention the Tennis. I realised afterwards and wondered how it had slipped my mind. I'm sorry. Keep on at them about your ankle as it's not fair it should be neglected.
HVDY I hadn't realised you had Tinnitus too. What a lot you've had to put up with. Glad Mr Cooper is settling a bit.
Doodle I hope your weekend has been OK. A LOT of rain here the last couple of days, heavy then sun comes out, which makes for very dramatic skies and clouds. A little thunder too. The flowers are withstanding the violent bursts. As long as they have a little sun afterwards they seem to be able to stand up again. Probs a lesson in that somewhere for us.
I'm extremely weepy. Tears for every poss reason and no reason. Had the bowelpain back last couple of days and it had retreated nicely over last month. I've cried for Annie, Scaredycat and all the losses and heartache everyone suffers. I've cried oceons. It will pass.
I hope you're OK EllieAnne You are not alone, we are thinking of you.

Hope everyone has a peaceful night. X

Broken charger cable x

Annie is there no end to your problems. Hope you get a new one soon.
Sweetpeasue I think you are just feeling emotional due to all the stress and pain you’ve been under. You are a kind and caring person.
Sorry the bowel pain has come back again. At least you know it can go away for a while. A few more weeks and you should be having your tablet test.
Hope you and your DH are both well over Covid now and are feeling better.
I bought 2 new pairs of trousers today in a larger size. I’ve given up trying to lose weight for the moment. I feel I’ve shrunk a lot in height and all the weight has pooled round my middle. Went for nice walk this afternoon. It was very hot.
Ellie Anne keep wondering how you are getting on with you and your family. Hope all the rest of the BDG are ok too.

I’ve been following you all but feeling so stressed and worried.
Thanks for your concern.

Annie You've got Gremlins. What awful luck.
EllieAnne Sorry you're still feeling so stressed with things. Hope whatever the problems are they get better soon. We think of you.
Doodle Thankyou, you're v kind. I'm feeling a little better mentally today. Still tested pos this morning. Had to do another test as needed to have pre-assessment for op tomorrow. I needn't have bothered! I called the hospital(small, private hospital, but does NHS) and was shocked to find my operation(hysteroscopy /Laparoscopy) can't go ahead on 20th anyway. They don't allow ops within 7 weeks of a pos covid test. So rang our larger NHS hosp to see if I could have an earlier transit xray. They brought that forward a week so on 21st. I've been so scared about the op so now I'll have to wait longer. I've been shut up here over a week so getting stir crazy now. Still v tired but lots better. The tests are ridiculous as we've ran out of the free ones we had in. Superdrug do the cheapest we've found.
Sorry I missed your post yesterday Doodle. It can take me so long then after I've posted someone else has beat me to it. Oh and sometimes the clothes sizes are wrong Doodle!
Hope Scaredycat HVDY and everyone are OK. Love to all. X

Ellie Anne thank you for popping in. We do care about you and just want to know you are ok.
I’m so sorry you are stressed and worried. It’s a horrid feeling.
I hope whatever issues you have are resolved soon and life seems brighter for you. Take care x
Sweetpeasue oh I’m so sorry your op has been postponed due to the Covid. At least your tablet test has come forward a week. Hope you are over Covid soon. Many people say they are tired.. Hope you are feeling better soon.
Don’t ever worry about not replying to individual posts. We all have other calls on our time and sometimes, as in Ellie Anne’s case we don’t feel like posting. That’s ok and we all understand that. No one should feel pressured to post.
Hope you have a good night all x

Hi all x

Holding charger lead in iPad with one hand, very painful,
writing with other hand, iPad keeps slipping.

Thinking of charging the gremlins rent

Hope it can be sorted tomorrow, thinking of you all x

How is everyone?

SweetpeaSue It's no wonder you've been tearful lately. You struggle with pain such a lot, your appointment was cancelled, you've felt unwell with Covid. Good luck for 21st x

Anniebach You don't have any luck with your devices, do you? I hope it's sorted out soon x

Doodle How lovely for your GD to go to the prom - we didn't have such things when we were that age, did we? They grow up so quickly x

ScaredyCat Where are you going at the end of the month? x

I've had a good day - aqua aerobics was cancelled due to some problem with the pool, so my friend (not the one I do aqua with) picked me up, and we went out for lunch and a good old chat for a few hours. Son2 came round for dinner, so I'd had a curry in the slow-cooker all day (we all love curries). DH and I are going on a coach trip tomorrow, to Thisk in Yorkshire, to the place where The Yorkshire Vet is filmed, and to the James Herriot museum. It'll be a change. My husband is off work now, until next Monday. Hope everyone on BD has managed to have a decent day x

Annie so pleased you managed to pop in just to know you are there. Hope you get your charger fixed soon. Thank you for thinking of us, as you always do.
HVDY no, no proms in our day. I’m not sure I really approve of them. I think it’s probably fine for those who can afford to dress up but for those whose family struggle financially it must be so upsetting. Why they just can have a leavers party in ordinary clothes I don’t know. Having said that I thought our DGD looked so lovely but so grown up. ?
Oh a nice chatty lunch sounds fun. Your curry sounds nice too.
Have a lovely trip tomorrow. I bet the scenery will be lovely.
I will be away next week. We are going on a cruise and I will be out of contact most of the time but will try and stay in touch whenever I can. I don’t say where I’m going in case someone identifies me but it wont be as warm as here. ?

Doodle- yes I can forget about the tinnitus if it’s not bad but as soon as any one mentions it the volume cranks up much louder!! I think you probably experience that too.
Well after 6 days the AF finally stopped- it has made me very tired but fingers crossed I,ll have a couple of days respite?
I do hope you enjoy your cruise and the weather is kind to you. Is it pastures new or an old favourite?
Good job you have new trousers as whenever we go on a cruise our clothes seem to shrink!!
SweetPeaSue- hopefully I will see my son this month or next. It’s been so long since I,ve seen him in person so thank goodness for FaceTime as we can “see” each other pretty often.
I,m so sorry that you felt weepy on Sunday although so understandable after all you are still going through. I hope that being able cry releases tension along with your tears.
Hope you get a negative result soon - has your DH had one yet? At least then you can get out in the sunshine we have been promised for next week.
I sometimes worry about posting too and often write one only to have it disappear !!!
HVDY- hope you enjoy Yorkshire it is such a beautiful county. You should be able to have a few more nice days together if the lovely weather materialises.
We are driving across Europe to see my son but I won’t say where as like Doodle I don’t want to be identified.
So nice for you to be able to spend happy times with your sons- we love a curry too!!
EllieAnne- good to see you if only for a moment. Hope your stress and worry lessen soon - it’s exhausting when it goes on for too long.
Annie- It’s time those Gremlins gave you a break! What an uncomfortable way to use your iPad. Hope it’s getting mended today.
Yesterday we went to the Church to care for my sons and his Dads grave as it’s the Anniversary month. It doesn’t get any easier as the years go by. But the sun shone and the flowers looked pretty .
Sending love to allxx

Hi all x

Holidays, I can’t speak of holidays to come but I can of past holidays ?. Loved Yorkshire, went to Haworth, did the walk
to Thrush croft grange, it was so romantic , got really carried away and said to my companion‘I am walking where Cathy and Heathcliff walked ‘ only to be reminded ‘it’s fiction ‘ , huh, but have photographs which state ‘Me at Wuthering Heights ‘ !

Scaredycat no, it doesn’t get easier, it’s good the sun shone
for you, hugs x

Doodle a cruise , only cruise I went on, often, was a canal in
Wales, so beautiful, trees both sides of the narrow boat for miles. Enjoy your cruise x

Sweetpeasue what a disappointment, hugs x

HVDY Alexa is playing up now, my Mini Tornado has always
sorted out these problems but is now working full time so is not possible to come up to put them right now, hope you
enjoyed your Yorkshire visit.

Ellie Anne you need a cwtch x

How is everyone?

Annie I hope you're not still having to hold the charger in with your poor hands! Can your little dog chase these Gremlins of yours? You've been on a canal boat holiday--that's lovely. We've always wanted to do that but just haven't done it. We've had some lovely holidays in Pembrokeshire and on Anglesey. Beautiful wild countryside on those moors around Haworth. Those characters from Wuthering Heights do feel real though don't they?
Scaredycat Thankyou crying can sometimes release tension can't it? It also makes my nose even larger than it is and my eyelids close! ? I'm getting excited for you, going to see your son. Oh I do hope the AF gives you a long break, I really do. My husband tested positive 2dys before myself so I'm taking the tests now so I know when I'm neg he will be too. We were both doing them at first but we are limiting them now as we have had to start buying them. DH went out with mask on yesterday for some.
Doodle You will be looking forward to your holiday next week. Hope you have a lovely time. Your last photos were beautiful. Bon Voyage! You'll be missed.
HVDY You'll be in my neck of the woods! My sister went there a couple of months ago and they were lucky enough to see some of the actors as they were filming at the time. Thirsk not exactly on my doorstep but we're not too far away. Hope you enjoy it.
EllieAnne Hope you're OK. ?

I'm feeling much better today thankyou all. Made some bread(not a huge task as my machine does the work) and even been on my exercise bike to keep my legs going a bit. I'd like a walk in the fresh air though. Love to all. X

Scaredycat yes me too. As soon as anyone says tinnitus I can hear it. Most days it doesn’t worry me but sometimes when I’m stressed it’s so loud I can’t even think.
So glad your AF has finally stopped. Hope you can have a better night tonight. Yes you are right about things shrinking when you go on a cruise ?. Some old haunts some new.
I bet you can’t wait to see your son in person again. Face time isn’t the same as a big hug is it. Hope you have a good trip.
Anniebach is this the place you went to? It looks amazing.
So glad you can remember places and your visits there.
I often think a canal trip would be really peaceful and tranquil.
I have done a river cruise before but that was the Rhine which was quite industrial and we kept passing huge coal containers. It was interesting but k prefer my mountains.
Hope MTs job is going well for her. Sorry about your Alexa. Is your brother any good at that sort of thing?
Hope your charger is fixed soon.
Sweetpeasue I’ve been to Pembroke too when I was young. Stayed with relatives there. I remember going to a market and buying laver bread (I think that’s the thing made with seaweed. I was very young at the time)
Oh are you another like me who looks awful when crying. I used to work with someone who looked no different if her eyes watered or she was upset. I get a very red nose and red blotchy eyes. Hope you and your DH are over the covid soon. So glad you are feeling better. Nothing like the smell of fresh bread is there. Thank you, yes I am looking forward to my holiday. I will try and keep in touch but when we’re at sea there is no internet connection.
HVDY I was thinking of you today as I spring cleaned my kitchen cupboards. You would have been proud ?. Floor washed and washing mashing drawer cleaned ?. Didn’t realise it was so yucky underneath. I’m worn out now.
Hope you’ve had a good day. Thinking of you too Ellie Anne I pray for more joy in your life. Take care all x