Black Dog 12

I think a lot of it is coming from my hormones having come off my thyroid medication and I think I am in perimenopause.

Situations that wouldn't normally bother me are getting to me.

I'm not ďoing the things I need to do to look after myself like remembering to take medication, get enough sleep and eat properly.

I am a person who needs to be busy and active or the bad thoughts creep in so being on school holiday ( I work in a school) and being a bit unwell at the moment is making life difficult because I have too much time to think.

I have a long history of depression from childhood and I've just hit one of those times where I'm not managing it well.

Sweetpeasue Thank you for the lovely words. I'm so pleased that you managed to spend time with your family, particularly the GC. They grow up so fast. I hope you get to go to the beach. Fingers crossed.

VioletSky Those of us on here understand. Feel free to share, if you want to.

It's a bright, sunny morning. I hope everyone manages to have a decent day x

Hi everyone

It's been a downturn time for me, some things have really been messing with my head and pushing my triggers lately and I've been fighting to hold onto myself and who I am as a person.

I was hoping I could just come and sit with you all for a bit

Annie I do remember Nanny a little. What you said about past posters made me think about the close connections that can be made on BD and how sad it must be to lose touch with them. You have been the founder and another lady (so sorry I've forgotten the name). I know there are lots of past posters that drop by from time to time. That must be so nice for you to hear how they are. How is your ankle now? Do you think it is improving any? To be able to get in and out of your wheelchair again would enable you to see your garden again.
Doodle You have such a lot on right now. I hope you are feeling much better in yourself. Your husband sounds as if he has a lot of health problems. I do hope his coughing stops soon. It will be wearing him out. Does the drug infusion work quickly or is it meant to stop symptoms getting worse? I'd never heard of it either. I missed my first period when my mum had been in hospital for a few days with an unknown sickness and was out of the blue given a diagnoses of Pancreatic Cancer. It was a shock to us all. She told us herself at hospital visiting time. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Felt like it was a play before me that I was watching from a distance. She told us it was terminal and would not have longer than 6mths! ( mum had 10 weeks, she was 63). Anyway my periods never stabilised after that. I hope you can get to a church service soon. Do make sure you rest and I send a prayer. Hope your family are OK too.
HVDY I don't know why it is that some people who are heavier can be so confident and others aren't. It seems the same with thinner people also. Was reading about a thin person who felt terrible about her body and was made to feel that by others comments. I wish I knew the secret to self-confidence and self esteem. I knew someone many years ago who was extremely large and she was a joy to be with and I know it wasn't an act.
I had an eating disorder myself in my late 20s and into 30s for 7 yrs, though on and off after that. CBT helped a lot. But I've always hated myself. Why do we do this? I really feel for you and that feeling of self hatred. I'm sure everyone around you loves your fun nature. It comes across in your attitude in your posts and I think you must be a lovely person to know. I mean that.
Scaredycat I LOVE Ben Fogles New Lives in the Wild. Its so interesting to see the bravery of people giving up the life they know and taking up a new challenging lifestyle in the country. It can be very extreme can't it? Thankyou, I've had a good day today and seen my son and family. They're staying at my other sons. I'd got it wrong it will be for a week. Hadn't seen my granddaughter for so long and I'm so proud of the lovely girl she is. We've not been able to travel and visit this year because of husband's hip problems and my problems but we were talking in no time and it was lovely to see her and my grandson together and my other son's girlfriends little girl. My tummy is only starting to feel a bit dicey now but I've been fine today. My heart is full of love for them all. Alls well with the world at this moment. Im being thankful for that. Crossed fingers tomorrow. I think a visit to the beach could be on the cards. Please let me last out, powers that be! ?

EllieAnne Thinking of you and hoping you're OK. Joce too.

Have a peaceful night everyone.

ScaredyCat Yes, I get anxious in any social situation (was diagnosed with social anxiety many years ago), even with family. I've felt, all my life, that I'm on the edge of things and looking in. Weird. I'm glad your daughter's cats are happy and are being spoiled. Cat owners slaves to their furry friends

Doodle Thank you for your kind words. It's odd, but people who think they know me say that I give the impression of being confident (I must hide my real emotions well). I didn't realise your husband had blood cancer. I hope he manages to keep well. I too had a late menopause (it began when I was 54 and my periods stopped 6 months before I was 60!

Well, I enjoyed a lovely meal of salmon in white wine sauce, new potatoes, vegetables, then Tiramisu - gorgeous.
Hope all on BD manages to have a restful evening and night x

HVDY I’m glad no one’s upset you. Don’t feel so bad about yourself I’m sure you are welcome at the day centre so go and enjoy it. Everyone you smile at could need that bit of sunshine.
I must admit until the NHS phoned DH I’d not heard of it either. It’s an intravenous drip of some kind that is for people at very high risk if they catch Covid. Within 24 hours of DH posting his positive result we had a phone call from a doctor telling him to go to a hospital and get this drugs infusion. Hopefully, to prevent him from having severe symptoms.
DH has blood cancer which is why he’s on the list of clinically vulnerable people. It all went well though and he seems ok tonight but coughing a lot.
Being overweight (many of us are) doesn’t make you boring or ugly. I’m no oil painting myself. It’s how you react to people that makes a difference. Don’t be so down on yourself.
I used to be so nervous about meeting people. Still am really but now I feel (at my great age) I am what I am. I try and be nice and friendly to everyone I meet and if that’s not enough what else can you do.
Have a nice meal out with your DH.
Sweetpeasue hope you are having a better day. I was the opposite of you. Very late menopause in fact until I had a hysterectomy I was still having very heavy periods. The hysterectomy made such a difference to my life. I wish there was a magic treatment for your problems.
Annie thank you for your kind thoughts. DH’s infusion went well. Very thorough at the hospital.
Yes I remember Nanny too. How sad she was about her little kitten. I too hope she’s getting on well with Binks now.
Scaredycat I don’t like being alone and apart from others in a group either. It takes a bit of an effort to force myself to go and talk to people.
DH did fine thank you. Apart from when he gets a coughing bout he seems ok.
Glad your DD is getting in with her new cats. They are lucky to have such a nice home.
Ellie Anne are you seeing your DGS this weekend? Have you been doing much at church?
I’ve missed church while we’ve been on holiday now I can’t go because of Covid. I miss he services.
Hope all have a good weekend.

HVDY- I understand about how you sometimes feel at the daycentre. I get very nervous before a social event but make myself go when it would be so much easier to stay at home. It’s that feeling of being totally alone and apart from everyone as If you don’t belong there that often comes over me- is that how you feel? It happened at the Garden Party but I,ve sort of got used to it happening.I do hope you start going again - you will have been missed.
Doodle- hope your DH got on ok with his infusion - so glad he,s getting the best care and he’ll soon be on the mend.
We had texts from our surgery today for the flu and another Covid jab in October so now all booked in.
Have a nice rest this evening.
SweetPeaSue- I think I,d like the Timothy Spall programme. Do you ever watch Ben Fogles New lives in the Wild or In The Country they are really lovely too.
Hope you,ve not had too bad a day today and enjoy your time with your son.
Annie- I often wonder how people are who we don’t hear from often. Yes I hope Nanny has found happiness with her new little cat.
My daughter was bereft this Summer at the loss of her little cat but now the 2 rescue cats are settling in well and it’s lovely to see her enjoying them . They have her under their paws good and proper!!
Hope Lottie is in good health again.
Any news on your GD prospective move?
Love to all

Anniebach - I always think people look at me and think I'm massively fat (I am), ugly, boring, etc. It's because I don't like myself, I suppose. I'll be ok when/if I can lose some weight. How are you? How is Lottie? x

I remember Nanny and her cat. I hope she's happy with her rescue cat (I adore my best boy Mr Cooper)

It was cool and grey here this morning, but since lunchtime, the sun has been shining and the sky is blue. DH suggested going out for a pub dinner (who am I to argue ) so we'll go out at about 7.

Hi all x

Doodle so much stress, sending much love x

HVDY why paranoid my love ? x

Scaredycat you are a ? , wishing your nephew a full recovery. X

Joyce I know you are with us, how is Coco ? hope you are
coping with your anxiety, you can do it my love x

There are two still here who will remember Nanny and her
grief for her stolen cat, she came to mind yesterday when I was
thinking of past posters, I hope she found joy with the rescue cat,

How is everyone?

HVDY The way you felt at the day centre is often the way I feel at times, even in book group lately. If you go again you might have a totally different experience. I hope so.
Thankyou for getting back to me with the med name. I'm not bleeding now and have been post menopausal without periods for 20 yrs. I had an early menopause. The bleeding was started because of what they did to my womb. Maybe that's why Gynaecologist hasn't suggested it. Bleeding stopped last Nov. Hope you have a good day whatever you do. If you feel like faffing, faff. ?

Doodle Nobody has upset me, it's just my paranoia and lack of confidence that's there all the time. I don't know why I felt like that yesterday. Thanks, though. I've never heard of an antiviral infusion - what does it entail?

ScaredyCat The garden party sounds lovely. Nice to see friends.

SweetpeaSue Norethisterone was one of the tablets I'd been prescribed for heavy periods (my periods used to last for 2-3 weeks at a time, and I only had a few days between one finishing and another starting). These tablets did help.

Anniebach How are you?

EllieAnne, Joce345, everyone on BD - I hope you all manage to have a decent day. I'm not doing much, just aqua aerobics this afternoon. x

Hello all.
Annie I’m sure you’re right. The NHS is so overworked it’s not surprising they succumb to the same sort of pressures the rest of us do.
Sweetpeasue from what you have said before, it sounds as though the surgeon who operated on you did more than you had agreed to and in doing so has caused you a lot of grief,. That doesn’t sound like overworked more like he did something wrong.
Thanks for the tip about Timothy Spall. I must look it up I love those programmes.
HVdY you’ve been going to the day care for a while now. Has someone done something to upset you. I’m sure you do fit in. Do keep going you enjoy it so much.
Scaredycat what a lovely time you had it sounds really good. I love pavlova. Glad your nephew is home. Hope he makes a good recovery.
Sorry it’s short and sweet tonight I’ve had a busy day. Have to take DH to hospital tomorrow for antiviral infusion for Covid. Not sure what’s involved but we have to get up really early to get there. He’s ok but is coughing a lot so I’m quite pleased he’s having treatment.
Take care all x

Just watched Timothy Spall:Back at Sea. Last episide of 4 on West Coast of Scotland. Available on BBC Iplayer.
So lovely. Quite escapist. Just a thought. X

Scaredycat The garden party sounded amazing. Good company and scrumptious bakes. Blessed with lovely weather too.
Thankyou for your insight over my experience. If I could put it behind me I would do and its all I want to do, but you're right I won't be able to until I'm diagnosed. Every time I'm in pain I fear what it is and it makes me afraid and helpless and angry. If it turns out to be Endometriosis there is no cure, I know that. Endometriosis is found in younger people who have periods not suddenly discovered at my time of life. I know if it's discovered now it's because of the operation.
Sorry for going on about it. It will be 2 years in October.

HVDY I was on Tranexamic Acid too to try and stop bleeding many times after the op. It would stop then it started every month. Most strange. Been postmenopausal for 20 yrs. Thankyou.

Annie- oh I wish you could enjoy your WI again. We were so lucky the weather was lovely and the garden really pretty with lots of shade. The girls made sandwiches, scones with jam and cream and cupcakes. Then a huge pavlova - they had worked so hard. It was so good to be able to do it again after so long. It was relaxing too to be outside as there were a lot of us.
You are right about the NHS workers one of my GD who is a nurse and her husband who is a MH nurse have gone through very difficult experiences . I am very proud of them.

EllieAnne- what a shame your weather has been bad . I felt envious of you too as it sounds like you live by the sea and that is my favourite place to walk. We,re never satisfied are we!!!
I,m so sorry that people who are supposed to be your friends could be so unkind to you- how thoughtless. So many people though love to boast and embroider about their lives and their childrens achievements not caring that sometimes others are not so fortunate. I hope you have someone you can talk to and feel comfortable with. Your children have a lovely caring Mum- never forget that.
Doodle- good news about your negative result- sorry though that DH now has it. Hope he gets the meds he needs and recovers soon.
SweetPeaSue- you must go over and over in your mind all that has happened to you- no wonder it sometimes overwhelms you. The support we give each other and anyone who comes to BDG is really special and I,m glad it has helped you as it has me.
My nephew is home now and my sister and her DH are going every day to help him. I,m worried she is doing too much but that’s what she wants to do so I can only support her from a distance. Thank you for asking .
Love to all here and those we haven’t seen for a whilexxx

Doodle I hope you and your husband are starting to feel a bit better.

Anniebach The NHS staff are (and always seem to be) under a lot of pressure. Like SweetpeaSue, I suffered negligence and also a real lack of care - mistakes happen, people get tired, etc. I have had to accept it. I've been extremely lucky to have recovered as well as I have. How are you today? How is the food situation - have you been able to eat anything proper lately?

SweetpeaSue. I was on Tranexamic Acid, then some hormone tablets - can't for the life of me remember the name of the 2 they tried me on. If I remember, I'll let you know.

ScaredyCat How was the garden party?

I went to the day centre today (didn't go last week) and it was alright but for some reason, I didn't feel as though I fitted in (I probably don't). It's been sunny and warm here (thankfully, not too warm)

Hope everyone on BD has a peaceful evening x

DoodleI do hope you are feeling a little better physically today if not mentally. From what I've read about others experiences of Covid it does seem that many are left under par after their negative test. I hope you will feel better mentally soon. Also that your husband is not too poorly.
HVDY Hope you're OK and enjoyed your 'faffy' day! Many of mine can be like that too. I did ask the consultant about taking hormone tablets that may help but he didn't say there was. I'll ask him again when I see him at the end of this month. Hope you're OK.
EllieAnne I so agree with what Doodle and HVDY have said about how others don't often let on about their children's problems and such. It's strange how some seem to have 'perfect' children. Personally I would much rather hear from others that have problems as it can help us feel more 'normal' and less alone. Perhaps it takes a strong person to admit weaknesses. There's a thought! All of us here are stronger than we think! I think you sound a wonderful helpful, caring mum. ?
Scaredycat Hope the AF is keeping at bay. Also that you enjoyed the WI garden party and you found some shade. How is your nephew and sister? I won't need to do much preparation for my son's visit as he stays with my other son who has a fairly large house in our village.

Take care all. Xxx

Annie I have had to give the stress and mental health of our NHS workers a lot of thought. Because I racked my brains for reasons why there was a cover up of what happened in my operation, I went through literally every scenario I could think of. In the end I have come to the conclusion that there can never be an excuse to deliberately obscure the Truth. I feel for all of those NHS Dr's and nurses that are having mental health problems because of the stress they're under. I also feel for all patients who have mental health problems because of the pain and suffering they're having to endure because of long waits for treatment. It's such a complicated business isn't it?
My mental health is suffering because of what's happened to me which is why I turned to Black dog for support. I've had that on here, unconditionally. I thank everyone for that. X

Hi all x

Black Dog is for mental health problems so will share what I
heard being discussed this morning, I admit I hadn’t given it
thought.

There are many doctors, nurses, health care workers suffering
from mental health problems , explains much doesn’t it ?

We all found the lockdowns etc difficult, health workers are
human too.

We heard of ambulances waiting for hours to have a patient
admitted, imagine the stress on the hospital staff.

How is everyone?

Evening all. DH has tested positive for Covid this morning.
He is ok at the moment but coughing a lot. We are waiting to hear from the GP tomorrow if he’s getting the antivirals.
I tested negative this morning so am on the mend.
HVDY sounds like you and your friend get on really well. Nice to have someone you can chat to. I’ve had a day faffing about too. Not had the desire to do more.
Scaredycat thank you. I am feeling a little better today both physically and emotionally. Had a chat with DS 2 this evening and they are ok. It must be lovely to be in the countryside so close to your house, lots of lovely walks and the sea not far too.
Enjoy your WI meeting.
Annie thank you. You know what it is. Just hoping things are ok and settle again.x I wish you could get out and about too.
Ellie Anne sometimes others can make us feel that their lives are so much better than ours. I have learnt over the years that in many cases this is all an illusion. They just don’t tell you what their problems are or they hide them. Many people put on a pretend front. Children doing well, marrying well. etc. Truth is we all have problems. We just don’t all tell others.
I wonder if your friends are making jokes because they don’t understand what to say or how to react. If they are making you unhappy then they are not being very nice friends.
Do you have any friends you could meet and chat with one to one? Chatting in a group is always open to people putting on a front to keep up with others or impress them.
Being rich and successful isn’t the answer to everything just read the papers and see how many unhappy people there are out there. You don’t sound like someone who doesn’t care about her children you sound like someone who cares very much. I hope things improve soon.
HVDY how very true. Money makes many things in life easier but it doesn’t make happiness. We just keep on hoping “this too will pass”. I think that’s my mantra.
Sweetpeasue hope you’re having a better day.

Ellie Anne Your friends aren't very kind if they laugh! You certainly haven't failed your children - they make their own decisions in life when they're grown-up. All we can really wish for is that our children are happy, it doesn't matter whether or not they have university degrees or glittering careers. Our role is to support them when they're going through rough times

Scaredy-cat I’m envious. It’s like winter here. Tried to walk by the sea this morning and got soaked.
I’m avoiding friends just now because of my problems. If I speak about my husband some people laugh and make a joke of it which hurts me very much. And if they have successful and well off children I can’t share what mine are going through. I feel I’ve failed them all.

Hi all x

Scaredycat a garden party , I miss the W.I. Loved going to
all the events, enjoy x

Doodle I am so sorry you have family worries, take care x

HVDY* a 4 hour chat with a friend, great x

Ellie Anne we can’t take problems away for our adult children , we can listen and be there for them x

For Coffeefirst and Candy if you read this thread be assured you are not forgotten, we are here for you x

How is everyone?

Doodle- the virus is taking its toll on you physically and mentally so sorry to hear you feel sad. Trouble is when we learn of our childrens troubles they become our troubles too.
Rest and look after yourself and when you feel stronger you will feel stronger mentally too. Sending a hug
EllieAnne- you help your children by being there and loving them. Unfortunately we cannot solve their problems for them- just be there for them. Hope you get some peace of mind soon.
SweetPeaSue- take care between now and when your son visits- rest and don’t fret too much over preparations they will just be happy to see you. I really hope your pain diminishes so you can have a lovely time with them.
HVDY- isn’t it amazing how 4 hours can fly by when we are with someone we feel comfortable with. Your friends sound nice.
We don’t go to parks much but are lucky to be able to get straight out into countryside from our house- today we did just over 3 miles before it got too hot. We have NT membership and the sea is about 40 mins away. So are able to have nice walks - so grateful to be able to do it.
Enjoy your”faffy” day - sometimes they end up being really busy.
Annie- hope you are ok today.
I,m off to a WI garden party this afternoon . Some of our ladies have lovely gardens and very generously share them with us . It’s instead of our August meeting. It’s quite hot now so hope there is some shade!
Wishing you all a pleasant afternoon and eveningxx