Black Dog 12

Hi all x

Scaredycat so sorry for your friend, I have been experiencing the same emotions since the suicide I recently spoke of. Two nights ago I dreamed I was buying a house , it was in a street where I was born and lived and where an Aunt
lived all her life, I adored her, on waking I was so upset that it
was only a dream, what is our past , happy or unhappy doesn’t
leave us , sending a cwtch x

HVDY more ironing ? What do you do to relax ? x

Doodle how are you? sending prayers x

My elder granddaughter and her partner are selling their house
and moving back home, I am so happy , it will take some time
to sell and buy , hope it will be this year.

How is everyone?

Hello everyone.
HVDY- that sounds like a fun day for your GC. Much more fun than all your chores. Hope you manage to have some relaxation today as well.x
Annie- it’s amazing the powerful emotions that some dreams can produce. Sometimes they stay with you for hours don’t they. They can kick off my AF too if I wake with a start!
I keep thinking of my friend today and I think she is still in shock . Her dear little face looked so “crumpled”. So pleased we were able to see her though as she lives a long way away.
I am so pleased for you that your GD will be near you soon- hope everything goes well for them.
Doodle- hope you are not in too much pain today and were able to sleep ok last night.
SweetPeaSue,Joce,EllieAnne and all those past and present in BDG wishing you a pleasant eveningx

Anniebach I don't like it when I have a dream (usually about my mum or one of my 2 brothers (who have all been gone many years) then wake up to find it was only a dream and they aren't here. To answer your question - I relax too much. Today, I've done a few crosswords, chatted to my sister-in-law on the 'phone, watched a film on Netflix, read a couple of magazines, messaged an old friend on Facebook, made a cake.

ScaredyCat, Doodle, Joce345*, SweetpeaSue, EllieAnne, anyone else, I hope you've all been having a decent day x

Doodle I do hope you're alright. It sounds quite nasty to have pulled muscle in both stomach and neck. Hope the tinnitus has gone away by now too. Perhaps if you're back home you will be able to relax better. No place like home if you're not well. x
Annie I'm so sorry the past, painful times have been brought to life afresh. Dreams can leave you feeling so upset and memories awakened that disturb us and make us long for happy family times too. Sending you love. I'm delighted that your gd is coming back to live near you. That must make you so happy. Great news.
HVDY I too have times when I really don't feel in the mood for being with others and putting a face on. Too many times lately. You do seem to try so hard though. I really admire your efforts. I hope your CBT counselling comes through soon. I've been re-living the medical mistakes and trauma of the past and the anger is v much there but also the fear. Take care of yourself. x
Scaredycat Very sorry you've felt overwhelmed with the sadness of past memories. I know what you mean about the 'frailty of life'. It's so hard to see others in that awful place. You sound a very compassionate person and will see the pain in others. Thankyou for my hug. Sending you one right back. x

Thankyou, all. Got appt with GP. We rarely have F2F appts but I was able to speak to her and she's writing to my consultant about my situation. I doubt if anything can be done but it's really good of her to try. This GP has been there from the beginning and understands how badly I was treated. She believes the wrongs that were done. I don't know what I'm going to do when she retires in a few weeks time. She spoke of how quickly the time had passed and sounded emotional about ending her 30 yrs as lead of the practise. I'll be lost without her on my case. I'm scared of the long wait for my biopsy.

Hope everyone has a good weekend with some relief from their worries and anxieties. You too EllieAnne
X

HVDY Crossed posts.
Re dreams, exactly so. The loved one feels so alive in the dream and its such a shock to face the reality of the loss when we wake. Last week dreamt my father was alive, been gone 45 yrs, and we hugged. Could feel the hug. Sobbed when I woke up. Was so real.
Sounds like you def had relaxing day. You deserve it. Hugs. X

Hi all x

HVDY it’s good you take time to relax x

Sweetpeasue I do hope your visit to your GP brings results x

Doodle thinking of you x

Thinking of the many we haven’t heard from for some time

How is everyone?

Evening all. I am back home but quite unwell. I have tested positive for Covid and am totally wiped out. Every joint aches and I am so tired and coughing badly. I will be back to catch up tomorrow. Take care all x

Doodle Sorry to hear that. Rest up, take Paracetamol, and drink lots.

SweetpeaSue I hope the consultant will do something to help. What a shame that the GP you've had faith in is leaving soon. Hopefully, you'll find one who is as good.

Anniebach How are you?

I hope everyone on BD has had a decent day. It's been hectic here - it's Son1's birthday, so he, his 2 girls, his GF and her boy, plus Son2, his GF and her girl, have all been here. We cooked 2 different curries (the children don't like curries so they had pizzas, chips and salad), all the usual accompaniments, and then fresh fruit salad and ice cream. The children all played Twister (much to Mr Cooper's confusion), then we all went to the park down the road, and the local pub for a couple of drinks. Everyone's gone now so we're going to have a sit down and watch a film. Love to all x

So sorry*Doodle*. Sending love. Hope you're feeling a little better this morning. It will take it's own time. ?

How is everyone on this warm and sunny day? x

Hi all x

Doodle sending love, you are in my prayers x

Ellie Anne miss you x

HVDY you certainly had a very busy day yesterday , how lovely to have your family with you x

How is everyone?

Hi all. Firstly, thank you all for your kind wishes. You really are lovely x
I wonder now, looking back if all the muscle pains and tinnitus were actually part of the Covid infection. I am a little better today. No talking, or I start coughing (DH is enjoying the peace and quiet. ?)
I have been through and replied to the posts but it’s all a bit disjointed as I had a lot to catch up on. Hope you are all ok.

Ellie Anne glad your DGS had a good birthday and your cake was well received. My DGS wasn’t into opening presents when very young. Not sure if I’ve mentioned this before but when my DGD was young we bought a plastic watering can for her to water our plants in the garden. She loved it and kept coming to us to ask us to fill it with water. You could try that with your DGS and bubble blowers are good fun too.
Do they live far away? I hope you get to see him again soon.
HVDY you are not alone about getting stressed out over having visitors. I do the same and when going out. I don’t know why our confidence seems to disappear when we get older but I know that’s the case with many people.
Hope the aqua aerobic are going well and your DGC are enjoying the summer holidays.
Wow, I am so pleased you had a day to yourself doing crosswords, watching a film etc. You always seem to be doing so much it’s nice to think of you relaxing a bit.
Glad you son had such a lovely birthday sounds as though everyone enjoyed it.
Annie my DIL is a big Neighbours fan and really upset at it ending. Sorry I know you will miss it so much.
You dream must have been a sad/sweet moment of such happy memories and then to wake up and find it wasn’t true.
Apart for the terrible disaster, your childhood must have been so lovely with family around nearby.
What great news about your elder DGD. I do hope they manage the move soon. You must be so pleased.
Scaredycat sorry about your friend’s husband. We need to value all the time we have. I’m glad you were able to meet up with your friend but obviously seeing her so frail and unhappy has upset you a lot and brought back sad memories.
You write such lovely posts.
Sweetpeasue DH and I had a great Gp that we really relied on. We were very sad when she retired and we moved to another practice. I have to say we have both been well looked after by our new GP. So hope , when yours retires, you find the same. Do you know how long you have to wait for the biopsy results? How is your pain at the moment. I hope you are having better days and coping better.
Joce Hope you are ok and enjoying little Coco.
Take care all x

SweetPeaSue- oh I feel for you soon to be losing your familiar and obviously very caring GP. I hope you will be able to build a good relationship with whoever takes her place. Our lovely GP retired during lockdown- he felt like a friend as well as a doctor and we miss him greatly. He was very compassionate over mental health problems.
Hope you don’t have to wait too long for your biopsy results.
Doodle- so sorry you are feeling unwell and hope you soon begin to make a good recovery. Hope that your DH is not suffering with the virus too. Take care and rest xxx
HVDY- what a great day you and your family had. Lovely that all the children get on well and play together happily. Hope you enjoyed your rest and film.
Today I,ve had lunch with my DD and GD as they both had a day off work. It was so nice to sit outside together and eat and chat without having to clock watch. DH did some housework !!!!
Annie- today started at 5.30 with AF and feeling very anxious about things. However it got better after seeing DD and GD and relaxing. I hope that your day has been as good as it can be.
You are so kind always asking after us.
Did you watch the football yesterday- it was totally joyous and just what we all needed. So nice to see how Prince William interacted with everyone. Girl power or what!!!!
Love to allxx

How is everyone this morning? It's muggy but dull here. I've been up since 6.30, done some boring stuff in the house. Going to pick up my friend soon, and we'll go somewhere for coffee and a look around a few shops, then have lunch somewhere. The GDs are in Tenerife with their mum (went yesterday) so I won't see them this week.

I hope everyone has a decent a day as possible. Hope you are staring to feel better, Doodle x

Hi all x

HOPE IS THE THING WITH FEATHERS.

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

Yes poetry again, but I believe we need hope, give up hope and
what is there ?

Scaredycat anxiety is so sneaky, it pounces doesn’t it x

HVDY up at 6.30 ! I don’t’do’ 8.00, sounds you are having an
enjoyable day x

Doodle impossible to explain life in a mining community, uncles, aunts, cousins, second cousins, g uncles and aunts, all
in the same community, school head mistress, chapel deacons,
village police officers, district nurse, all relatives, for me it was
the safest place in the world, it crashed in minutes, I remember
my g aunt who was a midwife crying’ I helped to bring so many
of the mothers into the world now I have to support them through the loss of their children. Sorry gloomy , how are you
my love ? sending a cwtch x

How is everyone?

Annie Thankyou for printing all of that poem out for us. That's really kind of you and it must have been quite a task with your poorly hands. I love Emily Dickinson and it's much appreciated. The impact on your village from the disaster must have been phenomenal. Everyone living in such a close community. Such a shame that it's all lost with families having to move for jobs ect. Wonderful that your granddaughter is returning though.
HVDY Hope you had a lovely time and chat with your friend. Been windy and overcast here today though very warm. Sure your GDs will have a great time on holiday.
Scaredycat That dratted AF. Hope it's given you a break today. Glad you had some family time with DD and GD. A chat does take our minds off anxieties and worries.
Doodle Such a good thing you didn't become poorly at the start of your holiday. Hope you're feeling a little better today and also your husband will be OK. My husband got the cough but thankfully that wasn't one of my symptoms. It's strange how it appears to affect everyone in different ways. Thankyou for asking but my pain has got worse over last week again.

Thankyou everyone my transit XRay results should go to the Gastroenterologist within about 2 weeks so should be this Friday. I'm expecting them to be normal as bowel movements seem OK now.
The biopsy hasn't been taken yet until the Hysteroscopy operation which was put back till October. The GP sent Gynaecologist a letter about that last week but I don't think it will make a difference. My uterus pain has got worse so I'm worried. The biopsy will be from the womb as uterine lining is thick. I bled for 9 consecutive months last year like a period. Not had periods for 20 yrs now.

Hope ( very appropriate poem Annie--we use the word so much!) everyone is OK an

Sorry.
and love to all. X

HVDY- your morning sounds lovely- hope you enjoyed it. Haven’t done that for so long with a friend- I miss how life was before Covid as I am sure we all do. Our poor town looks so sad now so many shops full of tat or empty. Lots of nice places to eat though. Muggy and dull here too.
Annie- loved that poem - thank you.
Yes Anxiety is sneaky and it comes in hand in hand with that horrible fearful feeling.
Oh your poor Auntie and all of you who suffered so much that day. I remember hearing the news and wondered how the community would ever recover.
Doodle- glad you are feeling better- think you could be right about the aching and tinnitus - your body was fighting. Glad your DH is ok so far.
SweetPeaSue- sorry your pain has increased again. Hope the X-ray results are as you suppose?
Thank you I,ve been ok today and had a nice walk with DH. Hope you,ve had a good day alsoxx
Love to allx

Scaredycat DH tested negative again today and I am feeling a little better. Still very tired and listless though and for some reason very emotional. I didn’t watch all the football but I agree it was really full of joy.
Glad the AF went away and you had a good time with your DD and DGD and a nice walk with your DH.
HVdY hope you had a good time with your friend. Did you do any shopping? Hope your DGDs have a good time in Tenerife.
Annie you always come along with something to cling to at the right time. Without Hope we have nothing.
I’m up and down a bit today. Heard from my son and, as for so many years now, some good some bad, I just wish they could all have some good times without worry.
How have you been today?
SweetPeasue sorry to hear you have your pain back again. I just wish they’d do something positive to help you. Have you been out at all today or got anything nice planned?
Ellie Anne thinking of you too. Hope you are ok.
I have done nothing today apart from wash my hair. I seem to be sad and melancholy. I expect it’s probably connected with the virus but it’s making me very apathetic about doing anything. Take care all x

Oh doodle I do sympathise with you over your son . All my children are having problems just now and it’s weighing me down so much and I don’t know how to help.and I’m tired of it all . I didn’t expect to be still worrying and trying to sort things out for them at my age . It would be nice to be cared for and looked after for a change.

Doodle How you are feeling could be very much to do with the virus. I know you have worries about your son and his family too which will also be part of this and I hope you will soon get some good news there. Just wanted you to know that Covid, for us, made us both feel extra emotional so hopefully you can expect some relief later. Be kind to yourself as it will take time to get over it. Sending you love and a hug.
EllieAnne Being a mother is so hard at times. It can really hurt. It sounds really difficult for you right now. Thinking of you and hoping you'll feel better soon.

My day wasn't good Doodle but didn't want to say. Up at 3 am, took 2 doses Oramorph. Little sleep. Worried I wouldn't be better later to visit aunt with birthday gifts for tomorrow. Managed but became worse when got there so couldn't stop. Been home all day as couldn't go out. Eased off around tea time. Keeps returning. Im very depressed and feel hopeless about it. Don't understand why no diagnoses after all this time. Am so worried about son and family coming down at weekend. Stopping at brothers for couple of days then travelling on for holiday. Don't want to be bad and thereby spoil it for them so really worried about that.
Take care of yourselves Doodle. X

Ellie Anne I’m so sorry . Sometimes it all seems to pile up doesn’t it. We know these things will pass eventually as they always do but somehow that doesn’t help us when we’re going through it. We can’t do anything to help our sons situation just hope and pray things will work themselves out. I hope your children aren’t putting on you too much and things get better soon.
When I went to bed last night my mind felt as though I was on overdrive. Different thoughts and images all clashing together.
Found it hard to concentrate on even a few prayers as my mind was off all over the place. Think I need to practice some quiet time.
Oh Sweetpeasue thank you so much for that. I do care about things and I know I worry a lot but I’m not usually in tears at every article in the paper like this morning. I did think it could be the virus so thank you for saying you felt similar. And thank you for the hug .
I’m sorry your pain has started up again. Try and not get involved in doing to much before the weekend and keep everything a bit bland so perhaps your system will settle when your son and family come down. The more dashing around you do the more agitated you will get,
I hope you have a lovely visit with your son and family.
Take care all. I wish you all a peaceful and good night’s sleep.

Thankyou for your caring words Doodle. X

How is everyone on this warm and breezy day?

Annie What a lovely poem. How are you?

Doodle I hope you're feeling a bit brighter. Being unwell does affect our emotions, I think. Hopefully, it will soon pass.

SweetpeaSue Sorry you've got all that pain again. I have probably asked this before, but have you ever been prescribed any type of hormone tablet for the thickening of the womb/periods? I hope you manage to enjoy the visit from your son. Perhaps eat fairly bland food and don't do too much, leading up to his visit?

ScaredyCat Glad you got out for a walk. Do you go to parks?

I saw my friend yesterday and we chatted non-stop for 4 hours (we always have a lot to say). We put the world to right .

I'm having a day at home, faffing about, today. Hope everyone manages to have a decent day x

Ellie Anne Sorry you are worried about your family. I think that no matter how grown-up our children are, we still worry about them when they're having problems. Can you meet a friend? Treat yourself to something nice?