'Nerves'

Kate1949 Do you shake like that when you're just at home? Doing things in the house? A friend of mine has an Essential Tremor, which is present all the time (she's had it for years) but blood tests etc haven't shown any actual cause

HowVeryDareYou. Sometimes I do at home as it's on my mind constantly. I saw a doc in TV the other week who mentioned Essential Tremor. He said 5 million people in the UK suffer with it. I don't think mine is that. I do it to myself. It's like a form of self sabotage if that makes sense.

It is just concerning to me that the problem is getting worse, lots of other hormones and vitamin deficiencies or illness can worsen it...

Definitely speak to your GP...

Counselling could help too

You shouldn't have to live like this lf there is a way that works to manage it

You are right VioletSky.

Kate from what you've written about your childhood, and with the benefit of hindsight, you probably should have had professional psychotherapy many years ago - not counselling, hypnotherapy, self-help, etc.

Long-term trauma and damage can't be undone with positive thinking and a bit of a chat - but proper psychotherapy can take many years of treatment.

I'm far from an expert but your tremor sounds functional rather than essential, so might be managed with a course of CBT, which could get you over the practical problem of dealing with the shakes.

I think you've hit the nail on the head there Riverwalk. Deep down I know this is the cause. Very insightful of you.

Whatever you do don't stop going out of the house - until you get the shakes sorted just avoid having a drink in confined spaces, stick to the pub garden where it won't be so obvious if you start throwing your drink around.

But please don't stay indoors, that could easily lead to additional problems as we've seen over these two Covid years, some people have ended up as hermits, scared to go out the door.

Thank you Riverwalk. I'll make myself go out. I won't let it beat me!

Lots of things to consider her so i have nothing else to offer but a big hug, kate.

Thank you kitty. You're very kind. I hope your daughter is doing well.

Thanks kate, she is doing OK!

I've been listening to a really interesting podcast on Radio 4. 'The Expectation Effects' read by the Author of the book, David Robson. Basically if we tell ourselves we will have negative experiences then we will. Also discusses research that has been done in this field where placebo medications have been used with surprising results. It could be of help to you. I do hope things get better for you

You're downplaying your illness. You don't suffer from 'nerves'. You suffer from a form of anxiety. I notice that in your posts you blame yourself for your condition. Many people blame themselves if they suffer from MH conditions. This is usually because, until recently, they were often seen as a type of weakness whilst physical illnesses were 'real' and to be shown compassion. Don't stop going out as it will only make your anxiety worse. I have agoraphobia and I'd hate you to end up in my position. You need to go back to your GP and tell him/her how you are feeling.

Thank you.

Hi, I can see you've tried self help and you are determined not to let this beat you. Be kind to yourself. Have you read any of Dr Claire Weeks self help books? They were published in the 80s but are still relevant today. She talks of loosening and accepting, of floating and letting time pass. Sounds a bit airy fairy but in the context of her books it makes lots of sense. The title Self help for your nerves captures what you say in your post about “nerves”. Clearly you need to rule out any organic health conditions first as others have said.

Thank you Pixieboots (what a great name). Yes I've had all Claire Weeks books.

Sorry to hear about your hair loss Kate. It can be so worrying if we find our hair is thining.
Has this happened recently?
Could that have contributed to your anxiety, although you do indicate that this stems from childhood.

Thank you Jennifer. Total hair loss is very difficult. It happened 13 or so years ago. Yes it has contributed to my anxiety along with the fact that my mother took me to a dentist aged 11 and let him take all of my teeth out.

Sometimes it's a deep down insecurity about something that makes you over worry. It does not have to be physical. I have times when I over analyse, should I have done or said that. Mine was due to experiencing two life changing events within months, ourwardly I coped, in side I battled. If you possibly can go out, a walk perhaps,it clears the head. You have a husband who thinks the world of you.he knows your worth, you need to know it to.

Oh good heavens Kate.
What on earth was your mother thinking and how shameful that the dentist agreed to such a request.
How awful for you.
As regards help for your anxiety, I guess it’s a question of trial and error to find which type of therapy or counselling helps you best as it seems there are a variety of different approaches to try.
Tranquillisers do seem to work I believe for general anxiety, but of course they are only for short term use.

I do hope you manage to overcome this. It sounds as if you have had an awful lot to contend with throughout your life.

Thank you Jennifer. Thanks all of you. Thanks.

Kate my DH has essential tremor. He cannot hold a cup without its contents going everywhere. He was so embarrassed that he tried to hide from it. In his case the source was physical rather than nerves. I too suffered like you many years ago and I couldn’t hold a cup at all. My DH has now accepted his tremor and instead of avoiding socialising just says I can’t hood a cup could I have a mug half full please so I don’t spill it.
I realise the shaking is not the cause use of your problem but the effect but instead of cutting back on socialising and cutting yourself off from people just say I’ve got shaky hands. You don’t need to offer any further explanation than that. I hope things improve for you soon

Hello Kate ?
I know that we have spoken about this before.
I’m pretty certain that you, like me, have Generalised Anxiety Disorder. I was diagnosed when I was aged around 19, before anxiety was a ‘thing’.
I’ve had it pretty much all my life.
My grandmother said that even as a four year old I was very anxious.
With me it is a mix of nature and nurture.
I’ve been on Citalopram (an antidepressant) for about four years and it really helps.
It hasn’t changed my personality, but I think that it helps me keep a sense of perspective.
I also speak to a therapist once a week. I know how difficult it is to find a good one; I’ve had to go privately. I’m lucky in that she only charges £30, and she is lovely.

Kate, I forgot to give you these

Kate, forgive me, I must have posted at the same time as you and did not see what you said about your mother allowing a dentist to take all your teeth out at 11. The dentist was disgusting doing that to you and I can't for the life of me understand your mother allowing it. The fact is that is deep emotional trauma at such a young age, singled you out. No wonder you feel as you do, you felt your mother had not protected you, let you down badly, anyone would. Years ago lot of lots of people were in awe of doctors and dentists, they only came in touch with them if there was a crisis, took what they said as gospel, they, had been to University etc therefore knew everything. The pain physically, emotionally, facing your class mates, the dentures that followed, anyone would have been traumatised. You were not even prepared for such major work.
I don't know if you got good dentures as they can take time to get right. There is so much out there that wasn't available years ago, such as inplants.
You going through all that, anyone meeting you would not know what happened back then, it would not affect the way you looked, you fell in love and married, still are, but probably that major incident so young is there in the back of your mind because of all the pain you remembered. I had bad dentistry at about that age, the dentist drilled a tooth with an abscess underneath it whilst the nurse held me down.To this day I'm terrified. I have gone all my life every six months but start to panic although now it's a pain free experience.Memories linger.