Fear of losing what I have left of my looks

The loss of your husband is a massive blow, I know myself. I’m sure that must be part of the trouble.
Good advice here and anti depressants are not to be sneered at at a time like this.
All the procedures and tweaks available now would definitely give you a boost. I’m now considering a thread lift.

At a certain age we,ve all lost the smooth glow of youth and prettiness but our faces have gained on character .That is real beauty .

I am 83 and wear makeup and perfume every day, would not dream of going out without it.
I lost my husband 18 months ago and perhaps I was lucky because he often told me how nice I looked.
Yes it is hard to realise you no longer look young but it is possible to look attractive at any age.
I am lucky that I am still reasonably fit and active, I go to a Move it or lose it exercise class in town every week and also to a seated yoga class held in the retirement complex that I live in.
As many people on here have already said try to be positive and think of all the good things about your life

I think that most women of a 'certain age' realise that their looks are fading, and many try to delay the inevitable by having cosmetic procedures and surgery. At the end of the day, you will age, and you will not always be pretty. What you do have though, is a wealth of knowledge and experiences and memories, and these will carry you through. It is pointless to try and compete with younger versions of yourself. You have had your time, and were fortunate for being popular because you were pretty. Many of us did not have that privilege. If there is one thing I have learned, it is to value what you do have. I have had 22 years of illness and cancer treatments, all of which have taken their toll on my looks. But I am still here, and value every day as a bonus. We cannot compete with the young, model perfect women that we see on our screens every day, I just think, 'been there and done that'. I know my friends and my husband love me for my companionship, not for what I look like, fortunately. Accept yourself and others will accept you as you are, be happy in your own skin.

This may not be helpful, but its just my two pennies worth. Anxiety can impact on your face. I suffered from it and when I felt better, people actually thought I had had Botox. Have you tried things like Yoga? I would recommend Barbra Currie, she is on you tube. she is older than us and looks amazing.

Are you familiar with the author Sharon Blackie? She writes wonderful books on women drawing on stories and legends from days gone by. She has a book called If women rose rooted and a new one just out Hagitude which looks at menopause and ageing. I recommend reading them as it might might you feel more empowered to see yourself and your inevitable ageing in a new light.

I think you would enjoy becoming a Colour Me Beautiful Consultant. You could find out be volunteering to be a subject on one of their training couses. some are held in manchester and if you subscribe (free of chage) to their news letter you get a request from time to time.

You would then have to look good for the job, know a lot about looking good and eventually learn now to help other make themselves look good.

www.colourmebeautiful.co.uk/

I am 81 and was once beautiful. It is a consolation to have that memory and photos to look back on. I am always careful with my skin and never go out without sun protection. I never ever wear makeup unless for a special occasion, and then it is only a bit of powder and lippy. Having a lot of friends of a similar age I realise I don't look too bad for 81. It's all comparative. I don't want to attract men now, although a very nice man 10 years younger shows an interest in me....

I feel for you, Truthyruthy, and am well aware how much our society judges people on their appearance.
However, I had to face my own valuation of my looks when I found that my eyes were no longer coping well with my contact lenses, and I knew I had to return to using specs again.
This was in my forties, after the birth of my children. I thought about how we see our friends and family in our mind's eye whenever we think about them.
This made me realise that actually, we think of them as the essence of who they are, their presence with us, and not with or without specs.
So that helped me resign myself to wearing specs again.
And as for looking after yourself, it can be very simple and enjoyable.
I only put Holland and Barratt's aloe vera gel on my face and neck, but I also do yoga daily to stay supple and fit, and I walk in Nature a lot.
Your inner confidence grows with practice, by putting yourself in different situations and realising that people actually relate to who you are underneath the surface, and how you behave towards them.
It's about losing yourself and being there for others too.
I truly hope that through the wise counsel of other grans you will feel able to gain confidence and become who you truly are, a precious and valued soul in the lives of all who know and love you.

We all age - you sound marvellous but lacking in confidence - can you get therapy to help you love yourself regardless of looks- join clubs, volunteer you need to feel useful and happy - life is too short whatever we look like - I wish you all the best and more happiness ❤️

No one will look 30 when their 60 or look 60 when their 90
It’s a stage in life, not always nice but hey a lot of people don’t reach even 50 …or have bad health or disabilities, only people that looks might not bother so much are the blind
just look after yourself and enjoy yourself
You are who you are ! Be happy and don’t waste a day wishing and looking back …
To me you sound very fortunate so count your blessings x

Having never been a great beauty, I have always tried to look my best. There is nothing wrong with trying to be the best you can be. I think many of us remember our parents or grandparents who were seemingly happy to embrace old age at a comparatively young age. The emphasis for older people then seemed to be on looking smart rather than trying to look younger and the thought of the shampoo and sets and teeth in a glass rather fill me with horror. I am in my late fifties and am fortunate in that l follow my mother by having very little grey hair - at eighty she still has more of her original hair colour than grey. I am told this makes me look younger - who knows. I think there is a lot more pressure these days on looking younger and plastic surgery is not always a good idea. I saw a programme recently with some celebrities who were probably all in their early seventies. They looked good without trying to pretend they were twenty-one. All except one - Lulu. She had had so much plastic surgery that she looked like a parody of herself.
I would monitor your moods and, as others have suggested, see a doctor if you carry on feeling this way.

I know exactly how you feel because I’m the same. Never been that good looking but I am now due to go to a work reunion with people who I haven’t seen since I retired 5 years ago and I am worrying they will immediately think how old I look. I hate myself for being like this. Even more so because I have had breast cancer and I should just be pleased to be alive.

You didn't appreciate you were pretty when young but managed to survive. Goodness, there is so much more to a person than their prettiness. Think what your attributes are; you care about your family, enjoy contact with others, do a job. Do all the people you have interaction with comment on your looks telling you you look older than 64, have wrinkles? Why start worrying about the future in regards what you look like, think most folk realise in their 40s their looks and fitness will change in years to come. Try to leave the past issue of being pretty behind, it's gone. A visit to your GP may be worthwhile before you slip into a depression worrying about the future.

Truthyruthy, I guess most everyone feels scared of old age. Most people don't talk about it or even admit to feeling scared of old age.

The best thing to do about being scared of old age is make plans for it. You can even make plans for the best way to enhance your looks when you are wrinkly and shrunken in size.

Hi I’m 57 and I’m same I don’t want to look old and haggard I’ve always wore makeup and got long hair and I still get a look from men not like I used to do but I don’t expect to lol some days I look at myself and think your looking old but I think it also depends on how you dress too. But I always say I’m me if you don’t like what you see don’t look. I did have someone chat me up in a cafe and he was 45 when I said I’m 57 lol he said you look better than my ex wife made my day lol but then I will get my grandkids say school said we have to help old ppl like you nanna lol but also age is just a number in my head I’m 21 but my body says who you kidding. My dad always said it’s what’s in the inside that counts a good looking person can have a nasty personality and I’d rather have a nice personality. Yes ppl have work done on themselves but I’d rather age gracefully and natural not plastic.

It's hard not to look back to the days without lines and wrinkles, but you are now in another phase of your life and make the most of it.
I get up every morning, put on my makeup, do my hair and put on clothes I want to wear. I like to be fashionable and maybe dress a bit younger than I should, but don't worry mini skirts, etc have stayed back in the 80s.
I maybe don't see anyone all day long, well just the other dog walkers when I'm out getting my steps count up, but I know myself I feel better for it.
When I was a child I was bitten on my face by a dog and hated my scars growing up. I was teased about my red hair, called all sorts of names, but now I embrace it. My hair has stayed red, while others went grey years ago and my scars well, it was part of my life and I can't change them.
Some of my friends have had the tummy tucks, botox, fillers, the lot and are still unhappy with how they look. We all find faults in ourselves through every decade of our lives and the changes they bring, but we can't stop them no matter how much money is thrown at them. Some may look younger, but it's being healthy is the main thing to me. Exercise, eat well and try not to worry too much and if you have to speak to someone. It always helps.

I think women are plagued by these kind of attitudes within their own families. Why should we be expected to look the same as we did before we became 20?

Please speak to someone, you sound so unhappy

I hope you don’t mind me saying this but I think you should try counselling again and tell the counsellor everything, they are not there to judge you but can’t help if they don’t know the full story.
I don’t think this is solely about your looks, it’s about acceptance.
As you stated in your op that you felt loved because you were pretty, and maybe subconsciously you feel that’s all you have and is your strongest asset and that if you lose them as your ageing you will feel less valuable, which obviously isn’t the case as it is very shallow to like someone for their looks.
I’m the same age as you and obviously we don’t still look like the pretty young things we once were but we are still valuable and have a lifetime of experience to pass on.
You could also still be grieving for the loss of your husband and the love and compliments he probably gave you.
I hope this helps you a little and I don’t think you sound vain at all. ?

Truthyruthy, when you are old you will feel normal to be an old woman because most all women of your age will look as old as you.

It's okay to feel competitive as long as you don't obsess about it. Thoughts can be controlled.

nexus63

i was never what people called pretty, i have a great personality and never get down about things, in the last 40 years i have had a husband of 18 years and a partner of 18 years, in the last 4 years i have gone through cancer twice, both surgical, i have had all my groin lymph nodes removed that have left me swollen and very overweight from the waist down. i don't wear make up and have my hair cut short every 8 weeks, i don't care if people think i am old....my body is old due to what it goes through, i am glad to be here and the 14 tablets in the morning and another 9 at night keep me here, i am waiting for the results to see if i have cancer again and to go in for day surgery because my left eye has turned outwards, please don't get so hung up on your looks, do any of your friends look old/overweight or whatever, try looking in the mirror and saying...yeah i look great today, from what you described of yourself i would love to look like you.

Nexus, you're my kind of woman. You have guts and a great attitude. I'm 76, I've always been pretty and though I'm aging and it's all going South.... I am proud of me. I keep up appearances wear makeup, wear jeans and T-shirts and my hair is cut and coloured every 8 weeks. I figure I have a whole lot to be grateful for, I'm still here, most of me works but a couple of health setbacks have made me appreciate what a good job my body continues to do. Saggy bits produced two wonderful caring adults who treat me as if I'm made of china but a regular slap on the hand reminds them I've still got years to go and my grandchildren to care for. In other words. You just have to get over yourself OP. Get on with living and stop overthinking life. You've loads left, enjoy it.

This is something we all need to face, no-one can turn the clock back. Personally I just remain busy, doing positive stuff to add to my well being. Getting out cycling gives me aerobic exercise and working in the garden helps my muscle tone as well as keeping me in touch with nature. I try not to think about becoming old, wrinkly, shorter with everything going south. It is what it is

Gabrielle56

Completely identify with your mindset here! I think millions of us gals of a "certain age" have arrived at middle age (oh to live to 132?!?) To realise that yes , we are the next gen of "old ladies" recently I had a run in with a young scummy mummy in a local park who yelled at me "oi, old lady , get back to your old peoples home!" I didn't know whether to laugh or cry?! My DH (ex cop) was bemused and kept very low profile. It wasn't until days later that her yell started to creep into my thoughts.is that really how I'm perceived when out and about? Has old lady hood crept up on me unawares? Apparently so. Yet when I examine myself in mirrors I see a once hot young woman with a cracking figure gently sliding outwards , downwards and resembling....an old laydee! I've always morphed and reinvented my physical appearance through the decades, maintaining my seemingly male magnet attractiveness effortlessly despite being somewhat 'original' in appearance not identifying with any high fashion trends. You too sound a if you've kept your unique style gained in ( almost?)childhood.perceptions are nigh on impossible to change past 60 for us so we can do whatever we choose in the fashion/hair stakes, some will always recognise an original spirit, some will see.....old lady! We cannot alter this, just be happy that we have health and the means to mentally and physically have the choices. Many don't. It's a culture upheaval for us all, keep doing what you choose, what's best and suits you, not others, you have what in my case money cannot buy ,- family. They love you and that makes you young at ?. It's a glitch , it really is, you'll discover your style yet again soon.
By the way , the young gobby tart? I went right I to her personal space and whispered gently in my best patronising old lady tone:
" why don't you shut the f**k up? You're making a spectacle of yerself?" Slowly continuing my afternoon stroll............she did.

What a wonderful post....thank you! A lot more people should be told that.

My Mum always said “there’s one thing worse than getting old and that is not getting old”. I agree with her

Old-age is a privilege denied to many……………. my brother died at 49…