Fear of losing what I have left of my looks

have a look at Tziporah Salamon on google, youtube or Instagram. She is 72 and looks absolutely amazing because she has decided that she will look amazing... much of our attitude to ageing is in the mind...

You can't escape all the signs of ageing, but you obviously look younger than your years so I would say just aim to keep looking younger than your years and see that as an achievement. I'm 67 and on a Spa day with my daughters, the lady who did my massage (bliss!) was genuinely surprised when my age came out in conversation - a small win against the ageing process, but a win nevertheless! Don't start to worry until you actually look older than your age (... and I suspect you never will since you obviously look after yourself!)

cultivate your soul

I think it was Joan Collins who said the problem with beauty is its like being born a Millionaire and then gradually getting poorer .So you're definitely not the only one to feel this way ! On the practical side always use sunscreen , have hifu skin treatments , use a sonic toothbrush and some kind of resistance exercise such as kettlebells or yoga
where you use your own weight . Good luck !

Joan Collins is still a very attractive woman to me.

It sounds as if you already have all the bases covered and you know you look good. This is a huge achievement. You have family around you and you are loved. Count these blessings every day and always do your best for yourself and, perhaps more important, for other people - especially those who are maybe not as lucky as you have been in your life so far.

I hope I am able to put this in a kind way, my motive is kindness, Truthyruthy.

I was a pretty child and one of my grandmothers would dress me in frills and gorgeous dresses. I had no idea I’d been pretty until I was about 45-46.
Maybe it’s good to ignore your lovely looks, whilst at the same time being nicely dressed, living healthily, and seeing friends a lot.
Your character will shine out of you, no matter your age.

Can you take inspiration from Judi Dench? If you look up some Graham Norton shows she always looks terrific and I think it's as much to do with smiling and laughing - watch the other guests, they all love her!

I have multiple chronic and long term illnesses, yet at just a week short of 65 I look much younger than I am, according to relatives, friends and all my Consultants.

Have to say that with a shortened life expectancy, and having lost many relatives and friends at a young age, there are a lot more important things to me in life than my looks.

You are having a hard time and I feel for you. I think you give yourself your own answer in what you write - you have the insight that this fear of losing your looks is based on your childhood and what was said to you then. Your mature self knows that looks are not what make us worthy of love or respect - but that your 'child' self is afraid of what happens to looks as we age. So try to find a good way to remind your 'inner child' that you - mature you - understands her fear and you love and support her. Remind her that you will always understand and support her and that this is unconditional - not depending on looks in any way. This helps you 'tune in' to the fact that lots of our fears are in fact just old 'tape recordings' from long ago - they are not The Truth. They are just words. You really can free yourself from those old and untrue thoughts - with patience and love for your self. Love for self is not the same as selfishness or being egocentric - we can allow ourselves to love ourselves just as we are - with no 'measuring post' which we have to test ourselves against. Just as you are - you are OK!

I’m interested in how many recommend SPF50 as being essential to prevent you looking older.
I choose not to use sunscreen as I prefer to allow my body to protect me naturally. I also don’t wear make up as in my opinion make up is terribly ageing as well as harmful to your skin.
I do maintain my oestrogen levels with a tiny implant once every six months and the only medication I take is a beta blocker for a heart condition I was born with.
Among my peers I am always assumed to be the youngest, I have been mistaken for the daughter of two different friends one of whom is 5 years younger than me. I’m 73.
I couldn’t care less about wrinkles and when I (rarely) worry about the future all that concerns me is the possibility of needing personal care or dementia.
You really need help Truthyruthy. Please don’t waste your life fretting about losing your beauty. Enjoy the fact that you are alive and healthy.

It sounds as if the whole of your self-esteem is/was based on your looks which is a difficult one to shift. This must have come from childhood imo and was your only ‘condition of worth’. Very sad. Greatest gift a parent/carer can give a child is unconditional love. I expect you were valued and loved for far more than looks yet that has dominated your own self-evaluation, hence your inability to reveal your true fears to another apart from anonymously. So hard/stressful to keep these real fears (in other words you) hidden for fear of expected rejection by others. The main person who rejects you is you. Can you appreciate beauty in other ways eg art, music etc. Some great practical advice here - try to address the root problem?

I’m with Kandinsky on this , I think the most attractive thing is to be confident and NOT CARE WHAT OTHERS THINK it’s really liberating . If you were lucky enough to have been classed as pretty I doubt you’ve changed into a frump.
Keep on looking after yourself, take pride in the fact that you’re a lovely lady whose age others might guess wrong, do it for YOU nobody else.
Btw read The Life-Changing magic of not giving a *k by Sarah Knight it’s brilliant.

Try and be pleased with the way you look now and take steps to keep them, lots have been suggested. Be thankful you once were the pretty girl acknowledged by the family,many are not.
Maybe if you had not been the acclaimed pretty granddaughter you would not be so worried.
The rest of us had to learn in our teens how to make the best of ourselves and still do to some extent.

taking hrt until you die will cure all this and keep you looking younger

see what miriam stoppard says

Living to 95 looking like a petrified walnut certainly beats the alternative!

So true!

My mother always said, "I've earned my wrinkles!" as though a badge of honour. She is 95 and I recently took a photo of her which showed dignity, strength, age and beauty. Her eyes are still the same blue and her smile is as bright as ever. People are finally beginning to realise that older faces are beautiful. The number of actresses who are working in series and films now (such as Shirley Maclean, Diane Keaton, Maggie Smith) is very encouraging of this long overdue acceptance of the older female face (even if, perhaps, some of them have had a little 'work'!). Beforehand, once they reached about 40, actresses were not wanted. I think people are at last being educated to not be judgemental. I tell kids I work with NEVER to make personal comments about anyone.
I can understand how you feel. I look back at the few photos of me as a girl, and even fewer as a teenager, and see how very beautiful I was! The first person to tell me that was my husband, but I never believed it. My mother told me that vanity was a sin. Wasted years when knowing I looked good may have given me the confidence I so badly lacked. Now, not far off your age, I think I look alright and have some 'good' features such as hair and eyes. I do believe many of us have a different self-image than that of others who see us. Who's to say that the two dimensions of a mirror or photograph don't distort the real image. I think they do, for the worse.
As others have said, high SPF, water, sleep and exercise, and talking therapy may help too. Finally, I think anyone who has had children looks a bit older than someone of the same age who hasn't! Just my own observation. ? xx

I was beautiful in my youth and thought I’d find it difficult as the face (and everything else!) started to droop. Initially, I did.
However, there’s an amazing liberation in relating directly to other people NOT a through the window of an attractive face, just being myself. I’m grateful to be turning 70 next month. I keep as fit as possible but now only wear minimal make-up and have many more friends of various ages and backgrounds and an active life. Please don’t waste what time you have left in this life fretting over something you can do nothing about and set yourself free!

I was a model when I was younger and looks were everything to my family. Although I did retained as a teacher I still look after myself. I am slim and attractive and look younger than my years, and intend to and that way. I think it’s about self-respect to look and feel the best you can .
I do so by; not smoking, not drinking alcohol, eating a healthy plant based diet and avoiding rubbish. I drink lots of water and get a good night’s sleep. I do exercise in the form of Zuma ( 3 nights a week ), riding a bike and walking for miles. I always wear makeup and do my hair. I clean, exfoliate and moisturize my skin. I keep my clothes simple classic and on trend.
There are loads of blogs around for older women and a couple blogs run by men for women that are fabulous, you will get tips on makeup and so on. Blogs are great for tips on deep set eyes, or hooded eyes if you unlucky enough to have them. You can find ways to make your hair look thicker and so on. Also, I check out what younger girls are doing then tone down and adapt the look to suit my age.
There also lots of little cheats out there like false eyelashes, (Primark do lovely natural ones) , hair pieces, teeth tightening and control underwear.
I can’t recommend Zumba enough for keeping you fit, keeping your muscles toned and firm it also helps helping your mental health.

There is no need to let go of your looks. Just be realistic, don’t try to complete with younger women, you just want to look your best you, not trying to look 20 ,look after yourself stand tall and be confident.

Looks are skin deep, make the best of what you have, keep fit, eat healthily, laugh, love, live and be kind to others as to yourself.

I think everyone is beautiful in their own way.
I can't remember where, but broken but valuable vases are patched together with gold, and they become even more beautiful, because they are then unique.

Dee1012

Gabrielle56

Completely identify with your mindset here! I think millions of us gals of a "certain age" have arrived at middle age (oh to live to 132?!?) To realise that yes , we are the next gen of "old ladies" recently I had a run in with a young scummy mummy in a local park who yelled at me "oi, old lady , get back to your old peoples home!" I didn't know whether to laugh or cry?! My DH (ex cop) was bemused and kept very low profile. It wasn't until days later that her yell started to creep into my thoughts.is that really how I'm perceived when out and about? Has old lady hood crept up on me unawares? Apparently so. Yet when I examine myself in mirrors I see a once hot young woman with a cracking figure gently sliding outwards , downwards and resembling....an old laydee! I've always morphed and reinvented my physical appearance through the decades, maintaining my seemingly male magnet attractiveness effortlessly despite being somewhat 'original' in appearance not identifying with any high fashion trends. You too sound a if you've kept your unique style gained in ( almost?)childhood.perceptions are nigh on impossible to change past 60 for us so we can do whatever we choose in the fashion/hair stakes, some will always recognise an original spirit, some will see.....old lady! We cannot alter this, just be happy that we have health and the means to mentally and physically have the choices. Many don't. It's a culture upheaval for us all, keep doing what you choose, what's best and suits you, not others, you have what in my case money cannot buy ,- family. They love you and that makes you young at ?. It's a glitch , it really is, you'll discover your style yet again soon.
By the way , the young gobby tart? I went right I to her personal space and whispered gently in my best patronising old lady tone:
" why don't you shut the f**k up? You're making a spectacle of yerself?" Slowly continuing my afternoon stroll............she did.

What a wonderful post....thank you! A lot more people should be told that.

oh well done...

Hi Truthyruthy: As with Baggs and Calendargirl, I'm intrigued by what you said about your family being "different". I'm wondering if you're able to tell us more about this?

It sounds as though your lifestyle is good and you're doing more than a lot of people to keep yourself healthy. You say it's when you get anxious that you have unhelpful thoughts about ageing and losing your looks. 'Anxiety' is a term that's often used to encompass all sorts of emotions; in my professional (psychotherapist, although retired) opinion I think it's worth exploring things through therapy again. I think you've had a 'light bulb moment':

I think I was so afraid of what others would think of me that I kept my fears to myself, and the professionals never got to the crux of the matter

Therapists work with what the client 'gives' (generally speaking) so perhaps, having made that statement on this thread, you're now ready to explore the issue further.

I wish you all the best. Perhaps you'll let us know how you get on?