Black DOG 13

EllieAnne I hope you went to the wedding reception and managed to chat with some other people there. The atmosphere at home sounds very strained indeed. It must be very difficult. Does your husband go out at all?

SweetpeaSue I hope your tablets are having some effect. I've got my voice back, albeit very croaky (I sound as though I smoke 50 a day)

Doodle Son1 has stocked his fridge and freezer up. He's seeing the eldest girl today (Sunday), taking her to rugby. You seem to be doing well on your bike.

I went to bed at 8pm again, was so very tired. Woke up at 1.45. Some clown was letting off fireworks in the distance, at 2.30! I'm off to bed again, so back later x

Evening all.
Wyllow you post was very thought provoking. I’m glad you keep your diary of thoughts and feelings. I hope that there is ongoing support for you and you are not totally discharged.
It must be a relief to have let some of your feelings out with your son it’s also good you have an easy relationship with your number 1 ex and can talk freely to him. I think the fact you are sleeping so much means you need the rest. Sorry your good day was followed by a bad night. Hopefully, the bad will get less and less and the good increase.
Ellie Anne I wish you could rest in your own home and not feel you have to go out all the time. I hope you start to feel better soon. Did you go to the sea?
Sweetpeasue I use the Pushbike song when I’m riding my exercise bike 🤣. Just the right temp for peddling.
Glad you had some fun with your DGS. Hope the burning goes away. Ok let’s agree whichever one of us is in front can give the other a pull up the hill. We can do this together.
I thought I’d done really well last night but I had the bike in the wrong setting ☹️ Thought it was too easy.
HvDY you still sound quite poorly. Good that your son has his own place now so hopefully you can rest this weekend. Indeed the fact that Mr Copper had a good life is good reason to remember him with fondness and not upset. He was so lucky you found him or more to the point, he found you.
Wow that’s a lot of food. Is he expecting an army or just his girls round? 🤣. Glad you had a nice chat with your other son.
Scaredycat pleased your DDs cats are well settled. All pets are good company. I also think they are bred to know how to manipulate their owners with a look or a cuddle.
It’s funny what you said about a thought popping into your head. It can wreck your peace of mind if something suddenly crops up in your mind. Why do we all do it. Our minds are curious things.
I hope you have a lovely trip. Remember you’ve felt like this before but have gone and enjoyed yourself. There is nothing to worry about just relax and have a good time. Looking forward to hear how you get on.
Ellie Anne it’s good you have found Morrisons cafe. Sitting on your own but with others round you can be companionable. Taking a book is a good idea. Please enjoy the reception tonight and try and chat to people. Hope you don’t feel lonely. There are probably others there who feel the same.
I wonder if our dear Annie knows how much she is missed and how important she is to us all. I too hope she’s back with us soon.

Wyllow3 Strange how so many of us here have so many dreams. Don't think I've ever watched 'Law and Order' but it's good that it can help you come to terms with things. Don't want to mislead, but the pain I was referring to is not my old pain thank goodness, but the recurrent episodes of the other thing that I'm taking Fluconazole for. Hope you have a better night.
HVDY It's lovely when we can have that special time with our sons isn't it? Hope you're feeling a little better.
Scaredycat I remember you're being anxious just before your last holiday. Have a lovely break. I'm sure you'll be OK when you get there. I think it's something to do with the unknown that produces the nerves.
My mum was very tall and as I'm only 5ft 3 I was always asking her to slow down. Haha.
EllieAnne I hope you manage to enjoy the wedding event once you're there. If only you husband could see his brothers more he might be happier and at the very least you could get a break from the awful atmosphere when he's home. I too get respite from thoughts when I read. It's a great solace.. I've just read Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier. I found it very good, I can recommend it.
Doodle Hope you've been OK today. I'm hoping to be back on bike tomorrow as I think the meds are kicking in. I'll be doing my best to make up for lost time so - - I'm behind you! 🥵

Wishing you all a good weekend. X

Wyllow3 I hate those horrible dreams. I hope you aren't troubled by them tonight.
ScaredyCat I hope you have a really good time away. The churning feeling happens to me a lot. I make lists to myself. The change will do you good.

DH went Son1's to change the door around on the fridge-freezer and plumb the washer in. Son has apparently spent £180 on food . Son2 came here for a couple of hours, and it was good to chat, just the 2 of us. I hope all on BD has a pleasant evening. x

Scaredy-cat thank you and the others for caring. I always take a book into morrisons and there are always people on their own so. I don’t feel conspicuous.
Dh never asks where I’m going or where I’ve been. Most of his conversation is about cat, if it’s been fed, gone out, come in etc.
He has 3 brothers but the all live hundreds of miles away. They do get on but only phone on birthdays or if someone is ill. He talks about going to see them but probably won’t.
I have no close family my age .
I do wish Annie could come back. I keep checking.
I’ve just started the latest ‘Vera’ book . I love her on tv .
Reading takes my mind off things.
I’m going to the evening part of a wedding tonight. It’s a friends daughter and I’ve known her since she was little. She played with my daughter. I really don’t want to go because I only know the bride and her mum but didn’t like to refuse. I’m taking my car so I can leave early and also so I don’t drink as I talk too much and am a bit silly!

Doodle-/you,re right about uphill- it makes my legs ache too. We walK quite fast but still get overtaken by all these middle aged youngsters!!
The Canterbury cat sounds so,sweet - they really are the most clever creatures - I love them. My daughters 2 adopted ones are settling in well and have her wrapped around their paws!!
Have a lovely weekend.
Wyllow - walking has been my saviour for so long. Such a good way to clear your head when it’s full of gremlins. Don’t know why are brains sabotage us as they do. I can find myself about to do something I really love and a worry can pop in from nowhere and take over all my thoughts.
What a good relationship you have with your Ex1 . It must be lovely for you to be able to chat without having to worry about what you are saying. I,m glad for you .
EllieAnne- I,m so,sad for you it’s awful having to go out of your home when you don’t always want to. Hope you go with friends sometimes. It sounds like your husband is devoid of any emotion- does he have siblings he talks to? Hope your cough clears up soon - you must be run down I think. Take carex
SweetPeaSue- yes I was very quick- my DD used to,say “Slow down Mum” now when we walk together it’s me saying it. I still walk pretty quickly for,someone as ancient as me😀
Sorry the pain is still so troublesome and hope the meds are doing their job. You,ll be back whizzing up those hills soon!!
HVDY- You must have been disappointed to miss your counselling session- glad she’ll be there for you next week.
A PJ day now and then doesn’t hurt anyone - you obviously needed it.
Enjoy your time with your son today.x

We are off tomorrow for a week . My tummy is churning already but I really want to go as it’s my favourite City in the world. Anxiety tries it’s best to ruin everything but I try not to let it.
Wishing you all a peaceful week and will try and post when I can.
Love to all and Annie hope you,ll be with us again soonxxx

HVDY BD's have total permission to not get dressed all day! but so sorry that meant missing the counsellor. Good family news and enjoy DS2.

My brain went on a wrecking spree in the night with a horrendous negative dream (I always self punish in one way or another for a good day, but perhaps that has got it out of the way with some careful self watching).

ScaredyCat That little cat sounds lovely. We used to have a 3 legged cat next door, many years ago. It didn't have a tail, either - both lost in a car accident. Its name was Lucky and I suppose it was lucky/ Glad your AF settled down.
Doodle Yes, I'll have a quiet weekend (too quiet now) but if I feel ok, I'll go and watch GD1 in her rugby match. Like you, I can't walk quickly. It's good that you got out for a walk, it was nice weather, by the look of it.
Wyllow Glad you were able to chat to DS. It's good that you get on so well with your Ex1. Your MH worker sounds very good, too. It makes a difference when someone understands us, doesn't it?
SweetpeaSue I really hope you get some relief with the tablets, soon. It must have been good to have time with your grandson. Precious moments.
EllieAnne I hope you're feeling a bit better. Your home life sounds very unhappy. I hope you found someone to chat with in the cafe.

I didn't get dressed all day! No like me. My voice went completely. When my counsellor rang, I couldn't speak, so I emailed her and she'll ring me next Friday. I'm getting used to the idea of Mr Cooper not being here. I take comfort in the fact that he had a lovely life with us, and he knew we loved him. Many animals never know that. I went to bed at 8pm - hence me being awake at this hour. DS1 is happy and settled, and DS2 is calling round today. "see you" all later x

Its not tomorrow anymore Sweetpeasue, its had be delayed to go back to solicitors they wouldn't accept our DIY signing. Hope therefore no spanners in works but realistically, no. .Maybe next week but easier for tomorrow.

Watched a lot of the old US drama "Law and Order - special victims unit where abuse stuff (usually more violent/extreme) is dealt with but it strengthens.

So sorry you have to live continuously with the pain and the not knowings.

EllieAnne hope the sun shines so the sea is there for you. Not happy at home!

EllieAnneI'm so sorry you're not well. I know what you mean about Morrison's cafe. Usually larger cafés make it easier to be anonymous, can be easier somehow. What does your husband do when you're out? Does he ask you where you've been? I wonder if he cares at all, that was what I was thinking. It's a sad way of like for you like this. I hope the sea air helps.
Scaredycat Was wondering how your AF was but didn't want to ask. I'm glad the walk actually helped this time. Mmm, hills do get in the way dont they. I could just picture you pushing the bike up the hill. For some reason an old song came into my mind. DH just put it on for me to remind me. The Pushbike Song by The Mixtures. 😂. Did you used to be a fast walker Scaredycat?
Wyllow3 Am glad you could have a catch up with your first ex. Its good that you have remained on good terms. I hope tomorrow goes well for you and papers can be signed without any complications. It will be a relief for you when that is over. I know the stress will be exhausting for you with the CFS and be depleting your energy. It's good that you could talk to your son and explain some of how you're feeling and he understood. It's not always easy to do.
Whiff You're such a kind person. That was a lovely message. I hope your pain flare has subsided and things are a little more manageable at present. It's not always easy to find humour but it's often there at even the unlikeliest moments.
HVDY You sound so poorly and worn down, I'm glad you could stay home today. Hope you managed to get some rest. Perhaps with another night's sleep you'll feel a little better tomorrow. Wish I could relieve your heartache though. 💐
Doodle Your fitness must be improving if your long walk didn't cause the usual aches n pains. Must be the bike riding in your exercise routine. I agree the countryside is very beautiful--if I stand on my pedals and squint I can even see the sea. - - ooops! 🤕
Actually not been able to bike today(confession) It's this blasted problem that won't go away . Hopefully the Fluconazole will kick in but I'm getting worried now. Burning. Woke me last night.
Husband picked up DGS and had a couple of pleasant hrs with him.

Take care of yourselves everyone on BD. Hope you all have a better day tomorrow and thinking of you and hope all goes well Wyllow3. X

He would help if asked but hasn’t noticed I’m unwell despite all the coughing 😷. Tonight he just sat watching pointless while I made his meal. He only helps if asked.
I’m not seeing anyone this weekend and long walks are off so it’ll be Morrisons cafe or sitting by the sea.

Hi all, missing BD reporting in.
Yesterday I saw my lovely MH worker, it was the penultimate session. After, I had a big down as in losing her. However, there was some comfort, she reassured me that Discharge was not a certainty. In fact she had been convinced after the "Care Review" I would ring in crisis, well I'd felt "what's the point I'm being deserted" but it had all gone in the diary I write.

I have to say it has been invaluable to do this. It means I know they have the information to make as good assessments as possible, as well as feeling I am "writing myself into the world" and existing. I do it on the computer so's to be able to send on to anyone relevant. Without it, I would never have been Safeguarded and much, much else.

I don't know if diary keeping is for all, just to say, it has helped me. It does mean facing the feelings and not popping them in a box, and I know that having them in a box is sometimes entirely necessary.

But perhaps what made most difference it that I had a heart to heart with DS last night. I admitted to a level of depression perhaps less than have, but it was so good to know I can talk about them at all. I admitted I needed to know they care more than I usually might until I am better current Ex wise and my CFS is better. In fact the CFs - being able to do so little, I would say contributes to depression as much as other factors, as I dont get to see enough people or do enough things to make live worthwhile at times. Not seeing grandchildren much has to be high on this list.

Today I slept until 9 and another sleep in the afternoon and saw my no 1 Ex. He doesnt live locally but it is a huge plus to chat with him. We are on the same wavelength in so many ways. and we can chat about the family. (its was an amicable split, but we can talk MH stuff without any barriers now we are not, as it were, responsible for each other. He has a partner which I am glad for him about.

In my mind as ever, Annie.

EllieAnne sorry you feel rotten. Its makes everything worse without doubt.

Oh that feeling of watching others walk or whizz by on bikes, Scaredycat, understand that completely. but hey girl you did it, you walked! koko.

Doodle thinking of the phrase, "getting back on your bike" has to be tempered with "baby steps". Steady as she goes.

HVDY not surprised you have been tired and under the weather. Losing Mr Cooper and all the helping out with family must take its toll. Take care now.

SweetPeaSue glad you are on the counselling journey. someone there for YOU. Have the meds helped the pain? I so hope they will to give you periods of respite.

Whiff what a lovely post up thread. Knowing we are not alone...yes, means so much.

Hello to Violetsky and others who read BD's but dont post. You dont need to....there is understanding here that includes you.

Managed a long walk today without any aches and pains thank goodness.
sweetpeasue so pleased your counselling went well. That is really good news. Hope the medication works well and everything crossed for the consultant next week.
Ooh I’m sure a virtual hill counts. When my legs start to ache more I’m sure that’s when I’m going uphill. Lovely countryside around us as we cycle don’t you think Sweetpeasue? 🤣
Ellie Anne you sound so poorly. Are you sure you shouldn’t be in bed. Hope you have a good sleep tonight and feel better in the morning. I know you don’t have much to do with your husband but would he help if you were ill? Are you likely to see your grandchildren this weekend?
Dear Whiff what a lovely and heartwarming post from you. Sometimes when things are tough we find it hard to have humour in our lives but it’s important to have some laughter in our lives too. Hope you are doing ok.
HVDY I am so glad you’re having a days rest. I worry you do too much and are always on the go. Hope you start to feel better now. At least with your son now having his own place perhaps you can have a quiet weekend.
Scaredycat when I used to watch the online service at Canterbury Cathedral, the Dean there had a cat who had to have its leg taken off due to cancer. Before he had his leg off he would sit on the table and dip his paw into the milk jug and lick it. So many people were over the moon to see him recover from his surgery and develop the knack of balancing himself so he could still have his milky treat,
DH and I are overtaken by walkers all the time now. I did feel we had a reasonable pace for the first half of our walk today. It started off cold but wasn’t windy and we enjoyed it.
Hope the AF settles down again .
Annie thinking of you and missing you x

SweetPeaSue- pleased you had a good counselling session and hope the meds are helping you.
Virtual Hill- same as the real thing- well done. When I had a real bike I used to get off and push when a hill got in the way!!
MaggMcG- Hello good to meet you.
Wyllow- hope today has gone well for you- each day you get nearer to the end of these stressful negotiations and having to live life on a tightrope.x
HVDY- Hope you,ve been able to have a good rest today and your throat feels easier. Your son is going to be busy tomorrow installing all his new appliances- I can imagine your DH will be giving him a hand.
Sometimes on our walks we meet a dear little three legged cat- saw her today and she is the sweetest friendliest little thing and deals with her disability so well - you would like her.
EllieAnne- Oh dear you too feeling under the weather- don’t get cold staying out too long. Hope you feel better tomorrow.
Whiff- kind and wise words thank you.
Doodle- any new exercise always makes “hurty” bits-/you,re doing brilliant keep it up.
Today a younger lady overtook us while walking and I thought only a few years ago I walked that quickly😩 AF has been a nuisance this week but I still go walking regardless and today walking stopped it- hooray.
Annie- thinking of you,missing you and looking forward to when we “see “ you againxxxxx
Love to allxxx

Doodle Hope you aren't aching today.
SweetpeaSue Hope the tablets help. Glad the counselling well. I've got my lady ringing me this morning, although I doubt I'll be able to talk much.
EllieAnne Sorry you aren't feeling well. Some fresh air might help, though, it sometimes does.

Wyllow3, Whiff, all on BD, hope you're all ok.

I went to bed at 9.30, my voice had gone completely. Apart from getting up twice (for a wee), I slept until 5, so that was good. DH has taken the day off work, and he's going to Son1's to wait in for the deliveries. I'm going to stay in and not do much. Hope everyone manages to have a decent day x

Hope you are all feeling bit better today. It's funny pre Covid if we had a cough ,sneezed or had a sore throat thought it was a cold . Aching joints and feeling really ill it was flu. Now we have to think is it Covid but at least we can test for that. Seems this new strain you can have 4-5 days before the test shows positive . As people have said they test everyday from when they feel ill but it's not until then it shows positive. Funny how we think we have nothing else to worry about them wham life throws something else into the mix.

But all on here have shown how strong you are because no matter how you feel you soldier on and help eachother. That's why I felt I could write . And glad I did.

But this is not a doom and gloom place to be as no matter how any of you feel there is always good humour and that's worth its weight in gold.

Take care everyone and remember you are stronger than you think and you can face anything life has in store for you. 💐😊

Hvdy I am feeling rough too. Coughing and sneezing. I did a test which was negative. Just as well as I can’t stay in.

Hi MaggsMcG nice to meet you, back in tomorrow

"Does a 'virtual' hill count?" Oh yes.

xx all.

MaggsMcG Kind of you to show concern for HVDY. All welcome here.
HVDY Sounds like you're being kept busy. Glad you've felt a bit better though symptoms can often worsen at the end of the day can't they? Hope you can get a good night's rest. Counselling session went well. Saw GP this afternoon. More Fluconazole. Consultant next week.
Doodle Glad you had a good night.
Been on bike today but didn't see you. Does a 'virtual' hill count?

Hope you're all OK Scaredycat EllieAnne Violetsky Whiff and all on BD. Have a peaceful night. X

Hello MaggsMcG nice of you to pop in. Always welcome.
Glad you’re feeling a bit better HVDY just don’t overdo it.
I used to suffer from laryngitis a lot years ago. Often lost my voice. Still do if I have a cold.

SweetpeaSue Hope the counselling session went well. Do you mean you were seeing the GP today or getting an appointment for another day?
Doodle I felt a lot better today but now my voice is no more than a whisper. I'm going to Son1's house tomorrow, to wait in for a washing machine, fridge-freezer and tv arriving. At least I can sit around there.
MaggsMcG Thanks for your concern. I did a test this afternoon, was negative. I think it's Laryngitis, as I've been like this many times before.

I hope everyone on BD has had a good a day as possible x

HowVeryDareYou Dont want to scare you and you may have already done so, but your symptoms are the same as Covid-19 at the moment so might be worth testing, it seems to be going round a lot at the moment.

I know I dont come on here often but I do appreciation everyone in case I need you. Hope everyone gets some relief from their problems soon.

You’re all so kind. I am fine. The bike and I have another go today. I don’t try and do too much otherwise I ache to much the following day. Hoping I get used to it.
Wylow it must be hard to keep quiet and not react when your Ex says things but I see the need to keep him cooperating. Hoping your paperwork will be completed soon.
HVDY oh dear you do sound poorly. It’s so kind of you to take your SIL out to the day entre but I’m sure you’d be better off at home. Hope you rest tomorrow.
Sweetpeasue nothing to feel awful about. I will be back on the bike today and race you to the top of a virtual hill 🤣
Glad you had a good night. I did too and it certainly helps.
Hope you get on well with your counsellor and the GP

HVDY You really don't sound well at all. It's good of you to think about your sister in law but you must take care of yourself too. Sending love.
Doodle I feel awful now making jokes about our exercise biking. You might need to give it a rest for a while, you don't want to be injuring anything.
Wyllow Hope your day is better. Its a tough time for you to get through, but you know you deserve to be treated with respect. Your self-worth was being damaged. You must have suffered so much.

Slept OK last night. Counsellor today and GP appt to discuss things. Hope everyone has a decent day. X

Oh dear, definitely not back not the bike. that's really a tough dilemma there, Doodle