Black DOG 13

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202210/medium-1869-img-20221001-103053.jpg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202210/medium-231835-img-20221001-103001.jpg

Mr Cooper with his best friends

I used to have a tiger puss nice pix.

Hi all x

Sunshine and blue sky in Mid Wales, assume it’s the same where you are and you are all in your gardens or walking.

I have more tec problems, !

How is everyone ?

I did an early gym and....went to someone for help with more tech problems...and had a flue jab and a sleep. My mood has been more neutral but I've felt lonely and know I have to make more effort to see friends, been avoiding it and just talking to people like workpeople or very casual remarks at the gym.

I've realised after my abuse experience I trust people a lot less. I was over trusting to get in that situation and swung too much the other way. I'm also not sure people "want" to see me.

It's complicated with DiL. It used to be much more easy going when I was part of an apparently untroubled "couple". Ex was very very abusive to her to in WhatSapps and once in person as well as me earlier this year and I know anything MH scares her off so am ultra cautious there. Although both her and DS have suggested I go live up there one of my reasons for caution is that the "invite" lacks emotional warmth.

But better to be very cautious atm than mess up. I suppose thinking out loud she is in uncharted territory and also for the next year what with a very disabled daughter and three others and both parents working full out she just hasn't got the spare energy to "invest".

And you, Annie? How did family visit go?

Hi friends
EllieAnne- try not to feel too upset about your little GD . This happens often for all sorts of reasons but rest assured she will love you just as much and will look forward to the times when she can see you. Keep in touch as much as you can- maybe send little cards sometimes.
Joce- I can imagine how you feel - from a fellow HA sufferer. I do hope you feel better soon. I don’t know if it,will make you feel better but I have a friend who has Myeloma and he sailed through Covid!! Take carex
Wyllow3- I can’t cry either but music certainly can give me a lump in my throat sometimes. It must have been wonderful to play in an orchestra . My Mumcould play anything on piano just by ear- needless to say that talent missed me out!,
Yes it is ok to have a dressing gown day - so many times we worry about saying or doing the wrong thing and the other person can’t even remember it or doesn’t care anyway!
Your words about PTSD are so true and I firmly believe that whatever momentous events we have gone through shape us as a person . You write such insightful posts.x
HVDY- what a terrible experience for someone so young- your poor familyxx
My son was in the car when his brother and Dad were killed and deals with it in a way that helps him- I can’t say more.
Happy Birthday to your GD. Is it her first time horse riding? I think I remember you saying there are horses near where they live
Rafichagran- so sorry to hear your anxiety is overwhelming at the moment.Your daughter will understand it was stress that was affecting you - please don’t worry too much it will all work out. I remember you from way back- hope you find peace of mind soon.
Annie- Ah your daughter was so kind but maybe a consultation first might have been better. However I think you will be so much better sleeping in a cosy bed as long as you have room to manoeuvre around it. Think of all the cushions you can plant on it!!
Oh no not the tech gremlins again!! Hope they clear off soon.
Yes Blue Sky here today too- back to reality after 2 weeks of feeling so much better by the sea. I,m so lucky to have been able to be there.
Whiff- your Dad sounds like a great character who loved you very much. It is true that the best things in life are free but we don’t always appreciate that though do we!
VioletSky- I,m sorry your Mum causes you pain - perhaps she doesn’t think before she speaks . ( have you every read the Phillip Larkin poem about Mums and Dads?)
Try and enjoy your weekend - you work so hard.
SweetPeaSue- thinking of you and hope the weekend is treating you kindly.
Love to allxxx

ScaredyCat Your son had a tragic trauma too, then. It was my GD's 1st time horse-riding. There are stables near to where they live. GD1 had the afternoon in town with her dad but has just gone home now.

Anniebach It was bright and sunny all day, I got a lot of washing dry. What tech problem have you got now?

SweetPeaSue, Doodle, everyone on BD - hope you all have a relaxing evening x

Evening all. Quick post from me tonight. We have had visitors and I am exhausted, not used to cooking for others and it’s been a long but nice day.
HVdY lovely photos. Mr Cooper looks as though he’s waiting his turn in the game ?
Yes Annie beautiful day here too. Oh not more tech issues. Hope it’s sorted soon.
Wyllow you are wise to proceed with caution. Moving to be near family is often a good idea but maybe you’d rather stay nearer to where you know. Sounds as though your DIL has a lot in her plate to deal with.
Scaredycat glad you got back from your trip ok. Hope you feel rested now. You were lucky with the weather.
Is it washing day all day tomorrow ?

Violetsky sorry you have issues with your mother. It’s always stressing when troubles you thought had been resolved resurface again. Hope things improve soon.
Sweetpeasue hope you are having a restful weekend.
Rafichagran hoping you too are trying not to think of your worries. I’m sure it will be ok.
Joce hope you and Coco enjoying some nice walks.

My mum just lives in a world where she is special and important and the rules don't apply.. it's causing issues for my children because she unofficially changed my name and i didnt know so a name with no paper trail is on their birth certificates as well as all my official documents because no one caught it until now. I'm jumping through hoops to fix it

Hope you all have a lovely sunday

After posting I upped and did some good things sorting and shedding and cooked at big pot of stuff for 5 meals. Hooray for BD people x

thank you for sharing the little bit that you can ScaredyCat. yes life shapes us.

Scaredy-cat it is a little boy and he’s just two. D in law has a huge family and they are very close. Her mum is much younger than me. And honestly I wouldn’t want me or my dh around either. We are not much fun and bring a difficult atmosphere. But she’s a lovely person. It’s just circumstances. Anyway I’m going to ask if I can go tomorrow for a wee while. It’s 45 mins in car. I just go on my own. I’m out most of the time anyway and he s not interested in what I do so I don’t tell him. Hope you all have a good day.

Ellie Anne that sounds like a really good decision.

VioletSky what a nightmare at any time but jumping through official hoops at the moment is especially difficult. Everything is slow or things go easily wrong. Bests with all that.

Hi everyone, Have thought hard about if I should give an update as I know so many here have so mant problems. I hope its OK, even if my news isn't very positive. Had MRI last Friday with contrast. Yesterday had such bad pain I should have gone to A&E--again! Bowel pressure (not constipation) urine retention and uterus pain, all afternoon. which got so bad I had to take triple dose oramorph. Finally got to bed at 200am. Passing drops of urine every few minutes and terrible pain in uterus when doing it. Bowel, uterus and bladder all affecting each other. Urine absolutely clear. Couldn't get upstairs, poor husband still watching me like this after 2 yrs! Enough is enough. Tried to go out for a coffee this morning. had to turn back. Settled at moment. This is 'their' doing. Original op going wrong and cover up. What on earth did they do? Treated like rubbish. So back to GP tomorrow. No way will I be cowered at next consultants visit. 'No more complaints' he warned me on my first visit last June! I did as I was told. Have tried, really tried. What happened 2 yrs ago, not his fault. But coasting this last year, just wasting time. Had invasive Investigative surgery for what? No, can't trust. 2 yrs!!
I so thank you all for asking after me. I read your posts but aren't able to address them, I'm sorry. Love to all. Xx

Hello all not read all your post yet, will catch up with you all...
Today I am feeling better had a slow walk very tired had to get home, but coco enjoyed it, at last she says!! ?
Anxiety is a little better today...
hope everyone’s plodding like me
Hope you all have a good peaceful night sleep.

Yes its been an OK plod which is certainly good enough isn't it Joce.

Sweetpeasue I hope the MRI shows what is physically wrong, because you must have so much fear about what's causing the symptoms - the unknown is always worse than the known even if the known means a hard road to walk.

if it had been me I think -I cant be sure - I'd have asked to be driven to A and E for that level of pain.

Tactically may I make a suggestion? It does sound like you have grounds for a complaint indeed but wait until you know whats going on inside to cause the pain and other symptoms (ie cause and effect of operation) then approach the PALS to help you out a complaint together. Once you are a little more clear of this immediate crisis?

I'm not just saying this without experience. It has happened to me, and I ill judged the timing of my complaint, and the consequences not good. First dear Sweetpeasue concentrate on here and now and symptoms and whats wrong inside and effective regular pain relief and any actions indicated by the MRI. (?)

Violetsky sorry your mother is causing you problems. Hope you get the name change sorted out soon.
Wyllow you’ve been busy. I find some days I can just get on and do things and accomplish so much. Other days I just want to sit and don’t have the energy for much.
Ellie Anne if the difficulty between you and your DH is obvious that may make it difficult for your DIL when you are there. I think most DILs are closer to their own mums and for that reason they and their children spend more time with the maternal grandparents. It’s only natural really I’m sure I was the same with my mum and MIl. Having said that you say your DIL is a lovely person so you must get on. I think it would be an idea to go and see your grandson on your own. He will get to know you better as time goes on. Try not engage in what he’s doing and let him come to you in his own time. My DGD was nearly 3 before she came to me spontaneously and put her arm round me. That was 17 years ago and I still remember the day so that tells you how special that was for me. We have a great relationship now. She is a wonderful young woman.
There are many many mothers of sons who have felt like you do so please don’t be upset. It’s not you it’s the way of things.
Sweetpeasue it doesn’t matter how many problems people have we are always here for you and want to know how you’re doing. Sounds like you could have some sort of urine infection. Is it worth having that checked. So sorry that yet again you are in so much pain. Good you’re going to GP tomorrow how you get some help. Do you know when you will get the results of the MRI? Hope a better night for you tonight.
Joce isn’t it amazing what a little improvement I’m anxiety can bring in terms of relief. Good you have Coco to get you out. I’m sure it does you good.
Annie hope you’re IT problems have been fixed and you are ok.
Scaredycat, Whiffhow are you both doing?

Ellie Anne I meant try and engage in what he’s doing the word not shouldn’t be there ?

Thank you Wyllow3 and Doodle. Think probs about a couple of weeks before I see consultant again when he should have MRI results. I made 2 formal complaints at hospital where I had Investigative Hysteroscopy for a little spotting. He made'false passage' I found out from another Gynaecologist. Then found out when sending for my medical records that he'd taken only part of a fibroid away(you must take away complete fibroid or can be lots of problems). He didn't tell me and had severe pain for a month and bleeding afterwards. Lots more other stuff and bleeding since. Long story that is understandably becoming boreing to others now Wyllow. The complaints were 2 yrs and 18 mths ago now. Came to nothing.
Hope you're coping Wyllow. So much to deal with. My first marriage was 7 yrs and the ending, due to whatever circumstances, is like a bereavement. So sorry.
Annie Hope you're getting used to your bed taking up your room space and that you are finding the comfort of it makes up for your loss of indoor garden.
Everyone on BD take care and be kind to yourselves. Xx

Just hoping you get the results asap * Sweetpeasue*. You need a Plan. And it all happened in Covid times too. No wonder so awfully difficult! Take care: and take (frankly imo in short term) all the meds you can get until you know what's what to receive pain and anxiety. That is what they are there for.

(First marriage we were together 25 yrs and it was amicable and agreed tho I was very v ill, he wanted to spread wings and fly and travel and get on with career, and I wanted him steady and caring and around.

I freed him as he was too undecided, "what's best".

He couldn't cope with my MH stuff. He rescued his mum from gas oven at 6, his father alcoholic bully, not surprising, hey? so we separated as it was easier to be alone than continually wanting a DH who was different than he truly was. We meet now and then now to talk.

Doodle "I find some days I can just get on and do things and accomplish so much. Other days I just want to sit and don’t have the energy for much. " Yes, that's me too. days when its bed and dressing gown and hide from the world, so be it.

sweetpeasue I wish I knew something to say that would help. I think they have likely left you with some sort of PTSD.

It is frustrating as I'm otherwise content and happy at the moment. My mother always finds ways to spoil my peace but at least she doesn't know she has this time.

Keep swimming everyone, find and hold every single shred of joy

I was thinking about my depression and the way it comes and goes along with the physical problems it seems to aggravate.

It's always been this way.

I remembered a poem I wrote as a teen. Only the first verse.

Life is like a pendulum, it swings
Back and forth, back and forth it goes
Wondering what tomorrow will bring
Back and forth back and forth, who knows

Probably daft but I needed to share

SweetPeaSue I'm sorry you're still having all that pain. I don't think you'll get any proper treatment until your MRI results are known - but you must keep on telling them that things aren't right.

Hi all x

Joyce so good to learn you are feeling a little better, x

Violet Sky I liked your little poem, thank you x

Ellie Anne visiting your daughter in law is a good move, the
atmosphere in your house could make her uncomfortable ,
enjoy time with them , leave your unhappiness at home my love x

Sweetpeasue hope you were able to see your G.P. Today x

Wyllow a dressing gown day is good, a dressing gown week
isn’t x

HVDY still on the sofa, bed being delivered Friday, I have to
find help to move things out of the living room, find homes
for my plants, find an electrician to do some work so I can
have lights near the bed and arrange a date with the council
to take sofa, desk , and plants table away.

The estrangement from my family is upsetting me now, remembering how we all helped each other, it will pass.

A chap came to check my buzzer on Saturday, don’t know
how he managed to cause problems with the internet!

How is everyone?

EllieAnne- I hope you have managed to see your little Grandson today. Your DiL sounds nice and I,m sure that they will be so pleased to see you. You will be able to relax on your own and be yourself. Safe journeys
VioletSky- such a difficult thing for you to have to deal with- hope you are able to resolve it soon. Enjoy those happy moments - we have to make the most of them .
Joce- a walk albeit a slow one will have done you good and made Coco a happy little dog. Nice to hear your anxiety wasn’t so troubling yesterday and you could plod on a bit lighter.
Doodle- how nice to have visitors .Does cooking for others make you nervous ? I always get ridiculously anxious and lose all confidence even meals I,ve cooked many times. But always pleased to have done it afterwards.
Yes washing all done and put away now. It was a lovely 2 weeks and did us both good thank you.
SweetPeaSue- So sorry you are still suffering so much it must be physically and mentally exhausting. I hope your GP has been kind to you today and that the MRI results give you some answers.
Annie- you have a lot to sort out this week. I hope that when it’s all done you will be able to sleep more comfortably.
Your family situation is so heartbreaking . Do your sisters have any idea how you have to struggle such a lot ? Hope MT and her sister are enjoying their life together again.
Maybe the buzzer man was a gremlin in disguise!!!
Love to all