Black DOG 13

Scaredycat I think I should charge the gremlins rent , wonder
how many have a remote control ceiling light which switches tv
off and on but not the light bulb.

My youngest sister emails me twice a year, on Catherine’s birthday and the Anniversary of her death, sister 2 telephoned
me recently to tell me a friend had been murdered. I always
text sister 2 and 3 on their birthdays, I don’t want to hear from
sister 1. I really miss my sisters and nieces and nephews but have to accept it. x

Anniebach, Sorry, I hadn't realised you haven't yet got your bed. There are quite a few jobs to be done before you can sleep in it, then. I hope you get it all sorted out x

I hope everyone on BD has managed to have a decent day.

DH and I were meant to be going on a hot air balloon trip tomorrow, but it's been cancelled, due to the weather conditions. I must admit, I was nervous anyway. He's pleased, as he's still having the day off work .

Hope everyone has a restful evening x

Sweetpeasue I’m hoping you had a better night. I do hope the consultant you are seeing isn’t the one who operated on you.
Wyllow sorry your first husband didn’t feel able to support you through your illness. It is difficult for many. I’m glad you have been able to remain friends though. You were together a long time.
Violetsky we all need some peaceful times. Your mother sounds a bit of a handful. Hope you can get all the name change things sorted out ok.
Always room for a poem here. Annie loves poetry and has posted some lovely ones over the years. Yours is very thoughtful for a teenager.
HVdY sorry your trip was cancelled. I can understand your anxiety though but I’m sure it would have been fine and enjoyable. As your DH is off will you be doing something else instead?
Annie lots to do then before your bed arrives. I hope you are happy with it when it comes. It’s such a shame the sisters you get on with can’t be in touch more often. They must know you are on your own an all you have been through. Wish we were closer,we could come and move stuff around for you. Will you be able to keep any of your plants indoors?
Hope the IT problems are fixed now. Was it the buzzer man that caused it?
Scaredycat my mother could rustle up a 3 course meal for a group of people at the drop of a hat whilst chatting to them and cooking at the same time. Me it has to be simple and rehearsed. I only did roast chicken and pots and veg so it wasn’t a gourmet meal. Still had to write notes as to what went in oven when. I’m usually fine till the last five minutes when it all comes together and I don’t have enough hands or workspace ? glad you had a good holiday. A break does you good.
Ellie Anne are you going to see your DGS soon?
Take care all

It was supposed to be a day out, but sorting the mortgage re-hash took hours then I had a Zoom later with my hat on as a Governor of MH trust. Just not sure about that hat as I can be useful .......BUT it takes up big chunks of energy.

xx to all too tired to post more

.... except Anniebach I also wish I could pop round too for a big "joint BD sort out" for you. I thought you had your bed already..it will be so good to have a decent bed.

Oh as well as hours afterwards, "why did I say this or that" and "what will people think" blah blah. But I have to get used to "coming out" as me and it being OK.

AnniebachSorry, I too hadn't realised your bed hadn't arrived yet. It's always strange when a room is altered. When we got a suite 10 yrs ago it seemed HUGE. Didn't seem so large in shop. The arms seemed so wide. Got used to it in time. So if you feel a bit nervous when it arrives, give it time.
HVDY You're so brave, Hot air balloon!! Do you remember 'Nimble' advert. 'She flies like a bird in the sky'
Oh you're a couple of yrs younger than me.
Doodle I'm used to cooking for just 2 now. I've done meals in past for larger numbers but hated it and got anxious. No, not same surgeon that operated before. Left him and went to second who covered for him. Left hospital. This is 3rd! Saw GP today. Can't say too much but it's even possible I may be sent out of area completely for more help.

Svaredycat, Joce, Ellie Anne Wyllow VS and hope Whiff OK too. So many others. Love to all. X

"Saw GP today. Can't say too much but it's even possible I may be sent out of area completely for more help."
Sweetpeasue, that does happen given current resources...I just want you to be more supported and in less pain.

Thanks Wyllow. Think it could be more that my Gynaecologist has shown he doesn't believe I have any Gynae diseases. This is BEFORE any results from my MRI. Shouldn't be saying more. Would never have believed that any of this could happen. Actually started bleeding fresh blood again. This is not, I believe from op 3 weeks ago as that stopped after 5dys.I shouldn't be saying all this I know. I really need to vent so much, I'm exploding. But, I'm ready to get my big girl pants out!

Sorry, but Ive seen something in the medical profession that needs shining a spotlight on. I know that there are so many, and I truly applaud and appreciate their effort and hard work, that are trying hard to help all of us in pain, but surely, those who are covering for colleagues with mistakes, are not serving those who are patients, and are certainly not doing any service to other honest Dr's.

I have been reading how you are all. Started a pain flare on Saturday haven't had such a bad one for a few months. Having to take the extra pain relief and napping during the day. Only time I don't feel the pain is when I am asleep. I am used to pain had it all my life but the flares make it harder to do everyday tasks and it's annoys the hell out of me.

My solicitor asked to get a copy of my phone assessment it arrived yesterday but couldn't concentrate to go through it. Had a quick look and saw that the assessor had missed some of my medication off and had put wrong dates for things plus she said I have a bath. Knew she hadn't listened to me. Will need to go through it with a fine tooth comb and send my solicitor a list off all errors. Will get a photocopy of it on Thursday when at the library for my craft group and send it straight off.

Sorry some are you are having a bad time physically as well as mentally. Will keep reading and check in again soon.

I don't think I'm depressive, but I do get very down and wish I wasn't here at times. Estranged from my daughter, who despite everything she's said and done I miss, The probkem is my griwn up grandchild who has border line personality disorder and on the edge of Autistic spectrum. His moods are ever changing, he can be overly chatty and in your face ringing you 40 times about some thing or nothing, every arrangement gets changed endless times, even as I'm on my way to meet him, then he goes into another phase, he blocks me and ignores me for few weeks, don't know where he is, all about a small thing, maybe I looked at him a funny way or said something he chose to misinterpret. His parents and all famiky don't see him, just me, they say he could snap out if it so I'm isolated. I could cut him off, but he is so lonely and despite all I love him so it's not an option. I go days without seeing people, usually if I arrange something he spoils it. It's so destructive coping with some one with mental health problems, it drives you almost over the edge yourself. You can't confuse in anyone, friends said in the past let him get on with it, family food the same. Rang a helpline and they said protect myself but I can't walk away.
Sorry for all who suffer with mh problems, no one chooses it, but it's so hard for people close to cope. I'm not young any more and feel worn out.
I hope you don't mind me posting its somewhere to express my pain. I almost forget how to be me any more.

Sorry for typos they were correct as I check every sentence then when I press send, find a couple of words have changed, hope you understood.

Doodle I'm going to aqua aerobics (virtual) with my friend, and then DH will meet me at a pub for a late lunch. How are you and your husband?

Allsorts it must be very difficult and upsetting for you when your grandson behaves so erratically. Is he getting all the help he needs from a GP or someone? Perhaps you need to stay in touch, but develop your own social life so that you have the company and friendship of others. It surely can't do you any good to go for days without seeing people.

How is everyone today? I've been doing the usual boring chores but am going to go out soon. I told the CBT counsellor last Tuesday that I'd be going on a balloon trip today. She said she'd contact me about 3 possible days/times I suggested, for our session. She hasn't. I emailed her yesterday at teatime and told her the balloon ride had been cancelled. No reply.

It's probably quite cynical to say, but on the whole, I find most people to be very disappointing (I told her that last week and said the face-to-face Counsellor I saw before frequently cancelled our sessions, and she agreed that continuity is very important).

I hope everyone manages to have a good day. x

Afternoon BD's.

I got to the gym for yoga and shower and a little chat with a Trainor who knew Ex. But the Big Thing is that as a User Governor on local Trust I had an hour Zoom and actually felt Useful contributing to new plans of services. Trying to r and r because it was a "high" and after home felt so empty. So tucked up with Electric blanket, HWB, and computer and not so aline anymore.

*Allsorts yes I sort of wish I didn't exist at times and I genuinely don't know if its part of everyones experience and we are just more honest or whether its depression. What I DO feel is that the strain of trying to care for you could easily bring on a depression if you keep on supporting him at this level. You cant go on like this really, at this level, can you? It IS unendurable. Yes, MH problems like his CAN wreck lives. I don't know how you can set some boundaries and compromise as its so individual but you need to and find something good in your own life to balance all that giving out x

HVDY - you mean people generally, or MH people? I presume you mean MH. Well in 20 years of being "in the system" I've found lovely and reliable, one or two dreadful, and much in between.

Being let down hurts so much I know, it feels like rejection. I can't be level headed about that sort of stuff either, I sympathise. I think you need to clarify with this person as regards the guidelines about cancelling then trying to re-instate sessions?

Whiff big hug for your pain x

I'm going to TRY and chill and recharge

Thank you for being virtually there all and please accept virtual hugs.

Wyllow I mean people in general. One "friend" in particular let me down massively (she showed her true colours when I needed a friend), but several other incidents with people. I haven't cancelled any appointments, by the way. People no longer surprise me. You perhaps know the type - the ones who say "Let's meet up" but then are "too busy" when you try to arrange anything. Someone once told me "the only person you can rely on is yourself".

HVDY sorry about the misreading appointments thing.

Hmm. It's decoding those messages isnt it.

"lets meet up" without a suggestion for a time/place means to me, "I quite like you but not enough to make time in my life atm".

Being disappointed means something not meeting up to expectations.
I'm still struggling with this one, ie having realistic expectations so that when something social happens its "good enough" tho maybe not what the needy hunger inside wants.
Work in progress x

I don't need you to explain things. I'm perfectly able to decipher things. Thanks though

HVDY...... I said how I deciphered it....... all we can do is bring is our own experience and hope it helps.

Afternoon all

I think I've resolved the problem for now.

I cope well when I'm under stress but things to do with my children I find quite tough!

My heart goes out to everyone who isn't getting much support right now, whether that is family, friends or professionals...

If it isn't coming from one place, know your worth! Find it from someone or somewhere else! Everyone deserves love and care

Hi all x

Whiff constant pain is exhausting, it disturbs my sleep so I
have to sleep in the day too to get enough sleep x

HVDY reliability is very important for counselling, you have
been let down my love , I am sorry. x

Sweetpeasue sorry I am confused, are you claiming three
consultants are part of a cover up ?

Allsorts I so understand, when you say ‘I don’t want to be here’ it isn’t a longing to die, it’s a longing for your grandson to
heal . Is he having support ? May I ask if he suffered a trauma
when a child ? and are you on your own ?

Doodle all my problems are to be solved, had a message
saying ‘don’t worry Bro, I will be with you Saturday’ , yes my
Mini Tornado x

Anniebach I'm feeling a bit p***ed off today, it'll pass. Thanks. I'm glad your Mini Tornado will be visiting at the weekend. "Bro" x

sorry I've obviously said the wrong things just don't know what.
My way of spoiling a good meeting.

Anniebach No, I'm not saying that about all 3. It's difficult to explain everything here. I've already really said too much. My new GP saw a message to me and was v surprised. That's all I can say.

Annie Bro that’s lovely your MT coming ??
Hope your bed will give you some much needed rest...?
Doodle cooking for a lot can be very stressful I did Christmas dinner for 13, told them it’s there turn this year if done it for the last 43 years time I had a rest ?...
Does anyone else struggling all day with anxiety? I struggle till about 5.30 every day till it eases of only to go to bed and start again about 5.00am errrr.. wonder if anyone has any advice to help...
hope everyone’s having a good day...

To all with love - I don’t know the poet, I read the translation x

wish I could show you, When you are lonely or in darkness, The Astonishing Light Of your own Being!