Black Dog 14

Hello Scaredycat we missed you. Sorry you weren’t feeling well. You seem to have had a nasty bout of AF. Hope it’s better now. Cheering visit from your DD and FaceTime from son must have helped. Hope things are better today. Yes it’s raining here too.
I discovered wrapping presents on the ironing board last year. Only intended to do one but it worked so well I am doing it again.
Hope your niece gets help readjusting. It can be difficult if you're young or active. No reason she can’t still be just within reason.
Purplepixie I hope you go and see a GP. You do need some help. Why not invite your friend round to you where it’s just the two of you for a chat.

I found a video this morning that I started watching and found it so peaceful. I’ve attached a link. It’s over an hour long so don’t expect anyone to watch that long. Also don’t est h it if you don’t like birds. 🤣

www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYoZgpAEkFs

This is the link

Scaredycat I’ve wrapped up mine now or I would have shown you but I’ve included a photo of the pattern. Mine is like the ones in the middle but has a pink and blue scarf and hat. He looks cute.

ScaredyCat That was nice for you to see your daughter, and to have a FaceTime with your son as well. Hope the AF stays away.
PurplePixie With depression/anxiety, larger groups can be daunting. Would it be possible for you to see your friend alone some time? People who haven't experienced mental health problems can only imagine what it's like. A doctor will be able to help you - the newer type of antidepressants aren't addictive. You CAN feel better, with the correct medication.

Doodle That clip is adorable. My granddaughters used to put those things on their tablets for Mr Cooper to watch .

Sorry I’ve not been around.
Purple pixie I’ve had the same experience going to a friend and finding family there and I can’t cope either.
Unfortunately dd s presents are still here . Dh was all set to go down but she said no because she had a virus. She’s not been at all well mentally or physically and there is nothing I can do.
I’m not feeling suicidal but I don’t want to live like this if that makes sense.
I’ve been to lovely Christmas services and they lift me for a while but as soon as I get home the black cloud is back.

EllieAnne Thankyou for posting and letting us know how you are. It must be awful to feel so bad and to feel helpless in not only your owncircumstances but not able to help your daughters MH too. It's a shame about presents but they can wait for a better time and your daughter and family will enjoy them later. You do so well in how you help your family when you feel as you do. I'm sure those Christmas services are a source of comfort for you and thats so good, Im glad you've enjoyed them. If ever you feel v bad please dont stop posting. You know yourself the limitations of BD but we care and sometimes a kind word can make all the difference to our feelings of being alone. There are things we have no power to change and things we have. If we feel we can't change the bigger things then perhaps try with the smaller ones, however small. Do things that make YOU feel better, be it a walk, a meet up with your friend or eating something nice. Dont expect too much of Christmas as it's true that everyone may be a lot busier but in just over a week's time it will be over and your friend will have less company. Sending you a hug and know, EllieAnne, that we care. x

Purplepixie I hope the knitting helped this afternoon. The concentration and seeing something grow from your own hands must be a therapy in itself. Its the time of year when estrangements must be so hard. I can't imagine what that's like for you, it must be heartbreaking. I'm so very sorry. I know, from my own experience how having very little sleep leaves you weak emotionally as well as physically. Its a lonely time, the night time and thoughts are more acute and feelings of despair more prominent. Everyone here can relate to that and of course everyone else. I hope you will feel better soon and consider a talk with your GP. Take care of yourself. x

To all on BD, I hope you all have a restful night. x

Ellie Anne I’m sorry your DD isn’t well. So many are having coughs, colds and other viruses. At least she knows you were making an effort to get her presents to her. Perhaps a trip just after Christmas might be better.
Do you have any plans for Christmas itself, will you be seeing your DGC? Like Seetpeasue, I wish we could offer more support but all we can do is be here to chat to when you feel like it. A kind and thoughtful post from Sweetpeasue I think.
HVDY I love listening to the birds chatting away. Glad you liked the video.
Sweetpeasue such nice posts from you. Hope you sleep well tonight too.
Annie x

EllieAnne What a shame about your daughter and the presents. Perhaps you could see her in the new year? Christmas services must be uplifting. Just remember, that all this fuss about Christmas is really only for one weekend. Then things will be back to normal - shops and cafes will be open. I hope you find something pleasurable to do for yourself - a walk in the park, a 'phone call to a friend, a good book, or something nice to eat and drink.

PurplePixie It must be very upsetting to be estranged from loved ones. There's a thread on Gransnet about estrangement. Perhaps have a look at that? Look after your mental health as best as you can.

I hope all on BD has a relaxing evening. x

Doodle The snowmen are very sweet. Your GD will love one, Im'sure.
Thankyou for the bird video. Ive watched some and its quite soothing and beautiful. My Blackbird is still visiting. He came back around 2 weeks ago and waits for us to unlock back door for the cheese, then revisits throughout the day. You all help me when Im low, with just a kind word or caring thought. Thankyou.
Scaredycat Hope you dont get the AF tonight. I wish it would give you a break. So pleased you could get a call from your son. Youve had a sad couple of days with the farewells to friends. Hope things pick up.
HVDY Youve had a quiet day today. Wish they could get that pool sorted out. I know you miss the sessions.
Wyllow Glad you could have a nice meet up with 1st ex. Im sure it helps to know there have been some good times. Hope you sleep ok tonight.
Love to all.

Doodle- those snowmen are so sweet- thank you for the pic.
EllieAnne- I,m so sorry your DD is feeling wretched you must be sad not to be able to see her. I read today so many people are poorly at the moment with colds etc- I hope she feels better soon and you are able to see her after Xmas. I hope too there will be some moments of enjoyment for you over the next few days. You deserve so much better. I wish there was something I could say to help you - sending love.
Purple pixie- I do feel for you- estrangement must be heartbreaking. Take care of yourself
HVDY- how sweet that Mr Cooper used to watch on the tablet. My daughter sent me a photo of her adopted cats watching fish swimming about on her tablet!!
SweetPeaSue- wishing you a peaceful nightx
Love to all

Too tired to post properly, just re-drafted a Care Plan submitted to me so xxxx to all.

EllieAnne totally understood and lot of warm thoughts, you sound tired out as well.

Grimmest night for ages: greatly over tired but extra meds taken and still..... Possibly triggered by last nights writing: fear of discharge/abandonment tho no evidence they are thinking that way at present! One of those times its hard to accept he way my mind works, or doesn't.
Glad that I'm zooming counsellor today.

Wyllow3 I so understand that fear of abandonment. You are fearful and its hard to think straight when your mind is racing and you're going through every scenario. Then no sleep. A vicious circle. Pleased you have a counselling session today. Hope it goes well for you. Sending a hug. x

Aw, thank you for my hug.
Can you cry, Sweetpeasue ? I know if I could have a good cry it would release that frozen despair feeling, but I can't. x

Wyllow sorry you had another bad night. Good you have counselling today hope it helps.
Sweetpeasue glad you enjoyed the video. Nice to have a pet bird to come and visit. I’ve been watching the gulls this morning and a fly past by some geese.
Scaredycat yes so many people on GN and in RL seem to have colds and coughs. DH is still coughing but seems better in himself. We have to go into town to collect parcel from M&S today. Glad it’s a bit warmer. At the moment the sun is shining and it’s not raining? Are you feeling any better?

Its sunny here too, Doodle, and glad to hear that DH is a little better, hope its a good outing.

Bests to BDogs today, may it be a better one.

Wyllow Sorry you had a bad night. You'll be tired today. Hope the counselling session goes well.
SweetpeaSue I love watching the garden birds. I put food out every morning, for them, and some for the squirrels. We've had a robin recently, which was lovely to see.
Doodle Glad your husband feels better in himself. The weather here is mild and sunny.

I'm going to meet a friend for lunch. She used to help at the day centre I was Manager of 4 years ago. DH is sitting doing his crosswords . Hope everyone on BD manages to have a decent day x

Wyllow- hope you had a good counselling session today. So sorry you had such a bad night - they are so exhausting aren’t they. I can’t cry either Wyllow- I guess that like me you cry inside but it doesn’t physically happen.
SweetPeaSue- how nice to have a feathered visitor. Thank you for your kind words - AF is a daily visitor at the moment but very unpredictable when it will happen- it makes me a bit crabby because it scares me sometimes.
Hope you are having a good day.
Doodle- I,m glad your DH is feeling better - hope the cough goes soon. When I spoke to my sister this weekend she had a terrible cough and cold - she really doesn’t need that.
It’s so handy being able to pick up parcels isn’t it. Yesterday we had a n email asking for a reference for a company we had ordered a present from . It has been over 2 weeks coming so instead of a review I phoned the company only to be told the carrier had lost it!!!! Special delivery on its way. Poor lady was dealing with many complaints.
Still feel tired but that’s normal with AF. Had a walk in the sun though as that is better than medicine.
HVDY- hope you,ve had a good lunch with your friend- so nice to have a catch up. Good that your DH is enjoying relaxing during his time off. Does he do Wordle as well?
Annie- miss you.
Have a good evening all BDxxx

I can’t cry either but when I was speaking to d in l about dd my voice was breaking. But my son came into the room so I pulled myself together.
Thinking a lot about Annie in hospital. Hope we hear from her soon.

Scaredycat The AF sounds frightening-is stress a trigger I wonder? This time of yr very stressful but you're also worried about your sister. We seem to have done a lot of walking up and down and to and from shops n car-parks today. Should have had a step monitor on.
Doodle Beautiful to see the Geese flying past. In the dusk at 4 pm our sky had stunning stripes of deep pink in it. I soak up the small positives as I easily absorb negatives I think. Hope your tummy is feeling more comfortable today.
Wyllow You ask if I can cry. There was a band playing carols in a store today. I felt choked and glad I was exiting as tears rolled freely. There are times though when I get that closed off tightness. I have been thinking of you today and of ended relationships-its so very painful.(was divorced many yrs ago). I am so sad you're going through this. There is no easy way to heal a deeply wounded heart. I hope your counselling session helped today. You will feel exhausted. Wishing you a deep rest and peace.
HVDY Lovely for you to have lunch with a friend. Hope you've had a good catch up. Its getting so busy now everywhere so hope you managed to find a spare table.

Still not seen son as his GF had Covid scare and both been down with cough n cold. Last minute present buying and just wrapping now. Cant help feeling sad that children seem to have so much now. Guess its my age.
Bowel not right but still cant explain and scared it will worsen. (Surgery said my GP in doing admin. No appt with her till 5th Jan.) No uterus pain though so that's so good.🤞
Hope everyone had decent day. x

EllieAnne Sorry, missed your post. Its so difficult to feel ok when our AC are not doing well and I know how worried you are about her. I join you in concern for Annie. We all share that I know.

Thank you for all of your kind words and for reaching out to me. I will consider going to the drs but have any of you any advice as to which antidepressants work for you? Also I do have a number to ring for counselling.

Purplepixie others may be able to advise you more but I have had antidepressants twice in the past. I think there are new drugs available now that are more current. Your Gp will know.
If you have never had them before, they don’t work miracles. You won’t instantly start to feel better but what happens is the dose builds up a cumulative effect and over a period of time you suddenly realise that you are starting to feel better. You may well feel more tired to begin with as your body gets used to them but they do help.
I’m so sorry about your estrangement. It must be hard to bear. We all have out worries, the things that get us down and although those things are all different, we can all empathise with grief, loss, despair. You are not alone here .
Hope you get some help soon be it medication or counselling.
Wyllow we went out today for the first time in days. DH is a bit wobbly in his feet and isn’t walking too well so I hung onto him despite people trying to push past us. Hope the counselling went well.
HVDY hope you had a good lunch and catch up with your friend.
Scaredycat sorry about your sister feeling poorly. She doesn’t need that on top of everything else.
Hope the AF has given you some peace today.
Ellie Anne I sense you get on well with your DIL. It sounds as though she is someone you can talk to. I do hope that bond continues. Does your son have much in the way of contact with his sister?
I think we’d all love to hear from Annie. The thread isn’t the same without her love and encouragement. Hope she’s ok .
Sweetpeasue until you mentioned my tummy I’d forgotten about it so I guess you could say it’s better 🤣🤣🤣. Thank you.
Shame you can’t get to see your son yet but probably wise to avoid possibility of Covid. How long is he home for?
Do you have an appointment for January or do you have to phone back. You could try writing to your Gp and posting it through the surgery door (we’ve don’t that before) . If she’s doing admin she might get to read it. Hope you get an appointment sorted.