Black Dog 14

SweetpeaSue I'm so sorry about all that has happened with you, and now this. Your hospital notes may not have been tampered with - it might be that not everything was recorded at the time. My notes were like that. The NHS is notoriously difficult to take on. Sorry. x

Thankyou.HVDY.The consultant who stood in read it out to me from the screen about the fallopian tubes filling during op. She stopped when she realised I didnt know. I wrote to her about it, as suggested by my GP to tell her I was concerned about it. Put in SAE. After 3 weeks no reply which I nevete expected. 2.months later she phoned my mobile, I was in the car. She wasnt on long but just to say everything should be ok. She wished me luck for the future. Id only seen her the once. She had arranged a scan which I never got. Shed read it out from the screen. It was my records she was looking at as she printed out the MRI report from months earlier. I know not everything is reported as thats happened too. This last consultant told me hed taken away one cyst at end of fall tube. Hed actually taken away 2. Lots more things. They think Im stupid because Ive tried to trust and didnt confront when I could have but I did challenge, though I let myself be fobbed off with weak answers or silence. Because I was trying to believe them on the surface but inside KNOWING something was being covered. Worst kind of Gaslighting you can do to someone.

I'm sorry. Theres nothing anyone can do. Been up most of night. Woke up after really bad dream about a man trying to inject me with a drug substance in a crowd. I was crying for them to help me but no one believed me. Thats what hurts. Ive stopped bleeding - - for now. Left with bowel problems. I dont know how bad that might get again. Just as Wyllow fears how bad it can get. Just feel helpless and like a victim. So sorry for writing all this. You forget its public forum when youre desperate.
Take care. Its terribly cold again here.

I know what youve said is so true*HVDY*. Things are often not reported that we as patients would think should be. Important, key things. Lies, by choosing to withhold.
You were treated so badly after their huge mistake. You were so poorly and weak. Its disgusting. Unless someone's experienced a blunder they cant understand how it feels when you find yourself up against a huge wall of silence.
You take care of yourself. You're a lovely and kind person and I know you find things hard at times. We all plod on dont we. X

SweetpeaSue Like you, I was unable to find a solicitor (I tried 3) to take on a case. My notes didn't mention that they gave me Adrenalin instead of Fentanyl. No mention of my BP going to 350 top figure. I was told those things by a Consultant, over the 'phone. An investigation was carried out, where they admitted the mistakes (several errors were made) but that those things didn't cause the stroke! I couldn't even get a solicitor to take on the case when my shoulder was damaged at the other hospital. It took me a long time to come to terms with it all, but I had to, for my own sanity. My life is good now. I know your health is still not right and you keep having these bleeding and bowel problems, but somehow, for the sake of your mental health, you perhaps need to find a way to let go of your anger and pain. I don't know how or if you can, but I honestly wish you well x

Its just terrible what happened to you HVDY. I fully understand what you're saying. The strange thing is--I've never been an angry person and I dont think I am now. I'm still getting bleeding and pain. I CAN'T 'move on'. Its not my past. I still need to be treated and Im thinking this will mever go away. I was told they didnt think my pain was Gynaecological when I was bleeding. They have never said they'd made any mistakes. This is first solicitor have approached and asked to take it on. She's done a little work and suggests some things I could focus on if I want to take it to someone else. Indeed she's suggested it. I'm just not sure if I can handle any more disappointment.
Its the pure injustice I find hard.
Ive tried to keep my faith and its being shattered, so its more that Ive believed that the Truth will out.
There's so many things in my life that have turned me inside out but nothing like this that has lasted like a long nightmare with still no ending.
I just feel like Ive been steam-rollered over right now. I still meed to sort out what to do healthwise. I cant keep bleeding without being under any consultant.
Hope everyone is ok. I appreciate you all have so much going on in your own lives. I just needed to sound off a little last night.

Sweetpeasue did you get a computer printout of your hospital record or just the letter correspondence from the consultant? Could you try requesting full computer printout from the hospital and from your GP surgery. I also believe you are entitles to personally view your actual records (although you may have to pay for this). If you have done this and there really is no trace of what actually happened I’m not sure what else to suggest. Mistakes happen with patient notes and as we see from the press there are occasions when things are deliberately altered or left out. I know my Gp notes don’t include any paperwork or records from when I was about 1 to 35. These is nothing there it’s all gone missing.
I feel so sorry for all the trauma and wish I could help more.
HVDY I’m pleased you are happier now. You too have had your own share of trauma. The man you’re going to be helping will be lucky to have someone like you. Hope it works well for you.
Wyllow you are very considerate to your Ex considering what he must have put you through. I’m glad that although you are not ‘using’ your degree the things you have learnt allow you to appreciate art. Do you read lots of books. Other grandma is very interested in the arts and now she is unable to go out much gets great pleasure from books on the subject.

SweetpeaSue Did you get you FULL hospital notes? I got mine, from both hospitals, on CDs. I didn't have to pay for the. I had to apply in writing, then they sent me the forms and I had to return them with proof of my I.D.

Doodle Thank you. I will be helping the man after Christmas - he wants a DBS check doing, as advised by his Social Worker, so I'll take him my proof of I.D. tomorrow and he can get the ball rolling with it. How are you and your husband?

Wyllow How are you today?

How's everyone's day been? I met my SIL at 11 (she's the widow of my late brother but we were friends before she got with him). We went to a cafe for a drink, then went round quite a few shops, then to a pub for lunch, then shops again, then cafe for coffee and cake. I got home 30 minutes ago. Son2 here for dinner in an hour - Enchiladas and salad. x

SweetPeaSue- I have just caught up with your posts. I am so sorry for your anguish but I have no knowledge or experience of the problems you are suffering. Just to say I wish I could help in some way. You are always so kind to everyone and I just wish you had received kindness and compassion from those people who you relied on. Sometimes though we have to ‘ let go’ for the sake of our well-being. Sending you love and support.
HVDY- it’s so encouraging to hear how,you have played the cards you have been dealt. Now you are going to help,somebody else -:what a lucky man to have you looking after him.
Sisters in law are as good as sisters often. Like you I am fortunate to have a SiL from my late husband who is a much loved friend to all our family and DH too. What a great day out you have had - the sort my DD and I love.
Enjoy your sons visit - are enchiladas in the air fryer?
Doodle- hope DH is feeling ok today. It’s still too icy to walk here - is it the same for you?
I haven’t gone back to Art since Covid but some of us from the class have had a Whats App group where we draw and share our work and have a natter afterwards. It has worked well.
My niece left hospital yesterday and she too has had a mild heart attack . She still has to have more tests as things aren’t completely clear yet and she will have to change her lifestyle.
So sorry for her.
Wyllow- gosh an Arts degree - you have had a very interesting life I think. I think you sound more positive and totally agree with your sentiments. Yes we are lucky to be able to keep warm and have enough to eat etc- the things you value are truly the important ones. Do you enjoy Drawing or painting?
Annie- we are missing you and your wise words.xxxxx
Love to all BDxx

ScaredyCat Using the proper oven today, although I could have done them in the air fryer. Hope your niece goes on alright. Heart attacks are sometimes a warning to slow down/change some habits, aren't they.

Anniebach Hope you're ok. You're in the best place, at the moment, even though it is probably boring.

Sorry, cant answer you all personally tonight. Just want to say thankyou all for your support and how much it means to be here.
I believe I obtained all the records I have(signed access form, id ect) but may resend for them again as the dates I sent for just fell a little short of when I left, though were well after op.
Bowel has started behaving badly and 'blowing up' and squeezing. Trying to see GP tomorrow. Rang yesterday but own on holiday all week.
Once again thankyou all sincerely. I really do value your help and suggestions. Much love xx

Thank you to anyone who sympathised with my having M.E. very kind of you. Doing little today after visit. My sister, bless her, came and did most of the chatting.
I think you're all wonderful in how you reply to each other. The screen and typing tire my arms and eyes. So I have to be brief.
It's interesting Wyllow that you feel you may be pushing yourself too hard. It's difficult to get the right balance, and everyone is different, but keep persevering, and keep a record of improvement, however small, that you can look back on.

Sweetpeasue I feel for you. Again I don't know the whole background. It seems so seriously unfair, and must make you so very angry. When my mum died we felt mistakes had been made, but challenging the medical profession I imagine is extremely difficult.
If you can't really let it go, perhaps follow Doodle's advice and get all your records. then put them aside for another day and concentrate your efforts for now on getting the treatment you need, and trying to move forward for the sake of your own wellbeing, hard though that seems. Sometimes life just isn't fair.
If you feel you are not getting the help/treatment you need, maybe your MP could help.

Scaredycat thank you. I do try to paint a little at home, but not often. going to a class encourages me. I hope you get back to yours. Yes, often the chat takes over .
Isn't it lovely to have such good memories of skiing.
I often think when I can do little, how lucky I am to have had the opportunity to do so much in my life.

Doodle thinking of you and your husband, and indeed all of you. Sorry I can't reply to everyone. You are all important and I will be hoping and praying that you have a peaceful night. That includes you Annie.

Please don't anyone worry about adding me to their list of replies. It's nice of you., but you have enough to do with those who need help. xx

Not that I never need help, of course, but I hope you know what I mean.

HVDY be nice to have a job to look forward to after Christmas. DH is ok but still coughing a lot. I might phone Gp on Thursday when they are not so busy.
Lovely day with your SIL bet you both enjoyed meeting up.
Don’t imagine the salad will be cooked in the air fryer will it 🤣
Scaredycat I was close to my dear SIL too. I don’t have any sisters so it was nice to have her.
We haven’t been out today. Just being extra cautious I expect. May try tomorrow depending on what the temperature is like.
That’s a good idea for keeping in touch. Nice to share your work with others and exchange ideas.
I’m sorry about your niece. I hope she will be ok and take things easy for a while.
Sweetpeasue you need access to the computer records too. Hope you can find what you need.
Sleep well tonight all.
Wyllow hope you’re ok. Annie we miss you hope you are sleeping ok x

Nadateturbe you are always welcome to pop in here even if it’s just to say hello. You don’t have to post to everyone just come and tell us how you are if you want. All are welcome. It’s nice to hear from you. Glad you had a good time with your sister, my SIL was a chatter too 😊

Popping briefly as had a very long day unexpectedly as had to sort 2 lots of techie admin/long phone calls so - just feel not a lot, too much practicalities happened. Best not to expect too much tomorrow.

I don't read at all atm. Can't concentrate. Nor draw or sew. discussed it with counsellor today she said early days it will come back. Ex has properly filled in last form so it will all go ahead now for January finalisation from the court. Counsellor thinks it will really hit me then but take it bit by bit. She is clearly very sceptical me and ex will be able to have meaningful communication but..well she is there for me as process go on.

I enjoy your popping in Nadateturbe whatever feels right for you.

I'm glad you took the time and space to share your feelings Sweetpeasue. I believe things have been hidden/you have not found out all yet.
What you have to ask yourself is, what do you hope to achieve?
You want some kind of justice, you are let down by those you trusted, but the solicitors doubt you can achieve - what? I'm not saying you shouldn't press on at all, but....will apologies suffice? Do you want some form of punishment, something on the professionals record? (Thats what I wanted in a major complaint about what got me discharged in 2017, but I didnt get it after months of trying AND I had proof but was blocked to the extent it was worse going on than stopping. what happened in the end was that a greater worry came along, Ex got very very serious cellulitis during covid lockdown, and at the same time ....

I started getting really good support in the present time..which did help. I certainly wish for you to get more of this, I'm not sure from what source, as its the feelings as well as the practicalities of getting info overwhelming you atm xxxx

Doodle hope you can get out tomorrow, maybe some sun and pavements safer? Its a clear starry night here which means sun tomorrow...good Thursday plan.

HVDY may things being better stye for you, for a long, long time. Lovely SiL time.

Scardycat these relatives one can "really talk to" and know all the circs are so precious, glad you have one too. Poor niece, so young - hard enough to adjust at our age, harder for the young.

Annie thinking of you and other absent BD's and those who read this thread.

Vivid dreams, totally out of it today, just sending love and supportive vibes to all. Got to supermarket and a quaker Zoom and its off to bed.

Hope I didn't come across as being hard on you last night Sweetpeasue. You are stuck between a rock and a hard place xx - just offering food for thought

How is everyone today?

Wyllow3 Take it easy, enjoy your Quaker session.
SweetpeaSue Did you get through to a GP?
nadateturbe Must be nice to have a sister - I had 3 brothers and then 2 sons. I enjoy time with SILs though.
Doodle I hope the weather is better where you are and that you can get out.

Son2 didn't come last night - he worked from home and stayed in as his girlfriend hasn't been well - her morning sickness is now daytime/evening as well, and she had to get some anti-sickness tablets from the GP. Poor girl. Son will call here tomorrow instead. It's bright, sunny and clear here, so I went out earlier. Boring stuff to do at home now. Hope everyone has a decent day. x
ScaredyCat

Nadateturbe I so appreciate you responding to me, its really kind of you especially in light of your own ME condition. I will send for medical records again and re-state to include electronic though doubt if anything else will surface. Its been 2 yrs since initial op( kept hoping I'd get better) so cant wait as solicitor mentioned 2 yrs to start a case. I'm so sorry about your mum's treatment. My DF in law had bad treatment before he died in hospital though his family couldnt cope with challenging hospital. You will never forget those issues and I'm so very sorry. Hope you're not having too bad a day today. I'm sure this time of year will be extra tiring and exhausting for you emotionally and physically. x
Doodle You have been helpful and are always so caring. I will check the medical records though in last formal complaint meeting themanager and head of dpt said they could find no trace of that information--even though a consultant told me about it and read it from screen. She wasnt mistaking me for another patient. She even phoned me after my private letter to her. You see I know things about the op were kept from me and have turned my life, and husband's upside down. I do hope your husband's cough is a little better today. You must get very worried about his condition and ongoing health problems. I hope you dont mind me referring to faith. I put my faith in God and understand how to pray in His name and believing that justice will prevail. I know its not always that simple and God's will may not be ours. But if God is Truth then I know He would want that to win over deliberate deceit. I am still trying to believe though not sure if 'trying' is enough. There are psalms that mention deliverance from deceitfulness. That is what I pray AND try to take action myself. x
Wyllow Please dont worry. Its difficult to put everyone in the pictjre of how we all feel by text posts. I understand where you are coming from. Solicitors have so much work on and cant be expected to take on everyone's and must pick and choose, especially the ones that will be clear cut, will produce higher financial return for the least work. Its interesting when you ask what I want.
A sincere apology would be enough, then, knowing whats happened, a way forward to put me right. That's never going to happen as if they apologise theyve admitted they're at fault. My bowel pain was great last night and is still painful. If it becomes as severe as it was in March, when I was told to go to A&E 3 times I dont know what I'll do. I restricted my diet so much as the transit of food through bowel was so painful but also felt there must be blockage it was so bad. I lost 1 and half stone and I was starving myself. This adhesion I believe was caused by that op. Im still suffering. Am I angry? Yes. Am I still in pain? Yes. There's no way I can convey my true feelings and what the last 2 yrs have been like, just as it is impossible for us to fully appreciate your terrible suffering from your situation. We can only be kind to each other and try to understand. I wish I could put this behind me but Im living it every day.
I hope you managed to get some rest today and you will have a peaceful night. Its truly awful, I know those dreams. x

Hope evefyone is coping with all their own problems today. I do think of all of you. x

HVDY Sorry, just seen your post.
How awful the so called 'morning' sickness can be. Hope your daughter in law's sickness is soon over. Woke up to around 2" snow here. Snow on and off all day. Too cold for any thawing. Yes had appt with GP. Not my own but had 20 yrs experience as Gynaecologist. Concerned about bleeding and wanted to refer me straight away but much explanation necessary as cant go back to main hospital OR previous Gynaecologist because lack trust.(he didnt put down correct procedure in hospital discharge and didnt tell me correct no.cysts taken away.) Didnt know about referral by own GP to other hospital 70 mls away. Is speaking to own GP next week
Given me med for palpitations.

Nadateturbe- I share your feelings of being so grateful to have seen and done many things in my life. So much sadness but also so much of wonder. When I can’t sleep I visit places in my mind. I too enjoy your visits here.
Doodle- hope you manage to speak with your GP tomorrow. A constant cough is so tiring for your DH.
Yes it’s still really icy here too and walking is difficult. Went downtown again but even there there’s still lots of icy slush.
Thank you for your kind words for my niece- it wont be easy for her to slow down but she must.
Wyllow- vivid dreams are exhausting and sometimes keep in your mind for ages don’t they. Wishing you a more peaceful night tonight.
SweetPeaSue- I wish there was something I could say to help you. Thinking of you and wishing you some peace of mind.
Hope the meds help your palpitations.
HVDY- oh that poor girl pregnancy sickness is so debilitating hope it will pass soon. She has a lovely partner in your son.
Saw some air fryers today but they were all too big to have on our work top.
Hope you,ve not been too bored todayx
Annie- hope things are getting sorted for you and you are enjoying some nice food.xxx
Having an AF week this week - keep waking up with it. At least it usually goes later in the day. Like all of you my mind doesn’t often rest so that doesn’t help. But keeping busy and counting blessings.
Love to all

Scaredycat I'm glad your niece has been able to leave hospital, though sounds like she may have changes to make amd will miss doing the things she has been used to doing. Oh Im so sorry to hear you're being troubled with your AF every morning. You will have been worried about your sister and niece so its all added to your anxieties. Hope you wake up tomorrow well and without it.

I said too much in post earlier but cant take back now. Can only apologise. I dont seem to get anything right.

Evening all. Been out today for a bit. So cold. DH got quite chilled. Back home in the warm again now.
Wyllow so pleased the form has been completed correctly. That’s one thing done. I’m sorry you have trouble concentrating on things. I find since lockdown my mind flits from one thing to another. That plus use of the internet so much means that I no longer read a book cover to cover like I used to. My attention span is so limited these days.
With you I expect it will be the anxiety and worry that’s caused it along with the CFS.
Hope you are resting now and feeling a bit. Better. DH has days when he says he feels totally discombobulated.
HVDY sorry about your sons girlfriend. Must be tough on them both her feeling so sick. Many have it quite badly. Hope it wears off soon.
Sweetpeasue Sorry you had another painful night. Hope it is better this evening.
DH is still coughing. I might phone the Gp tomorrow.
I hope you can manage to track down your notes. It’s better if you have a chance to examine them yourself.
I have been told that when we pray to God he always hears us but we don’t always get the answer we want. I persevere. Keep praying and hoping.
Glad you got to see a GP and hopefully things will be chased up re your new referral. Hope the meds help. Palpitations are upsetting.
Scaredycat I have a favorite place in Switzerland and if I put my mind to it I can imagine walking down the Main Street to the church and looking across the valley to the mountains.
Have you travelled a lot?
Your niece may well find it difficult to adapt but I’m sure she will. After my dad had a heart attack he found it difficult at first he was such an active man.
Sorry about the AF playing up again. Do you think it might be stress about Christmas and all that needs to be done. Does the cold weather affect it? Hope you have a better night.
Annie as always, thinking of you and wishing you well.

Sweetpeasue please stop worrying so much about what you write. We are all friends here. No one is criticising you or thinking badly of you. You can write what you want. You have troubles and issues so if sharing them with us helps then do so and don’t worry about it. x

Doodle Thankyou. I do hope your husband's cough is a bit better tomorrow-he must be worn out poor man.

He’s been asleep in his chair most of the evening, now it’s time for bed he’s woken up 🤣
Sleep well all.