volver
Somebody mentioned "Still Alice" upthread.
Those of you who have seen it will remember that "reaching for the pills" isn't quite as simple as you might think.
To be honest, I hadn't thought of the live in care Fleurpepper. Unfortunately for someone who had lived in a one bedroom flat for 50 years "live in care" isn't the option you think it is.
Oh I understand Volver. I have been there, done that, with my parents, OH's mother, and many others. Once you are in the late and emergency phase, it is too late to organise. I tried to persuade my parents to get their house organised with walk-in shower, ramps, holding rails- but the reply was always 'good idea but there is plenty of time for that' ... but as I expected, the time came much quicker, and it was too late to organise. In their case, their next door neighbour, who was a cleaner but previously an experienced carer- was prepared to give up her cleaning jobs and become full-time carer. EG come in morning to get mum up, washed and ready, help with getting meals, and pop in any time required + in the evening to get mum ready for bed. As said, due to my (lovely) dad's stubborness- when the time came, there was no choice but to go to care home for mum.
Which has made us VERY determined that we should get everything as ready as possible in our house, to make life easier. We have a room which can become a bedroom downstairs, and plans for a shower-room, and also stair-lift if necessary. And to separate our accom. so we can have a live-in care giver. We also have a neighbour who has the skills and said she would give up her other jobs to become full-time carer, if and when.
So believe me, NO criticism from me Volver. You did you very best (and yes, we all feel that we could possible have done more- that's the nature of being a daughter)...
But, as said above, witnessing not only my parents, but so many more, friends and also through my OH's job- we are determined to try to organise early to ensure we can stay at home, as long and possible. And to have choices for the next stage. I will not ever put my own ACs through all this. They are fully on board and understand exactly what our choices are.
Alzheimers/dementia is very different. Again, with all the experience we have gathered over the years- we know that a very early decision has to be made. As too late is ... too late.
One of our very best friends had a massive stroke a few months ago. He was not found for 3 days- and is now totally dependent, and totally unable to communicate. No-one knows if and what he does comprehend- so he has NO choice- apart from DNR. We have been so shocked by this- all of us, his friends- and there is nothing we can do. That is the true nightmare scenario for which an advanced directive, apart from DNR, no artificial feeding, etc- is no longer a true choice.
So sorry for the loss of your DH in such a dreadful way.