Black Dog 15

Candy that is very expensive. We pay £10 a session and I think that goes to the heating photocopying etc. and hiring the hall for our concerts.
I’m sorry so many of you are unwell at the moment. I’m very fortunate that physically I am quite good for my age.

Glad you got out for a walk, Scaredycat. It's interesting - but not a surprise - that lots of us have family histories with MH in.
Just had an invite from oldest friend from school for a meet up - she knew about Ex but not CFS and you don't mention bowels in Christmas Round Robins do you....and what she suggested isn't do-able energy wise, and she lives too far away for "popping over". We'll find a compromise.

Ellie Anne I'm just so very glad you are! xx

Wyllow Sorry you didn't feel much like chatting today, but you went to the gym and that's good. You're probably tired now.

Candy I was the little sister too - I had 3 older brothers, just got the eldest one left (12 years older than me). He's incredibly self-centred, though, and always has been. What have you been up to today?

ScaredyCat How's the AF today? Does resting have any effect on it?

SweetpeaSue, EllieAnne, *Doodle and others - I hope you've been ok today.

We had 7 hours out with Son1 and his girls. Lovely day at the farm - there are new creatures there, including Armadillos, Porcupines, and large birds of prey. We had lunch at the pub opposite there, then spent the rest of the time looking at the many animals. Did a lot of walking. Strangely, DH hasn't coughed as much, and my legs weren't as bad. The fresh air did us good. Hope everyone has a cosy evening x

Evening all.
Joane that’s nice of you. Hope you are ok.
Sweetpeasue I think we all care about each other on this thread. Because we understand how hard things can be at times. I think it’s inbuilt in us that we trust the medical profession and don’t question too much. Things do look bleak in the middle of the night. I try hard not to think about things then as I know I won’t resolve anything. Sorry about the pain. Just wish you had a decent few days to recover a bit.
HVDY what a lovely time you all had at the farm.
They certainly had a variety of animals there. Glad you all enjoyed it and you and your DH too.
I didn’t realise you had 3 brothers. We’re they a lot older than you? Do you miss them? I only had one and he was a lot older than me but we really got on.
Wyllow have you had a go on the treadmill yet?
I have an unrelated relative (by marriage) Who had severe post natal depression and didn’t bond with her child at all. She was almost not in the world. She had ECT and it certainly helped her.
Thank you for mentioning the RLS thread. A number of people have been kind enough to point it out to me.
Last night the problem was DH s shoulders from doing his physio exercises. If it’s not one thing it’s another.
Hope the appointment on Monday is helpful.
Hope you work out a way to meet up with your friend. We have to find ways of adapting if we can’t live life as we used to.
Candy as you are still working I expect you like having the weekend to relax to or get things done. £300 to sing 😲. Never heard of such a thing. No wonder you didn’t continue.
You are quite right, acid reflux could cause DH ‘s problem. He does take some meds for it but I’m not sure it’s helping.
I’m glad you enjoyed your reunion. Must be nice to meet up with old friends. I’ve never been to one…. I wouldn’t remember anyone 🤔
Scaredycat how does your son cope with his loss of memory.? Does it bother him or does he just accept that’s how it is? I didn’t know for years that there was anything wrong with my memory until I started thinking about what other people remember.
So pleased you’ve heard from your sister again. Her own room must make things better for sleeping. Hospitals can be so noisy. I saw some snowdrops the other day and sent a picture to Annie. I think I will always associate snowdrops with her ….and perhaps big daffodils. 🤣
Ellie Anne I’m glad you are in good health. I think I am too sort of apart from creaky knees and not much energy.
It’s good you are able to get out and about. Keep walking, as Annie would say, she was so right. Lockdown played havoc with my knees and legs.
Hope all sleep well.

Yes we do Doodle (have to adapt). I did 30 mins slowly on the treadmill so good start can check on reaction tomorrow.
Hoping your night is better than usual.

Afternoon all,
Wyllow well done you for going to the gym when you clearly didn’t feel like it. I’m sorry your chat made you feel sad though. I had to really push myself to go swimming yesterday- I’m only learning so needed to practice. Glad I went though. Thank you for asking how I am. I’m very up and down. I’m almost a week on my full dose of sertraline and I think I’m so worried about the side effects- that they can make you feel worse, that I’m almost anticipating a catastrophic dip and every little thought or feeling upsets me and I think “this is it”. My son is coming home this week and I’m worried about how I’ll be when he’s here and feel so much pressure to be “normal”. My husband says I should try and be more positive as the side effects may not even happen and I’m pre-emoting something that might not even happen. Only time will tell I suppose. I hope you are ok and your appointment tomorrow goes well and the OT is knowledgeable.
*Scaredycat” I’m glad you enjoyed your walk. I had a lovely one this morning too. It’s good news too that your sister is obviously improving. ECT is obviously not a very nice treatment and I do think they are more wary of using these days. I appreciate that it helps some but I sincerely hope none is us ever get to the stage where it’s being considered.
Ellie Anne your choir is very reasonably priced. I’ll have to do some research to see if there are any cheaper ones. I’m glad you are physically well as it obviously helps with MH too.
Doodle I used to really like weekends but since my MH issues I don’t so much - I find I need routine and sadly, I don’t really like spending too much time at home. I know for lots of people their home is their comfort. Mine is not as it’s possibly where I face my demons. I’ve even considered moving but it’s probably not the house as such and wherever I live, I have to take “me” with me. My husband would move it helped me bless him but I don’t know if that’s the answer. I hope your DH is doing ok and that you’ve had a restful night.
HVDY wow - 3 big brothers! That’s beaten me. My eldest is 14 years older than me and didn’t initially want a little sister then when I was born, he didn’t leave my side apparently. I forced myself to go to my gym to practice my swimming and although it was an effort, I’m glad I did. Hubby and I went to the local pub last night for a few drinks but there was an unsavoury crowd there so we didn’t stay that long. It’s usually ok though. I’m glad you enjoyed your visit to the farm. There sounds like there was plenty to see so that was good. Time spent with family and outdoors too - how lovely. My DD, SiL and DGS are coming for Sunday lunch later so I need to get started.
I hope everyone has a good day and love and thoughts to those not mentioned personally too xx

Doodle My brothers were - 4 1/2 years older (died 1975 aged 21), 10yrs (died 2003 aged 54), then the remaining one is 12 yrs my senior, he's 75. It's a case of learning to live without people, isn't it? I hope your night was better. How's your DH today?

Candy I think your husband is right - it's not worth trying to pre-empt side-effects. I hope your Sunday meal goes well and that you have a nice time with your family.

Wyllow, SweetpeaSue, Whiff, EllieAnne and those I haven't mentioned - hope you're all ok today.

DH and I are staying in today. I've changed beds, got washing on the line, vacuumed upstairs. That'll do for the day. Hope everyone is having some sunshine x

Candy I was on sertrsline for a while and it took the edge off things but no bad side effects. But after a long while I realised that I wasn’t feeling anything. I was never happy or particularly sad but when something sad happened I realised that I couldn’t care . So I came off them. The dr said feeling flat is what can happen. Now I am low all the time but can experience happy moments with children. It’s a balancing act.
I don’t like weekends either but am getting through this one.

Candy you say, " I’m almost anticipating a catastrophic dip and every little thought or feeling upsets me and I think “this is it", I do understand. Hang in there, it doesn't go away quickly. As for moving house, well it depends.

Yes we do take out heads with us: but if you are moving to somewhere that has real ++++ for your life. And sometimes a fresh start does help. Sorry that's inconclusive!

I know my head will go with me but there are good reasons why when I'm fit enough a certain area will bring a much easier life and nearby Quaker friends.

I also cannot know whether still living in the place where I saved a life with Ex and there were times of abuse will make a difference.

Different anti-d's work differently as regards feeling "flat". It sounds like the right choice for you, Ellie Anne

I'm having a very low day indeed, mostly its an "endure" job. Quakers was lovely, while it was "there".

Wel done on the home front HVDY

Best BD greetings to all and xxx

Hi all.
EllieAnne- I,m glad too that you are physically fit- it helps you to have good times with the GC and have long walks. Also physical illness can wear you down mentally as well as physically. I hope this weekend has seen some moments of brightness for you.xx
Wyllow- hope you find a way to meet up with your old friend - maybe a FaceTime? So nice that she contacted you though.
Hope you,ve felt ok after your treadmill debut.
Yes it is interesting about MH in families. Many in my family have been troubled in the past and now there are still those that suffer.
HVDY- what a lovely day you had with Son1 and girls. It did you both good and animals can always help you forget your troubles .
AF still being a pain - I wish rest would stop it . Sometimes a walk will!! The rate is not horrendously fast just very irregular.
You,ve been busy - we,ve been out to a Golden Wedding celebration. Lovely to see people still so happy.
Doodle- hope Mr D,s shoulders are not so sore today. I expect he used some different muscles during physio.
I think my son copes by some kind of protective mechanism in his head- it doesn’t bother him only certain places and situations can scramble him a bit. i,m sorry you have memory problems but sometimes it’s best not to poke around in your head!!
I,d forgotten about Annie’s big daffodil that lived on top of her wardrobe- I do miss her.
Candy- your DH sounds like mine. He is always telling me not to think the worst or worry about what might not happen . I know he’s right but that’s how I cope with things - so much time wasted worrying though.
Hope you enjoyed your family lunch together- special times and memories made.
Love to all here and not mentioned and those just visiting

Candy I feel a sort of nothingness all the time. I don't get excited about anything, nor do I feel awful sadness - I get slight highs and lows, but am mainly quite flat. I'd rather be like this than ever experience the terrible misery I used to feel.

Wyllow Sorry you're having such a low day. I hope tomorrow will be better for you.

ScaredyCat How lovely to share someone's 50th wedding anniversary. Was it for drinks or a meal? Or perhaps cake? Sorry your AF is still problematic. I haven't got it, but I have to take beta-blockers for a fast heart rate.

I hope all BDers have a relaxing evening. x

Candy I think we all read the list of side effects for our medications and start worrying if they will affect us. DH takes one or two where the possible side effects listed are death! Makes you think. I think you just have to try these things out of you do want help for your condition. I think it’s still early days for your meds to provide help for your anxiety. It’s a gradual build up. Hope when your son comes you manage ok but if not don’t worry. There is still time for the meds to help you may just need to wait a bit longer.
You obviously have a very understanding and caring DH which is lovely. Hope you had a lovely Sunday lunch with your family.
HVDY I’m sorry you lost your brothers at such a young age. Mine was over 90 and had dementia so although I was sad it was a release for him.
DH and I went for a longish walk. We were both suffering muscuLar aches and pains and came home exhausted. Hope it helps us sleep tonight. My son does Sunday roasts in his airfryer. Did you have one today?
Ellie Anne I wonder have you ever been back to the GP to see if there is another antidepressant you could try. One that makes you feel flat isn’t really the answer. Weekend nearly over. Hope you have something to look forward to during the week.
Wyllow sorry it’s not the best of days for you. Have you been on the treadmill? I’m glad you have Quakers to look forward too.
Scaredycat I hope you enjoyed the golden wedding anniversary. Was it family or friends? I think you are right about memory. Sad thing for me is that I would like what little memory I have to concentrate on good stuff not bad but I expect that’s a bit much to expect for a pessimist.
Yes Annie’s big daffodil. David I think. I hope he’s found a new home with her.
We had a slightly better night last night. Only up once. Will wait and see what tonight brings.
Sweetpeasue how have you been today? Hope the pain hasn’t been troubling.
Hope everyone has a peaceful night.

My meds have never made me feel flat - taken the edge of the too highs and too lows eventually. Maybe it's partly our characters tho not "illness" to be some one who feels all very passionately and for others more evenly.

Hope it helps you sleep too Doodle!

Whatever people think one should feel or not feel even nearest and dearest *Scaredycat"., Candy....we are who we are.

Music is helping lots of stuff on U tube but must get up food etc (treadmill maybe)

xx

Doodle We couldn't be bothered with a proper dinner yesterday, so had chicken pizza and spicy wedges. I hope you had a better night with your DH.

How is everyone getting on today? I did aqua aerobics then had a snack at the pub, then hoovered the car.

After a grim night when got really freaked out as to the CFS appointment today, I had a nice chat, but not a lot more than that, except for very emphasised advice about stopping exercise or socialising "in time - ie before you think you have done too much".

Because its easy to carry on doing stuff and not knowing how it will affect you later. They won't "take me on" as I have MH problems, and "you have resolve them first". (oh yeah?)
Also she said your GP need to supervise your progress (what GP?). There are one of two good tips (*as I have the kind of CFS that can heal to a certain degree: how far remains to be seen: she clearly felt it was last years stress of abuse that triggered the very high levels I have atm)

but I will have a go at getting my long term favourite GP on board - a later of email- maybe agreeing to phone me once every 6 weeks, you never know. She is the only person I've known for a long time and really do trust in all the people I've had to encounter.

And I'll do this myself because it takes a few weeks for them to report back to the GP's!

Been an awful few dys with constant bowel pain so didnt feel I could post as couldnt address everyone and really didnt feel right to be so depressing. Though pain still there not as nad as it was. Im afraid it looks as if its following the pattern of last year and becoming worse it semed so much better after the September op.
I dont think I can remember all posts here but just wanted to say I'm still thinking of you all.
Candy Hope your medication isnt still causing you worry about side effects and youve had a nice meet up with family.
HVDY Glad you've had your Aqua-Aerobics today. Hope your afternoon was ok.
Wyllow I guess your CFS appt didnt produce anything much that you already knew. Seems a bit ridiculous saying you can't be taken on whilst you've MH problems. Not sure I understand them. Sorry youve had a bad night thinking about it all. Sounds a good idea about GP phoning you regularly. Wish ours could do that.

Hope you're ok Doodle Scaredycat and everyone. X

Hi all.
Just a quick visit.
More worries!!! My DH has been another with a dreadful cough
for many weeks.Also hoarseness etc. been Docs twice and has had 2 different treatments. Still the same. Well ,today the kind young Doc he saw last week phoned to see how he is- could have knocked us down with a feather!!! We should be going on hols in 2 weeks but after several questions Doc said he didn’t sound fit to fly and he would make him an urgent referral for an endoscopy! This came through by lunchtime- what wonderful service from the surgery. I,m so glad because I was very stressed worrying about DH being away. So we cancelled the hols this afternoon.
Doodle- glad you were able to have a walk together. Hope you did sleep better.
It was friends Golden WA - DH golf buddies.
HVDY- pizza and wedges sound just the job.
Wyllow- sorry about the awful night. You,re probably like I am- I never know when to stop then I always say why did I do that! Trouble is when you feel better you just want to feel ‘normal’.
SweePeaSue- glad the pain is subsiding a bit. It must wear you out.xxxx
Candy,Whiff,EllieAnne,and all hope you you have a peaceful nightxx

Wyllow It's sometimes difficult to know when to stop and rest, isn't it? Best of luck with getting through to your GP. I hope she helps you out.

SweetpeaSue I'm sorry you're still having all that pain. Do you keep a diary of it at all?

ScaredyCat It's a shame you've had to cancel your holiday, but very good service from your doctor - I hope all goes well with that with your DH.

I've - cleaned the bathroom, swept down all the stairs, hoovered through the downstairs rooms, mopped and polished, cleaned the kitchen. DH has been doing his crosswords, that's it......... Hope everyone has a relaxing evening. x

Scaredycat Oh dear, that's another worry for you. It's very thorough of your GP and surgery to get back to yourDH and check up on him like that. As you say - credit to them. If the holiday can be rescheduled I'm sure that will be for the best as you couldnt enjoy it with things as they are. Hope he's ok and it's good they're checking things out. Hope too his cough clears up spontaneously. I'm sorry you're having so many worries though Scaredy. Sending love. x

Scareycat what a tough time it is - you just get some better news about sis, then things flare up at home. I'm very glad its quick too tho I can imagine your thoughts on the ???. So very, very sorry you have had to cancel your holidays.

Sweetpeasue that also sounds such a bed time too. Please dont feel bad abut coming in being really depressed, hugs always available. Where are matters in terms of seeing the next consultant? Its so hard to sort out the boundaries of mental and physical pain and how they interact with each other.

take care you both.

Another days work well done there, HVDY. Your house must feel nice and ordered after yesterday and today.

As regards today it wasn't satisfactory, or good enough: she will have known MH wise I'm anywhere close to "Getting better" what ever that means:

but I had my suspicions from a warning said by my former worker (nice one who retired) when I was referred way back. CFS is within mental health funding wise, and with current limitations they reckon you're "getting your slice of the cake already",
What they offer that I didn't get was a planned series of diary keeping, food, activities, symptoms for a period to identify for you as an individual how to know when you have "done too much" which I have found is genuinely nearly impossible, it's not like you get normal signs of tiredness, they hit you long after, and not in a predictable way.

I think I felt what most people feel these days: that there is rarely one medical person there to "hold it together" and refer to", one has to make great efforts to "join up the dots", chase, overcome "whats the points" in doing so.

Wyllow I so agree with your last paragraph. It takes immense effort to keep different medical people on right track. Found that Gynaecologist blames condition on Bladder probs. Bowel specialist only saw me once and because large bowel scans ok was sending me to bowel physio (that was 6mths ago but its NOT bowel physio I need. Somethings wrong.
Like you, Wyllow, if scan on lrge bowel seems ok, but you're not, why dont they scan small bowel? It was September that the bowel adhesion was cut, but only 2mths later bowel problems started again. Appt with new Gynaecologist not come yet Wyllow. Rang hospital last week and said I should be hearing 'soon'. But bowel is much more concerning. I'm having pain and feeling need to go many times when I can't.
I know someone with CFS and after exertion, like longish walk, felt great at first, but a day or so later crashes and ends up in bed. It must be so difficult to know how much to do Wyllow

Sorry for all the Wyllows Wyllow!!

HVDY I love pizza . Haven’t had one for ages though.
Not a good night I’m afraid. Thanks for asking.
We went to GP today who has agreed we can increase DHs meds in the Hope it helps him (us) sleep. Not sure how tonight will go he’s already got cramp in his hands. Gp is also referring us to a local neurologist. Can’t get to see our London consultant for ages.
Wow, your energy makes me feel exhausted. Wish I could tackle the housework like that. I have to sit for a bit after every chore. Hope you had a good time at aqua aerobics.
Wyllow we could have had a chat last night. Sounds like we were both awake.
Sorry the CFS people won’t take you on. It is possible to need specific support for different illnesses even if they come under the heading of MH. That disappointing. Is there a CFSsport group (like the British Heart Foundation) who can give advice or help?
It sounds hopeful that you can get better. DH’s ME was really, really bad but he did improve and got back to a good state of health and mind.
I do hope you can get your Gp to help.
Sweetpeasue don’t worry about posting to all. Sometimes it’s too much. Sorry about all the pain and worry you are going thorough. I’m glad the pains a bit better. We are thinking of you too.
Scaredycat sorry you are having more worries with all you’ve got on your mind at the moment. Isn’t it strange about your DH having a cough too. What is it with all our men. I was back at GPS today and said I was concerned about DHs ongoing cough. Our GP thinks he should just continue with the two inhalers as his oxygen level seems ok despite the cough. I’m sorry you’ve had to cancel you holiday but I think you would have been more worried about going. Hope the endoscopy appointment comes through soon.
Sweetpeasue I would keep chasing that appointment if I were you. The sad truth is the more fuss you make the more likely you are to get seen. There was an article in the papers today about how many referrals go missing or get passed over. It’s happened to DH before. We’ve phoned up chasing appointments only to find he’s not even in the list. You have to keep track of your own health issues I think. Hope you hear soon.
Sleep well all.

Doodle Another bad night for you both. I really hope tonight is better. Also that this new referral by your GP will not take forever. Its truly heartbreaking how many people are waiting now for consultations and treatment. You and your DH are often in my thoughts. Wishing you both a very good night's rest.

Doodle I'm glad you are to see the local person, you really really need help and a strong overall view to see things as a whole. Each night has so many challenges for you! Yes its a shame we couldnt have a bleary eyed zoom with a bit of gallows humour!