Black Dog 15

OH Doodle you cant go on like this. You have to do do the truth with GP as in urgent call "I can t take it anymore u all night most nights and no respite and we desperately need help.trigger more pressure on neurology.

" I expect he’s been to the gym just to annoy you".

No.

Trainer has what WhatSapped me and he went to tell her how he's realised how he wants to change and how much he appreciated what she gave in the past as he knows thats exactly the right thing to get her attention and warmth.

and he know it will threaten me not annoy me, its gaslighting in the sense he's going to my safe space and then "getting people on his side" as I have been silent.

....and to chat up the other women who work there. What `I told her shocked her. She's raising it with the management, not to ban him, but to alert them he can be predatory,

Hello all. Not sure if this will be my only post today.
I’m really tired. We got 2 hours sleep last night and spent the rest of the night in the lounge pacing around. We are both shattered. I think DH in coming off one drug and going onto another is having withdrawal symptoms. Going to phone the Gp in the morning and see if we can have a private appointment with a neurologist. We will have to pay but DH can’t carry on like this. He can hardly stand upright.
Sweetpeasue I do like doing crafts with my friend. We are not that good but have fun trying out new things.
Such persistent thrush must be awful. Will you continue to take the tablets weekly now in the Hope it keeps the symptoms at bay? Hope you had a good night.
HVDY yes I am going to contact GP in the morning and see what can be done. Hope you are having a good weekend.
Wyllow well your ex is obviously a charmer and by flattering the trainer I can see how he could work things to his advantage.
I’m glad the trainer Whatsapped you so you know what’s going on. Warning them of what he’s like is a good thing.

Doodle Oh, you two can't go on like that. It seems that "they" don't take much notice or realise how bad the situation is until the situation becomes intolerable. I hope you get through to someone and that something is done quickly. x

Hi all
Doodle- oh what a terrible time you have had these last few days. The GP should be able to refer you straight away so you can make a private appt as soon as possible. But perhaps he could make an urgent NHS referral as life for you both is becoming intolerable . Really whichever can come the soonest. The situation is awful for your DH but your health is suffering too and you need help. Hope tomorrow sees you start to get some.xxx
SweetPeaSue- hope today is being kind to you.x
HVDY- hope all is well with you both and your boys
Wyllow- what a horrible unsettling thing your ex did by trying to worm his way round and in to your safe place. Very sensible to warn them all of his manipulative and potentially disrupting behaviour. Take care xx
Sorry this post is short but today is DH Birthday and we are going out with family for dinner in a minute.
Love to allxx

ScaredyCat Son1 with hisGF all weekend. Son2 been with his GF, just got back here. Have a lovely family time and happy birthday to your husband x

Oh Doodle what a simply unbearable time you're both having. I think Scaredycat* is right. It's the only way we get seen quickly - making a nuisance of ourselves. Last time I wrote to ny MP and cc'd it to everyone relevant- health board, Patient Council, etc. I'm sure you're shattered today.
I would book privately but ask for red flag referral.
The painting sounded good, but I'm sure you couldn't care less right now.
Wyllow3 it's very bad when your ex is disturbing your sleep like that. And going to your gym. So much to cope with while trying to get on with your life. . I wish there was a solution.
EllieAnne hope things are a little better today for you.
Thinking of you Sweetpeasue, HVDY Whiff and others xx

*Doodle you poor love: it is indeed intolerable. Yes, go private if tomorrow doesn't bring very rapid help. and really really kick off to get to a GP. In the past, I've just turned up at the surgery - they can't ignore you. (different issues, of course)...but cry - collapse in chair - what's needed.

Were it less complex then I'd say go to A and E, but under their present circs - no.

ScaredyCat I hope its been a lovely day and troubles receded just for a while. Happy birthday to MrS.

HVDY it sounds - cross fingers - things are OK chez both DS. all the best for tomorrow getting help for MrHV

I hope your day has been tolerable, Sweetpeasue and a little energy nadateturbe.

Had a bad night, preying on my mind. (yes, a good looking charmer, and a bad un, Doodle - he cannot let go of blame and bitterness, its always someone else's fault etc etc. but its like a dam bursting - more pent up feelings went the trainers way about stuff he'd done. I couldn't rest...took extra meds...and then at 2.30 something good in me forced me to get dressed and go to the gym to break the "now I cant go again" feeling. Had a very short swim and long shower. The trainer won't look at it till tomorrow and I have to be clear what I'm asking.
Lovely trainer is the sort that wants to make things all right for people so she was actually the key "shoe in" for his charm and how he realised how he was ready to change blah blah 20 minute penitent show, so she now has more examples and copies of Whatsapps.

I must admit I thought I'd managed to move on emotionally further than I have - roll on Tuesday when its actually my 6 weekly psychologist zoom. I guess I'm really angry inside but rarely can feel anger and it gets trapped.

Doodle Its impossible for you both to carry on as you are. It will not only affect other aspects of your health but mentally you must have come to the limit of endurance I hope you get to see someone quickly after referral. Sometimes GP will know a good consultant or you could look at some in your area and ask GP to refer you. I hope you both managed to nap today and get a decent night tonight. It's such a cruel illness.
HVDY Hope you and DH are managing a calmer time today and you're both ok.
Wyllow I would find the way your ex is manipulating people in your Gym v concerning and worrying. I think you need to protect yourself the best way you can and I'm really sorry your peace of mind is being disturbed in this way.
Scaredycat I hope you have a lovely time with your family and your DH enjoys his birthday. Expect he's 21 isn't he? 😊
Nadateturbe Hope youve been ok today and you're ME isnt too bad.

Needed oramorph for pain this morning but by lunchtime was so much better. 3 o clock we were walking on beach, really cold but felt better afterwards. Was mindful of HVDYs warning about muscle wastage and Annie's keep walking, as the last week has been v inactive. Hope everyone is ok.

nadateturbe I hope your day has been decent. Have you been out?

Wyllow3 You say you rarely feel anger, but does that mean you bottle things up? It would probably do you good to scream, shout, let out any pent-up feelings. Your ex still has the ability to cause you worry and upset. I hope your counsellor can help you with that. I'll be ringing the GP tomorrow, to get another sick note for DH (he can't go to work like he is at the moment) and to ask what treatment, if any, he could have whilst he's waiting for hospital tests.

SweetpeaSue. Glad you were able to get out for some fresh air. It must be lovely to be so close to a beach.

EllieAnne, Whiff, all BDers - hope your day has been good. x

Thanks Sweetpeasue not a bad day although we didn't get up until after the Archers 😄.
I'm glad you had some exercise, yes muscle wastage is a danger when we aren't active. Hope your pain continues to ease.

I'm glad your psychologist zoom on soon Wyllow3. I hope it helps. Its awful that your ex is allowed to do this.

Sweetpeasue glad today picked up and there was a walk. Yup, use it or lose it its not fair is it? How is Mr SP?

HVDY , I don't even feel anger except odd times. It turns into panic or depression before I spot it! Very occasionally it flashes out in the wrong place but probably not so's many would notice.
Anger was so forbidden as a child, like crying, tho I can get angry at social injustice, thats "allowed"
Not as if I have a flat emotional life or meds making things flat always that way - its giving way to those 2 things.

The very best for tomorrow with OH. Good questions for GP.

Candy, Whiff, Ellie Anne and all BD's, online and reading, thinking of you.

HVDY No, your husband can't possibly go to work . I hope the GP is helpful.
Yes thanks, had a half hour walk "round the block". Fresh air , birds singing, gardens coming to life. A good weekend. I'm sure BD helped.
Scaredycat hope you had a nice celebration.
I'm near the coast too Sweetpeasue.

Thank you everyone. You all probably have a better picture of what’s happening than the Gp because I’m posting every day.
I must get help for DH. He really is getting to the point where he can’t cope. We’ve had a peaceful day. We have both been asleep. Just waiting to see what tonight brings.
Happy birthday Mr Scaredycat. 🥳🥳🎂. Hope you all have a lovely meal and enjoy yourselves.
HVDY must make you happy to see your sons off with their GF. Relaxing weekend for you two I hope. You need it after last week. Hope the surgery are helpful and can give you some advice.
nadateturbe that’s kind of you thank you. How have you been over the weekend.?
Wyllow you ex is obviously capable of misleading lots of people. I’m glad you were brave enough to go to the gym and reclaim your space. It must have been hard for you.
I hope they take note of all you’ve said. Things that happen in life can affect us deeply. I’m seeing that in family member. It’s not so easy to get over things.
Sweetpeasue funny enough I am fine in myself. I am tired but not stressed on my own behalf. I’m just concerned that DH is becoming more frustrated and down about it.
Definitely keep walking. DH and I have deteriorated a lot in the last 6 months and I’m very aware of it. Your walk on the beach sounds lovely if somewhat chilly.
Thinking of all our other Bd pals. Hope you’ve had a reasonable weekend. Not your favorite time I know Ellie Anne

Wyllow So sorry for your bad night and all the emotion that ex's interference has brought to the fore. It must be so hard. Oh Im so v pleased you went to the Gym! You mustnt let him stop you from going to the place that helps you mentally and enables you to socialise a little. I can understand your anger being 'trapped' as when you're faced with someone elses anger you feel forced to hold your own inside. Also you get used to keeping the peace and not lighting the tinderbox. I hope you have a much more peaceful night and mind tonight.
HVDY Sincerely hope you get some help tomorrow from your GP and he can give your husband something to help with his symptoms. His cough must be so tiring.
Nadateturbe Thankyou. I didnt realise the Archers were still going, thought theyd finished for some reason. I used to listen to Radio 4 at times Woman's Hour and such, but once DH retired its not as easy. He's starting drawing a scene for a picture using tiny flat pebbles today. I've stuff all over the house 😱 Keeps him quiet. 😉

Hope everyone ok and wishing all a peaceful night (Doodle 🙏)

I’m still in a state about it all. He’s pretending it’s ok. I answer if he asks something but that’s all. Went for long walk on the beach this afternoon. Spoke to dd on phone but she didn’t want to hear about my problems so I shut up. Everything is horrible. Wish it was bedtime.

Elllie Anne so sorry. I just dont know what's going on for him, I guess you dont either.

Oh EllieAnne Im sorry too. It must be so awful living this way. X

Ellie Anne so sorry. Wish there was something we could do to help. X

Sending hugs EllieAnne.

Thank you so much for your kind Birthday Wishes for DH- he says Thank you.
Wishing you all as peaceful a night as possiblexxxxx

EllieAnne I was only just saying this morning I wish I had a daughter because females are generally more communicative than males. But I think it's probably going to be didfficult to talk to your offspring about your relationship as they are going to feel uncomfortable about having divided loyalties. But it may be easier to talk to her another time perhaps. Hope you feel just a little better tomorrow. X


Evening all, I’ve finally had chance to catch up!

HVDY I’m sorry about the worries you’ve currently got over DH and hope he gets to see a specialist soon so he can be given the correct treatment. Whiff gave some very good advice I think and I hope this helped you. I thinks she’s definitely right in what she says about it being given another name as it CAN be treated and it’s not a death sentence but I can see how worrying it must be for you. I do think the idea of researching conditions good but I myself try at all costs not to do it. It’s a coping mechanism but not always a very helpful one. I hope you both are getting some rest.
Wyllow how nasty of your ex still going to your gym - in effect one of your safe spaces. I’m glad you’re letting them know what he’s really like and I hope they deal with him accordingly. Well done you though for still going and not letting him spoil things for you. You seem to have good coping mechanisms in your jigsaws and books and I’m glad you’ve found them. I find it too difficult to concentrate to read. I wish I could. I think there’s great joy to be found in books. I hope your zoom with the psychologist helps you.
Doodle as you’ve said, my life is hectic. All my own doing - another coping mechanism. I’m hoping one day I will find joy in just staying in my home and it will become my safe space. It’s just not at the moment. I’m sorry you’re having a bad time with your DH and I hope you manage to get that private appointment very soon. Unfortunately it’s the way we have to do things at the moment. It’s a shame but if it’s a way to move forward, then so be it. I’m glad you’ve at least had some rest today and hope you get more tonight.
Nadatertube I hope you are not struggling today and your energy is good. Your art group sounds lovely. I wish I was arty, I’m sure it’s very relaxing. You live by the beach too - how lovely!
Sweetpeasue I hope your pain has eased. It must be so difficult for you having to put up with it. It sounds like you live near the beach. What a joy. I love the sea.
Scaredycat Its good that your sister seems to be progressing, albeit slowly. I hope she continues to improve. It’s good that you can still manage small walks. Fresh air and daylight do us so much good I think. I hope your DH had a nice birthday and you enjoyed your time with the family.
Ellie Anne I’m sorry your argument with DH upset you. Arguments and indeed any type of confrontation upset me too. I’m sorry too that you’re still struggling. These things can have such a profound effect on us. Wishing you a peaceful night.

We’ve come to our caravan by the sea for the weekend as my son is home. We’ve had a nice time and going home tomorrow. We’re lucky to have it I know. I don’t want to pre-empt anything, but I think the meds are starting to kick in a bit. I feel a bit flat and sometimes anxious, but not experiencing some of the awful feelings I’ve felt over the last few months so I’ll settle for that. I hope everyone has a peaceful night. Much love to all xxxx

Sent from my iPad

Wyllow I was taught, as a child, not to cry - I remember my dad telling me I didn't look pretty when I cried (I must have been about 8).

nadateturbe That sounds like a very nice walk. I love hearing the birds singing.

Doodle The very best of luck for a better night, and for getting through to someone tomorrow

SweetpeaSue Hope you have a pain-free night.

EllieAnne I hope you can manage to get out and perhaps see someone to chat with tomorrow

I hope all BDers have a good night's rest. I've had a couple of vodkas and some delicious chocolate orange liqueur (like Bailey's), so I hope I won't hear DH snoring too much later x

Candy sharing your hope changes for the better are starting.
its clear you need as much caravan time as you can get too!

Candy Hope you've been enjoying your break in your caravan. Lovely to have your son there too.