Black Dog 15

Off to bed soon...good to catch up....Doodle bless you both its such a hard road for you both to tread. I don't know how you manage the ordinary things like getting food in.

"Ellie Anne* you stick to you guns, of course son wants to choose the lawnmower he wants.

You certainly deserve that lunch HVDY.

I've always needed my own space Sweetpeasue..I have never not had my own bedroom, and space to do my stuff in it even if just a desk, all my life really. And retreated to it. Choosing to sleep alone when I wanted..not constantly "Available".

I respect mums who can always be "there" for others but time out to sort of catch up in my brain and get myself back (when said self was available...) has always been essential. With recent Ex it was impossible to get a whole nights sleep anyway he was a roller over and squisher.

As my first DH and I only had one son, it was possible in a 3 bedroomed house.

I've not posted on this thread before but I'm so depressed 😔 People I thought were friends have treated me badly and I am carrying on with a smile etc .But inside I'm screaming .Add to that the stress of trying to regularly long distance visit a elderly grumpy DM ! My DH says just ignore them but it's a tiny village no escaping them .Sorry if I sound whiny but it seems reading your posts you understand about deep depression. ( can't get in at doctors rang 4 times given up )

Morning and a warm welcome to BD's Susiewakie. That' the problem with a little village - sympathies.

Please don't give up with the Doc. I've been known to just turn up in great distress in the past ..part of depression is not being able to push oneself forward.

Ear wax today fairly soon and its near the gym so will attempt to get dressed quickly, I overslept and hard to get going.

Susiewakie Hello. Don't give up trying to get through to the doctor. I'm afraid some friends show their true colours when we need their support the most. I found that with at least one "friend". As regards your mum - could you get carers to help?

It was nice going for lunch with my friend - she bought me a bottle of vodka and a bouquet for my birthday (on 10th), and as she dropped me off outside my house, who should be walking up the street but Son1! (He lives 7 miles away, called round on the off-chance but has got a key anyway). He's gone to get his hair cut . Son2 moved ok, all sorted out. DH is now tired out . Hope everyone's enjoying some sunshine x

Susiewaki sorry you are feeling like this. We can all get hurt when we feel other have let us down. Is it possible that any of the hurt is a misunderstanding. Sometimes we take things the wrong way or don’t understand how they were meant. I’m not saying this is the case but has this upset being going on for long?
It is difficult if you live in a village where people know each other well. Sounds as though you have support from your Dh.
If you need help you will have to persist with the GP. We all know how hard it is to get an appointment. Try phoning the surgery and telling them you want to see a Gp for depression and how do you go about getting an appointment.
Are there any other family members who could visit your DM to give you a break?
Wyllow thanks. We had a much better night last night but DHs legs are really playing up. We are now wondering if the irritation could be the diuretics or even the cream we use to help the irritation. It’s like a never ending circle.
Hope you enjoyed the gym and have a good day today.

HVDY sorry didn’t see you come in the door behind me 🤣
Just in case I forget or something crops up, happy birthday 🥳 for the 10th. Have you got plans?
Glad you had a nice time with your friend and an unexpected visit from your son.
Have you got your spare bed back now so some better nights are on the cards,

Susie it is so hard when friends let you down. I ve had a lot of problems with a lady in my church this year and it’s horrible.
Have been for a walk today and done some gardening.
Am getting tied up in knots over family stuff. Can’t get it sorted out in my head.
I wish it would all go away.

Doodle Thanks. Son2 is taking us out for lunch (DH birthday on 15th) - not sure yet whether his GF and her daughter will join us. DS is at GF's tonight and tomorrow, then he'll be here Monday night and moving in properly to his on Tues, when the broadband is on (hopefully). What cream is your husband having on his legs? Perhaps something in it is causing a problem. I'd intended starting these Prednisolone (10 daily) and the 3 other new pills on Tuesday, but I've noticed today that this rash has spread and there are lots of new areas. I'll start the meds tomorrow. .

EllieAnne I hate it when things stay in your mind and won't go. I woke in the early hours and panicked because I suddenly felt as though I couldn't remember which pedals to press to drive .

HVDY nice gifts there and….after you and MrHVDY’s efforts …you have a quiet sleep space back. I’m bound to forget, so in advance….

Doodle good sleep news bit it really seems “going in circles”. It certainly would be worth seeing if the cream causes the irritation - skins can be very fickle. I don’t generally over”google” but is there a possible link? There may be an alternative cream or a good herbal alternative.

Ellie Anne so sorry for those wretched knots. You do well to stay active. Hope church is good tomorrow.

Another thought for Susiewakie….as EllieAnne said we do talk here about coping with those sorts of difficulties, you are always welcome to say more for anything more detailed comments wise.

Got ears done, short gym, on way back got bits from B n Q and popped into Halfords to explore cost/fitting etc of a Satnav as it will help me drive in unfamiliar areas better.
They aren’t the cheapest but I was assured by ex lorry driver (aged 76 still working as he liked to chat) young fitter will hard wire it in and show me how it works etc etc. Went straight to sleep,

Thats it for the day!

Ellie Anne family worries often seem worse than anything else don’t they. Hope you enjoyed your walk and things resolve themselves soon.
HVDY nice to have a meal with you son to look forward to. Soon you’ll have the house to yourselves again but with the knowledge that you weee able to help your son out when he was in a fix. I’m sure he’s grateful.
We are using aqueous cream which is supposed to be ok but so many things have side effects,
Wyllow we are going to try avoiding the cream for a day or two and see if things improve.
We have a sat nav and find it invaluable to help us get around. It’s good you can get it fitted by someone.
Sweetpeasue hope you are ok today and recovering from your trip.
Scaredycat have you been out? It’s been really sunny here.

Dear Doodle Aqueous cream sounds a v good and harmless try, being used for many skin conditions and advised by Dermatologists. I hope it works for him. I pray for him.
Much love.
EllieAnne Hope you can manage through this holiday weekend. I'm sure you may fimd it hard but just wanted you to know we all think of you.
Susiewakie I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad. You have a lot to deal with. I too live in a village and I know that feeling of people knowing everything about you. You are doing so much by looking after your poorly DM. Its devastating to have a good friend let you down when you need their support so much. Depression is a lonely condition/illness. You will find people here who will listen. Take care of yourself.

Wyllow Thank you. Glad you got things sorted out yesterday. My car's got a satnav but I don't go anywhere much to need to use it. I hope you find yours useful (you drive more than I do).

Doodle Aqueous is just a moisturiser - almost every person I went to when I did care work had it on prescription. I've never been able to use it as I found it too greasy. (it's just liquid paraffin) Double Base is excellent, and I prefer that. It doesn't contain anything nasty and is easily absorbed.

Doodle Thought of you and your husband in the early hours of this morning, as I often do - I don't know how you cope with such a lack of sleep. I woke at 5.30 - the heating had been on all night (neither of us remembered to turn it off last night). My legs are painful and feel prickly. Then I had a nosebleed, which took 3 hours to stop (on blood thinners). I feel knackered! I hope you and your husband are having some better nights than you've had. x

EllieAnne- quite right your son needs to chose the mower that will suit him best- Hope you got your way and will be able to enjoy both Birthdays.
Thinking of you on this long weekend- hope you were able to get to Church today.
Doodle- glad you had a better sleep but what a distressing night again for DH. Was the transfusion something DH has regularly or a new treatment? I hope he is feeling ok today and able to enjoy the Easter sunshine.
Yes our Woodland Trust is lovely we are lucky to have it. Had a walk there this morning withDD and then lunch later with her and family. It’s the constant AF that is making me so tired and affecting energy levels as my HR is much higher than when in normal rythym. Covid just put the tin lid on it!! But grateful to be able to walk - I think of you sometimes when walking.
I hope you were able to go to Church today- I remember how lovely the Church looked Easter Sunday after the austerity of Lent.
HVDY- what a great friend. Voddy and flowers!!
Son 2 must be very busy sorting out his house - you have all worked so hard to help him - hope you can have a bit of a rest today. Sorry your legs are playing up. Blood thinners are a pain sometime aren’t they- I cut myself yesterday and my skin ripped like tissue paper!! 3 hours was a long time for you- bet you got through a mountain of tissues!
Wyllow- bet your can hear a bit better today!,
Good idea to get a SatNav - it will take some of the pressure off when you go somewhere new. Glad there will be someone to help you with it.
Hope you stayed asleep!!
SweetPeaSue- Be proud that you went away and really challenged yourself.
I expect you were very happy to be back in your own bed and warm again.
Glad to the pain wasn’t as bad as it could have been - yes many positives.
Susiewakie- Welcome glad you are here.
Yes do persevere with the Doctors - you need at the least to be able to talk and explain how you feel.
It is so hurtful when people you thought you could trust turn out to be not who you thought they were. Things like that magnify in your mind when you have so many worries.
Must be hard to have your DM so far away and difficult to deal with too. Do you have any one who could share the burden. You need a break.
Best of Easter wishes to you all🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣

Scaredycat Glad you could get out for a walk this morning. Its quite bright and dry here so I hope it's the same where you are. Were the primroses starting to flower in your woods.? I saw some when we were away. Hope that AF starts to recede to being less noticable soon. Its such a nuisance for you.
HVDY That really was some nosebleed! Sure it would ha ve neen easier for you to cope with in the daytime when it wouldnt have interrupted your sleep. Are you doing anything special tomorrow? You're catching me up!
Wyllow3 Hope youre ok today. Dont know if you have a Quaker meeting on Easter Day. Thinking of you.
EllieAnne Wondering if you might have a walk today - I know you dont like to be inside on long weekends. I'm sure your church would be quite full today and hope it brought some comfort if you went.
Susiewakie Whatever you're doing this weekend I hope you are feeling a little better. I know with depression it's v difficult to lift yourself away from it and it can feel like you're stuck in a hole. Just to say I'm thinking of you.
Doodle I so hope you both had a decent night. It must feel like its all a never ending treadmill for you. I wish I knew what to say that could be of help but you are in my thoughts often.
Nadateturbe Whiff Annie and all BDs hole you can have a decent weekend.

Just some pottering in the garden for us with maybe a walk later if I can 'pull my socks up'. Had a nice talk with son yesterday resulting in a closeness and warmth for both of us.
I think this new 'deadness' inside of me is the HRT withdrawal and am seriously considering starting it again. Hope everyone is ok. X

ScaredyCat Do you take medication for your AF? Son2 is out with his GF and her daughter for the day at some 1940s event (they've all gone dressed up appropriately), so I went to his house and unpacked all his kitchen stuff (not put anything away, that's for him to do), wiped out all the cupboards. Have you got some nice parks where you are? We've got lots in Nottingham.

SweetpeaSue Son2 is taking DH and me out for lunch. Son1 and his girls will be calling round some time tomorrow.
Glad you had a good chat with your son. Spending time away is nice, but it's always good to get back to your own bed, isn't it? Can you ask your GP about the HRT? It might well help you.

How is everyone today? Son1 is coming round this evening, taking DH to the local for some special Easter chocolate real ales - I love chocolate porters but I've started a diet today so I won't partake.

EllieAnne, Wyllow, Nadateturbe, Whiff and all BDers - hope you're all ok today x

Having a horrible day though church was good. But everyone happy celebrating Easter and I feel dead inside. But put on the usual face and chatted away. The ,difficult woman was there which makes me feel awkward.
No word from anyone in the family. I desperately want to talk to someone but know I can’t share my feelings with any of them. Thought dd might phone but I don’t know if I want that or not. Am so tired of pretending and living this way.
I should have taken myself out for a walk but it’s dull and cloudy and I feel very weary.
Thought of phoning Samaritans but what would I say .
I’m not really comfortable with the phone anyway.
Thinking of you all.

EllieAnne I was wondering how you were coping today. That feeling of 'dead inside' is such an isolated feeling. I'm sorry you feel so alone. I think we feel very weary when we are depressed but you are battling so much in life and I can't imagine what the atmosphere must be like in your home. I gave son2 Easter eggs for DGS and his partners little girl yesterday. I dont know what they've all done today. Its a shame that other lady being present is making your church services a bit difficult but I hope you can be reassured there are others there who know this woman and would look out for you if anything happened. You might feel that the samaritans can be of no help with your situation, and they can't make things different at home for you, but you might feel less alone to talk to them, if only temporarily. Don't rule that out if you need to talk. They are good at listening and it might help to 'get things out' and offload bottle up feelings.
Not 'everyone' is happy at Easter so you won't be the only one with that though I know that doesn't really help you right now. I'm thinking of you and sending you healing thoughts. You aren't alone there. 💐

I'll pop in back properly later but I just wanted to agree with Sweetpeasue, Ellie Anne. *SweetP put it so well..

This, or something like this, is what you say, "I'm feeling so bad and have for a long time but I don't know what to say or how to start".
They will ask a question or questions to help draw it out of you.

You are worth it x

Sorry you feel so alone. Do you take antidepressants (sorry if you've said before)? They help with that horrible low mood, but of course, your home situation will still be the same. Ring The Samaritans, they will listen and not judge. I agree with SweetPea that not everyone is happy on Bank Holidays.

HVDY You've been busy helping son again today so hope you enjoyed your lunch out. Not sure what a choc porter is but hope your will power lasts out. I'm trying to resist an Easter Egg thats calling to me from upstairs(its not mine!) Ive already had some choc this morning. Own bed is good isnt it plus a bath instead of shower. GP told me to stop HRT 5 weeks ago as sje said it would ne what Gynaecologist would day. Last Gynaecologist saw me bleed for 5 mths and didnt take me off iy. There's no consistency about any of this. I bled for 5 dys after GP stopped it! I hadnt bled at all for 3 mths, until she told me to stop it. Hot flushes now throughout night and both knees with pain and soreness since stopping. A decent afternoon today.

Ellie Anne sending a hug to you.
Dear BD I am so tired tonight. Please forgive me but we’ve been out most of the day and I’m just going to bed now as DH is suffering with his RLS and wants to try and get to sleep.
Wishing you all a happy Easter and promise to catch up with all the posts I’m the morning. x

Doodle Please dont feel any need to apologise for not posting at any time. You are having so much to deal with and I'm amazed that you can carry on posting as much as you have.
You must be absolutely drained. You need every ounce of strength to continue to cope. Wishing you a more comfortable night and hoping your DHs legs are not as painful. x

SweetpeaSue Didn't go for lunch today, it's tomorrow. I've got to lose a lot of weight anyway, but now the hospital has put me on steroids (10 a day) for a month, decreasing weekly until mid-August. They said it causes weight gain and I can't have that, I'm already about 5st overweight . I'm cutting out all sweet stuff and all carbohydrates. A porter is a dark beer. It certainly sounds as though stopping HRT has exacerbated your problems.

Doodle Of course, you must both feel shattered. I hope you both manage to get some sleep.

I'm still waiting to get a call to go and pick up DH and Son1 from the pub, then drive son home (7 miles). I'm annoyed that they've lest it so late as I wanted to get to bed. As I'm writing this, my nose is pouring with blood - it started about 20 minutes ago, all of a sudden. Hope all BDers have a restful night x

HVDY Sorry I misunderstood about your lunch with son. Hope when you get the call for pick up you manage to get a good night's sleep.