Black Dog 16

Evening all, just caught up. Missed yesterday and nearly did today but I wanted to come in and see how everyone’s doing. Very tired now though. Swimming early this morning and I was sleeping well last night until my dog got me up at 2 am as he wanted to go out. Very unusual for him to do that so I thought he must really need to go to the loo. He rushed out but just wanted to eat grass. Obviously a sign he’s not right but he seems lively enough so can’t be anything major thankfully. Anyway, another disturbed night especially as I found it difficult to get back off afterwards.
HVDY how awful that those nasty girls are making your GD feel so awful about herself. Bless her. I do think the parents of the bullies need to be pro-active in it all and instil some discipline. I’m sure if they banned them from social media/took their phones away it would have an impact. I would have been absolutely horrified if any of mine were acting in that way. I sincerely hope it get sorted soon. I’m glad you’re feeling better after another bout of illness and that you had a nice meet up with your brother and his wife.
Doodle sorry your arm is still painful. I hope it has eased tonight. Good that DH’s legs are getting better 🤞.
Sweetpeasue what a nuisance for you having to get up so often in the night. I go more than average, always have, weak bladder but that must tire you out. I’m glad you’ve had a decent day and that you’ve got a urology appointment next week. I hope the new consultant can shed some light on what’s going on for you and ultimately help with your pain.
Ellie Anne I’m sorry your home situation is still difficult. I wish things could better for you. I hope your choir gives you some respite. I’m sorry your GD was bullied, I hope things are better now.
Wyllow you asked whether I still wanted to move - I have been feeling better about the house but wouldn’t rule it out. It’s just a big upheaval, as you know. I get periods here where I feel ok and motivated to decorate, etc. then others when I can’t be bothered. We’ll see. My job? It’s a love/hate thing. I feel I need it to help give me focus then, because it can be toxic there, I think Why? Again, it’s being motivated to find something else plus finding something with the hours I want to do and my age. I’m glad the physio was positive and you will still be able to do your beloved yoga. Your son sounds like he had a very stable upbringing, with 2 supportive parents. You should be proud.
Nadaterturbe nice you have a close wider family. I was close to one of my cousins but then I realised it was me who was making all the effort so I stopped contacting her and waited for her to contact me and she didn’t and I never hear from her. I occasionally relent and speak to her but not as much. That podcast sounds interesting, I do listen to BBC sounds so I’ll have a look for it. I’m glad your check up went well.

Scaredycat I hope your GGD painted something nice. It’s good she enjoys it. My GS isn’t interested in anything crafty or arty. I think it’s more of a girl thing? Was with my two anyway. I hope you enjoyed your photography group.

I’m off to bed now. Busy day tomorrow (don’t I always?😂). Then tomorrow evening I’m off to see my son for the weekend. It used to be such a big challenge for me but I feel better about it this time so I’m hoping I’m not triggered like I used to be and that I can actually enjoy it for once. I hope everyone has a restful night and ❤️ To everyone xxxx

ScaredyCat Your photography class sounds really interesting. My dad and 2 of my brothers used to belong to camera clubs, and they all had several cameras, different lenses, etc. One brother even had a dark room. I'd love to do photography but wouldn't e able to afford all the cameras etc. No, with excellent phone cameras, I might have a look to see if there are any clubs I could join.

Candy6 My son has removed all social media apps from his daughter's mobile, but the parents of the nasty girls won't have done so. Kids nowadays all seem to look at TikTok and the likes - I tell our GDs that it's all daft people doing daft things on there - and they compete with each other to see how many "likes" they can get. So silly and such a waste of time. You're doing well with swimming. Hope you have a lovely time with your son.

Candy very interesting to hear how you feel now about house and job (as opposed to when you first came in). I think everyone I know with depression/anxiety has periods of being able to "get on with stuff" and periods of not at all, so it sounds like sit tight until it becomes clearer in your mind, since the house is no longer the "no no" it was before.

I do think it would be nice to have a less toxic job tho and worth looking around. Having nice pele at work is a ++ after all.

HVDY the "like" system is so very bad - you get it on other social media chat bounds and end up anxiously checking likes and comparing with others.

"pro-boards" a big provider of set it up yourself chat boards has that function - and there are many boards set up by people of our age for this and that - but whoever is setting it up does have the option of disabling it. I'm on just one, and hate that facility.

My cleaner has been and a great deal done - not so much the regular clean, but the de-cluttering - now exhausted and know that Black Dog is a-lurking, so shall try to be as kind as I can to myself.

Its a fine balance between distraction, as opposed to trying to face and identify triggers. You cant distract forever or it comes back yet...you need a break too.

Back tomorrow, eyes tired. Giving phone a break. Going to make some soup. Haven't read new posts, so hope you are all OK.x

Wyllow3 It sounds as though your cleaner has done a good job today. I think you're wise to pace yourself. I've done nothing today (can't be bothered), it doesn't matter.

Woke up late (unheard of for me) so didn't want to rush to get ready for the day centre. Been very lazy (tomorrow's another day). Rang GD after school. She said those girls were waiting for her last night (bitches) but she left school early today and got to her dad's before the other kids left school. The ringleader has been in isolation today. This kid swears at the teachers, disrupts the class, etc., and has been suspended a few times. 12 year old brat. Friday tomorrow, thankfully. Hope all BDers have been ok today x

Wave nadateturbe back.

HVDY I am very glad to read you are taking it easy. I'm glad The Brat has now ben clearly ID's. Would it help DGD to realise she is far from alone re this Nasty girl? Take some time, I suspect, its hard at 12 never mind any age.

I had a sleep and a very black dog reaction after, I had to get out so went to Chemist and feel a bit more purposeful but as suspected the decluttering then that has resulted in CFS shiver and flu, but it's worth it just for today.

I looked up good drugs for CFS fluey stuff and aches and it recommended Ibuprofen not paraecutamol, but of course Ibuprofen not tummy friendly. I'll wait for the barium meal results and review the whole thing.

Finding ways of not stressing would be the best of all (ironic emoji).

I have found out one interesting thing and its that Mc Carthy and Stone do have a "we'll buy your house for you if you buy our flat and help you" deal, but no doubt you pay heavily for the privilege. Still, its a sort of fall back to reassure if time goes on and its the only way to best cope.

HVDY bullying in all its forms is horrible. Be it by exclusion, name calling or physical it can cause so much hurt.
Tell your DGD that they are the ugly ones for saying such awful things about her.
I agree the school should be doing more. Good idea of your son removing the ads. If they know their hate messages aren't getting through then perhaps they’ll stop. Does she get on well with her siblings? I Hope her mum is being more proactive.
Just read your second post. Sounds like that girl is in trouble with lots of people. She may be better suited to another school.
Scaredycat DH is keen on photography and has had a series of good cameras but now he just uses his phone. They’ve com on a lot. Your group sounds like the just do it to enjoy themselves. DH used to belong to a group that started off as social but became far more competitive. He left then as he didn’t enjoy it.
Has your DGD tried pain pours using liquid acrylics. That’s good fun and the results can be amazing.
Candy it takes so much effort to decide to move. Also changing jobs. So often we stick with things as it’s the easiest option. So pleased you are going to see your son and feel more positive about it. Try and relax and enjoy the visit . Are you staying with him?
Wyllow
De cluttering always has a positive impact on me (we have a lot of clutter) but it can be exhausting.
With regard to the barium swallow, I would chase the results if I were you. We still haven’t heard anything officially from anyone about DHs so I asked our GP if she had any news and after a bit of digging she found the results.
House selling is always a traumatic experience. If you want to avoid it then the M &S idea may well work but I expect it costs a lot.
nadatetube have a good rest and enjoy your soup. My eyes are tired too. Not sure if mine is pollen related.
We had the car washed today at a garden centre and had a little walk round while waiting. I hadn’t realised how tired I am. Dragging this cast round was exhausting. I suppose at home I don’t go far. It does ache a lot and I think the weight of the sling round my neck is causing neck pain and my tinnitus is at max volume at the moment.

NadateturbeIt must be fun for DH to play in a group. I tried to play guitar once but found it very hard on finger tips. Book is by Hilary Mantel (short stories) and not enjoying it at all. Usually book choice is voted for from about 4/5 proffered titles.We read out loud as well as discuss. Ive been making Carrot n Lentil soup lately. Have a nice restful night.
Doodle I hope your arm isnt aching so much today and it's stopped swelling. Fully understand about assuming condition/pain has gone! Touch wood or whisper quietly.
So much pressure when we see consultants, often after long waits, and want to get everything said.
HVDY I would be heartbroken if it was my GC suffering. Its bad enough that any child should have to go through this sort of stuff at school, disgusting. I'd be angry too. I can't understand why the school can't do more to confront these perpetrators directly. I'm so sorry. My GD is 12 and I hadnt realised until lately that make-up was a 'thing'. I did talk to her about the 'likes' and 'dislikes' thing as it seems it can be directly linked to their self-esteem. So hard.
Scaredycat Sorry-just realised Ive attributed to Nadateturbe your mentioming the 'reading to order' - I'm getting all muddled! 🤔. Amyway you're right it can be difficult. Book group was quite different when we had a proper teacher at Adult Education classes but when that finished we tried to carry on ourselves. It must be interesting to see each others photographs and discuss them.
Candy You really are kept v busy. I think my heart would drop if I had to face a job that I didnt like but I do understand that it could give you a sort of focus/purpose to your week. How lovely it will be for you to see your son this weekend. Wishing you a safe journey and hoping you have a good time together.
Wyllow I hope the reaction to the de-clutter won't be long lasting for you. I take ibuprofen sometimes but not on long lasting reg basis. I was prescribed them in this way by a back specialist but have Lansaprozole to offset them when I take them, which isn't that often. It could help the back pain too but Ikwym about being bad for tummy. The M & S deal sounds tempting though, yes, could be cons.
You've so much to deal with. I hope you can still manage some yoga to relax you. Thinking of you.
EllieAnne I hope you're coping this week. Also that your GC is not being bullied now.

Pain eased of this morning and decent day. Called in on son as goes back to work today. His GF just bought piano and is going to take lessons. Gave her some foundation learning books I had from teaching an aunt. Looking at them with son he became intetested. Amazed we went through stuff and by time I left he was playing 'Annie's Song'! I'm so pleased- sons hadnt been bothered as children.
Feeling a bit rough so crossing fingers pain isnt returning.

Wishing all BDs a peaceful night. x

Doodle Just seen your post. Hear, hear what you have said to HVDY.
Its heartbreaking and you understand I know.
I see you arm is still causing a lot of problems. When DH had his wrists in plaster it was very heavy and I remember now him saying how much it hurt his neck. I hope you can rest it on a cushion or something tonight and in bed. What a rough time for you both. Take care of yourselves.

Candy- you must have been so tired after your dogs early morning grassy adventure- hope he’s ok.
I don’t know what GGD is going to paint my GD said it’s for a competition.. I love my photography as it’s not competitive and friendly- it’s a U3A group.
Have a lovely weekend with your son - special times.
HVDY- yes the photography group is fun.As I said to Candy it is a U3A interest group and all you need is your camera phone if you don’t have another one. You might like U3A there are so many things you can join.
Hope removing the apps helps your GD- those horrible girls need to be stopped though cos they will pick on somebody else. How cruel of them to wait for her- she shouldn’t have to put up with that.
Nadaturbe- hope you get some rest tonight and enjoy your soup.
Wyllow- yes Ibuprofen isn’t good for tummies is it - good idea to wait for the Barium result.
The M and S sounds like something that could take all the hassle out of moving but of course probably comes at a price. But if it is possible could be the way to go.
Doodle- Ah you are having a tough old time with your injury. The combination of pain and weight must be very tiring. Plus tinnitus which loves to join in when you feel tired doesn’t it.
Hope DH results from the Barium meal were all ok.
Your DH is right the phone cameras are so good and it means you always have a camera with you. I wouldn’t like it if our group became competitive - don’t think there’s much hope of that though !!
No GGD hasn’t used those paints but I bet she’d like it.
SweetPeaSue- Glad the pain eased off today and you,ve managed a good day. How lovely you can play the piano- maybe your sons GF will encourage him to learn too.
Yes it’s fun to look at all our photos and it is interesting to see everyone’s different take on the same subjects.
Hope the pain doesn’t come back🤞

Just read through sorry I rabitted on about the photo group!!!!
Spoke to the Doc this morning - have had to decrease the dose of ADs due to a troubling side effect after increasing it. Hope that works or I might have to try another one.
Wishing everyone a restful night.xx

Scaredycat You certainly havent 'gone on' about your photography group. I agree, there's lot of different things to interest in U3A, our book group is U3A managed now too. Sorry to hear you're having a few ptoblems with the ADs. I hope it's just a case of getting used to them and they get better under a lesser dose.

I’ve done the same as your DH, Doodle - a good mobile phone camera does the job well these days and so easy to use.

Once I get down to it I’m quite a good de-clutterer, want any help (wicked grin)

Yes, the McC and Stone thing is bound to be for for their benefit big time but its a good fall back to have in mind. I was going to give the Barium meal a fortnight then chase, but problem is (may be the same for you?) it was not ordered by GP but by consultant and results harder to get, did you ring consultant in the end?

Great sympathies for tinnitus at max volume - you’ve been through so very much and are tired and I think ears give way easily when you are tired.

I don’t really like Hilary Mantel either, Sweetpeasue - hope they move onto something you like more. Good soup making there. Yoga is now and then but I’ve took pressure off the “I must do” a bit. Glad you are relatively having less pain today. Fingers crossed with you.

Great to hear of your photo interests Scaredycat. Hmmm, thats a difficult one re the anti-d’s. Hoping the reduction works out as you say transition to another is not ideal x

Bests to all BD’s present and reading.

Sweetpeasue thanks. My arm isn’t nearly as swollen but for some reason my knuckles seem so painful like they are grazed.
Yes I have a couple of pillows I rest it on which helps.
Glad you got to see your son before he goes back to work. How lovely they are enjoying the music books. Did your son ever play when he was young.?
Scaredycat thank you for asking, yes DHs results were fine. Usual wear and tear but nothing else.
I had heard that U3A do some great courses. Glad you enjoy it.
DH’s group had lots of competitions with other camera groups but some new much younger members joined and the direction of the group changed. Not rabbiting on at all it’s interesting. Hope the side effects of the ADs improve.
Wyllow oh yes please come and de clutter my DH who tends to keep anything he finds of interest. Hundreds of articles about things. Newspaper clippings. I’m thinking of hiring an industrial size shredder……..and I’m not kidding.
Re the Barium swallow DHs was organised by the hospital. Probably a constant but not one we met which is why we had trouble tracking down the results. Gp managed to connect to the local hospital and find them.
Sleep well all

And you,

beware I am ruthless decluttered...thanks for barium info, there is at least one dept to contact.

Late nite treat - discover leak under sink. Mopped up quite a bit of water, but its a small leak over a long time so all the joints are now tied up with clothes to see where. Also therefore de-cluttered under the sink.

Wyllow Well done on the decluttering. My husband's shed is ridiculously cluttered - it's a big, brick-built place with a motorbike (unfinished project) and all manner of tools and equipment. Hope you get the leak sorted out.

Doodle You and your husband have been through such a lot of health issues. Would putting a cold compress on your knuckles help?

SweetpeaSue How lovely to spend time with your son, and for him to play the piano like that. Did you used to be a teacher by profession?

ScaredyCat Good luck with the ADs. There are several different ones, if that one doesn't suit. I'm on Mirtazipine, which hasn't caused any problems.

NadateturbeIt What kind of soup did you end up making? Hope you had a better night.

EllieAnne How are you? Hope you've been able to get out this week. Then weather's been decent.

Hope all BDers have a decent day x

Morning. A very bad night indeed but now crying (yes me crying) as something good has happened.

I got a call from the Housing Support people, from the Lead Person, who needed more info. it was very personal and covered post abuse stuff and what happened and she had me in tears as she "got it" about personal support through a stressful process. I gave her my "financials" to show her how it was all very viable.

And she has put me on the waiting list and its about 3 months, and promised personal support settling in after moving if necessary.

The way I feel atm, 3 months is time for me - if my character will let me - spend more time on the present, not the future, for the duration.

Wyllow Great news. It's good that you'll get help to settle in, too. 3 months will give you time to think it all over and to adjust to the change.

GDs are both coming here for the day tomorrow - their mum is away on a Duke of Edinburgh award thing, so asked dad (my Son1) to have them this weekend. He'd already got a "boys' day" planned with some mates, so I'll have DGs and take them out somewhere for a picnic. Never had them on my own (not for want of trying). Should be nice x

Nice one HVDY!

Still shaky, and back got done in, so high as kite on Tramadol as really wanted to meet up with First Ex. Waiting in cafe as I had to change venue for no walking.

But he can cope with wobbly

HVDY That's great about having your GDs this weekend. They will love a picnic. Will you go to one of those amazing parks nearby?
Oh no, never been music teacher. Just informal teaching an aunt and uncle which is why I had the books. I took lessons when sons went to school, worked through the grades and just as I had started Diploma music teacher moved to Scotland.
Wyllow So sorry about your bad night. You must have felt such relief when Housing support person offered that support throughout moving and settling in. Oh I'm so pleased for you. This good news was so much needed for you.

Hope that back behaves while you're out and you can have a good chat with ex. You must be so excited and need to share the news with someone too. It was so good to read your news.

Had bad night too. Took Tramadol in early hrs then this morning pain still there and awful so another Tramadol(allowed 2 as dose) and back to bed. Got up at 12, still pain, another Tramadol and took 2 Ibuprofen an hr ago. Eased off to what it was but still bad. I'm really scared about what state bladder must be in. Thank goodness appt with Urologist Tuesday. Frightened to think ahead.

Hole everyone is coping and manages a decent day.

That's an awful night, Sweetpeasue, so disturbed and always especially frightening, in the night. so sorry to hear that. Yes, thank goodness for that appointment coming up tho I know you'll be nervous x

Did you play the piano? I might have missed you saying what you trained in music-wise.

Kind words for me, thank you, still trying to fully take it in. I actually laughed with Ex1! Laughed out loud! Me!

Can't remember how long that has been. apart from swapping family news, he's doing psychotherapy and we gently unpicked some bits of our "ending" which was valuable for both. Its good for both of us to talk atm: as in the right time, as both things to forgive and things to praise and be thankful for.

I think the news has lifted me, sort of space to breathe, for I was able to go on with confidence to B n Q for stocking up with annuals.
It was quiet thankfully. then on the way back I even ordered a new little fridge freezer (my fridge bit has been dead for 2 months and done nothing about it) at Currys.

(Gardener is coming next week but I didn't want to try to B n Q on a weekend and then have the mini op).

Wyllow That's a good afternoon for you too. Did you mean 1st ex is undergoing psychotherapy or training in it? What a benefit to you both that your relationship ended mutually agreeable. It will make so much difference. (I know from personal experience).

So many positives for today with your new fridge/freezer ordered and your B&Q.
When do you have the mini-op?

I still do play. Started lessons when children at school. Went through grades with private piano teachers.When I was 12 we had a piano in an unused garage/shed. Used to play about on it but we couldn't afford lessons at the time. Was something always wanted to do. Too nervous to carry it through to teaching though. Hope the rest of your day is good Wyllow

Wyllow- such good news for you about the Housing Support- you so deserve a break. It sounds like the support is not only practical but also emotionally helpful too. 3 months is a good time to prepare and not have to rush anything- So pleased for you.
Nice to have your Ex to share the good news with and have a laugh too- he has become a very good friend to you and you both understand each other.
When is your Op? It,ll be good to tick that off the list!!
SweetPeaSue- thank you - yes hope the lower dose will help- don’t really want to chop and change.
Does playing the piano relax you at all- I would love to be able to do it. My Mum could play by ear but unfortunately I haven’t inherited her talent.
Best not to think ahead to the Urologist appt- the dreaded Whatifferies will jump in.Hopefully you,ll have a couple more good days before then as no 2 days seem the same. Hope the weekend will bring relief and some sunshine.
HVDY- Have a great day with your GDs tomorrow- they will love a picnic. You have a good choice of nice places to go where you live. Hope it’s the first of many outings together .
Doodle- Glad your swelling is going down now- could you have knocked your hand when you fell but because of the arm pain you have only just noticed it.
It’s funny how men never want to throw anything away isn’t it. We,ve never had a car in our garage - too full of a load of stuff. My dream is filling a skip!!!
EllieAnne- hope you,ve got something nice to do this weekend.

Whiff,Nadateturbe,Candy,Nanny ,Allsorts, and any I,ve forgotten hope you have a peaceful night.

It's Tuesday afternoon.

So glad you still do play Sweetpeasue.

(Undergoing it, a decision that it was time to heal some v troublesome long term "stuckness", and emotionally an open man)

Did you get out today Scaredycat walk/cafe or was it a day of rest?

Best wishes BD's reading and busy and not well enough to pop in.

Wyllow3 You had a good time with your ex then. That's nice. Good that you could laugh. You've had a productive day, going to B&Q and Curry's.

SweetpeaSue We've got lots of nice parks around, so I'll let the girls choose where to go. I've got groceries being delivered in the morning, so all the things they like . Sorry about your ough night. Thank goodness you haven't got long until your appointment. Hope you have a better night tonight.

ScaredyCat, Doodle, Whiff, Allsorts, EllieAnne, Nadateturbe, Candy, and others - hope you all have a relaxing evening. I've just had dinner at the pub - chicken salad, and 1/2 a lager. Time to watch something on Netflix or itvX. x

Oh dear Wyllow glad you found the leak. Even a small one can cause a lot of damage. Living in an upstairs flat it’s something we dread.
You nearly got me. I was getting so concerned to your tears and worried about what dreadful thing had befallen you when I found out it was tears of joy. Such good news about support an 3 months gives you time to think more about what you want. So pleased for you and for meeting up with your Ex to have a chance to talk it through with someone who knows you well.
HVDY yes putting something cold on my knuckles would help but unfortunately as they are hidden under the plaster cast I can’t 🤣
Hope you have a lovely time with your DGDs . It will do the 12 year old good to have some fun and a break from the bullying. Hope the weather is fine for your picnic.
Sweetpeasue I would love to be able to play piano. My grandmother was an accomplished pianist but unfortunately had dementia so wasn’t able to teach me.
So sorry about your awful pain. Please make note of what happened and how many tramadol you took and tell the neurologist how bad the pain was. Does the tramadol help? Are you allowed to take more than 2 a day if needed.
Hope tonight is a better one.
Scaredycat no I don’t actually think there is anything wrong with my knuckles I think it is nerve pain. It’s all along the back of my hand too. It feels a bit like a burn but comes and goes.
Fingers and thumb still very numb. Hoping for some answers Monday. Have you any plans for the weekend? I’m hoping DH and I might manage a walk but won’t be going far as I find the cast so heavy.
Ellie Anne and Candy thinking of you and all on BD.