Black Dog 16

Sorry EllieAnne the paragraph I wrote about sharing jobs and your DH I didn't put your name in (pre-write but bad checking.)

HVDY That's so disgusting what has happened to your eldest GD. Its just terrible what can happen at schools now. You must feel so helpless. I hope she's ok. You just want to protect them from such vile stuff like that. I hope your son or her mum can get it sorted out with the school head. Such aggression like that is frightening.
Nadateturbe I hope last night was a little better for you. Lovely to meet up with your cousins so unexpectedly like that. So pleased you had a nice time. Just what you needed after feeling low.
Candy You sound very tired. I hope today wasn't especially busy at work. Its upsetting when you have really bad dreams and they can cloud your day and be v unsettling.
Doodle I do hope your arm hasn't continued to swell. It must feel very uncomfortable. Is it still about 6 weeks that you need the plaster on for? It must be so difficult to get dressed with one hand. You must have to be a contortionist.
Wyllow How did you get on at your Physio appointment today? I hope today your back isn't as painful. I think mornings can be the worst when your muscles are tight and stiff.
I hope the counselling has been a big help today and allowed you to talk things over.

It's very tiring having to get up and empty bladder almost hourly during the night, but I know this is what happens with IC. Its not urgency. Bladder starts to feel incredibly painful as it fills even a small amount and it relieves pain temporarily. Took Tramadol this morning after a Rich Tea(thanks Nadateturbe) as felt really bad then during the day I was fine. Lovely surprise. Son 1 working in our area so son 2 made dinner for us all and DGS. Son stopping at brother's tonight.

Hope everyone has had a reasonable day. x

Didn’t sleep much last night. Lots of swelling in arm and bruising came out a lot. Eventually got to sleep about 4 am. .
Been a bit better today.
Sweetpeasue DH can still drive so we are managing ok.
Cast isn’t too tight so I think swelling should go down soon.
How has your day been?
Wyllow thanks for thinking of me. Arm is really swollen but not worried as long as cast is ok.
So pleased you had a good session with the physio and have identified the cause if your problem. That’s good news.
It is possible to rent some retirement housing. Have you considered that as an option? You could give it a trial run and see how you get on.. Perhaps rent out your own place to pay for it. Build on the positive things you have going for you where you currently live and do a slow investigation of what’s currently around or may be built soon. Also some of these
Places offer help moving too.
HVDY so sorry to hear about your DGD. That is awful. The girl should not be allowed to do that. At least if she has sent text messages it can be proved and she should be made to account for it. Hope the school take appropriate action.
nadateturbe what a nice meet up with your cousins. Do they live close to you? I realise you don’t want to get involved with planning too much but perhaps a coffee with them somewhere locally would lift your spirits.
EllieAnne is you DH just so focused in himself he doesn’t consider doing anything without being asked or has he alwys been the same? Could you leave a list of small jobs for him to do while you’re out?
Candy sounds like we were both up last night. We could have had a chat 😊 I can remember days when I came home from work too tired to talk.

Sweetpeasue crossed posts again. That often happens to us 😊. To be honest as I’m not going out at the moment I’m just dressing in baggy stuff I can slip on. Not sure about the cast they didn’t explain much. Got appointment Monday
DH used to get up many times in the night too. Not pain but overactive bladder meant he had to keep going.
He has some tablets called sollifenacin saccinate or something like that which ease the muscles around the bladder so he doesn’t need to go so often. Is that something that might be worth considering for you? Hope you get on ok tonight

EllieAnne You appear to be doing everything from your own house and garden to your son's.(which is kind of you as a mum to help out) but you DH must be able to help in some way, however small. It doesn't seem fair on you at all. Will he help, perhaps, to do shopping and wash the car? I think I would feel very put out to be doing everything. If garden was left to me alone it would be a jungle as I couldn't manage and its a very small one.
Wyllow So sorry, I posted too early and much of my message you have answered.
I think so much happens in families that there are often things that can not be discussed between parents and AC or even siblings. To do so risks hurt and opening up things that cant be mended. I can think of a particular time myself which is best left.
No one chooses to have a Mental illness, Wyllow. You have protected your son and family and born the suffering alone. You have been through a lot. You need to look after yourself and your health.

Sweetpeasue tho the night was bad I was glad to hear of sudden lovely surprise.

Doodle good plan but...the stress of renting out and everything temporary - no - As I've lived in a flat before I know the pros and cons, so its not whether but when. True, I have to resolve the dilemma of the dreaded McCarthy and Stone option (good support, but not in an area I'd choose really).

but I will explore the idea of Mc Carthy and Stone help..my guess it would come at a price beyond reasonable!

Doodle I might have posted too early. Such a good thing your DH still able to drive. Just shows how important it is for both to keep these skills when one has to rely on the other. There can be a crossover between IC and overactive bladder but essentially I only go because of the pain in my bladder that seems to be relieved by emptying it. Sollifenacin not prescribed for IC by Urologists but thankyou for suggestion. I do take Amitriptyline which helps. Hope your DHs RLS has not been as bad lately.

HVDY* how shocking about your wee GD being bullied. I personally think your son should let the school know about this. Its very serious.
Hope your feet feel very pampered! And you've had a relaxing day.
Candy I hope you slept better last night. Isn't it annoying how nights can be like that, especially when you have to get up for work. I slept well, thank you, without any pills! I think the same as HVDY, when I take amitriptyline I have strange vivid dreams.
Wyllow3 It sounds like the physiotherapist was very helpful. I am pleased for you. No disc damage, advice on managing pain, and can continue yoga. All sounds very positive. I hope it works out.
I'm sorry about your sadness about the past. I'm not going to comment, as I'm not a counsellor, other than to say, from experience, we can all only do our best given our own particular circumstances at any given time. I'm sure you were the best mother you could be.
I hope you can make a decision you are happy with for your future. In your own time.
Sweetpeasue a family dinner prepared for you. Lovely 🙂. Thanks, I slept well. But goodness me. Having to get up every hour. I remember that happening to me once. It was horrible. I just thought what's the point in going back to bed. But an antibiotic cleared it very quickly. I hope you're not like that every night.
Doodle what an awful night. I'm sure you can't wait for the cast to be off. You are certainly learning patience. I'm glad your husband can drive. I hope tonight is better. I do arrange to meet, but not very often as it's difficult to plan with M.E. I love meeting sisters, cousins, aunts. For me family is very important.

My husband is practicing his music for tomorrow. He's playing Hallelujah at the minute, sounds so peaceful. I hope you all have a peaceful night.xx

Would that be as in Handel or Cohen, nadateturbe.
Like both tremendously.

Yes, I was a good enough mother, amazingly. My worst troubles didn't come until he was over 20, and first Ex was there for him. He is a loving man and husband, successful as a Maths lecture, and a good fatherhood with special needs both at work and with his daughter. I never cease to be amazed. Me and his Dad gave him fairly unconditional love despite both our backgrounds. Yes, family matters, and all sibs in touch. Mostly by phone as they all live all over the place.

You are in touch with a lot of your family, did you grow up close to cousins? We never saw them.

Wyllow GD went to school yesterday (Tuesday) and things were apparently ok. The girl(s) are in different lessons. I hope you get on ok on Thursday. Take your time in deciding about moving, it's a huge step, isn't it?

SweetpeaSue Sympathies re your bladder. I used to wee 30-odd times a day (apparently the "normal" amount is 8 times in 24 hours but I go about 15). Lovely to have your son drop in like that.

Doodle Hope the swelling soon goes down. How long will you have the cast on?

nadateturbe The school is aware. It was GD's 14 year old sister who took an overdose because of bullying, so hopefully, the school will sort something out. Does your husband sing as well as play music?

Well, after a healthy meal last night (chicken and veg), a felt unwell. Terrible stomach cramps, at 10.30, then sick 6 times (not vomited since I was a teenager). Felt better so went back to bed at 1am. Now, in the last hour, diarrhoea 7 times. It's a good job I can stay in bed later tomorrow. DH never gets anything but yet he eats unhealthy junk

Good morning everyone. Doodle, Sweetpeasue Candy, I hope some of you got some better sleep than Monday night.

Wyllow3 I don't think my husband is quite up to the required standard for Handels Messiah!..🙂 We have been to a performance twice and enjoyed it. But I'm a great Cohen fan, have been to three concerts.
I'm glad to read your post. I was a bit concerned about how you felt. I've obviously misinterpreted it.
I have (had) six siblings. I didn't know any relatives well as we lived quite far from everyone. But as I grew up I made the effort to get to know them better. And now I am older its even more important. There's a special bond with family. Although I like having a few friends as well.
HVDY I didn't know about your GD taking an overdose, that's very sad. Glad the school knows about this GD being bullied. . They need to sort this.
Your vomiting sounds like food poisoning, possibly from chicken. Happened to me once . Hope it passes soon. Drink plenty of water (of course you will know that).
It's annoying isn't it, husbands who can eat and drink whatever they like, no ill effects or weight gain! We're just jealous of course!

I spent time yesterday tidying papers in file box, shredding and tidying art stuff.
It helps to declutter the mind.
Husband and I listened to a discussion on anxiety on BBC Sounds, worth a listen, there series. And then discussed our own anxieties. Useful stuff.

Hope you all have a pleasant day.

Just noticed a lot of posts added since I drafted this.

Erm..no there aren't 🙄

Hi All .
Sorry I was missing yesterday- felt extremely tired after walking in the morning then out to my photography group in the afternoon. So I rested in the evening and we just watched a film.
HVDY- what a horrible and frightening thing to happen to your GD. I hope the girl who sent the texts is dealt with quickly as the sort of things she was threatening are very disturbing. I,m so sorry your other GD had such a bad time with bullying that she felt as she did- so sad for her. It must have upset her too to see her sister distressed.
Oh your poor tummy- it does sound like food poisoning- chicken can be a bit dodgy sometimes. Hope you feel better soon. Yes what is it with men they seem to have cast iron stomachs!!
SweetPeaSue- it must have been such a relief to feel better after that awful night. What a treat to have dinner all together- so glad something nice happened for you.
Doodle- hope the swelling is starting to go down now- it must have been so difficult to get comfortable. You must be so glad DH is able to drive so you can get out of you need to. Baggy clothes are so comfortable aren’t they- I hate wearing anything tight.
Wyllow- glad you had a good meeting with your Physio- you must feel very comfortable in her company.It’s good news that there is something you can do to help you get your back stronger again and that there is no disc damage. To know that you will still be able to do your yoga must have given you such a boost.
You have brought up a wonderful son - you must be very proud of him.
You are right - family matters and keeping in touch is so important and also rewarding. Wherever you are they are your special people and you to them.
Nadateturbe- it must have been lovely when growing up to have all those siblings. You have reminded me I need to tidy up Art stuff too. Yesterday My GGD asked me if I had a canvas she could use and I found a pack of three after much searching. She,s 10 in a few days and loves drawing and painting.
Hallelujah is one of my favourite songs - so uplifting and calming at the same time. Does your DH perform his music in public?
Candy- hope you are sleeping better now. Perhaps you were just overtired.
EllieAnne- you do have an uphill job with your DH. He really should pull his weight and give you a hand- maybe he just wants telling what to do rather than being asked. Hope you are ok.
Nanny- thinking of you.
Love to all BD and others who visit or just read.

Nadateturbe and ScaredyCat I was GD's half sister who took the overdose (different dads) and was in hospital for a week or so. I don't think I can blame the chicken for my being unwell - I always overcook meat and fish. Whatever it was, I seem obe ok now, thankfully.

Just got back from meeting my brother and his wife. We had a couple of soft drinks and sat outside a pub. It made a change, for a couple of hours. Son1 is coming for dinner later, so DH has had a beed Madras cooking in the slow cooker for a few hours. Too hot for me, so I'll have something else. Hope all BDers are ok x

HVDY It's so awful how some children can make others lives a misery. Your GD's step-sister must have felt so desperate it's shocking. I'm glad your GD was ok yesterday and just hope things continue that way. Strange how you were so sick. Sometimes we never find out exactly why. Glad you felt better and were able to enjoy your meet up with yojr brother and SIL. Thank goodness your OA Bladder is under control now. It must have been a nightmare.
WyllowHope your back isn't too bad today and youve been managing to cope with so much going round in your head.
Nadateturbe It must have been nice to have brothers and sisters. Do any of them live close? Sorry if Ive missed it on your posts but does your DH play an instrument?
Scaredycat Hope you enjoyed the Photography group yesterday. Do you need to have a special camera? I went to my book group today and managed the full session this time. It was ok but felt so tired. Thankyou, it was nice to have sons together. Your GGD must have inherited your interest in art. Thats really nice to share something in common like that. Have you something you're working on at the moment?
Nanny Thinking of you too and sending love.

Usual night of many trips to bathroom. Most nights of last month are same. Strong pain again this morning needed pain med but eased by 10 and able to have a decent day. Have private appt with Urologist next week but so afraid of him suggesting bladder infusions.Just can't bear the thought of catheters but I'm getting ahead of myself and mustnt let the whatifferies take hold. Still sticking to diet. My blackbird has brought his partner and has built a nest in my climbing plant next to window. 🙂.

Love to all BDs and hoping your day has been ok.

I love hallelujah. We are practicing it at choir for our summer concert.
It must be lovely to have a big family. I only have my children and grandchildren. Was never close to cousins and lost touch years ago.
Dh has never done any gardening. Just not interested and now not fit. He’s ok doing a bit of hoovering or cleaning as long as it doesn’t involve bending.
Yes he would go shopping but he doesn’t check prices and if he doesn’t see something straight away it s not there!
Anyway going out for any reason is my escape.
My 12 year old granddaughter has been bullied a lot recently too. It’s horrible for her. She’s a bit overweight and gets comments about that and a new haircut.

SweetpeaSue See how you get on with the diet, it does sometimes take a while for things to have an effect. Love the blackbird story.

EllieAnne Does your husband iron? We've always had an old-fashioned relationship in that I've done everything IN the house, he's always done the garden and the cars. We've done decorating between us.

Son1 came and has just gone - these bullies (4 girls) have been threatening his daughter, saying they'll beat her up, and have been cornering her in school corridors, in the park, in the street, etc. He's got recorded messages (sent from GD's phone to his) that these girls have sent, calling her a fat slag, ugly bitch, etc. Horrible. He has spoken at length with the ringleader's mum (she was good friends with GD) who is ashamed and at a loss to know what to do (?). The school is going to let GD leave school 15 minutes early every day for a week, to allow her to get home safely. Hope all BDers have a relaxing evening x

Its quite shocking these bullying levels EllieAnne sad to hear it. I know what you mean about getting out and shopping - in its own way, its sociable if you go to the same place, faces become familiar.

I wonder why you are being attacked by tummy bugs, HVDY? that was a horrible one. Wise decision about food tonight.
I was so sad to read of the OD and the bullying there too. My niece was bullied and she was not believed by school until the girls actually left a message on the family telephone line - the old cassette type - and it my sis brought it into school. The bullies were actually removed from her class and it did fade. It made her hard at home. Yet she is now a deputy head teacher in a primary school!

nadateturbe good decluttering and how wonderful to have been to the Cohen concerts. Yes there is a lot of stuff on this week because its MH awareness week.
I’ve picked up there is some special stuff on Sounds - music for anxiety etc.

Scaredycat you were right not to try and post and have a break. “Hallelujah” was the first time i really noticed Cohen, tho it was another version. I can remember hearing it too - it was played in local indoor gardens and the music soared high and I had a moment of peace in a very troubled time. Its a shame I don’t live close to you as I have loads of art stuff I could let go for your DGD.

Sweetpeasue its hard going into nights knowing they will be disturbed. Whatifferies very understandable. How nice to have a blackbird so close.

I’m not in touch with any family except sister and DS and family really tho contact is kept, but they don’t “feature” in my life. They used to - family holidays when the kids were young - its been long long MH stuff that’s cut me off. its a cruel illness, no getting away from it…..my Ex was not just nasty but ill -

I have one cousin I would dearly like to see, but she lives in NI.

I had the phone call from the housing people this morning a day early. Very young woman - I think it went OK, I think I got my particular needs across tho could tell she didn’t really “get” MH but had standard questions that covered it. What was tricky was that I could tell they mainly help people in social housing not private sector. Bless her, she’d never bought or sold a house so I had to try and be specific about what sort of support I meant by “holding my hand through the process”. “Oh we cant do everything for you” “No I didn’t mean to give that impression etc”.

there can be a kind of upside down snobbery in these organisations - if you are well spoken (I’m not posh, but am clearly articulate) and have private means even modest then you may not be regarded as in need as much. So now it goes to “triage”, then I hear if I’m accepted within 10 days, then.. inevitably, as waiting list. And no idea how long, which isnt helpful. but I’ll wait to see if am accepted, then maybe get MH to intervene. Not to hurry them, but to explain why I need to know how things stand as you cant plan for my particular issues.

I didn’t do a lot today - the black dog has been chasing me very badly, various severe triggers, however I did admit to myself I’m too ill in various ways to rush moving house. And what to look forward to...rest of my life alone etc, not able to see family.....my whatifferies

Good afternoon Scaredycat, sometimes enjoying yourself can make you very tired. I hope you had an easier day today. I didn't realise you painted (or maybe I've forgotten). How nice that your GD enjoys it too, and so young. I use acrylics. Very much a learner. What do you use? I imagine photography is enjoyable too. If you know how to take a good photo. It’s amazing how much art stuff you accumulate and don’t use. I gave a lot away last year, and still have too much. I think I keep buying in the belief it will make me better!

EllieAnne I’m sure the choir is good for you. My cousin is in one and loves it. Very sad to hear of another child being bullied. It seems to be happening much more nowadays. So cruel. Bullies need to be dealt with severely. Re shopping. I often say to husband, But did you ask if they had it? Lol. Men don’t like to ask for help. It’s awful that you have to go out all the time. You should be able to relax in your own home.

HVDY I'm glad your sickness didn't last long. Very strange happening so suddenly. You're so lucky seeing family so often. Good idea to avoid the beef madras I think.

Sweetpeasue lovely that you stayed the whole time. What book were you discussing? Sorry to hear that your always like that. It’s totally miserable.I do hope the urologist can help, and perhaps you can take heart from HVDY. How lovely to have a nest in your garden.

My husband plays guitar with a little group. They do gigs for charities locally. They sometimes get paid which amuses them. (Of course they don’t keep the money)
To be honest, I really only appreciated all those siblings as I got older. When I was very young I was a solitary child. They would all have been jumping over the beds yelling playing cowboys and indians and I would have been lying there trying to read my book in a world of my own.

Nanny, thinking of you.

Doodle I hope last night was better, and that the swelling and pain is decreasing. And you have had a reasonably good day.

Hello to everyone I haven’t mentioned. Very tired, must finish, Had a checkup today which was all good, don’t need to go back. Nothing serious. Just to make sure ovarian cyst hadn’t got bigger, and it was gone. But travelling has tired me.

Evening all. Not a long post tonight. My arm is aching a lot. I have probably over done it. Got neck pain too probably from the weight of the sling.
Sweetpeasue I am scared to say it out loud but DHs restless legs are much improved. We were told iron might help and the iron infusions he has had have made a huge impact. Fingers crossed it stays this way.
Yes I see about going to the loo to relieve the pain. Sorry if it’s intrusive and don’t answer if you don’t want to but does the pain go away after you’ve been?
I Hope your visit to the urologist goes well. Whatever he suggests I wouldn’t hold back on the fact your quality of life is so bad you need an answer to this and get him to talk through all the options and what the chances of success are.
Wyllow I think M and S would consider allowing you to stay in their guest suite for a few days to see how you feel about the set up. Your first husband sounds a really nice chap. I’m pleased you have such a good relationship with him.
HVDY that’s awful about those girls. The school should do more. Does your DGD come home on her own?
If the are threatening her and there is recorded proof perhaps your son could go to the police about the threats.
Glad you are feeling a bit better now.
nadateturbe is your husband a musician? What is he doing tomorrow, is he playing somewhere?
.nice to have so many siblings and relatives. Good that you made the effort to keep in touch
Scaredycat hope you enjoyed photography group. Anything interesting? My arm is ok but I keep having aching pains in it. I’m sitting with an ice pack on it which helps. My DGDs always liked painting and craft too.
EllieAnne I would love to be in a choir. Love singing, no talent. Hallelujah is a favourite of mine too.
Sorry about your DGD too. Bullying is vile. Schools don’t do enough to stop it.

Just saw last posts. Truly shocking HVDY. Poor GD.
Wyllow3 that didn't go as you expected. You are probably different to their usual clients. And the young lady obviously doesn't understand MH. Senior staff may be better informed. Wait and see what happens. Don't let the whatifs take over.x

Wyllow I wonder if I'm picking up things because my immunity is low (due to the high dosage of steroids). Dunno, but ok at the moment, thanks. I'm sorry you've felt low today, and I hope tomorrow will be brighter for you.

nadateturbe Good news about the cyst. Glad all went well.

I've been listening to music on my headphones but keep thinking of GD. She'll be 12 in June, has asked for skincare and make-up stuff for her birthday , so I've ordered her a lot of nice things (stuff appropriate for teenagers). These nasty girls have been saying GD is ugly and hasn't got the "right" make-up. Stupid little sods. Off to bed early, seeing as I was awake a lot last night. Hope all BDers have a restful night x

HVDY- glad your tummy is back to normal- good idea to swerve the curry!! Isn’t it nice when it’s warm enough to sit outside and have a drink. I feel so sorry for your GD - it’s so cowardly and unkind how these. girls are treating her. The school should be taking stronger action to deal with them.
SweetPeaSue- thank you yes the group yesterday was fun. We are not serious photographers and we don’t have special cameras in fact the phone cameras are so good we use them a lot of the time.We usually have 3 subjects to photograph per
month and then get together to look at and discuss them on one members TV. You did well to do the whole Book Club - I think I would quite enjoy it but not sure if I could read to order.
I love how enthusiastic my GGD is with her Art- I,m afraid I,ve not done anything lately as I,ve been so tired.
I,m glad you have your private appt arranged so don’t let the Whatifferies take charge and try not to anticipate what they will say.
So sweet to have your blackbird lodgers.
EllieAnne- So sorry to hear your GD is suffering bullying too. Why do some children take pleasure in hurting others. Hope she is getting help to deal with it.
It must be wonderful to be with your choir and sing Hallelujah- does it give you goosebumps.
Wyllow- that’s a kind thought about the Art stuff- .
MH problems are cruel - it’s not easy suffering from an illness that is not visibly obvious but that can be so debilitating.
Fingers crossed the housing people will be able to help you. There is no need to rush into moving but it is something that you can think about and prepare for in your own time. You will be able to see family and as your GC get older they will be able to visit or have days out on their own with you- don’t let the Whatifferies win!!
Nadateturbe- I have always enjoyed Art . The last few years I haven’t done much painting but have done Life Drawing which I loved . I actually prefer drawing to painting. I have done watercolour and acrylics. I used to paint from my own photographs . My GGD loves to create and also bakes very well .Glad your check up went well - hope you sleep peacefully tonight.
Doodle- so glad DH legs have improved - sshhh. We have different subjects each month and one for next month is Poetry.
Oh your arm sounds painful - hope tonight it lets up and you manage to sleep ok.
Good night allxxxxx

nadateturbe briefly -great cyst news.

I'm hooked on Law and Order special victims unit - its a US series where people abused get help and justice - but I think the appeal is the righting wrongs and the putting rights (but realism)- and great strong women characters.