Black Dog 16

HVDY 6lb that’s amazing. Well done you * 🏅

Very exhausted today, Quakers were good, but depression and bowel stuff dominated. Back tomorrow.

Candy

" The trouble is with me, the more I enjoy things, the lower I feel when it’s all over so much so I sometimes think it’s not worth it. I need to ‘live in the moment’ more and practice being grateful for all I’ve got. I really am grateful and practice gratitude daily, but for whatever reason, the lows still come. Something to do with the depression"

Ain't that the truth? It's a daily battle, but one we have to make. Especially avoiding good things because of the down we fear after.

Hi all.
HVDY- wow 6 lbs what a great start. It is such a difficult thing to do - well done!!
It must be nice seeing your sons new home come to life- I do hope he will be very happy there.
Nadaturbe- isn’t amazing how much liquid seems to come from a small cup or mug - like it multiplies as it flies through the air! Hope you,ve had a good Sunday.
SweetPeaSue- i,m glad your son lives in your village - my daughter lives in our village too. Just nice to know they are near isn’t it.
Ah so sweet to picture Auntie and the robin- she obviously love s your outings together.
Wyllow- hope you,ve had a good Sunday and your back has improved.
Doodle- good news you had a better night.
You must have the biggest file with all your hospital letters! It’s a bit of a full time job for you at the moment!
Face timed my sister yesterday. One day last week she managed to get in the car and her husband took her up into the hills- it doesn’t take very long. She said she cried she was so pleased to be there and see all the new lambs. I was so happy she had been able to do,that.
My GGS has one more week to go with his liquid diet and then I think it will be a gradual reintroduction of normal food. He has been really good especially considering it was Easter egg time.
Candy - hope you had a good journey home and a good sleep before work tomorrow.
EllieAnne ,Whiff and all wishing you a restful night.

SweetpeaSue Your son does long shifts. He must get very tired. Nice for your aunt to be taken out. I love seeing the birds. There are 2 robins that come to our garden. Pretty little things.

Doodle I don't have to pay when I use my blue badge (I think it's for 3 hours). It's been very handy. Best of luck with the appointments. I hope you and your husband get some sleep tonight.

ScaredyCat It sounds as though your sister is doing very well now. Is she more mobile around the house? Aw, bless your grandson, he's been very brave and good. I hope things go well for him.

Hope all BDers have a restful night x

At the beginning of the day I just didnt see how could get through so took a bot extra tranx. I had 2 men coming to power wash the drive and patio and had to supervise and do bits and bobs after, and hate "invasions" and was so tired:

but what `I did also do was sort of extraordinary, as I cleared 14 items of admin including some emotional ones in those 2.5 hours..

This included reaching out to Ex's brother for a "last time" as he had gone non com, but in fact had intended to get back - I am free to go visit Ex's mum, she is out of it a lot but still "with us".

I emailed the flats where I'd targeted where family live and manageress was nice but she doesn't think a two bedroomed flat will come up on the sunny side of the building (I couldn't live with little or no sun): there is a really nice one bedroomed one up for sale: I'm not ready, but she is wiling to let DS go visit the flat aka to have a good nose around, It will be difficult for me to let that go, as I'm :if it doesn't happen now it never will". this will be hard. I am not well enough to proceed now with all it involves: I have to let a chance go, but DS should be able to give me an idea if tis nice or cramped and grotty and the place is as friendly with some communal things that the manageress said with a good age range. (over 55).

I contacted the GP (30 in queue but they do deliver) and my MRI scan of Aline isnt back but the GP has been told its getting bigger which she asked me to do and its been 2 months so she can act on both sets of info when MRI comes

I rung and asked my sis what to do with something precious of Ex's that has turned up - I dont want to communicate with him but she said they are his and I agree so packed them up to send.

Slept but decided to spend evening in bed with good book I've mentioned them before but they are extraordinarily redemptive and heart lifting - Louise Penny's Inspector Gamache series but you have to read them in order. They've lifted me on many days.

Not expecting to do much tomorrow.

Best wishes all BD's, be back in later to follow anyone's days.

Wyllow you’ve had quite a full on day from the sound of things. You’ve achieved quite a lot including some difficult tasks. I think an evening in bed with a good book would be great. Good idea to get your DS to check out the place you are looking at to have some idea of how good it is. Hope you have a restful night,
HVDY you are doing really well in the diet, we used our blue badge for the first time today in parking at the hospital. Managed to get the hospital buggy to give us a lift to radiology which is just as well otherwise it would have been a long walk.
I love robins. So cheeky. Do you have a bird table or bird bath?
Scaredycat glad your sister enjoyed her trip out, nothing like the countryside to lift the spirits. Your GGS has been very good. Must be hard for him. I hope he can reintroduce foods and cope ok.
Sweetpeasue what sort of night did you have? We didn’t have a good one last night and tonight doesn’t bode well either.
Your Auntie must be so pleased you take her on little outings, I’m sure it means a lot.

HVDY Hope your day has been ok. You've done so well to lose that 6lbs so I'm sure you will succeed losing that weight. You've made such a good start. Hope your legs haven't been painful today.
Wyllow Youve had an extremely full day. You will feel better getting rid of any of ex's stuff, I should think, but it must still be really difficult. I hope your son finds the flat suitable and you are strong enough to move. I hate 'invasions' too. Always putting things off.
Doodle Such a relief for you toget the hospital buggy to radiology. How on earth would you have managed without it. Pushing a wheelchair is very hard work. They never go where you want them to. I'm sorry you were up again last night but can only hope for you tonight will be better. Its a horrible lonely place to be at night and the thoughts that almost taunt you that things wont get better. Don't believe them Doodle. I'm sure after all these tests that the Drs will come up with something that can help. I think of you when I awaken but Ive been lucky lately in that I'm not up so much. I do hope your forebodings are wrong for tonight. Also that you dont have an early start for hospital tomorrow.I'm so sorry you're both having to go through all this.
Scaredycat You must be pleased your sister has made some progress and can see some of the nature around. Your GGS has done so well and you must be proud of him. Ive not been for walk today though it was a bright morning.

Bowel been quite churned up today and a constant pressure but not severe as it was. Had quite a bit of sensitivity in root canal tooth so hope that's not going to start.Its good to see the Daffs and the trees starting to blossom but I feel guilty for not taking pleasure in it all today. Just a v flat mood. I need to be more positive. Feel quite wretched and dont know why. Bad dreams about all family leaving me alone. Tell myself, it will pass.

Take care all BDs. Wishing a peaceful night.

Yes, I was so pleased to read HVDY’s diet report, and Scaredycat’s sister

Doodle what is a hospital buggy? Sort of motorised small vehicle on a large hospital site? So sorry about yet more long nights and I hope that more visits are productive.

Sweetpeasue sometimes those thing sort of “sink in and heal” and sometimes we are sort of deaf to them. But..if you can, don’t pile guilt at not feeling good about nature its a double whammy (but do understand, as in “I ought to be out enjoying myself etc etc”

Wyllow It just seems when we feel extra low and are faced with nature that seems the opposite it seems to mock. I think I understand about the guilt being completely useless to our mental state.

HVDY- my sister is doing well - but very slowly.
She has a little walking frame thing in the house but sometimes can go to the kitchen unaided where she has a perching stool. She has difficulty lifting her arms up but at last can make a cup of tea if the kettle isn’t too full. Thank you for asking.
Hope your legs are more comfortable today .
Wyllow- you have done some good jobs today - I expect you feel a bit tidier in your mind. It,ll be good to hear your sons take on the flat - always helpful to have a second opinion.
Hopefully once the MRI report comes through the Alien can be seen to pretty quickly.
Hope you,ve enjoyed your book- so good to get lost in one you really enjoy.
Doodle- glad you were able to get the buggy you didn’t need a long walk before all the stress of the hospital visit. Hope it went well.
Do hope tonight will be better than last. It’s horrible when you are so tired and then can’t sleep the following night either.
I will see my DGD tomorrow so will get an up to date report on my GGS. We are going to try out our new village cafe.
SweetPeaSue- bad dreams can haunt and spoil the next day can’t they. Maybe it contributed to your low mood.
I think teeth can feel sensitive after invasive treatment like root canal. I like Sensodyne repair and protect toothpaste it’s very good for sensitive teeth.
Yes it’s lovely to see everything coming to life - soon the bluebells will be out. I love to walk in the bluebell woods - such a wonderful colour.
Hope you have a restful night.
Candy,EllieAnne,Whiff ,Nadaturbe, and all who read wishing you a restful night

Yes *Scaredycat" my dentist more or less ordered me to use Sensodyne.

and you've reminded me my local woods are anther very best at bluebell time. Not long now - it will be a week or so up here.

Sweetpeasue ..just that adding guilt to sorrow... but they are often hand in hand. I recall at worst times wishing it would be grim and raining as it seemed like the sun was mocking me and why should everyone be able to enjoy? . Atm not the case: sun picks me up even if I don't go out in it.

Evening all. I hope you’ve all had as good a day as is possible. I didn’t get on yesterday as we travelled home and went straight to see MiL and Step FiL who as you know has been very ill. Sadly, he passed a few hours later. We are ok as it was truly a release for him and in some ways, MiL too. My own DD (their DGD) was an absolute star, spending all day there. We don’t want our DC’s tested, but when and if they are, it can show us their true personalities and resilience and she certainly showed us that yesterday. It was good that DS was still home too so he could visit and spend time with his Nana before returning home today. There’s lots to do now, both immediately and in the future in the form of support but they are a big family so help with be there too. It’s a time when families need to pull together and we will.
HVDY very well done on the weight loss. You have done extremely well. It must have been lovely for you to visit your son’s new home. I hope it gave you a boost.
Sweetpeasue yes, we may move in the future. We always look at what’s available so I suppose that indicates that we’re not entirely happy here. We’ll see. It’s nice your son lives in your village when he’s home. Our daughter lives in the next village to us. Your Auntie is lucky to have you taking her out. It must be nice for you both. I hope your bowel and tooth pain have eased and your low mood has lifted. It will pass I’m sure and soon I hope.
Doodle it’s lovely that you both enjoy your retirement and your home and I understand what you mean about holidays. You do have a lot going on and I really hope things ease soon for you. Yes, I’ve been in work today. It was busy but the time goes quickly then. My 2 days in do go quickly and sometimes it seems that no sooner I’m back in work than it’s all done so not too bad. Sorry you had a bad night last night and hope you manage to have a better one tonight 🤞 .
Wyllow sorry you had a low day but at least you seem to have got a lot done which should give you a bit of a lift I hope. I hope the report on the prospective property is good too and if so, you feel able to move forward with it. I hope your ex’s parcel arrival didn’t trigger you too much. Best to get rid of it asap so you can move on from it. I hope you’ve enjoyed your rest and book.
Scaredycat how nice your sister got to get out. Very emotional but lovely too. Nice you are able to meet up with your DGD and catch up on how your GGS is doing. I hope the food re-introduction goes well and he manages to stay in remission for a long period of time. I hope the cafe is nice. We have a nice cafe in our village too.
Off to bed now as an especially late night last night so very tired. Wishing all a restful night and special ❤️ to all those not personally mentioned xx

Wyllow3 You had a very productive day and got a lot done, by the sound of it. The flat might be good. It's a good idea to get your son to look at it. Is it a Warden-aided place? (I used to do that job) Hope you have a restful night.
Doodle Glad you were able to get a lift to the department you needed. There's a lot of walking at our hospital, too. Hope all went well. I've got 2 birdbaths and a bird table. I also leave out food for the squirrels. I really hope your night tonight is better than usual. Fingers crossed for you both.
SweetpeaSue I hate those "flat" days. I try to tell myself that the next day will be better, and it often is. I hope tomorrow is better for you. My legs have felt ok today, thanks, and my ankles are slim again (not swollen) - the only body part I've got that's slim .
ScaredyCat I'm glad your sister is getting on well. Best of luck for your GS. My legs have been fine all day, thanks. Perhaps the tablets are starting to work.
Candy Sorry about your MIL's husband. At least he's now at rest.

Just got home from seeing both sons and their GFs and Son2's friend, for a lovely meal at an Indian restaurant (good old credit card) and a couple of drinks afterwards. Off to bed now. Hope all BDers have a decent sleep. x

Sorry for your loss, Candy.

Nice night out, HVDY. There is a manageress during the weekdays, its for practical sorting outs and some social events, but not SSD/caring stuff.

Wyllow I see. I think that's what they do here, but when I worked (it was called a Community Warden) in a similar place (actually, 3 separate places at different times), I used to call residents via an intercom, have a chat, and then visit some of them. The place you're talking about sounds alright.

Hello everyone. Sounds like so many of you are having a difficult time.
I came home Sunday after an ok weekend. The drives were good and was good to see dd though there are always tensions and am worried about her. I’m so annoyed with myself. I have left my iPad there and I use it all the time. I’ve asked her to send it but she does not know if or when she will have time. I escape to my room and watch tv on it so I really miss it. Something always goes wrong doesn’t it? I’ve got a busy day helping at church club and then food bank so I’d better get ready.
Sweet pea sue I know what you mean about sunny days and daffodils! Rainy days go better with what you are feeling.

EllieAnne Glad you were able to spend time with your daughter. Why are you worried about her? Hope you get your iPad back soon.

How is everyone this morning? It's bright and sunny here, and I'm going to see a friend (she's Son1's ex from years ago) and her little boy - he's home-schooled so will be there - and perhaps go out for coffee or a snack. DH will have the house to himself . Hope all BDers manage to have a decent day x

Hvdy she has suffered from poor mental health since teens. Is on a lot of medication but that makes her very tired and can only work part time and quality of life is not great. Makes visiting quite difficult.

EllieAnne Yes, I imagine things must be quite difficult for you both. Have you been out anywhere today?

How has everyone's day been?

Evening all
HVDY glad you had a nice meal out last night. I love eating out so yes, thank goodness for credit cards! I hope you’ve had a nice time with your friend and her son too. It’s been sunny here too, not that I’ve seen much of it as I’ve been in work all day. Nice to see the sunshine though. I hope you are well.
Ellie Anne glad you had a decent weekend with your daughter and I hope you get your iPad back soon. I watch TV on mine too and I would be lost without it. I hope your day has been ok.
Just a flying visit this evening as I haven’t long finished work and I’m going to my Pilates class then popping to see MiL. Hope everyone has a nice evening xx

HVDY It was foggy here this morning but sun burned that off by midday. Took ages for me to make a decision if to walk or go for coffee. No walk. Went to cafe and Sainsbugs (thats Wyllow) and I bought a large blue Senetti plant with many flowers. In tub in garden now. Had DGS from school for a few hrs. Made up silly poems with him and he writes them down after me. Has him in hysterics! Played ball with him. Tum is a bit tender now, have no idea why it keeps coming on. Hope you had a nice natter out with friend today.
Candy I'm sorry to hear about your SFIL. I do understand that sometimes it can be a release and sometimes kinder when a person has been poorly a while and will mot get better. I'm glad there is plenty of family to help. You must be proud of your daughter to be there when she was needed and to look after things. Hope you enjoy your Pilates class and also that your MIL is OK. Take care of yourself.
EllieAnne It can so easily happen that something is left behind but you are bound to miss your IPad. Hope you can have it returned soon. I have been Grumpeasue lately but think its loss of HRT amongst other things. The daffs made me tearful yesterday but can see beauty in Senetti today. I hope your daughter was feeling a bit brighter by the time you left.

Hoping everyone's day has been ok.

Sweetpeasue thank you. We did have a slightly better night.
It’s a bit full on with all these appointments. Poor DH is starting his colonoscopy prep tomorrow on a liquid only diet.
Re your tooth, I had a lot of trouble with one of mine after treatment. Kept twinging when I bit down on things. Lasted for quite a long time then one day I suddenly realised it didn’t hurt anymore and has been fine since.
Pleased you are sleeping a bit better.
It made me smile reading about the fun you had with your DGS. Your plant sounds nice. Hope it blooms well.
Wyllow yes it’s like a very small milk float with seating for two at the back. The hospital we go to is all on the flat and the corridors are very long. It would have been hard for DH to walk that far. The buggy drivers are all volunteers.
I love bluebells in the woods. If you get to see them will you post a picture please?
Are you still using your treadmill? Ours is a bit of a white elephant in the room at the moment as DH isn’t up to it and I’m too busy or fast asleep in the armchair. 😱
Scaredycat my DSIL had a perching stool. One in the kitchen and one in the bathroom for when she was washing.
Your sister is obviously trying to get about on her own too which is good. Have they arranged any home help at all?
I’m wondering if you managed to try out the new cafe. I think it was closed last time you went. Hope you had better luck this time and the news of your GGS was good.
Candy so sorry for your family loss. I’m glad so many of you were able to visit. Your DD sounds as though she was a real support being there when needed. I expect you will have to help your MIL a lot with arrangements and things.
HVDY lots of people don’t like squirrels but I think they’re sweet. We have quite a lot here because we have an area away from the road with lots of trees so they are safe. We seem to have lots of baby ones that like playing chase with each other in the lawn in the mornings.
Glad your ankles have slimmed down. So have DHs but his legs are so very red. Got Gp to check them yesterday and she said they were fine so I’m happier about that now.
Your Indian meal sounds nice. Good to have your boys together. Hope you had a nice time with your sons Ex and little boy.
Ellie Anne I’m glad you’re weekend with your DD went well and you managed the drive well each way.
Oh what a nuisance about your iPad. I don’t suppose your DH would drive up to get it for you would he?
Do you have many people at the food bank? Do people have vouchers for the food they need?
Does your DD get any financial support as she can only work part time? I’m sure you worry about her. Does she have input from the MHT or other organisation?
Hope all have a peaceful night.

Candy Hope your Pilates class went well. Is it at a leisure centre? I had a lovely 4 hours with my friend - she gave me a lot of very nice birthday presents, and we had a pub lunch (I had salad and quiche but didn't eat the pastry.
SweetpeaSue Glad you had a nice time with your GS. They can be really entertaining at that age . My friend's (son's ex) son is very bright, funny and articulate - he's 9. Her husband is lovely, too. Hope your stomach settles down soon.
Doodle When has your DH got to have the colonoscopy? Will he need to be on the liquid diet for long? Do your husband's legs feel any better? These steroids haven't done anything to the rash on my legs (yet), but I've definitely got a moon face now . On the plus side, my skin (face) looks glowing, probably because I'm eating healthily.

I had a really nice time with my friend - she used to live with Son1 some years ago, and they lived 3 doors from us (then she cheated on him so he got with the neighbour and ended up having his 2 girls with her). I always liked her, went to her wedding, stayed friends throughout her pregnancy etc. It's funny how life turns out sometimes.

Good to hear from you EllieAnne. I’m glad to hear there were some good bits with DD. I think thats pretty positive for a few days full on together. Given her problems. Does she have MH support? But oh my, how you must miss your I pad, because that’s your home comfort - to have a comfy you space and watch TV or chat online. I hope you can get it soon!

Sweetpeasue thats the nicest day reported for a bit! Take care of your tum, it’s been very full on for you.

Waves to Candy after a busy day, and coping with you r family loss, take care..

Glad your night was a little better, Doodle. MrD is certainly getting the full works - if he’s fasting, its tomorrow? Lots of warm thoughts for your difficult journey together through all these tests...Yes, will post the bluebells in my lovely woods.

It sounds like a really nice friendship HVDY

I did a gentle gym without twigging my back which was pleased about and it was quite sociable and positive.

Had a sleep..then went out for a drive in the countryside as its been sunny and I felt so very hemmed in. There were a lot of memories surfacing some surprising. -no need to go into detail, the sadness was expected, but not some of the insights into Ex that were a bit helpful. Probably the contact with his brother has helped more than expected - ie have not been rejected by all the family!

On the minus side, my Alien Lump has grown and it troubling re movement, but have to wait for MRI test before pushing GP to act further.