Anxiety re street party

We've never lived anywhere that had street parties, which suited us perfectly.
However, about eighteen months ago, a new couple moved into the close, and she's an absolute nightmare!
Every other week she's trying to organise something, a get together at their house as they have a Bingo machine; sixties/seventies quiz nights; afternoon baking sessions for the 'ladies' (her words, not mine) of the close; firework parties for grandchildren (there is nobody under the age of 55 in our close, and all children have grown and left home; street party for the Queen's Platinum Jubilee; (it rained buckets on the day, and nobody wanted to get wet, hee hee); she even wanted to organise a street 'get together with food and drink' but not a 'party' to say Goodbye to the Queen!
She's organising a street party for the Coronation, and is putting ever more stroppy notes through letterboxes of residents who have said 'No' to her arrangements!
Quite honestly, most of us wish she'd just shut up and leave us alone, but nobody wants to upset her.
I couldn't care less whether she's upset or not, as she moved in here and within days started 'organising' people. This was a very quiet, peaceful close, where everyone was friendly, but since she arrived, if people don't 'fit in' with her plans, she gets nasty!
We won't be going to her Coronation party!

We've got an obsessive 'organiser' here too - always trying to make arrangements, give people roles, make to-do lists etc. (It's just another version of social anxiety, the need for control.)

We tend to ignore her. These events don't really need organising. Just arrange for the street to be closed (local council) and everything else is 'bring your own', the food, music, entertainment, company, tables and chairs. It's quite relaxed, compared to organised events where you have to travel - and then feel you have to stay for a certain time - like it or not.

Hetty58

We've got an obsessive 'organiser' here too - always trying to make arrangements, give people roles, make to-do lists etc. (It's just another version of social anxiety, the need for control.)

We tend to ignore her. These events don't really need organising. Just arrange for the street to be closed (local council) and everything else is 'bring your own', the food, music, entertainment, company, tables and chairs. It's quite relaxed, compared to organised events where you have to travel - and then feel you have to stay for a certain time - like it or not.

A little bit of organisation is a good idea otherwise you could end up with 30 broad bean and spinach quiches!

Ive never been to a street party as I have mostly lived in flats. Lived in this area now for 22 years and its very diverse. Two main ethnic groups who dont particularly mix so I dont think street parties are their thing. They do have some wonderful weddings though.

Hetty58 We've never lived anywhere that had street parties, which suited us perfectly. However, about eighteen months ago, a new couple moved into the close, and she's an absolute nightmare!

Every other week she's trying to organise something

Disaster.

Organisers have to live somewhere, thankfully not near us.

I'd feel just the same. But would feel I must show my face.

M n S or similar will have loads of coronation party goodies, I'm sure, that's what I'd take. I'd use the lightest of small talk so nothing could bounce back on me and hope to be known as "that nice quiet lady from no 14".

If it is causing real anxiety, go out for the day. Plead a prior engagement (family visits are always a good excuse)
Now you are grown up you can take control of your own Life!

My advice is say you’re a Republican ( I am) and you’d rather not be part of it ….thank you anyway. Nothing is happening around here….nobody gives a damn!

Foxygloves

If it is causing real anxiety, go out for the day. Plead a prior engagement (family visits are always a good excuse)
Now you are grown up you can take control of your own Life!

Good one. Having to be with family most acceptable one.

During lockdown we enjoyed occasional sessions with glasses of wine in the garden of our block of flats. We were all glad of the company. We had a jubilee party and planted a tree for the Queen's Green Canopy.
I've circulated a brief note to say that we'll be in the garden again in the evening after the coronation if anyone wants to join us. BYOB so nothing special or any catering. I've no idea if anyone will turn up. It's up to them.
I'm sure the OP will have an OK time and no need to stay very long.
Do let us know how you got on though.

Willow73

Don't stress about it - it will just increase your anxiety.

In situations like this, it's best to decide what you are going to do in advance, make a decision and stick to it, otherwise you will just continue to agonise over it.

If you really don't want to go to the party - don't go. If you're worried about what people might think, you have to realise that you can't run your life catering for the sensibilities of other people. There'll most likely be others who don't take part. If you don't want to appear anti-social, think of a good excuse - personally, I wouldn't bother - you don't owe anyone an explanation. If you're asked - "no unfortunately I will not be able to attend" should be enough...

The organisers won't be taking a register of who is there or not. Chances are they won't notice if you don't appear. If they ask later you could just make a vague retrospective excuse. People really don't bother as much as you seem to think they do.

Aveline

The organisers won't be taking a register of who is there or not. Chances are they won't notice if you don't appear. If they ask later you could just make a vague retrospective excuse. People really don't bother as much as you seem to think they do.

I think we've been schooled to be sociable so when you believe you're not being socially amicable, you probably do think people care - or even notice - more than they actually do.

Maybe women take these things more seriously than men, I don't know. My OH would just say "no, not for me" and wouldn't bother with what others might think.

If you're already suffering from anxiety - it's really easy to over-think these situations.

Asparagus rolls always go down well and are super easy to make!

Dickens you're absolutely right. Important not to overthink these things.

The last street party I went to was in 1953 for the coronation of Elizabeth II! I cant remember much about except stiffing my face with cakes which were a bit thin on the ground in our family.

A few years ago I was standing by my gate watching the procession for an Indian wedding further down the street and some of the guests beckoned me to come over. When they saw that I walked with a stick they kindly fetched a chair and sat me down in the garden. Then they brought me out some delicious food. I am very fond of Indian food but the drumming was a bit too much after an hour so I politely made my excuses. Indian weddings can go on for days and usually involve the front of the house being draped from roof to pavement in bright lights, wonderful outfits and delicious smells drifting around.

I too hate this kind of thing. I just decline politely and stay indoors.

I was wondering how you are coping?

I answered the door today and wished I had not, street party rearranged for tomorrow. I find these functions very difficult, nice for the couples and children, not for me who will be the only solo. Yes I am going to pop in, show my face and then quietly disappear back home

Smile sweetly and say unfortunately you have family coming.(as I do)
Tomorrow is “Big Lunch” day but nobody says it has to be with the neighbours.

Did you go in the end?

I hid from ours lol

We have 7 single people in our close. They all came to the party and were so happy to laugh and sing and dance with the whole close.
Our oldest resident is 87. Her dancing was amazing. She’s still got wonderful rhythm.

My old schoolfriend was an “organiser” when she lived in our village. Jumble sales, sponsored events, gala, amateur dramatics and several village pantos.

Some people thought she was OTT and had to be involved with everything.

However, she moved away some years ago and since then people have complained that there’s not much on in the village. Her pantos are still talked about and fondly remembered because she managed to persuade so many local people to take part.

People like her should be applauded for giving up their time and enthusiasm for community events. As my Mum used to say “you’re a long time dead”. 😉

I always used to feel I should join in with these occasions, then would get there and feel like a square peg in a round hole. Meanwhile DH, who would have to be cajoled to go along, would find plenty to chat about with everyone. I've now given up.

This thread has been really useful in making me think about the kind of thing I’d like to see or organise in our area - there’s some great community stuff happening, although definitely not in the Coronation/street party vibe!

Did you go, willow? How was it?