Anxiety re street party

Feeling obliged to attend an event that you really, really don't want to go to is, IMO, a huge stress.

Many, many years ago a friend tried to pressure me to go with her to a variety performance at the London Palladium - she'd bought tickets for herself and another friend who'd dropped out at the last minute - literally. I really don't enjoy 'variety' at all, didn't, at the time, like being in enclosed spaces with a lot of other people, have never had an interest in going 'up West'.
This friend, her husband, and her other friends, were all insistent that I go giving me all sorts of reasons why it would be churlish to refuse the "kind" gesture. And I probably lost count of the number of times I was told that I'd "probably enjoy it once I got there". The pressure was immense - all I could say was that I really did not want to go to the venue, but it cut no ice because I was questioned on it. "Why don't you want to go?", "what harm will it do? and - because I was a full-time working single parent - "it will do you good to have a night out".

I've since learned to say "no" and not allow other people to pressure me into doing something I really don't want to do - unless there's a very good reason why I should. And not feel guilty about the decision. Life is too short - I'm not going to fill up what little spare time I have meeting the expectations and needs of others.

A friend wants me to go with her to a hospital appointment - I didn't hesitate to say "yes" because that's one of those particular circumstances where someone else's need is important - to her, and to me. I will happily go with her.

But parties, street parties, New Year's Eve parties - anything that demands you 'fit in' with the crowd and be "jolly" is absolutely not on. I'm not now bothered about what people might think of me for refusing such invites... their 'interest' in my refusal will only last for a few minutes before they find something or someone else to talk about / comment on.

I do definitely. Always had social anxiety. Maybe just go and eat your tea. At least you’ll have shown your face 😃

It's not compulsory.
You could send apologies and make an excuse.

If you feel you can go, take your tea, a cuppa or small bottle of fizz etc, show your face and then make a graceful exit.

As others have suggested, if you do attend, do take a sharing item even it it a bought cake or packet of biscuits or nibbles, as well as your own sandwiches, and a bottle or flask of something to drink. Sharing may not be expected but it is handy to have something in case and you can take it home with you if not needed. These types of event are often a good opportunity to introduce yourselves to your neighbours without any obligation to invite anyone to yours. If your neighbours who are present don't know you well, you may have to introduce yourselves by simply name and house number.

Willow73 - perhaps it’s a little premature for you to always say to yourself you will not enjoy yourself. You did confess that you’ve always felt that way in the past and have set yourself up in a lifelong pattern.

Two things: 1) Then stay home or leave for that time span so you don’t feel the anguish. 2) Go for a short spell with your food to see who your neighbors are. Aren’t you curious?

You may be pleasantly surprised, but I encourage you to get to know at least one or two of your next door neighbors just to maintain a friendly acknowledgment.

‼️ Those neighbors may very well be a godsend in the future if you ever have an emergency ‼️
Don’t be afraid - enjoy!
USA Gundy

Check what they mean.abiut bringing food. I energy my elderly Father going on a "bring a plate" pic-nic. He took himself a sandwich. They had meant bring a plate of something to share.

Take what you have planned to take and have a back-up plan.

Just a simple one, mention that you and your husband can't stay long as you are going out later.

Then be seen to go - either on foot, by bike or car, whichever suits you best.

Is it possible to sneak back in again through your back garden to avoid being seen from the street?

If not, your back-up plan needs to be in the region of a conference call with someone, or face-timing your niece or whatever, so you have to go soon.

Fortunately we never have such events.

We'd just leave, take our sweet dogs out walking. Great excuse.

62Granny

When we had a party last year for the Jubilee , I bought two ready prepared pizza cooked them on the day and took them down , my husband did not want to come as he is not a royalist . I stayed about 40 mins said a little hello to some to the neighbours I knew and introduced my self to others then came home everyone was lovely there was no pressure stay for hours I knew the children would enjoy the pizza and I seen a few of them taking a slice.
Some had taken chairs and a their own picnic and small bottle of fizz or beer others had set up a BBQ outside their front. Honestly it was very relaxed. You don't need to feel pressurised at all.

Yes, sharing food like pizza always works, or sausage rolls.
A WhatsApp group was started here during Covid and I moved in shortly afterwards. We have regular Saturday lunchtime meet ups on portable chairs with drinks and snacks, really friendly, very informal, you only go if you are in the mood. My husband doesn't go as he's not very sociable but I'm happy going on my own.
Most of the people who meet here are older, the younger ones only come on high days and holidays but we are having a BBQ
for the Coronation so I expect all ages will turn up. Everyone will bring a dish to share and something to drink.
You might find that there are older people you have more in common with whom you don't know yet? People will be feeling jolly and friendly so won't be out to find fault with you! You may even find that some are looking for babysitters or extra grannies for their children.

You may even find that some are looking for babysitters or extra grannies for their children

That sounds like a good reason not to go!
😂

It's always good to know a few of your neighbours, you may surprise yourself and enjoy it.

Callistemon21

^You may even find that some are looking for babysitters or extra grannies for their children^

That sounds like a good reason not to go!
😂

Good way to get to know people though. Some Gransnetters don't have family close but enjoy spending time with others. Willow might have a lovely time, she'll never know unless she goes. If she doesn't enjoy it she can slide quietly home.

We had wonderful street events during covid, all socially distanced but great fun and it brought us together as neighbours. The children loved them after home schooling etc. However, not everybody went and that was fine. Nobody was ostracised . It was light hearted and you could stay as long as you wanted. We are the oldest on the street but joined in when we felt up to it or we just watched others . Younger people stated later as they drank more 😂
Unfortunately, 3 sets have moved so things change but my advice would be go if you want to, stay as long as you want to, make a lemon traybake to share. You might have a good experience!

Yes, she can 🙂

Just offer apologies that you have a clashing engagement and go to the pub!

if you were at the queens jubilee as a girl and have a small photo of that you might have it with you and it would be something to chat about and the differences etc these days. Give it a go and you can always say you have a headache, feel hot or cold , which ever is appropriate but it will register and you may enjoy chatting about the differences you may see. Hope you manage to go and enjoy

Callistemon21

^You may even find that some are looking for babysitters or extra grannies for their children^

That sounds like a good reason not to go!
😂

😁

I just think try overcome your anxiety for around an hour just to be polite. Because to be honest you might be grateful you’ve got to know a few of your younger neighbours in the future.

People more often regret things they did not do, than things they did do. Quickly buy the paperback book "Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway" by Susan Jeffers - it really will help! And not just with the street party. I understand about what they call 'social anxiety' - I had it for many years - and help to see that it was my own thoughts getting in the way, plus 'hiding', has led me to feel ok socially. Other people turn out not to be looking at me as critically as I used to fear. I hope you will allow yourself to believe something can change here - the book is easy to read and not expensive!

www.waterstones.com/book/feel-the-fear-and-do-it-anyway/susan-j-jeffers/9781785042652
Here is a description I found on the internet:

What are you afraid of - and how is it holding you back?

The phenomenal classic on moving from a place of paralysis, pain and indecision to one of energy, enthusiasm and action

Whatever your anxieties, Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway ® can teach you how to handle what life throws at you, allowing you to take control, move forwards and live the life you want.

First published over 30 years ago, Susan Jeffers' phenomenal classic has helped change the lives of over two million readers around the world. Her timeless advice is as important and relevant today as when it was first published: we live in an era governed by fear - fear of failure, of missing out, of rejection, of the future, of change, of not fitting in, of intimacy, of being alone, of growing old ... the list seems endless. We are also easily paralysed by fear of the things we need to do from driving or public speaking to making tough decisions or asking for what we want or need.

Whatever your challenge and whatever fears are holding you back, Susan Jeffers' profound advice, insight and tools will help you move from a place of paralysis, pain and indecision to one of energy, enthusiasm and action.

I do understand your anxiety but it would be such an opportunity for you to get to know your neighbours and maybe even make friends.
Someone already suggested take a plate of sausage rolls and maybe a plate of mini cupcakes for the kids.
Think some questions to ask your neighbours to ease your anxiety. Maybe your husband will be able to start the conversations off and you slip into them.
Just think of it as a great opportunity and if it gets too much you can always say you need to go inside for a phone call and only come out when you feel like it again.

Sounds good advice Applegran 👍🏻

For the Jubilee I took a pizza and a cake all cut and on paper plates so I could just leave them if I wanted to leave quickly. No alcohol was allowed as event on grassed area in our small estate and none
of the organisers had or wanted to apply for permission for alcohol consumption on public area. Took our own seats and a little foldable table. Met a lot of folk I'd never spoken to before. Event had a 2 - 4 pm limit.

We went to one last year. We went with reservations, took our food offering, and found we really enjoyed it. Our pre determined half hour turned into three hours. You may find you do likewise. It’s a good opportunity to get to know the neighbours. As a result of it, we wave and say hello to most in our close. Do a bins out swap and such like. No harm can come of it.

Could you maybe take a whole cake, sliced? And then when people show interest in you you could offer them a slice? Other people will be sharing too. I think this might help in getting to know your neighbours 😊