Black Dog 17

So many spelling mistake. My messages are becoming so shoddy.

Morning all.
Doodle- It was nice in the rain and better for me than the hot weather. Wasn’t much anyway so glad I went. Oh I wish my hair went into a big fuzzy mess - I have the drowned rat look with my thin hair. Never satisfied are we.
Good luck with the physio - it’s hard to discipline yourself isn’t it. I have shoulder exercises to do at the moment and forget to do them !!
Hope you,re both ok today.
Wyllow- oh I,m so sorry you feel as you do. No need to do too much before you go - just bare necessities. Your bro and sister will be with you on the journey and I,m sure your Docsis will take you under her wing when you arrive. You couldn’t be in better hands. Just concentrate on relaxing as much as you can- I know it’s not easy but hoping so much you are able to go tomorrow.xx
SweetPeaSue- I agree with candy’s post to you maybe it is time to try ADs. So sorry that you had that dreadful bout of pain - it must have been the last straw when the nurse made that remark. But good news that it doesn’t seem heart related- I know anxiety is blamed for lots of things but you have had more than your fair share lately and your mind and body might just have reacted in that way.
Please don’t feel ashamed or any other self derogatory feelings.
You are no fraud and your DH and son know the stress you are under. Hopefully the GP will listen and offer some help.
Take care.
Nadateturbe- hope the exhaustion has abated a bit today.
How is your sister?
Candy - glad there is a bit of improvement for your relative- it’s hard when there is a big distance between family members isn’t it.
A break in Spain is just what you need- put all thoughts and worries about work aside and enjoy everything.
Don’t worry about posting just relax .
HVDY - hope you’re enjoying the IOW. I remember how good the crab sandwiches were there. Loved the cat and baby bath photo. She is a gorgeous little thing.
EllieAnne- hope you are ok today. My little GGS loves learning but his sister is sporty and loves baking.
Sending best wishes to allxxx

Been for Dexa scan today. If it’s not DH at hospital then it’s me.
Wyllow try not to overdo it. I know you will have so much to do but just concentrate on the essentials. It’s easy to get stressed thinking about all the things to be done. I’m much the same at the moment. I seem so tired all the time and everything requires so much energy. Never used to be like this. I Hope your break with your Dsis does you good.
Sweetpeasue it’s possible the pain you experienced could be some kind of reflux. Son and DH both suffer from it and it is very painful. They don’t have other symptoms. Good they’ve given you something to help. Hopefully it will work. DH and son have similar drug. If you keep taking the meds either it won’t happen again or if it does they will look for another cause.
It is frustrating not to have answers. Despite all the tests they did on DH they still don’t know where his blood loss and anaemia came from.
I doubt they think the pain is in your head. You were obviously in agony. Hope the MH appointment goes well.
nadatetube nice of you to try and help even though you are very tired. Hope you have a good day.
Candy like you I hate to make mistakes. Difficult to accept when you’re conscientious about your work. Hope you can sort it out ok. Glad family member is ok. Hope that continues.
So pleased you’re going to have a break. Enjoy Spain and tell us all about it when you get back.
Scaredycat like you I find walking in the heat difficult. Yes I find it difficult to remember to do exercises. Must try harder though as my wrist is so stiff. How is your shoulder?
Feeling a bit odd this week. Not really in the mood for anything much. Just seem to be lacking in energy like so many of us. Perhaps in my case it’s just old age. 😊

Hi everyone, sorry I don’t post much. I am totally amazed at how some of you can read so much detail and remember it all. I find myself reading a comment like “sorry about the cystitis” and thinking I missed that! Then start searching to find what I’ve missed. Or “enjoy Spain”. And thinking, Where did Candy say that? lol

Anyway, regarding facebook. I am on fb . But it has its drawbacks. If you really want to be part of a support group, Sweetpeasue you can join fb and only add the group. You don't need to add anyone else or give information. It has it’s uses, but you need to be careful.

Doodle It’s difficult enough sticking to an exercise regime, when we feel fit. Harder still when you’re feeling so tired. I'm sorry you're feeling so low. Maybe the holiday was a bit much for you. Perhaps take it easy for a while. You say you eat too much, I’ve been told that carbs make you feel tired, maybe cutting them is the way to go. Cutting carbs helped me lose weight too.. Just looking at Dexa scan. I assume that is because of your recent injury. Fingers crossed it’s ok. Life is not easy as we get older, is it? I’ve just had a bone profile blood test.

Sweetpeasue I feel so awful for you. I pray hard for you every night. I'm wondering if you took painkillers every day, rather than waiting for the pain. After my head injury I was told to take amitriptyline every day, not just when the pain was there. Perhaps seeing someone privately is worth a try.
It's lovely that you visit your aunt. I too, feel it's important. And it's nice to hear all those stories. I wish I had heard more from my parents. I must ask my aunts. Thanks for giving me the idea.
hope today's appointment was helpful.
I hope the lanzaprazole are helping. I wonder is the red meat too hard to digest. Also I try to stick to soluble fibre rather than insoluble which is easier on my system. I’m not suggesting these are the cause of your pain, but just wondering if it might help to explore the type of fibre you eat, and how much .

Whiff I hope you have a lovely time. You seem to be well organised. It’s great being able to get travel assistance. I haven’t heard of that.
"Finding a positive from a negative " - what a good bit of advice!

HVDY glad the new baby is OK. I More new outfits 😊. You’re such a good granny. Your cheerful attitude is inspiring. I hope your cystitis calms down and you have a lovely holiday. Thanks for the lovely pics of baby.
In answer to your question, my husband plays guitar and sings. Sometimes the group does charity gigs. They have found fame in their senior years. Aging rock stars!

Scaredycat glad you enjoyed your walk. Yes, the hot humid weather is draining. I’ve been for a short walk in the rain this morning, rain jacket and hood up. Perfectly pleasant. My sister is waiting for results of radiotherapy. She won’t know until September. So much time is spent waiting isn’t it? Thanks for asking. How is your sister?

Wyllow3 I’m sorry you’re having such a bad time. But you coped with the car so well. It’s reassuring to know you’re still capable of dealing with things, I think. However, as we know, it takes its toll afterwards. I think you really need to concentrate on just essential stuff, and take time in between doing things, just a few minutes, to do some breathing and just be in the moment. Try to look forward to seeing your sister, maybe visualise it. I think she will be so good for you, and help you think through things and plan ahead.

Candy It’s annoying when we make mistakes at work. I can remember back. But it’s human nature. No one is perfect, and I imagine workloads nowadays are quite heavy. I remember my husband forgetting to apply for important funding, and missing out on it that year. His line manager said There are no mistakes, just learning experiences. If anyone thinks you’re rubbish, that’s their problem. I hope you got sorted out so you can have a clear head for your holiday.

I'm still at home, came home yesterday for bloods, and too tired to return, will try to make it after tea(dinner). Husband seems quite happy on his own! Probably enjoying Wimbledon and his box set. and beer with next door.

Evening all. Very tired, tho not a bad day, a short swim and managed to finish packing and didn’t overdo it today. I don’t want to go to sisters inside very panicky but making myself go ahead. dont feel "me" but it is understandable in circs.

I haven’t heard yet from the GP’s about changing my face to face appointment with a women doctor who knows me well. (guilt, guilt, making demands, de facto criticising the male doctor who was due to see me, what will they think of me blah blah) I'm not actually in the GP catchment area, they let me stay when I moved (that was my fave woman doctor).

Just sort of trying not to feel too much. Feels like having to travel to Mars, unreal. Extra meds travelling with me! Its hard to believe it acceptable to be as I am, its easier to cope with moods at home, but I hope I’m wrong.

Candy, I hope today at work was better. You are being very hard on yourself , are you a bit of a perfectionist? (I used to be, it never served me well!) I hope Spain works out well for you. And that there is seaside and you are able to relax.

doodle you’re right about you and Dh hospital stuff. It takes over, doesn’t it? Hard to recall what “ordinary life” is. I think you are really tired. Yes we are getting older too, its the speed of change a lot of us are finding hard.

Know what you mean about doing physio exercises, Scaredeycat One ought to but sometimes....I think walking in cooling rain as long as its not too heavy is rather calming.

What does a bone prfile test tell you, nadateturbe? Take care on your own now.

Sweetpeasue I think about you a great deal, as you are truly in a very, very tough place. So much unpredicable pain, and loss of self hood. Will come in later to see how you have got on today x

Best wishes to all BD's.

Such lovely words from you all though unable to reply fully so v sorry.
Scaredycat You understand about nurses remark, thankyou it felt surreal to hear that again. Your words to everyone so thoughtful. Hope you are ok today. ADs looking ever more likely,though still wary.
Doodle So sorry you are feeling so weary. I think sometimes depression or worry can add to the physical tiredness. Physio excercises must feel quite a feat when feeling so tired. Like Scaredy I would love your hair, especially when wet. I'm still not sure about the reflux thing. Just after op a back specialist recommended anti-inflams so have been taking 1 15mg Lansaprozol to counteract their affect on stomach. Nurse yesterday recommends taking extra 1, but never took them for stomach acid as Ive never had it. But will do as they have said.Think she gave enough to cover a month. You must still worry about your DHs anaemia when they can't find reason. Hope his RLS isnt continueing as bad as it was, thats awful.
Nadateturbe You must have needed a lie down after that long post! I often can't remember everything and feel my attention is inadequate. Please dont worry, though I understand. What lovely kind words you. have to everyone. I feel v touched that you care so much.
I appreciate your prayers so v much - thankyou from the bottom of my heart. Pain is unpredictable in its nature and they're so strong I dont take all day though take 20mg Amitriptyline nightly. Soluble fibre is good, I have porridge, though not so much since hot weather. I wish Id asked more about my parent's lives.My aunt often tells same ones about her and my mum, they had 4 more siblings.
Wyllow Visiting your sis is certainly a big challenge and its harx to predict how it will go. Sometimes the actual making the decision can be worse than the outcome. I hope you will find your visit wont be as hard, energy-wise and mentally as you think. You are being brave and courageous stepping out into life as you and we all understand this must be a daunting thing for you . Your doc sis will understand how you feel Im sure. She will know the unpredictability of moods. Thankyku so much for caring.

V emotional day. Wasnt sure could come in. Feeling very nauseous at present and had painkillers so taken a while to write. Pre-assessment with my own councillor was strongly emotional. We went through different types of help. Person centred F2F. Arranged follow up in a. month. That will be last time we speak. Waiting list around 9mths! Meantime text from surgery to say person I saw from accezs in March daid I could self refer and GP thinks I might be seen sooner to do that. Also private counselling to look at. Cried so much but managed to see son afterwards and he was so understanding. He thinks Pain Management way to go. Bladder pain started again and some stabs in chest.
Taken strong pain relief and feeling like Ill be sick so must go now but needed to say how v thankful for your caring. I do appreciate it and I think of you all here. Good luck for your journey tomorrow Wyllow.

Wishing all BDs a peaceful and restful nightx

I feel all the time I'm about to sort of breakdown mentally and physically and nervous of it happening when I'm away long way from my MH people tho there is phone. Unfortunately I was to have a sesh whilst away on Zoom with counsellor and she had to cancel as having a minor procedure take the week to recover.

Sweetpeasue if you feel a good counsellor would help and it could be long term and you can afford it - then very worth considering.

I'm not quite clear whether you are having an assessment with the actual MH services? ie to talk meds as well as counselling? (and during the week find I can call 9 till 5, after hours is emergencies)

nadateturbe you are not alone. I often miss things in others posts. Interesting what you said about carbs making you tired. Not thought about that. Will look into it some more.
My Dexa scan shows my bones are a bit brittle so they want me to start calcium tablets again. Other tHan that it’s ok. Hope your blood test is ok.
Worrying time for your sister. Hope she’s ok. Hope you make it back soon. Is it far away?
Wyllow I’m glad you’ve had a better day. Any change of routine or something different can make us edgy and uncertain. I know Scaredycat has felt the same before when going away. I do Hope you relax when you’re there and enjoy your visit. I am sûre GPS are quite used to women who want to see women or a particular GP. Don’t fret about it too much.
What time are you going?
Sweetpeasue it’s worth trying the extra tablets to see if they help. Yes worry of any kind makes us tired doesn’t it.
No DHs RLS is better. Thank you for asking. It was the iron transfusion which helped. Sort of silver lining to the anaemia.
Sorry you feel so nauseous that’s awful. Pleased your son was comforting. I do think pain management is a good idea. I know you want to get to the root cause (quite understandably) but getting the pain to stop is what’s needed right now so you can get some sort of life back.
Hope you can sleep for a bit now and the pain eases.
Scsredycat walked from car to chemist and back today, not far but DH and I were exhausted. Remember when we used to walk a couple of miles or more a day. How about you, how have you been today?
Ellie Anne Whiff and Candy thinking of you too and so many others. Nanny if you ever read, I do wonder how you are coping. Take care all.

Wyllow I have felt the same before. The more you think it the more you can get stressed. Can you try a calm app or perhaps a quiet moment like you do at Quakers.

Wyllow Oh Im sorry you feel that vulnerable to MH breakdown right now. Also the cancellation of zoom appt must have been a blow. Yes you are just a phone call away from MH people wherever you are distance wise.

The appt today was for another 'application' for the allotted 12 session of counselling with a local service (primary care, I think she said)
I had a visit from access MH care in March and she said could call them after councelling had finished if needed. GP last week said he'd refer me so thougjt that migjt ne quicker, but got message today from GP saying it would be best if I called them as the MH worker had originally offered. I'll do that tomorrow. Not sure what sort of help will be offered but understand they have psychologist/psychiatrist but still wonder which approach is nest for my depression since its reactive to my helpless situation. Think tje Access is secondary care.

I think it's worth a go, Sweetpeasue. The cause of your depression and severe anxiety is as significant as any other reason people come to ask for MH health.

I really get it that you are afraid of a label which denies the serious causes of your physical health, but the depression and anxiety is also very real not imagined. When I talk to the psychologist my physical state is part of the whole picture.

MH has changed a lot. The fact that I have a named MH condition isn't the key factor - it's very much seeing the whole picture of the person as an individual. but you could see how you find them - no one is going to 'make" you do anything.

Doodle It's good the scan was done and you're started on calcium pills. I'm back at the caravan now thanks, and in bed. 75 min drive. Carbs can make you tired, but wouldn't account for the exhaustion you're feeling. You seem to have got much worse quickly. Perhaps you should tell the GP. (Maybe I've missed something).
I'm glad to hear others miss things too!
Wyllow3 I'm sure if you confide in your sister how you are feeling it will help. But like Doodle, I think, take time to listen to something calming, to still your mind and thoughts.
Will be thinking about you tomorrow.
Sweetpeasue it's helpful that your son is so understanding. Perhaps pain management and private counselling is a good idea. Getting on top of the pain is a priority. It's worth trying. Sounds obvious but ginger tea helps my nausea.
Good evening everyone else. Wishing you a peaceful night. xx

Just read your last post Sweetpeasue. Agree with Wyllow3.

Wyllow You understand. Ive nothing to lose you're right. Im going to call tomorrow. Thete might be quite a waiting list too for actual sessions but at least I'll know where I am.
I know how much you are worried about your sis visit. If you really think it's beyond your capabity right now I'm sure she would understand. On the other hand, you might feel worse about backing out. Just remember the MH people will still be on the end of the phone wherever you are. Hope you get some rest tonight.
Doodle Thankyou my nausea seems to have passed. Glad your DH RLS has mot returned. Sleep well.

(Decorators are taking over the house Thurs AM to Saturday!)

Night night friends.

Good you’ve got back to the caravan nadateturbe sleep well.
Pleased the nausea has gone Sweetpeasue hope you can get some sleep now.
Wyllow hope you are feeling a bit better now.
HVDY hope you are enjoying yourself al all is going well.
Take care all.

Hello everyone. Quiet in here tonight, hope you are all ok.
HVDY hope you are enjoying your holiday.
Wyllow have you left for your sisters already?
Sweetpeasue did you phone today?
Been to church today. I’ve missed it. So nice to catch up with everyone. Went for walk so exhausted again.

Hi !!
Doodle- yes it is quiet isn’t it. Must have been so nice to see all your friends again and just sit in Church and be peaceful for a while.
Good to have a walk even a little one- I prefer to be tired from a walk it seems better tired somehow. Does that make sense?
Today we had a trip to the seaside- what a treat. It was pretty windy but sunny and lovely to be by the sea again. Chips in paper too- luxury. 2 seagulls sat and watched every mouthful - they are so naughty but lovely.
I miss so much all the energy I had a few months ago but know how lucky it is to be able to do the things we do.

Wyllow- I do hope you are able to enjoy your time with your sister - will be thinking of you.
Goodnight allxx

Doodle Hope you enjoyed your walk. Quite windy here today but not too hot which I like. I wondered if you were at the hospital today. Hope that went ok.
I did call and was told Id be called back by the MH worker that visited in March. Been on edge all day but she called lateish and talked to me for 10mins and said I would get an appt to see her by post over
next couple of dys. When I woke up this morning felt everything rushing at me and just felt trapped in my situation. Had some pain but not as bad as can be.
Hope HVDY is having a nice holiday. Also that Wyllow is managing ok at her sis.

Willow I hope you get on ok. At least you will come back to a fresh house. Our home needs so much done I’m actually glad that I can’t have friends here.
Everything has been so difficult. I’ve done long walks most days and feel very tired but still fat and ugly
So much tension in the house. I won’t go into it all .
Met friends for coffee this afternoon and had huge piece of cake . Think that cancels out the walk.
My no alcohol failed yesterday with a glass of wine but don’t have any for tonight.
Dh said he was going to golf tomorrow and I was so looking forward to a bit of time to myself but he’s just said his friend has cancelled.
So I ll be out walking or in a cafe somewhere.
Hvdy I hope you are enjoying your holiday.
Thinking of you all tonight.

Scaredycat oh I do envy your trip to the sea. Ooh and chips in paper too. The best. We are hoping to get to the coast for a couple of days soon when there is a gap in hospital appointments. I bet you’ll sleep well tonight after the sea air.
Sweetpeasue no, DH had his consultant review by phone so we didn’t have to go anywhere.
Glad you managed to contact the MH team. Hopefully the wait to see her won’t be long.
Mornings can be a bad time for low feelings. Hope you felt better as the day went on.

Ellie Anne when you feel low and depressed it’s hard to feel positive about anything. I’m very overweight but don’t seem inclined to do anything about it. Trouble is when you do things like eat some cake and then feel guilty after. That makes you feel worse than before. A glass of wine always makes me feel better too. I have low will power and will often treat myself. Are you keen to lose weight? Having a goal or something to work for helps sometimes. Glad you met up with a friend though.

Scaredycat Glad you enjoyed your trip to the sea. I think we who live near to the coast can take it for granted and we shouldnt. I do appreciate it when we go there. I like the feeling of the space, that you can walk without being noticed too much. Anyone that does acknowledge you just seem so friendly too. I think we're all missing energy aren't we? How we take our younger yrs for granted in that respect.
EllieAnne Every time you post I think how awful it must be to not feel easy in your own home. You are only coping by escaping. The word 'fat' is controversial. I understand how you feel. I mean the self hate. I've felt fat when I so wasn't. I knew a wonderful lady once who was v large and she had tons of confidence. If you want to lose weight do it for your health or just for you only. But remember you are a very worthwhile and valid person. You are as good as anyone else. (I realise now Im saying the words yet I struggle myself) So lovely you can meet friends too. Take care of yourself.

Take carry all, back tomorrow, have felt OK so far and free not to have to do the "guest stuff" so far so OK,....will be v tired tomorrow as talked to bro 5 hours on the drive good talk just long day..not sure what mood is

xx all BD's have read your days

Take CARE not 'carry'.