Black Dog 17

Good evening all, just a quick hello.
Doodle, I'm glad you got to church, it makes you feel better. I do hope your energy picks up soon. Its very hard to be good food wise. Food is so comforting sometimes, and if you're not very active it becomes more important I think.
Scaredycat tired from walk is a good tiredness, I agree. I live by the coast and it's true, as Doodle says, we often take it for granted. Your day out sounds lovely, especially the chips. Haven't had proper chips for years.
EllieAnne sorry you still feel so unsettled at home , I wish you could do something about it. Such a shame about the golf being cancelled.
Sounds like you won't have long to wait for your appointment Sweetpeasue. Fingers crossed. I hope you felt better as the day went on.
Wyllow3 best wishes for your break. You will most likely be shattered tomorrow, take it easy.
Hope you're enjoying your holiday HVDY.
I've had a quiet pleasant day, short walk and trying watercolour painting.
Wishing you all a peaceful night.x

Slept 11 hours and feel it's OK to be me, so far, and hide or engage. Was able to "give something back" as sis wanted to talk art textiles stuff for swatches and designs on her weaving but an hour was enough engagement for the day.

Yes, just totally flat out but so far OK as what my body mind needs above all it rest. Fortunately rain so not missing sunny outing bro and sis going on.

Its been some time since you had quiet time in church, Doodle, glad you made it and are able to make more time.

Chips in fresh sea air cannot be beaten, Scardeycat

You must feel so trapped by your situation, EllieAnne (x)

I have a Quaker Zoom tonight - sort of have to go as part organiser, probably get something out of it if I keep it low key for me.

Wyllow3 that was a great sleep, I'm sure it will help. I agree, engaging socially I find is extremely exhausting. You have to do what you need to. Keep being you.

Hi all.
EllieAnne- I wish there was something I could say to help you- you are so hard on yourself. Great you can enjoy your long walks again- even better meeting your friends. Friends and cake go well together - enjoy those good moments . Enjoy your wine too - I miss it very much.
Hope you found something nice to do today .
Doodle- hope you are able to visit the coast soon- it really is a tonic. You were right I did have a better sleep last night.
SweetPeaSue- thank you it was lovely to be by the sea again. I do envy you as it sounds like you live very near to the beach.
Your kind words to EllieAnne apply to you too!!! You are both lovely people.
Nadaturbe- another lady by the sea- my dream would be to be within walking distance of the beach.
I,m glad you,ve had a nice day- what are you painting?
I have done quite a bit of watercolour painting but not for a while.
How is your sister? I hope so much to visit mine before the Summer ends.
Whiff and HVDY -hope you are both enjoying your days away.
Wyllow- what a wonderful sleep. It shows how much you needed to feel relaxed. It’s so nice to think of you companionably chatting with your Sis.
You are right - just be yourself you are with people who love you.
Candy - enjoy Spain

Love to,all

Evening all. Been helping out at church today. Then went for a walk. Cleaned out the bathroom cabinets and sorted out the washing. I’m worn out now.
Sweetpeasue very nice post to Ellie Anne . Both of you are valued and as you say just as good as anyone else and both valued members of our little group.
nadateturbe I have a weakness for savoury things. Can’t resist. Don’t do the waistline ant good.
I envy you and Scaredycat living by the coast. I love the sea. Hoping we can spend a couple of days at the coast soon
Sounds like you had a nice day. Do you paint landscapes or just whatever you feel like.
Wyllow that sounds nice just chatting with your sister about her weaving. Hope you are getting plenty of rest and enjoying your visit.
Scaredycat yes we do hope to visit soon.
DH has hurt his back 😳 We were trying to get a chair in the boot to take to the charity shop and it was heavier than we thought. He does have back problems so hope he’s ok.
Went for a walk. A bit longer than yesterday. Trying to build up strength.
Hope all those on holiday are having a good time.

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Just a quick one - the signal here s really poor. The weathers been perfect, meals have been excellent, we've had a good time. It'll be nice to get home tomorrow teatime. I'll catch up with all BDers tomorrow evening. Love to all x

Scaredycat why can you not drink wine,? (Apologies, you've probably said already). I drink very little now , but I don't miss it really. I would miss chocolate more!
I'm trying to paint a wooden cottage door with flowers surrounding it. I think acrylic is much easier.
I visited my aunt after lunch, for an hour, got home, and my sister and BiL came. Just left after 2 hours. Absolutely lovely to see them, but shattered and son coming tomorrow. Early night I think.
How has your day been EllieAnne?
Doodle hope you and Nr D are having an OK day and you are coping with the tiredness.
Sweetpeasue how are you?
Hoping all those on holiday are having an enjoyable time.

Nadateturbe Your post was early - I hope you slept well afterwards. Glad you had a nice day yesterday. Have you tried watercolours before? My DH has tried them but he wasnt really keen. He said he prefers acrylics though he has used oils too. Painters seem to have preferences. I wish I could but I know from just trying a sketch I've not a clue about drawing or painting. It must be absorbing and helps divert from worries and anxiety.
Wyllow Wow, 11 hrs, you must have needed that sleep. It must be lovely to have art/textiles in common with your sis. So glad things are going well and hope you enjoy the Quaker meeting and dont end up doing too much.
Scaredycat I live 3mls from the sea but Id love to live even closer. If left car further down village its about a 2mile walk through woods to sea. Mostly we take short drive, about 7mins, to car parks above sea and walk down the grassy area(couple of mins) to beach. We went today and it lovely. I could have missed it as felt tired/low, but it turned out to be for the best. No more than a doz people on the 2ml stretch of beach. My knee is still bad so took a stick and used it when started limping. I need to get some excercise as Ive been not feeling like going out. What a nice thing to say to me--good thing you weren't a fly on the wall today!
Doodle Oh dear hope your DHs back isnt seriously hurt and it will right itself soon. Must have been quite a chair! Glad you got out for a walk again. I think the secret is building up a little at a time. My motivation is poor when I'm low but I rarely regret it once I make the effort.
*HVDY *lovely to hear from you. So good you've had a great time. Sounds perfect.
EllieAnne Hope today has been better for you.
WhiffCandy Hope the holidays are going well.

Been a far better day. Started with early bad pain and painkillers but afterwards went out to shop for new hoover and bits. Got the'bits' but not hoover. (why do I always want replacement to be same?) Afternoon did a bit knitting then forced my bum off the chair for a walk and felt much better. Wish all days could be like this painwise.
Take care everyone. x

I can walk to the beach in 10 minutes and I do walk there sometimes but just now I feel more peaceful among trees. I did a good walk today and tomorrow I’m walking with a friend from church. Forecast isn’t good but it won’t matter.
I’ve had another of those silent migraines today and it’s left me tired. I think I ll be going to bed early.
Hvdy glad you are having a good time.
You too Wyllow.

The family did go walk to the coast but stayed in bed and round the house.

Couldn’t relax all the day but better than for a long time I am certain it’s cos I’m not alone all the time and not having to cook shop etc.

It’s very beautiful countryside just out the window and if actually being able to rest in some peace of mind seeing the sea comes second walked around outside for 15 mins was enough bit this must be the first day in memory have not been in physical pain so probably rest not forcing outings a good thing.

One thing apparent is that ex stuff not being part of my everyday life makes a difference

HVDY I'm so happy for you, glad you've had a good time.
Doodle, poor husband, hope his back doesn't get worse. Well done on the longer walk. I bet you feel good.
I live a 10 min walk from the sea, I really must appreciate it more. I wish savoury was my weakness. I think it would be easier to control, like nibble a few nuts. I'm not meant to eat sugar. It's impossible. I do things like eating half a biscuit and saving half for later. Ridiculous.
Sweetpeasue so glad you've had a better day, and got for a walk. I know what you mean about wanting the same. When you have something that works well, you just want the same again. I hate when I Google and get "discontinued". What are you knitting?
I've had two good nights sleep!
EllieAnne my husband finds walking in trees and forests very calming. Apparently its been scientifically proven that trees are good for your health - if you Google. Sorry about the migraine, hope you get an early night and enjoy your friends company tomorrow.
Whiff Candy Wyllow3 hope you're having a good time.
Goodnight all, hope its a peaceful one.x

Sweetpeasue Meant to say, my
ost of my friends do watercolour. I find them difficult. But they're less messy, so I'm having a go.

HVDY glad you’re having such a good time.
nadateturbe I do envy those who can paint. You’ve had a busy day. Hope you sleep well. Be nice to see your son tomorrow.
Managed a short walk today but a bit further than yesterday.
If only nibble a few nuts would be enough for my savoury taste 🤣. Think more a bag of crisps or sausage rolls .
Sweetpeasue glad you made the effort to go to the beach today and enjoyed it. I love walking on the sand. I love going for a paddle on sandy beaches too. Did that once and left my shoes too close to the waters edge. Big wave came in and soaked them. It was a wet walk home 😲
It was an office chair. All the weight was at the bottom. We didn’t realise it was so heavy.
Pleased to hear you had a better day.
EllieAnne I love trees. Is it a sort of wooded area or a park you walk in? Hope you get a good sleep tonight and have a good time with your friend tomorrow
Wyllow it sounds a lovely place where you are with your sister and looks like you could be relaxing a bit. I’m sure the break is doing you good.

Wyllow3 your holiday is doing you good. Your comments about less pain and your ex are very interesting.

Oh nadateturbe.....isgh... Went to bed early at about 9.45 but woke at 4am this morning with most awful despair, emptiness, the absolute pits don’t want to live I cannot explain or understand this after yesterday
Why does it happen despite my best efforts and good circs (and extra meds?

I hoped I would not have to manage this away

(I taught myself watercolour from a lovely book not uni.

They are less messy - no need to keep paints wet - use little watercolour box - etc
but with acrylics you can paint over when they are dry of course quickly. And with acrylics if you get a build up of paint you can lightly sandpaper the surface off.

tip for watercolours if you have laid down a layer and are not happy - if its still wet dab dab dab with a paper hankie, if its dry wet the bit you want to lift off by rubbing a wet brush gently over it and dab with paper hankie)

Glad to hear of the better day Sweetpeasue I know one cant count on them.
You are being very brave and determined about walks Doodle well done you.

Good to read of holiday news HVDY.

I'd miss wine too Scaredycat, I did need reminding but it came back you'd had to give it up.

nadateturbe did you get back to the caravan, missed it?

I think I understand being in the woods ElllieAnne not as "Vast" and the little things to notice.

I have never sought any help for my low moods, at times I wish I were not here. However, I know a tablet or counselling cannot help, I have never felt OK since my d estranged me and although I am used to it, the whole thing made me realise everything had been a lie, I wasn’t loved I had just been a convenience. People I meet casually would never know, but there’s that deep loneliness inside, my husband dying was the worst thing, he was my best friend, he was the only one who would have truly understood and got me through, but still I’m glad he was spared it all. I have had medical issues but when I read of some of your health problems and operations they are far worse than mine. It’s as if I put on a new face and a switch goes on when I go out or mix with people, they don’t my problems, very often I leave early or wish the time away as it’s so draining when you’re so low, being this happy person.
I read your posts and see your problems, there is not enough help out there for mental health. I did ring my surgery once and was told there was a six month wait for someone to just ring you from MH, not see you, that would be assessed when you spoke. What use is that?

You're very brave, Allsorts with those losses in your life.

I do have some situations where I can be with people and not have to have happy face but of course not share real inside except with very few.

You say, " I know a tablet or counselling cannot help" is that from experience or conviction?"

(Re Full on Mental Health Services - as opposed to counselling from Psychological Services -if its a crisis its not 6 months - they are constantly triaging in-coming requests....they probably would for example expect you to have tried anti-d's via the GP first...if you are close to real self harm turn up at A and E)

Wyllow3 It must be awful to feel like that. I have no experience or advice to offer for continually dealing with that. I do get low moods but not like that. I can distract myself and switch off. Did it ease? I hope you managed to get back to sleep.
Thanks for your watercolour tips.
Where am I? Tuesday, I rang husband at caravan and said are you sure you want to stay, weather forecast is bad. Answer, yes. So I returned to caravan. Wed evening he said, music group are meeting Thursday evening so home we went on Thursday! Exasperating. I could have stayed but when I stayed at home on Mon night I felt lonely. It made me think how it must be for those of you who are alone every night. 💐
Hope I explained that ok.

Allsorts Wyllow3 has given some good advice. Perhaps try anti depressants? And see if they help.x

{flowers} back, picked up a bit as joined family for breakfast and my online "connecting to the world".

Well your husband clearly misses you!

Just twigged my back so bad its a "gasp" pain, just when we were going out to a local museum as rain all day.

Was gearing myself up a bit as wondered if energy would stretch but knew that sometimes its just whats needed.

I am weary of this life! This constant re twigging of back sets me back.

Wyllow3 what exactly is wrong with your back? It causes you a lot of pain. (Sorry if I should know)

Well your husband clearly misses you!
Yes, I clearly add a lot to his life.😁
He's very self sufficient.

Hi all.
HVDY-glad you have had a lovely time- safe journey home.
Nadaturbe-when I first had my diagnosis the cardiologist said to eliminate alcohol and caffeine so I did- don’t care about caffeine but did enjoy a drink.
I agree Acrylic painting is easier but Watercolour is interesting to use and the tips Wyllow has given you are helpful. Less is more with watercolour I think.
Hope you have a good visit with your son today.
SweetPeaSue- Good to hear you had a better day yesterday and were able to get to the beach- so worth the effort you made. Sensible to take your stick too. When we used to go Alpine walking I always had a stick it gave me confidence.
Didn’t realise your DH likes to paint- I do too but prefer drawing if I had to chose.
EllieAnne- another seaside friend !! Sometimes woods make me uneasy - don’t know why. Think it may be because I like wide open spaces.
Doodle- I,m a paddler too- any excuse to dip my toes in the waves.
Sorry DH has hurt his back - those office chairs are heavy and such an awkward shape too. Hope it is better today.
You are gradually increasing your walking - that’s the way to do it.
Wyllow- despite your setback this morning it does seem that your break is doing you good.
Being able to sit and rest and look out at the beautiful countryside will help heal you. No reminders of ex and all the feelings they engender will help too.
I think maybe it is the contrast between these days at your sisters home and the days of stress you have had lately may have triggered your mood on waking.
Best not to question too much but just know you re doing your best and have achieved such a lot by getting away.
Hope your back won’t stop your museum visit- sounds interesting.
Allsorts- you are such a brave person to feel as you do but still get out and do things despite the effort it is taking.
In the last few months after a life of traumas I have finally taken Docs advice and have started Ads and can honestly say they are worth a try. Not a cure all but a help to deal with things. The advice Wyllow has given you sounds encouraging.

Take care all

Yes, in the secure knowledge You are on the "There" nadateturbe never underestimate that.

It's a serious muscle injury at one point in left lower back clearly triggers nerves at the time of re-wrenching it which initially both me and physio thought would clear with rest and physio exercises. As in past.

But it's been re triggering twice a week pain levels are 2 tramadol and obvs has had a big impact on my MH state as tho I had CFS and bowel stuff before could do my yoga and walk if viable. I miss short walks a lot.

I have a physio appointment on the day after I come back and we need to better diagnose, including trying to pin point the triggering moment, and it really matters to lose some fear as it takes over your world. She was a yoga teacher as well as a physio and a real hands on expert and sis says go see her weekly and she charges low as she's retired so its a sort of keeping at something she enjoys with some past clients.

Mind you, the tramadol fortunately does lift mood a bit

You are a wise lady Scaredycat all true what you've written.
No, back will lay me out for the rest of the day but usually OK by the morning, 2 more days so me and sis will try and head for coast on one day all being well.

Can I say you are particularly right about Ex? He was here last time I came, and there is not a whisper of that left.
It DOES make me realise moving needs to happen for similar reasons -fresh start, new home to make my own.

Has it been pouring it down at yours Scaredycat like here have you managed a little walk too?
Feel same as you - would give up coffee OK, but a nice glass of wine - you are doing well.