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Very worried about elderly dad and geriatric hospital ward

(118 Posts)
drbledu23 Sun 16-Jul-23 18:53:06

I'm new to this forum but hoping that you may be able to offer some advice and support. I apologize if this is a lengthy post but bear with me.

Mt 91 year old dad was admitted to hospital a week ago - suspected fractured rib after a fall. After a day in A&E and tests where they discovered that there was no fracture but diagnosed him as having pneumonia, he spent 2 days in acute care and was then transferred to a general ward (which looks to be a general dumping ground for the elderly). He was until 2 days ago on an IV antibiotic drip with nasal oxygen tube. My mother has not left his side for the entire time, checking on his treatment, feeding him and ensuring he has fluids.

As my mum and I have Lasting PoA for my dad's health, I received a call from one of the hospital doctors a week ago asking generally about my dad's general status prior to admittance and confirmed what my mum would already have told them, that in the 10 years since his heat attack he has been absolutely fine, active and regularly checked by the cardiac nursing team - apart from age and expected frailty there has been no change in his general condition. In fact I saw him the day before he was admitted and he walked down the street with me on his wheelie frame. However, the hospital doctors appear to have decided that he is now too weak and that he would be treated palliatively with all the dread connotations that the word brings.... In the intervening days on the ward he was doing reasonably - eating, drinking OK, sitting in the chair and generally conversational - until that is the staff stopped his cardiac medicines (prescribed by hs GP). I can not see that he is being given replacement drugs by hospital and there has been no explanation as to why. Now he is dozing, eating very little and hardly drinking - at least only as much as my mum can get into him. Otherwise he is intermittently alert and his daily BP and other checks remain stable. The hospital are arranging return to home with palliative care from Macmillan and with the most pessimistic prognosis of 'weeks or days' ... I cannot believe that an otherwise stable for this age and condition man is now reduced to this and I am beginning to suspect that something is not right here. The unexplained withdrawal of his meds and the IV antibiotic simultaneously smacks of the hospital sending him on his way (euphemism) for no good reason other than that he is elderly. All we have been told is that he is not responding to treatment and that he no longer needed the antibiotic drip - he is still on oxygen.

Mt mum is very worried and desperate to get him out of there and under her usual excellent care - back on his meds - to at least give him a chance of survival. We have not consented to any withdrawal of treatment or care and are determined to get to the bottom of this indifferent care and hospital, but I am at a loss as to where we can turn to for advice or recourse. The doctors dealing with him (not the original one I spoke to) seem to have abandonded him - and others on the ward which is a generally sorry place to say the least.

Has anyone else been through a situation like this with the NHS and geriatric care? What on earth can we do short of removing him ourselves and getting his GP and the cardiac nursing team on to the case. Very worried and feeling helpless.

SueDonim Sun 23-Jul-23 12:29:03

I’m so sorry you’ve lost your dad, drbledu. flowers

Septimia Sun 23-Jul-23 12:42:38

I'm very sorry to hear that, but I'm glad he was at home. It's very sad for you and your mum, but I feel he must have felt content and secure to be able to let go like that. Getting him home was the right thing to do.

LRavenscroft Sun 23-Jul-23 13:35:27

Thank you for letting us know. Sending sincerest condolences at this sad time. When you look back in months and years to come you will know that everything you did was the best you could have done.

BlueBelle Sun 23-Jul-23 13:52:52

So sorry to hear this but he knew he was home and he was able to let go
I think your Dad was much more seriously ill than your mum and you realised
I wish you well it ll be a big blow to you both but he was home with you both he knew it was time
Take care

ixion Sun 23-Jul-23 13:56:21

I'm so sorry to hear this but I am sure you will draw comfort from having him with you at home, the very best and special care by his loved ones.

Gransnet - always here if you need someone 🌻

Hithere Sun 23-Jul-23 14:01:47

My condolences

sukie Sun 23-Jul-23 15:36:30

I'm so sorry for your loss drbledu23. flowers

Aveline Sun 23-Jul-23 15:50:47

Oh dear. What sad news. I'm sure we'll all be thinking of you and your Mum at this sad time.flowers

shoppinggirl Sun 23-Jul-23 16:31:06

flowers sending huge condolences to you, your mum and your family x

Callistemon21 Sun 23-Jul-23 18:17:18

Condolences to you all, drbledu flowers

At least your rather was at home and at peace.

V3ra Sun 23-Jul-23 18:28:54

Such sad news, but you and your mum moved heaven and earth for your dad and could not have done any more xx

Luckygirl3 Sun 23-Jul-23 18:53:06

Sending condolences - I am glad it was a peaceful end and that he was at home.

luluaugust Sun 23-Jul-23 19:09:55

My condolences to you all look at so glad he was at home in

Granmarderby10 Sun 23-Jul-23 20:42:01

Despite all of the miraculous advances that have transformed the lives of many millions since it’s inception, the NHS like many other giant institutions is not always good at communicating with individuals. The services’ top priority is saving lives and communication with patients is not all that it should or could be.
I’d go as far as to say that a lack of communication or sometimes in the past sheer arrogance by medics - (not so much nowadays) is the cause of a lot of anxiety and stress.
This can often lead to frontline staff bearing the brunt.
It is an issue that needs to be resolved in any review if a new government is serious about the health care rights and expectations of our citizens.
The days are long gone when patients regarded nurses and doctors as Angels and Gods and never dared question anything.
My generation and the next simply will not put up with it.

My hope is that all healthcare workers have their pay increased to match their status and the sooner the better. I can’t think of any more important service at this moment in time.

Katyj Tue 25-Jul-23 11:20:00

So sad to read your post. But so happy that he died peacefully at home. Sending love to you all.

Hetty58 Tue 25-Jul-23 12:31:22

Poor care of the elderly is nothing new - although maybe it's more visible. Aged 16, I was sent (by the library) on the hospital book round. On the 'old girls' ward, one patient was awake. She said:

'Thank Heavens you're here. I'm stuck in the land of the living dead - and hoping to escape!'

There they were, tucked up in beds, well dosed up on Morphine (which suppresses breathing, of course) with no visible drips or oxygen. Neat rows of barely living skeletons, painfully thin with sunken eyes. I had nightmares for a long time.

Now I think, perhaps, those times were kinder. They were fast asleep and dreaming.

M0nica Wed 26-Jul-23 07:30:29

My deep condolences for the death of your father.

Dying quietly when no one is watching is a familiar way of going. My DF was too ill to be discharged home from hospital, but as the end was drawing near, he was moved to a private room and my sister and I sat with him all night and then nipped to the cafe just outside the ward doors for a cup of coffee, we were gone may be 10 minutes. When we returned, he had gone, and the nurses told us happened again and again.