Black Dog 19

After worrying about the baking I arrived at the church to find out that there was a smell of gas and they were waiting for the emergency gas man to come. They confirmed leak so we had to try to contact everyone to tell them not to come then hang around in case anyone turned up. A. Few did but they understood. So baking is in the freezer for next week.
That’s a nuisance about your dentist appointment Hvdy. I’ve got one tomorrow.
I’m at s1 today to do some housework and get gd from school. I’m wondering about mentioning Christmas but he is often grumpy. I usually leave before d in l comes In partly because she is so stressed but also because it gets dark so early and it’s not a great road. I’ll see how it goes.
I’m feeling very shaky inside today.
Heating behaved last night so something to be thankful for.

EllieAnne What a palaver you had, too. Nice of you to help your son and his wife like that. I don't like driving when it's dark, either. Glad your central heating was ok last night. Now that it's so cold, you'll need it.

How's everyone been?

Chubby Chops has been as good as gold again. She's sleeping now. Dentist rang, all apologetic about earlier. I wanted to tell them to shove it, but obviously can't, due to a lack of NHS dentists. Going next Wednesday now. Hope everyone's ok x

HVDy hope things stay calm for a while for your girls.
Sorry I get confused sometimes about the steroids. I’m sure you’ll sort your DH out. Hope he picks up soon.
Sorry about the UTi again.
Have a lovely day with chubby chops tomorrow.
Oh I’d be so cross about the dentist. Hope they fit you in soon.
Sweetpeasue no I was really scared driving through the floods yesterday. Hope the steroids help your DH and the ADs you. I’ve been feeling out of sorts today and frustrated at the conflicting information being given about DHs treatment.
nadateturbe it’s better to do little and enjoyable over trying to do lots of things and wearing yourself out.
Candy hope you get things sorted out so you can relax more when going out. If the meds are helping it’s worth persevering over the side effects.
nanny I can’t imagine how sad you are. You and your son need to be talking and thinking about your DH and hopefully over time the memories will cause more smiles rather than tears. I’m sending love and prayers your way and hoping for brighter days to come.
Scaredycat and Wyllow thinking of you both.

Sorry not written much tonight. It’s been a really long day and I’m so tired. Off to bed soon.

Ellie Anne oh dear Hope things are alright. Good you were able to contact people.
You are so good to your son and DIL might be an idea to mention Christmas to her. I think the wives are the ones who organise things most of the time,
I hate that shaky feeling. Not nice is it. It probably won’t settle until whatever is on your mind has been resolved.
Sending a big hug.

EllieAnne Glad the heating behaved.I can't see why you shouldn't bring Christmas up if the time feels right, in just a light way. I hope your shakiness inside has gone tomorrow. That's horrible.x
HVDY I hope the antibiotics are helping by now. UTIs can be so painful .I'm sure that having them over a number of yrs contributed to my bladder condition. Do take care of yourself.
Doodle I really feel for you.Its so difficult to get up to date info from hospital staff as they're always changing and communication between them can be so basic. You are doing your very best for your DH and you will want him home as soon as possible so you can give him your utmost care. Tomorrow is another day(I keep saying this to myself) so rest tonight Doodle.x

So bad today and not possible to face day. Existing so painful and spent whole day curled in bed trying to escape. Psychiatrist on long hol after issuing new ADs .She said to call centre if needed to but as MH nurse on Friday trying to wait.

Take care all and love.x

Thinking of everyone not mentioned but can't address personally.

Evening all
Nanny I’m so sorry it’s a bad week for you. I think that’s the way grief works, some days are better than others. It doesn’t help though when things are difficult. Does your son live with you? I hope you are managing to keep busy. Are there any helplines you could ring when things are bad? I used an anxiety one when things were bad for me and I found it helpful just to talk and release my feelings. Sending ❤️.
HVDY sorry about your predicament at the dentist. So annoying for you. I hate wasting time. At least you had chubby chops to distract you afterwards. I hope you enjoyed your day with her. Re. My bowel problem when I eat out - I don’t get anxious or anything before I go ( well not before last weekend anyway, I might now!) so I don’t think it’s that. I’ve put it down previously to an ingredient or something added to the food? I’ve wracked my brains and can’t think why.
Ellie Anne shame about the situation at church, especially as you’d had prepared for it too. I don’t see any harm in mentioning Christmas when you feel the time is right. I hope you get something sorted. Hope your shaky feeling has passed, it’s not nice that I know.
Doodle hope you have a restful night. I’m very tired tonight too. Wednesday is my busiest day I think. Hope your DH is continuing to improve.
Sweetpeasue sorry you are poorly today and a shame you can’t contact the psychiatrist too. Its early days for the AD’s but it’s a lot for you to cope with on top of everything else. I hope your appointment with the MH nurse is productive and gives you some reassurance.

Sleep for me now. Night all. ❤️ To Wyllow xx

Hope you have a good sleep tonight Doodle.
Sweetpeasue I am giving you a big hug, and praying you get some ease.
Thanks for caring comments everyone.
Thinking of you Scaredycat HVDY Candy EllieAnne Nanny2507 Whiff Wyllow3 and all others on BD. Hope your night is peaceful xx

Night night BD's hoping tomorrows are better for all. xx

HVDY- so sorry the UTI is back- proves you were right about the short course not being enough. No consolation when you feel grotty though is it.
What a dental saga- they should really have a patients toilet at the surgery. So upsetting for you to have an accident- as you say - Bugger!!!
At least you had the enjoyment of seeing that dear little chubby face - she,s such a good and happy baby by the sound of it.
SweetPeaSue- Do hope your DH gets his appointment brought forward soon- theses things cause so much stress on top of everything else. I,m sorry you feel so wretched- wish I could say something to help you. All I can say is that the ADs do take quite a while to kick in . When I started mine a few months ago I thought they weren’t working at all until one day after a few weeks I realised I felt less anxious and now I,m so grateful for them- hope it’s the same for you.
ConstantAF is very tiring but just have to pace myself- not always successfully!! A busy day really needs a recovery day afterwards. Trouble is my mind is always busy but I forget how much older my body is😃 then wonder why I feel so knackered.
Take care and hope today is brighter for you.
Nadateturbe- glad you were able to get to church- must have been so nice to see your friends. Good too,you have been out and about a bit - choosing new specs takes ages doesn’t it. I always feel a bit of a twit trying them on. Hope DH likes his new ones.
Candy- Sertraline is my AD too - that’s why I could understand your problem. I can manage though as like you I feel so much better on them. Hope your day is not so busy and you have some moments to relax.
Nanny- it’s important to be able to talk about those we have lost- laughing and crying go hand in hand. So good to have a Son who is not only helpful but companionable as well.
It is such early days for you and this time of year is always difficult for those of us who have lost loved ones - especially the first Christmas.
Sending love.
EllieAnne- you are such a good Mum. Your Son and his wife must be so grateful to you for your help. It won’t hurt to mention Christmas- if you don’t how will you know how they feel.
Hope you had an easy drive home. I know that shaky feeling well - it’s horrible and can come in an instant or just hang around all day. Hope you feel better today.
Doodle- I think you must be exhausted by all that has happened lately - it would so help you if you could be given clear and concise information regarding DHs treatment.
Have they given you any indication when he can leave hospital?
I hope each day the benefits of the P.M. are helping you more. Please make time to rest as you too have been through a huge physical upheaval. Hope you had a good sleep last night.
Wyllow- hoping you too have some better tomorrows- hug coming your way.
Love to all those mentioned and those notxxx
,

Morning, all. Not gone to the day centre - I was up such a lot throughout the night, due to this UTI. The antibiotics haven't made any difference yet (this is day 3), so I hope they will, soon. GD1 (12 year old) has been v. upset, as her older sister has been texting her, threatening her and saying horrible things, and getting her equally unpleasant friends to do the same.

Doodle I hope your husband is improving. Try to rest whenever you can.

SweetpeaSue I hope today will be a better day for you. Keep up with the ADs, hopefully, you'll speak to the MH person tomorrow and get some answers.

Candy6 A food diary might help. My Son1's GF is allergic to Lactose, so has to avoid everything that contains it (more things than you'd think) or she gets the terrible bowel problems you described. I certainly did enjoy time with the baby

nadateturbe How are you feelling today?

ScaredyCat Hope you are taking it easier today.

Wyllow, EllieAnne, Whiff, Nanny2507 and ALL BDers - hope you manage to have a decent day x

Good day today. DH up and in a chair when I arrived this morning. Lots of physio so he’s sleeping now.
Sweetpeasue so sorry that you are feeling bad and the pain is bringing you down. Hope the MH team can help you tomorrow. Have you seen the pain team yet?
Hope your DH gets seen soon too and things improve.
Candy you sound so tired I hope you had a good sleep and feel brighter today,
nadateturbe how are you feeling today. Hope you feel,ore rested. Good you got to church. I wanted to go yesterday but felt dh needed me to go in early. I miss it a lot
I need to go to the optician as the arm has broken of my glasses. Such a pain as it keeps happening. I expect it’s what happens when you have a light weight pair.
Scaredycat that’s good advice about the ADs taking a while to kick in. Glad they’re helping you now.
What kind words you have for Nanny. I think only those who have suffered such a loss can truly appreciate how it feels.
I have had a few palpitations with my pacemaker (nothing like what you have with your AF but it is a bit disconcerting) I’ve had it checked and it’s working ok but one of the wires might be too close to a nerve which is causing the pulsing.
Yes I do need to rest. I’ve been asleep in DHs comfy sitting out chair most of the day. No, no mention of coming home yet. I think he needs to be able to stand and walk first.
Obviously we haven’t been for a walk for a while. The weather seems dreadful. Have you been out at all?
HVDY so sorry about the UTI. I hope the antibiotics kick in soon they usually say it takes 48 hours so hope by now you’re feeling some benefit.
You must be so concerned about your DGD, is she still with her dad? The older girl is obviously lashing out at someone more vulnerable. Can the school do anything to help. Does your DGd have some friends of her own? Perhaps blocking her sister for a while might help. Bullying is such a nasty thing. Such turmoil the mum has caused in the family it’s not surprising the children are acting up. So pleased your DGds got support and love from you and her dad.
Wyllow sending love and prayers.

Doodle Good news about your husband. If he's now able to sit in a chair for a while, it's good progress. I hope he'll soon be up on his feet. GD1 is still with Dad. She's not going back home. GD2 is there. from now until Sunday evening. Unfortunately, the school isn't very good and won't get too involved. DG1 has blocked her sister and friends. The mum has much to answer for. I hope you manage to sleep alright tonight. Don't tire yourself out.

I haven't even got dressed today (just feel too tired). Hope everyone is ok x

Sorry just a short post
Doodle I hope your DH is able to walk soon. Do you think he's making progress with the physio? Though it could be too early to expect anything significant . As long as he is improving overall. Do look after yourself .You will just want DH home and I hope that can happen soon as you will be getting very tired going to the hospital every day.Sending you a big hug.
HVDY What a horrid time you're having with this UTI. I hope tonight is much better for you. Also that your GDs will soon settle with their new situation.so worrying for you all.
Scaredycat Minds often work overtime don't they? Wish there was an off switch. Thankyou for your account of ADs. I've rechecked and I've been on them nearly 2 weeks but I read things can worsen on the Duloxetine before getting better so I need to have patience.
Nadateturbe Thank you I've felt that hug all day! I think you said you often feel isolated in one of your posts. I think it's that feeling that causes us to feel alone. In your case the ME isn't allowing you to do the things you want which must be so frustrating for you.I think it can be a lonely place.
Wyllow Sending love and hoping you have someone to turn to.
Candy*Nanny**Whiff**EllieAnne * Hoping you are all OK.

Don't want to mislead but in my last post I said 'existing was painful' and not meaning physical pain.Dont suppose it matters as I get that anyway but don't want to mislead.
Just meant to be short post. Not feeling right but can't explain. Better today than yesterday.Speak to someone tomorrow, he's coming to my home.

Take care all.x

Doodle glad husband is making progress. What an awful journey you had through floods. Palpitations are disconcerting. I get them. The vagus manoeuvre helps mine a bit but yours are different . perhaps the GP could advise about a checkup. Take the opportunity to rest now, so you will be able to help your husband when he comes home.
HVDY what an awful time with gds. You always seem to have something to cope with, and it's not easy when you have your own problems. I hope the antibiotics start to show results soon. It can be difficult sometimes to find the right one.
Hope your sons custody application goes well.
Scaredycat You are right about pacing. We need to be careful. I felt more cheerful and, just like you, did too much and have been in bed all day.
Candy I'm glad you were able to ask get good advice about your bowel problem. One of the great things about BD., and GN in general.
EllieAnne don't worry so much about things like baking for the church. In our church some people can produce wonderful creations compared to others. It doesn't matter, they are all appreciated. If people criticise they're wrong. But I'm sure you're baking is fine, just have confidence in yourself. Your a very kind thoughtful person.
Sweetpeasue I feel depressed because of being isolated. I enjoy being alone sometimes but I was having too much of being alone and it was having a bad effect on me.. I wonder is that part of your problem too. Being so ill, maybe you're lacking contact with others. It's difficult with M E. But even more difficult if you're in pain a lot. I hope that all makes sense. I'm very tired.
I'm so sorry for your continuing pain and despair. I hope the person you talk to tomorrow can offer some help.
Sorry, I'm sure I've ignored things that people have said and not spoken to some.
But not purposely. I know everyone is coping with a lot atm. And I think about you all.
Hope you are all as good as possible tonight.xx

Nadateturbe You are right. I've always been afraid of social situations anyway but now I've the pain to deal with it's more difficult to keep attending things. My book group has become full of new people and I've not been able to go on regular basis. Some days debilitating pain early mornings then I can cope with the mod bladder ache and go out afternoon.So unpredictable though.I am v lonely but feel guilty even saying that as I have DH and that's an awful lot more than some of us .I realise I'm blessed in that .It would be nice to go for a coffee or chat with a friend though-that would be a bonus. I too enjoy being alone at times-I'm a bit of an introvert- but you're right-it can become very isolating.
Depression creeps up on us when we feel in helpless situations.I hope you get your rest tonight and wake up feeling a little better.

Goodnight everyone on BD. Sleep peacefully.

I’ve just come back from choir. I don’t see how we will ever be ready for the Christmas concert but we say that every time. I’m sitting in the car playing on my phone to delay going into the house. He won’t have moved since I went out.
I managed a decent walk this morning but still feel disturbed about so many things. Worry about Christmas, daughter, and friends who are ill.
And I’m feeling lonely just now even though I’m with people a lot of the time. I think it’s a state of mind rather than a lack of company.
Doodle glad mr d is improving
Hvdy I really feel for your gd. My gd 13 is constantly being called names and got at at school but she has a lovely mum.
And I hope your uti gets better. They are horrible. I found taking regular painkillers as well as the antibiotic helped. And drinking a lot too.
Well I’m going into the house now.
I’ve hardly eaten today so I’ll get a sandwich or toast when he goes to bed.
I should be thin but I eat the wrong things. Good night everyone.

EllieAnne My last post crossed with yours.I think Christmas always accentuates real problems and I really feel for you and your loneliness. You are so right-you can be lonely in a crowd-if you are alone in your personal circumstances. Your final sentence speaks so much.You will only eat when your husband has gone to bed. You feel so anxious it's difficult for you to eat when he's there. You are reaching for comfort food because you need some love. Dear EllieAnne, I can't solve your situation but know that I care v much.

Night night BD's xx

HVDY sorry about your UTI . Has your GP had any tests done to see what antibiotics work on your UTIs . I had a run of UTIs and kidney infections and ended up having 16 courses of antibiotics. My GP found only 2 antibiotics work on me and need a 7 day course of tablets . They are
Cefalexin 500mg 3 times a day or

Nitrofurantoin MR 100mg capsule twice a day .

Saw a urologist who had ultrasound done on my bladder and kidneys with a full bladder and an empty one . No problems just said I had a bad infection which took long time to go.

Had my first UTI earlier in the year after 2 years just phoned my GP told him what was wrong and what I needed . Sent the prescription start to the pharmacy.

Urine dip tests never showed I had an infection only blood tests did.

Might be worth seeing an urologist incase there is something causing them .

Hope you feel better soon.

I am not ignoring the rest of you but hopefully helped HVDY.

Doodle glad you husband is slowly recovering. As your own health suffers worrying about him.

Wyllow glad you still check in .

nadateturbe I'd never heard of the Vagus Manoeuvre, so just Googled it. I'm glad it helps you. Did you research it yourself, or did a doctor tell you about it? The custody application is a lengthy procedure, and the mother is likely to oppose it for the 9 year old. We'll see, and the family will back Son1 all the way. He's got a lot of photographic/video evidence of the mother's behaviour (GD1 took it)

EllieAnne A person could be in a crowd of people but still feel alone, if they are unhappy. Your home life sounds very sad and lonely. Don't you and your husband ever talk? It must be very difficult for you both.

SweetpeaSue Like you, I'm an introvert (but somehow manage to hide it at times). I hope you can carry on going to your book club.

Whiff Thank you for that. I've got an E.Coli infection (E.Coli is present in the gut, quite harmlessly, but obviously in our anatomy, the transfer of it to the urinary tract is easy). I'm on Nitrofurantoin MR 100mg capsule twice a day. I had 3 days of that last week, but am now on a week's course. (this is day 5). The GP said my immune system is low because of the high dose of steroids (for 13 weeks) I had to take in the summer.

It's a bright and sunny morning. I had intended to go to see my SIL in the hospital, but I'm still not feeling right, so might go tomorrow instead. Hope ALL BDers manage to see a bit of sunshine today x

Hvdy we only talk if there is something specific to say. This morning I was ordering a new mattress for him because he tends to mess things up online. But we won’t really talk for the rest of the day except I will tell him I’m going out but half the time he doesn’t hear me anyway because he doesn’t wear his hearing aids.

*EllieAnne has he always been like that? Or is it that you've both got into the habit of being quite isolated? My husband would go all day without talking if I didn't keep chatting about things. He's always been the same, as was his dad and mine too. It can feel very lonely. I hope you can get out today

EllieAnne I have been thinking about you and your intolerable (I believe) home life. It sounds like you both don't want to live alone. But don't enjoy being together. Long term I would find this extremely stressful and it would affect my health. Is there absolutely nothing you can do to improve things?

HVDY sounds like a battle ahead. But also sounds like your son knows what he's doing. And it's good you are all supporting him.
In response to an earlier comment I made, I assumed wrongly when alcohol was mentioned that DiL was an alcoholic.
Vagus nerve, I googled. Apparently palpitations and stomach wind are sometimes linked but not sure how. I do know when I get them it's often the case, not always.
My cardiac consultant looked at me blankly when I nentioned the vagus nerve.

nadateturbe She isn't an alcoholic, but she drinks - not every day, or anything. It's hard to believe she's a Teaching Assistant. She's all nice and caring with other people's children....... she's the strangest and most difficult person any of us have ever known, that's for sure.

Fancy your Consultant not knowing what the Vagus nerve is . Hope you're feeling alright today.