Palliative Chemotherapy - your thoughts?

I understand that you are married to a now retired GP FP, and will have mixed with what you now call ‘health professionals’, as a consequence, but nevertheless
these references to ‘many’ and ‘a large number’ seem to me to be an exaggeration. ‘Some’ I can accept.

Hospices are wonderful places and end of life care is so important, no matter what any of us think of the subject in hand. Death should be talked about more and we should be more open about it.

JaneJudge

Hospices are wonderful places and end of life care is so important, no matter what any of us think of the subject in hand. Death should be talked about more and we should be more open about it.

I agree. Not in a morbid way but to help everyone to live their lives and
come to the end of their lives in the best way possible for them.

It is summed up in this quote by Dame Cicely Saunders (founded St Christopher's Hospice in South London) who said:

" You matter because you are you and you matter to the end of your life. We will do all we can, not only to help you die peacefully but also to live until you die"

RTFT
I spoke of my HoD - Head of Department as if you didn't know.
Careless and tactless to get this so wrong.

RosiesMaw

My HoD was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer and his consultant at the Churchill offered him a trial of chemo which at the time was not necessarily mainstream therapy for soft tissue cancers.
He lived for 5 years of which I would say only the last 6 months to a year was really hard going.
Everybody is different so generalisations cannot be trusted.
Take the requisite medical advice -anecdotal evidence is not the same thing.

Try reading the words @FP

At no time have I referred to my late husband or said he had any form of cancer.

Please check your facts in future

Palliative care does not mean end of life. Palliative care means there is no cure but the disease can be controlled
As for treatment, if there are few side effects it is worth considering. However she should never be influenced by people who are not in her position. I urge her to discuss honestly with her oncologist.

I do apologise sincerely if I made a mistake in his cause of death. You did mention pancreatic cancer, right after I mentionned that my very best friend died of the condition only months after diagnosis.

I am very sorry you had to lose him after many years illness, I just can't imagine.

GSM - as you may be aware, my experience in this field is also linked to being a member of several organisations fighting for the right to die with dignity, where the refusal of more and more unpleasant treatment in end of life is very common.

Thank you FP - I had written of my HoD - which you as a retired teacher must know as Head of Department.

SusieAcres palliative care does not mean the disease can be controlled. I don’t mean to be combative in saying this. I know from painful experience that it means the disease is not curable but attempts will be made to stop the growths increasing, or in some cases shrink them.
The consultants are up to date with research and committed to doing the best they can for their patients. This doesn’t mean they can be sure what happens nexr

Not IF I made a mistake @ FleurPepper, - that I got it completely wrong.
Read think, then post in future please.

Iam64

SusieAcres palliative care does not mean the disease can be controlled. I don’t mean to be combative in saying this. I know from painful experience that it means the disease is not curable but attempts will be made to stop the growths increasing, or in some cases shrink them.
The consultants are up to date with research and committed to doing the best they can for their patients. This doesn’t mean they can be sure what happens nexr

Good clear explanation Iam64

My daughter had palliative care for breast cancer that had metatisised to her brain and spine. However, due to her decision that she wanted extra time with her young daughters rather than quality of life she was treated aggressively with one new drug after another and more radiotherapy. None of which helped or worked but resulted in increasing her suffering in the last 3 weeks of her life. As others have said it was her decision but it was heartbreaking to see.

Gymstagran that was so hard for all of you. I'm so sorry. 🌺

My DH was diagnosed with aggressive metastatic cancer in his early 60’s. He had always been very fit and well so it was both heartbreaking & shocking to hear he had incurable cancer.
He was offered palliative chemo and coped well without too many side effects, mainly fatigue for a few days and an awful metallic taste but everyone reacts differently. The objective was to shrink the tumour and ease pain and it was very successful in doing this, particularly the first round. In between treatments we just carried on and tried to enjoy life. Chemo shrunk the tumour and kept the cancer at bay for nearly three years but eventually it began to grow & spread further so all treatments other than pain relief were withdrawn, DH was keen to throw everything at the cancer and the treatment meant he got to spend precious time with me and our lovely family & friends. We got to celebrate our Ruby wedding together and he got to meet & know our youngest GD which without the palliative chemo he may not have been able to do. I know the side effects can be harsh but treatments have improved and anti sickness drugs and steroids help. From the start the consultant made it clear that the chemo would not cure the cancer but would help improve quality of life and could buy extra time which it did. One of the hardest things is the anticipatory grief you feel, I realise I was suffering badly with this now but at the time you carry on and try not to think too much about the inevitable because you just hope you will have much longer together.
Every person and their cancer story is different and with the advice of their Oncologist they have to make their own choices regarding surgery, chemo, radiotherapy etc. Wishing all those in a similar situation the best.

Thank you Madgran77. She was 48 and had already undergone more than 3 years of treatment chemotherapies, radiotherapies and operations.

Gymstagran 💖

Apology to RM sent privately.

my neighbour is so scared, scared to die and scared of the palliative chemo. I wish that his nearest and dearest could find the strength to be his rock, to talk quietly to him, to calm him and bring him peace, instead there is weeping and wailing and stress and fear and there will be no slipping away, quietly

We all make mistakes, FP. And your was kindly made.

Thank yu Ali, I am glad my private apology was kindly accepted.

karmalady Having cancer today is no longer a death sentence. Please try and tell your weeping/wailing neighbor to be strong going in for treatment. Besides - having a good attitude about it is half the battle won. Of course, the way you have described the situation, I’m wondering what kind of prognosis they’ve been given. It’s a sad story, how people putting themselves under undue stress may hasten the inevitable.

Unfortunately, men (older men!) don’t like to go to see a Dr if something ails them. He may have waited too long. Cautionary tale for anyone who suspects something is not right.
Go to the Doctor!
USA Gundy

I think the question in this thread is about whether palliative cancer treatment in the case of pancreatic cancer, which has a very short prognosis currently in most cases, will help or hinder the OPs friend.
If it is being offered then she is probably in contact with her oncologist. All cases are so different as seen in the replies. Some treatments will extend life but at what cost if the final weeks or months are distressing and the end result is the same.
It is a horrible situation to be in and I hope OP's friend makes the right decision for her.

Gundy, your statement that ‘having cancer today is no longer a death sentence’ is both inaccurate and insensitive.

A number of posters have been bereaved when a loved one died soon after diagnosis. You are also putting blame on ‘older men’ who you say delay seeing a doctor. Insensitive, unkind and inaccurate as many of us know from painful, personal experience.

Gundy

karmalady Having cancer today is no longer a death sentence. Please try and tell your weeping/wailing neighbor to be strong going in for treatment. Besides - having a good attitude about it is half the battle won. Of course, the way you have described the situation, I’m wondering what kind of prognosis they’ve been given. It’s a sad story, how people putting themselves under undue stress may hasten the inevitable.

Unfortunately, men (older men!) don’t like to go to see a Dr if something ails them. He may have waited too long. Cautionary tale for anyone who suspects something is not right.
Go to the Doctor!
USA Gundy

Gundy I believe you mean well but as Iam64 says your comments feel insensitive; generalised and inaccurate

As someone who has survived cancer I feel lucky but I assure you it was not about a "battle" or an attitude/being strong/not weeping &wailing that got we through!!

Weeping: Oh yes I did that. Entirely human; a way to cope with a frightening diagnosis; a natural response to such a shock!! NOT a failure!!!!

A battle: well not really as every cancer is different; stages; types; locations in body. Some have no symptoms; suddenly start; very advanced; nothing available to bring about remission! No battle to fight except to gain acceptance of reality for yourself and your loved ones.
Other cancers may have a better chance of remission with treatment...but that's not half a battle won! It's about the nature of the cancer; the body of the patient and much more. Keeping a calm and possibly optimistic mindset might be helpful but its NOT half a battle; it's just a way of coping!

People (not just "older men"!) cope differently to fear. They can be encouraged to face their fear but it is their fear and it is human. It's not a failing. It's just a huge and sometimes overwhelming fear!

It is not right to criticise how people cope with such news and face such challenges; we are all different

And then those close to someone who has cancer. They face fear too; trying to get it right; trying to support; listening not lecturing; accepting the persons decisions which can be hugely scary. What they usually know WON'T help is telling the person to "be strong!" That's just one more expectation for that person; alongside their likely desire to please the person telling them; to reduce their loved ones stress

I hope that I have explained the above clearly enough. Please think on before making such statements as you did

My late husband had it - because he wanted to die in hospital. At the time, no treatment meant going home. Any few extra days he lived because of it - weren't worth having - just more days of suffering.