Gransnet forums

Health

DD putting herself at risk, its giving me sleepless nights

(96 Posts)
SuperTinny Wed 07-Feb-24 20:51:38

Just looking for some support.

My DD is well educated and is a very responsible, well paid health care professional. She has a lovely husband and a nearly four year old. Their second child is due by planned Caesarian section (if all goes to plan) sometime the week begining 27th April 2024. Her first child arrived at 38 weeks and she has lost five pregnancies trying for a second child. She has a Schirodaker suture in her Cervix to help keep it closed. Because of this if her waters were to break or she went into labour early then it would be a medical emergency.

My problem is this. DD has decided that above all else she has to visit Harry Potter World with an old school friend. They both grew up reading HP and were mad on the books. They have been to HPW before about ten years ago.
They have booked for 13th April as all previous convenient dates were fully booked.

She will be in her 37th week of a hard earned pregnancy and at risk of an early labour. She will be travelling alone by train and meeting the friend there. She lives 200 hundred miles from HPW and will have to travel across London from Paddington to Euston on the underground on a Saturday afternoon. There is a further train change after Euston to get to Watford, a shuttle bus to the attraction and the nearest hotel is a 2.5 mile taxi journey afterwards. Then there is the return journey on Sunday. The journey across London will be unfamiliar to her and she will be looking at directions etc.

I am exasperated with her that she thinks that a lone travelling, heavily pregnant female who is advertising her unfamiliarity with her surroundings by looking at her phone and boards for directions is not a target for attack or assault. Added to that her pregnancy will be at a very vulnerable stage and I am so very scared for her. On top of that she will have a return journey of around 9 hours for a 3 hour evening visit.

I am losing considerable sleep over this and have had several conversations with her about it. I've tried to reason with her, I've tried to frighten her. I know that I cannot physically stop her but I feel I need to try everything, because if anything happened I would forever regret not doing everything I could to stop this (in my opinion) frivolous and selfish trip.

Am I over reacting like she thinks I am?

Callistemon21 Wed 07-Feb-24 23:10:38

and will have to travel across London from Paddington to Euston on the underground on a Saturday afternoon

Yes, a taxi, as NotSpaghetti says. It's so easy to do that, I've done it lots of times.
Much better than struggling on the Underground at 37 weeks pregnant.

Catterygirl Wed 07-Feb-24 23:38:11

A bit of a worry. I live in what you might call central London and don’t feel frightened. When I fell and broke my shoulder and arm, strangers came running with a pillow, blanket, water, called 999 and my husband. Hope that puts your mind at rest a little. I had my son aged 37 at 37 weeks and was exhausted but back running my business two days later and I am not the energetic type. I’m sure she will be fine but I understand your worry.

Rosie51 Wed 07-Feb-24 23:39:26

While I understand your concerns SuperTinny your daughter really isn't at any increased risk of attack. We have an abundance of hospitals in the capital and should she have need of medical assistance it will be readily available. Like others I think she may well find she really doesn't fancy the excursion when it gets closer. Don't alienate her, stop trying to frighten her. She's an adult and the only other adult she has to consider is her husband, who I assume is either OK with this or accepts it's her choice.

TinSoldier Wed 07-Feb-24 23:40:34

If you can’t talk her out of something that does sound rather foolhardy, maybe this will ease your mind a little.

With a little forward plannng, travelling in London isn’t difficult and there’s little danger of being attacked. Bear in mind that there are lots of tourists moving around so people looking for directions is commonplace.

At least she will be travelling at the weekend when there are far fewer commuters trying to get in and out of Central London.

Access from main line Paddington to the Elizabeth Line is easy - you literally walk off the concourse, round a corner, onto an escalator down to the platform. Then its very a quick journey to Tottenham Court Road. The latter station has had a major upgrade and now has step free access to the Northern Line for Euston making it easier for anyone with limited mobility (or just feeling tired) to transfer.

She doesn’t even have to go via Euston which is effectively travelling eastwards into Central London and then having to travel back westward before going north. She could transfer to the Bakerloo Line from Paddington and pick up a Watford train from Willesden. Check the Tube map.

Deedaa Wed 07-Feb-24 23:58:12

I would certainly take a taxi across London rather than the underground. It's expensive but I have found the taxi drivers very nice, and very helpful if you have problems. The staff on the studio tour are also very good. If she needs help, or just a few minutes to sit down and rest, they usually go out of their way to help.

Has she spoken to her doctor or midwife about her plans? I remember DH asked our doctor if I would be able to travel from London to Cornwall two weeks before my first was due. His answer was "Of course she can, but not in that old Mini of yours!" so I didn't go to Cornwall.

Shelflife Wed 07-Feb-24 23:58:42

It is unwise however........ she is a grown woman and more than likely all will be well. I think you will have to leave her to make her own decision. It will be a very tiring trip for her too. She is not traveling abroad and if anything untoward were to happen she would be taken care of at the nearest hospital. Go along with her and don't damage your relationship with her over this and who knows she may well back out when the time comes. I hope all goes well - I think it will!

Theexwife Thu 08-Feb-24 00:04:22

She may well have changed her mind by then as she will be more tired and uncomfortable.

Talking to her about it will probably make her angry as you are insinuating that she would risk harm to her baby and that she is not being sensible about her health.

It is her decision and whatever you say will not change her mind and just cause unpleasantness and leave you feeling frustrated.

I really think she will change her mind nearer the time.

Esmay Thu 08-Feb-24 00:16:50

I hate to say it , but your daughter is being incredibly stupid , but I know from my past experiences with my own children that they won't listen to common sense .
I agree with Not Spaghetti -
offer to pay for your daughter to get a taxi across London to avoid public transport .
Wishing her a good delivery .
Stop worrying - bless you .

nanna8 Thu 08-Feb-24 00:32:05

Just tell her to make sure she has her phone charged and on her person at all times in case of emergency! For us here 200 miles wouldn’t be that far but by that stage in pregnancy and on her own- no. By then she might be getting the odd twinge so maybe that would stop her ? I wouldn’t even think of her getting attacked, usually people would assist and give up seats to someone in the late stages of pregnancy. They would here, anyway.

CoolCoco Thu 08-Feb-24 03:56:36

Why would she be at risk of attack? That sounds bizarre. She should be aware of the chances of getting her phone or bag snatched though. The tube is more crowded with tourists at the weekend than a weekday in my experience, a cab is very comfortable and worth it. I agree with others that she may well change her mind nearer the time. She is probably at the stage now of feeling energetic, but at 37 weeks she may feel unable to walk comfortably.

Allsorts Thu 08-Feb-24 05:16:33

I understand your concern, Inwoukd be too but your d knows how important it is having her baby delivered safely. She probably won't be travelling by tube but get a taxi, don't you think she and her husband have discussed this, neither of them want to risk anything happening. She might change her mind in a months time who knows. She is a grown, married woman with a child she has to make her own decisions. If you make a fuss she might start keeping things to herself to avoid being told what to do. If it were me I would be worried about the tube but say would she let you pay for a taxi to avoid it., however much that it. Trust her judgement. I wouldn't be doing it but that's just me, I remember just walking to the shops was difficult , others worked until the baby came.

Luckygirl3 Thu 08-Feb-24 06:01:38

I think you are worrying unnecessarily. She is no more likely a target for attack than at any other time; and if she is in London she will be able to get help if the labour starts - even on the train there will be ways of summoning help.

Please don't fret over this. As others have said, she might not feel up to it anyway when 37 weeks arrives.

BlueBelle Thu 08-Feb-24 07:23:53

I do believe and I m guilty too we expect to know too much about our adult children’s lives. My eldest daughter says it is so much worse now as everything is on the phones and expectation of contact is so much more nowadays When I left home and followed my new husband overseas my parents were nearly two weeks before they even knew I had arrived safely I m not saying we should go back to that but your daughter is not a young person she’s in a responsible job and it’s up to her to go where she wishes to go and whether to tell you before or after she’s been on her trip
Wish her well and keep your worries (which are a little bit OTT about attacks and assaults in London) to yourself
She will do the right thing * for her*

NanaBabs1 Thu 08-Feb-24 07:40:27

I understand your concerns and, pregnancy wise, it is risky.
I had a Shirodkar suture for 2 of my pregnancies whilst living in a fairly remote part of Southern Africa. As we lived a couple of hours over dirt roads to nearest medical facility I had to have the stitch removed 2 weeks before due date and then be induced as going into labour with it in situ was an absolute no no. London, with its abundant medical facilities will not present that problem and advice may well have changed anyway. It was a long time ago! As others have said she will no doubt be feeling very different by then!

Tenko Thu 08-Feb-24 07:58:00

I think your fear of an attack or assault is a bit OTT . I used to work and live in London and travelled by tube to work when heavily pregnant. I’m now a 30 minute train journey to London and London on a Saturday in April will be busy with tourists. Plus there is a lot of walking between main line stations and the tube and changing tubes . It always amazes me how many steps I rack up on a trip to London.
Could she or her friend drive to Watford. There’s loads of parking . I drove when I went as I couldn’t be bothered to travel through London via public transport.
Personally I think she will change her mind as the time get nearer. I found my second pregnancy much more tiring than the first and gave up work sooner .
Yes I understand how worried you are but it’s her choice.
I used to do reverse psychology with mine , when they wanted to do something I wasn’t happy with.

tickingbird Thu 08-Feb-24 08:27:19

It does seem an ill thought out decision. Apart from all the travelling, HPW is huge and involves a lot of walking. Difficult to understand why a heavily pregnant woman would want to put herself through it.

I don’t think she’s in danger from attack but exhaustion and possible risk of health of her and baby definitely.

petra Thu 08-Feb-24 08:41:58

She won’t be wandering around looking for directions. As an adult she will know what line ( they all have different colours) she needs to go to.
I’m more confused why a pregnant woman would want to go to HPW. I’ve done it twice ( it’s amazing 😍 ) but very tiring.

pascal30 Thu 08-Feb-24 09:27:24

I think she is much more likely to be helped and supported than to be attacked.. She'll have her friend with her when she's wandering around. I think you have to let her take full responsibility for her decisions and not interfere.

Pammie1 Thu 08-Feb-24 09:41:02

I think it’s unwise given the risk, and the past history. But as others have said, she’s an adult and able to make the decision for herself. You’ve done all you can to point out the risks, but I would certainly suggest a taxi rather than the London Underground. I’d also suggest she runs the plan past her midwife or whoever is looking after her, see what they advise.

Desdemona Thu 08-Feb-24 10:22:20

Planning a trip that close to her due date in an already risky pregnancy is a bit daft. However as others have said there are plenty of brilliant hospitals around there so should something occur she would no doubt be in good hands. Risk of attack is small.

She will possibly change her mind nearer to the time maybe. When is the cut off date for rearranging her trip before she loses her money? It might be nicer for her to book the trip for the summer as a post-baby treat?

NotSpaghetti Thu 08-Feb-24 10:34:31

Everyone is talking of the risk ...
What exactly is The risk?
Presumably of going into labour whilst the stitch is in place - but surely that can happen anywhere?

Is that really more likely to happen in London than at home? On the whole we tend to know when labour is starting and in her situation she'd surely seek assistance.

At some point presumably she's got an appointment to have the stitch removed - unless they will do this in April at the Caesarian? If this C-section is planned two weeks later then the Harry Potter trip the medics obviously think the stitch is safe enough till then?

Maybe I'm missing something?

Iam64 Thu 08-Feb-24 11:04:44

I don’t think you’re missing anything notspaghetti. It’s her choice

Mollygo Thu 08-Feb-24 11:14:01

Iam64

I don’t think you’re missing anything notspaghetti. It’s her choice

Exactly, and if her trip goes ahead, probably/hopefully with no problems, what an example for those of us, including me, who would have been too tired, uncomfortable etc. to attempt such a trip. perhaps she thinks it will be easier with the baby inside than organising such a trip with a baby in a sling/pushchair etc.

Maggiemaybe Thu 08-Feb-24 11:27:37

Everyone is talking of the risk ...
What exactly is The risk?

The risk of giving birth 200 miles from home without her partner?

Though, thinking about it, DH missed DD1’s birth and we lived 3 miles away from the hospital….

Ph1lomena Thu 08-Feb-24 11:46:33

Whilst I think it's unwise to do such a trip at such a late stage of pregnancy, I don't think she's likely to be attacked or assaulted. I'm not sure why you think that would be the case.